diecesiete

I'm about to get to my cabin right now and I'm more likely to drag my feet on the sidewalk than anything else. But I don't really care that I'm too loud. I am so infinitely tired. And I'm cold. I stood by the wall for too long trying to understand what that was. Xerxes' words still resonate. This is just the beginning. That sentence alone makes me shudder. And for a very short time I had the thought of just running away. There is an unspeakable fear in me that from today he will rape me again and again. I wouldn't survive that. Then I'd rather let Zaret beat me to my death than go through something like that. But Xerxes didn't finish it. And that fact keeps me from escaping. There must be a reason why he didn't take himself right in the alley

But I don't want to deal with that. I just want to go to bed. After all, I have two days to think about everything. So why bother with it now when you can do it tomorrow. So I quickly scurry into my house and immediately close the door again. But I don't find the security I was hoping for. I'm not alone. It doesn't even take a look to know Zaret is there. The smell of sulfur is in the air. So I just turn to my mattress and don't even want to pay attention to him. But that doesn't work since he's sitting right on my bed. He's holding an apple and taking a bite out of it while staring at me. The juicy crackling fills the room for a moment and that alone is enough to make my stomach rumble. When was the last time I ate something? I want to remember, but it doesn't work. What just happened covers everything. And this time it's not blackness that fills me. No sadness or anger. It's the feeling of being nothing. A nobody. As if I no longer see myself as a person. And that is pure torture. Again, my stomach growl breaks through my thoughts and thus answers the question of when I last had food. It's him for too long. Again, my stomach growl breaks through my thoughts and thus answers the question of when I last had food. It's him for too long. Again, my stomach growl breaks through my thoughts and thus answers the question of when I last had food. It's him for too long.

Apparently Zaret heard it too, because he immediately grins widely and takes the next big bite. "You look like shit," he says, amused, while chewing happily. But instead of telling him that talking with your mouth full is rude, I just walk up to him and collapse onto the mattress with a huff. A bit of straw pecks through the sheets, but I don't care either. I want to sleep. Just a few hours of dysentery and oblivion. I have to be able to do that at least.

Zaret seems to notice that I don't feel like talking. He tilts his head slightly and now swallows the chewed apple. "And how was it?" How was it? It's been hell. I was tortured, then treated gently in a strange way, only to be raped. I'd be happy to tell him that. But I don't feel like it his smirk. I don't want to look at how much people don't care about me again. So I just rub my face and tilt my head forward a bit. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?" And now I look to Zaret. After all, I can't ignore him entirely. "I'd like to sleep."

Actually, I thought that he would shake his head straight away and make it clear to me that he is not so easy to get rid of. But the opposite is true. He examines me one more time and then shrugs his shoulders. "Tomorrow then." And with that he gets up, stretches slightly and a yawn sounds. And I can only shake my head. He lives a carefree life. Even here in the gutter. Zaret just seems content. how much I would like to feel the same thing just once. Just once. But suddenly I remember the conversation I had with Platura. The ominous dead man. "Who did you murder?" Yes, it I don't ask if it was him at all. But I don't need that either. I'm sure Zaret made sure there was someone lying there which initially gives the impression that the order has been carried out. But instead of immediately knowing what I mean, he just looks down at me with a furrowed eyebrow. "What do you think?"

It's hard for me to exhale. My desire to have to explain myself is almost zero. I just want to know whose death I'm indirectly involved in. No longer. It certainly won't rob me of my sleep. That's the way it is here. One dies while the other lives. "Well, the dead body that Platura found in your hut." I rub my face again and actually I should take off my dress. But even that seems far too strenuous for me. So I just let myself sink back and look at Zaret expectantly. And it's only then that I realize his mood has changed. He seems kind of sad. He's staring at a spot on the wall above me, yet it seems like he's looking at something far away .Confused, I follow the look, but can't see anything

"It was Thutzo," he grumbles, and now his eyes are dark. I should let it go. Really. Something is happening here that I don't understand. Zaret suddenly seems tense I can use right now. But my curiosity is too great. And so I talk, ignoring my queasy gut feeling: "Who is Thutzo?"

When I say the name, Zaret clenches his teeth. The muscles are literally twitching in his jaw and it goes to show that this topic should be dropped. Quickly.

"Your rapist." He looks at me and suddenly Zaret's face is completely expressionless. As if it were carved in stone. And me? I stare at him in complete bewilderment took a lot? And without being able to control it, a gurgling sound escapes my lips. I immediately cover my mouth with my hand, but I just can't deny it. That fact makes me happy. God, today is so much Bad things happened. I suffered so much torment. And then this. Platura kept the agreement. At least somehow. And in doing so he saved me and probably many other women so much pain. For the first time I feel how sweet revenge can be.

I notice that Zaret gives me a warning look. But only half. And I really don't want to laugh, but I can't stop the big grin.

"Watch what you're doing, Kalota." There's the rumble of thunder. The one that used to be enough to silence me. But not this time. This is a victory for me. A small one and hardly anyone knows about it. But Zaret knows. That's enough for me. "I don't do anything," I say, trying to banish the smile from my face. But it does not work. God it's frozen. And so it is that amusement fills my voice. In fact, what I said reflects my true feelings. As much as I hate fate sometimes, I love it right now. But I don't want to upset Zaret any further either. So I press my lips together and look up at him with wide eyes. He grumbles something and just as he turns around, another chuckling sound escapes me. Damned, I really must suffer from a death wish. Something is clearly broken in me. But I can't deal with that. Zaret growls softly. It really does sound like a growl. Animalistic and above all incredibly dangerous.

I want to jump up immediately. I can still see him flexing his arms. How the tendons stick hard out of the skin. But before I'm on my feet, he's turned back to me. And since he's standing right in front of the bed, Zaret doesn't even have to bother trying to grab me. He immediately grabs my neck and I groan under the force expended. Wants to reach for the hand, scratch the skin. But before I even touch the arm, he throws me to the floor. Second time today I fall. Still, I want to raise my arms, protect my head, but it doesn't work. There was too much momentum in Zaret's movement. The ground is getting closer too quickly. And so I land on the wood before my hands are even remotely in front of my face.

There's a loud bang as my head hits hard, and stars are already crossing my field of vision. The world around me seems to shake. Nevertheless, I push myself up with my hands, at least I want to sit. I lick my lips. Immediately, the metallic taste of my blood spreads. I can't say exactly where the wound is. Maybe the tongue or a split lip? I do not care. The pain doesn't rob me of the joy. Zaret can fuck me.

"He was my friend," he barks and I want to turn to him. See the foot whizzing towards me. But the stars are still there. The dizziness. And so I can't even twitch when he takes me kicks with great force. I scream as my side is hit. The impact is hard. Enough to make me sway even more and I have a hard time staying seated. But I don't fall. Another win. A small one , meaningless. And yet it's a victory that makes my heart leap for joy. It paradoxically shows me that I'm strong. That there's strength left somewhere in me.

Still, the pain brings tears to my eyes. I do not care. He is dead. I tripped my rapist. No one else. I have been. Nobody can take that away from me. And so the agonizing groan is lost in laughter. I just don't want to hold it back anymore. Why should I? There's no reason for me to suppress the joy. It's far too rare for that. And Zaret will beat me either way. He doesn't need a reason for that. He's proven that often enough.

"He's a rapist," I choke out, spitting a mixture of saliva and blood onto the floor. "He deserves it." I'm still grinning and looking at Zaret. Probably madness must be written all over my face. After all, blood still fills my mouth. But I do not care. He should think that I don't have everyone together anymore. And maybe it is. I always feel like I'm broken. However, Zaret is also to blame for this. So why shouldn't he see the result of his own actions?

But Zaret doesn't seem to want to hit me blindly anymore. Instead, a smile creeps onto his lips. Something that makes my heart skip a beat. This is not good. "Apologize and take back what you just said or you'll regret it." There's a calm in his voice that gives me goosebumps. The fact that he's not raging only makes him seem even more threatening. It almost seems like like he's getting bigger. And so I duck away a little. But he won't hear any apologies from me. Never. So I just blow my nose in disgust and grimace in disgust.

He seems to interpret my reaction correctly. But again, that doesn't lead to another tantrum. Instead, he crouches in front of me and raises his hand in the direction of my face. I jerk away a bit, but I'm still glad I didn't just collapse. The tiredness doesn't go away. Can't even be supplanted by the adrenaline. And so Zaret can brush his fingers over my face. Remove the hair from my lips. "You never learn, huh?" The voice is almost empathetic. Really warm. And if it wasn't Zaret, I would probably enjoy it. But it's just Zaret. And so that tends to set off all the alarm bells in me. These ring shrill in my head, but I still don't see what he could be up to. He looks relaxed. Not like someone who's about to jump on me.

And as he runs his thumb along my jawbone, I'm still trying to figure out what he's up to. Nothing good. That much is certain. I won't be fooled by his pretense. He chose the wrong person for that. And with that very thought, he grabs my neck with his hand and literally claws at it. I yelp because my fingers are digging into my skin way too hard. It feels as if the tendons are simply tearing under the applied force. And even as I'm caught in the pain, Zaret leans forward. "You know, when you're constantly beating up people, you learn an amazing amount about the human body," he whispers, smiling slightly. I immediately grab his arm, somehow trying to get him to let go, but all my efforts only make the grip tighter. Brings more tears to my eyes. But I don't want to hear what he has to say. Just want to get out of here.

"As a result, I know one or the other spot that sometimes causes the person to collapse from a blow." Zaret laughs out loud and indeed he seems as if we are having a simple conversation. But that's not it. After all, he's threatening me. This little speech is intended to represent nothing else. And it works. Panic rises in me, causing me to tug on his arm even more. And indeed he lets go. Simply that way. Completely surprised, I look at Zaret and start to wonder what he's actually doing here.

"Let's see how funny you find it when it happens to one of your friends." With that, he quickly raises his hand. I back away immediately, and this time the dull feeling doesn't stop me. I was too prepared for Zaret to hit right after me. He sort of told me. But he seems to have expected it. With a well-aimed blow, the edge of my hand lands on the side of my neck. And even as he touches me, I collapse. All I can see is the sneer while a name echoes in my head. Claire.