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The blond fell to the ground, clutching his bleeding stomach on all fours, but I didn't move away. I wanted to watch him die, sadistic as that sounded, it brought me peace to see him fall onto his side, panting, and the fear in his eyes. "I deserved that, didn't I." He trembled and held out his hand to me with a smile. I carefully knelt down next to him, lowered myself onto the wet earth and took his ice-cold hand in mine. "Yes," I whispered, stroking his forehead. I didn't know why I was doing this, but there was still a compassionate human inside me, and it wasn't in my nature to let anyone die alone, no matter the monster. "I am sorry.",

The moment for peace and happiness to spread within me had come, but only darkness surrounded me, and crying miserably, I flopped onto my side with his hand in mine, and then lay face-to-face with him. I just felt bad, like everything in my life was pointless and there was no light in this tunnel, the end of which seemed unreachable to me.

Gazing up, I closed my weeping eyes and allowed the rain and tears to take over my face as I let go of his hand to hold my groin tight as we sobbed in agony.

Memories pulled me into a deep hole where I sat with Aleks, Calvin and Aiden all smiling at me. I was to blame. I had killed them, and now they were a part of me, indispensable, and I would carry the guilt on my shoulders until I died.

I was lying alone in the wet cold, hoping to freeze to death in my sleep, until I heard something faint that sounded like my imagination. "Get up," whispered the barely audible voice that could have been an angel from heaven or a demon from hell at the same time. " Get up, please!", she got louder, but I drifted off exhausted and fell into a deep sleep that was supposed to put me out of all the suffering.

The thunder of the sky woke me up shaking badly. It was still raining, but with the moon clinging high in the darkness I felt colder than ever. It took a great deal of strength to even sit up and my head immediately pounded as if someone had given me a hard smack.

My eyes fell beside me to Aiden, who was still lying exactly as he had died, only his skin looked paler than before, and I averted my gaze from him in disgust to prevent the image from being burned deep into my mind , even if it was too late for that. I carefully propped myself up on my hands and got up to immediately lean against a tree, without which I probably would have fallen over again, breathing heavily.

The wind blew coldly in my face, and although I always liked the smell of rain in the forest, it now frightened me because I didn't think I could muster enough strength to escape the dark forest.

Exhausted, I slowly but surely put one foot in front of the other and walked back in the direction of the meadow that had given me so many bad memories. While I was still freezing and crying, the rain gradually stopped, but the wind stayed by my side and would not leave me through the night.

I kept screaming, crying bitterly, pausing to hold on to the trees that surrounded me. I kept blaming myself, but actually it was his own fault. Did I have the right to take a life, or would I end up deep in the hot hell that engulfed all evil.

The peace I hoped for through my revenge didn't materialize and only feelings of guilt remained, which drove me mad with anger and I quickly continued on my way not to lose my mind here.

When I finally, after the endless expanse of emotional chaos and the cold, arrived at the edge of the meadow lit by the moon, I threatened to fall over, powerless, but two strong arms caught me and pulled me into his embrace. I immediately recognized the smell of my mate and grabbed onto his jacket with the last of my strength, but he immediately ripped it away to wrap it around my body to keep it warm.

I closed my eyes as he picked me up in his arms and quickly ran through the night, whimpering against his chest where I buried my face from the endless sadness that reigned within me.

He ran through the trees with me in his arms as fast as if his life depended on it. I was filled with infinite gratitude. For finding me and for having the strength to reach the meadow without giving up in exhaustion.

I looked up into the sky, looked at the beautiful stars and it happened every now and then that his worried eyes met mine, which only made me feel love and security. He chased away the fear and the anger, only the sadness remained deep in me and would also have a place in my heart forever.

When we finally ran up the bridge, and up the familiar set of stairs, I realized with a start that I hadn't thought to ask Aiden about Nero at all, and guilt was immediately triggered that overshadowed everything else. "I'm so sorry," I whispered to him, but he yanked our door open without answering me and carefully let me fall onto the bed and then disappeared into the bathroom.

I thought of Nero, who was going through hell who knows where, unless he'd already been killed, and that thought gave me a stab in my heart. I tried to get up in a panic, but every muscle in my body ached incredibly and this pain made me linger here and I couldn't do anything but listen to the water trickling out of the bathroom.

When Damien came back from the bathroom, he turned on the night light and walked up to me with a distressed look on his face. Finding no words, he helped me up and began to remove the soaked clothes from my body and threw them all on the floor until there was nothing left, I just stood naked in front of him and had to start crying again.

I covered my face with my hands in shame and made only pitiful noises that sounded like my heart beating, which was beating broken in my empty chest. "Everything will be fine." He took me tightly in his arms and stroked my back soothingly. I didn't mind being naked, but I wasn't ashamed of it either, just that I had killed his best friend, that I felt love for a man other than him, and also that I didn't know where his father stuck.

I wanted to confess all of this to him, but I didn't know where to start, didn't know how I was ever going to get over it, and before I could sink any further into this whirlpool of despair, he broke away from me and pushed me gently into the bathroom where the smell of lavender was in the air and made me breathe deeply in a pleasant way.

He left me alone for a moment and turned off the water, which had now completely filled the tub while the foam glittered in all colors. "Come on, I'll help you.", he stretched out his hand and took a step towards me. His black hair wasn't as perfectly styled as it usually was. It was tousled and looked like he hadn't combed it in years. The otherwise well-groomed three-day beard was fuller and more suited to a lumberjack than to a prince. His eyes also spoke a different language than usual. Where excitement, pride and warmth radiated before, after our last meeting I only met pity, shame and sadness.

My breath stopped abruptly at the thought of him staring at me like that for the rest of our lives, and yet more scenarios of my future rolled over in my head, which began to pound overwhelmed.

"Melody, relax. Get in the water for now okay?" He gripped my hand tightly and helped me step over the edge into the warm water. I carefully sat down and leaned my head back, only to close my heavy eyelids, still exhausted.

I didn't see him, but I was aware of his presence, lurking next to me to prevent anything bad from happening to me again. It was all too much for me, and I would have preferred to curl up alone in a dark corner, but it felt good to feel his closeness, as if trying to pull me ashore and save me from drowning.

It was some time before I heard the sound of his footsteps, and when I realized that they were moving away from me, I jumped up in panic and opened his eyes wide in search. My heart was pounding so hard I had to hold my head in pain and the air in my lungs didn't seem to be carrying enough oxygen, at least I thought so because it felt like I was suffocating.

Damien suddenly appeared in front of me with a towel and nervously began to unfold it. "Come up," he said, voice shaking, grabbing my arm to help me out and wrap the large towel around me.

I looked at him briefly while my whole body was still shaking. It was too much, what I experienced, for my body as well as for my soul. Damien looked at me helplessly and gently pushed me towards the bed, out of the bathroom, never taking his eyes off me.

I felt more and more ashamed of what had become of me. No longer seemed like the strong woman who stood up to everyone, but like a little girl who would never be able to manage on her own again, and also never wanted to be alone again.

When he put me on the bed and covered me up, he wanted to go back to the bathroom. But I held his sweater and looked at him intently so that he understood and slowly sat down next to me, gently pulling my body towards his.

With my face against his warm chest, his irregular breathing on my wet hair, and his strong arms wrapped around me, I tried to fall asleep, which I quickly managed to do because of the warming security he gave me.