Chapter 7 Paragraphs Of Squiggly Lines

Yesterday was Calvary's funeral.

It's been almost a month since the accident.

I've tried to distract myself in all the healthy ways Mr. Zetty suggested and in general what Google told me but my situation... I'm afraid it's getting worse. This isn't something normal that drinking a couple glasses of water can fix. My god I think I'm losing my mind and everyone is just... normal. Laughing, smiling, eating. I'd kill to have some dramatic plot from a show meant for teenagers going on right now than this constant sick, drained feeling.

Google said to clean, google said to journal, and I've been journaling but I don't think that's doing anything but reminding me of all these haunting questions I will never be able to get answers too.

I'm tired of being sad all the time.

"Ayla?"

I partially gasp and quickly release my grip from the edge of the table, my hands had turned white from how hard I was holding on, as if I was holding on for dear life.

Darla glared at me, rolling her eyes as her friends continued to stare.

"Sorry!" I forced a high pitched, terribly fake laugh. "Just in my own little world over here." I looked down at my hands, the crease in the skin from the hard surface, the color slowly fading back in, it's all getting worse.

Lunch was my least favorite part of the day, where at least during class I could mind my own business and be alone. At lunch I had to socialize and worse, with Darla's friends who made it painfully obvious they don't want me there.

They all talked about the boys that they liked, gossip floating around, all the drama within their lives. Anything that they feel makes them feel abnormal I would kill for. I walk around being the one everyone's talking about, I go home with all I know by myself and no one will listen and I just can't take it anymore.

I took a deep breath, my vision slowly dilating into a colorful blur. I was suddenly very aware of the vent blowing cold air and pricking my skin and the voices all around me getting louder, screeching, cackling, screaming.

My head slowly turned to the right and through the open doors of the cafeteria, four figures passed the entry, all staring at me.

I felt my stomach twist and the ache I always carry seemed to sink.

All four were completely transparent, altering the light around them and magnifying the environment they walk through. The one part that stuck out, completely materialized and noticeable were the eyes... glowing silver.

I've seen those silver eyes before...

"Ayla!"

I screamed and jumped out of my seat,   snatching my arm away from Darla's warm grip. She gave me a disgusted, opened mouth look, shaking her head. "You're such a freak! Can you get it together for the love of god?" She slammed her hands onto the table, leaning over her side to get closer to yell in my face.

I stood there staring between her and the rest of her table of friends, all silent and wide eyed.

A thought grazed my head as I realized the entire cafeteria was silent and staring this way, were they possibly scared of me?

I didn't know what to say, and if the bell hadn't rang I probably would have just stood there letting their eyes weigh me down more and more. It took everyone a second to decide if they should pack up and leave or keep looking over but eventually they did, and I quickly grabbed my backpack and walked off.

"It's not our problem when you're the only one who wanted to bring the girl to our table."

I paused, my hand on the cafeteria door and sighed, pushing myself into the crowd. I had never wanted to go to English so badly until this moment.

-

I kept my head down for most of English, and with my teacher being one of the fellow angry townspeople that blame me for the accident he didn't really care about what I did in his class. This was nice considering my head was pounding and I was expecting my skull to just crack open at any moment from the pressure inside my brain, like a heartbeat I could feel it throbbing.

I peaked up from the sanctuary of my elbows when my teacher, Mr. Brooks, tapped my head and set a piece of paper on my desk faced down.

There was a twinge of fear in my stomach, and the look of discontent in his eyes reinforced my anxiety.

"See me after class," he whispered with a roll of his eyes.

I blinked and stared down at my page, it couldn't be too bad right? English was personally my favorite subject, I was doing fine in this class compared to the fact homeschooled English consisted of reading a book and taking a test.

Flipping the paper over I gasped to find a big fat X at the top of the page. It was my test from last week. There was no grade and no markings other than the X but as I looked closer I understood why. I felt my cheeks heat up from embarrassment as I flipped through the test to find all of my writing to be- squiggly lines.

"No way," I whispered with my forehead in my hand. I knew the person sitting next to me must've been annoyed when they turned away from me. How could I have spend an hour long period writing squiggly lines on a page? On an important test? And I thought I did so well-

As soon as the bell rang I stood up and went to Mr. Brooks' desk holding my test with shaking hands. He didn't seem too phased, just pursing his lips and staring at his collection of color coordinated pens.

"I'm sorry but there is no way this is my test-" I gave it one last look and shook my head. "Honestly you can ask Mr. Zetty- I told him I thought I did well-"

"You want to tell me that's not yours? Were you somehow not here? Maybe sleeping in someone else's class?"

My lips parted and I slowly shook my head but before I could fumble my way through this he stood up.

"You want to tell me that someone else put your name on a two section test that you took so carelessly? As if you're mocking me?"

I gulped, "What?"

His lips twitched, "For the multiple choice, you filled in every single bubble."

My eyes widened, "No, I- I was here and I genuinely tried like I could even recite some questions and answers off to you right now-"

"Shut up!"

My eyebrows pinched together and I let go of an audible breath. I didn't like when adults yelled at me, I think due to recent circumstances I won't be able to cry like usual but it still stung.

His face was fixed in a revolted sneer. His eyes traveled down and up my body with cocked eyebrow. "To think they even let you in this school," He whispered with a snicker. "I've seen the reports of what you did to the sheriff. They kept you locked in that house all those years knowing you're a danger to society and somehow sending you to school with regular children is going to help you?" He broke off into laughter, "And to think of what you told the police? A monster? Wearing the skin of the sheriff- someone you considered a family friend correct? A funeral you even had the audacity to attend?" He pointed at me, he was talking with his hands a lot. He kept playing with gestures associated with monsters, pointing and fidgeting with every new insult that came to mind.

I stared at him with horror, my chest heaving up and down. With every word air seemed to be sucked right out of me and I felt tears threatening to leave my eyes. I knew of the rumors but I've never dealt with it firsthand... not like this.

"Then you come into my class with your head low and never participate and you make a mockery out of the grace you've been given by bullshitting my tests?" Kids started to trickle in and I could hear the laughter and whispers amplifying.

I felt like I had no room to speak.

And... my head...

I gagged and dropped the test, turning and dodging my way out of the class and into the restroom across the hall. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror, eyes sunken in, skin a pale green-gray. My lips had no color and my eyes were a vibrant red, sucking the brown and gold hues right out. I look like I was already dead.

The bell rang overhead and deafened my ears, I could barely heard how the sound was making me scream and the echo inside the bathroom magnified the pulsating sirens in my head. I was gripping my hair, pulling it out, tugging at the roots. My eyes were tightly forced shut and I found myself on my knees inside of a stall, punching the walls and weeping.

I couldn't describe the pain... it was debilitating. It felt like I was shutting down and something was lurching in my skin desperate to get out. I hadn't been like me for once and look what their avoidance has done- I'm about to die on a bathroom floor.

I'm only seventeen... I don't even know what that means. I shouldn't be wishing to die. But I just can't do this anymore.

'Ayla...'

The ringing stopped and everything was numb.

I knew this voice. I've heard it before. It has always scared me but now...

'Ayla, I promise you everything is going to be okay. Please just hold on.'