Chapter 158 Breathe

Avalyn

After that night, I have been avoiding Nikolai and so far it's going great. It's been a little over two weeks and I haven't stayed in the same room as him more than I have to. The trick was to keep Gabe near me at all times. He tended to stay away when he saw both of us together.

The only problem was that he refused to give up. But I already knew that about him. I knew that he always fought for what he thought was right and for what he wanted. He had found out that Gabe and I didn't share a room. So every morning, he woke me up with breakfast in bed. I tried to wake up early every day, but he always seem to wake up before me. And he would get Tori with him so I couldn't even refuse his offer. He would also bring flowers along with breakfast in bed. My room now had a vase dedicated for Nikolai's flowers. It was changed with new ones every morning.

After breakfast, the four of us—Nikolai, Tori, Klaus and I had formed a little morning routine when we got ready for the day together. I had tried to fight it or to get him to go away but he was using Viktoria so that he could stay. Klaus was on my side—he didn't want Nikolai either but he was tolerating him for Tori too. She seemed happier than ever in his presence.

I avoided him during the day and used Gabe as my personal shield but he seemed to always know my work hours and came into my office to talk about something or the other. He could easily mail it to me, but no, he always had to come all the way to my office. And then he'd always had to stand right by my chair and bend over to look into my computer. Forcing me to look at his body—one that seemed much larger than before he died, to smell his scent that screamed power—it was different...more potent, somehow. I couldn't freaking get enough of it. And his aura...my fucking Goddess....he seemed so powerful, so full of energy, my skin sizzled every time he even care near me. He seemed like a fucking God who had decided to grace us with his presence.

One thing was sure...those seven years had changed him. For the better.

Which is why, I needed to stay far, far away from him.

Everything else was just fine. Yes, he had taken my place in everything but I didn't have to be around him all the time and have my stomach and heart feeling weird, so it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

Seeing Viktoria with him warmed my heart. She loved him with all her little heart and he dotted over her like the perfect father. And I knew that, and that was the only reason I allowed her to spend so much time with him. They both were practically joined by the hip, except when Nikolai was attending a meeting or something. Other than that, they stayed together. When he would be working in his office, she would take her toys and play in there. This cut short her time with Klaus and Kol and I knew they hated it. I hated it too. I didn't get enough time with Tori. And she didn't even sleep with Klaus and I anymore. And the little time she was with us, all she talked about was him. I hated it yet I loved it.

"Babe?" Gabe called me, coming into my bedroom.

"Yes?" I smiled at him.

"You said you wanted to stretch your wings? Let's go." He said and I nodded. We both walked to the back gardens.

My feet slowed down when I heard some grunts and growls. I instinctively knew it was Nikolai.

"Who is it?" Gabe asked curiously and led me towards the sound of the noise. We rounded a few bushes and plants and found Nikolai sitting on a bench and my mother standing in front of him, her hands on either side of his head. Both their eyes were closed.

Why were they standing so close? Why was she touching him like that?

I narrowed my eyes and looked closely. My mother looked like she was concentrating on something, Nikolai looked like he was in pain. What were they doing?

"...so much...your energy..." Valerie was whispering something. "...call Mom?" We were at a distance so I couldn't hear what they were talking about clearly.

"No." He grunted. "She'll worry again...ask me to come...Kingdom...can't leave...Ava..."

Did he need to leave? Was he leaving? Why would he leave?

I moved closer, needing to hear more.

"I can't take it anymore, Nikolai." Valerie's voice shook as she took her hands away from him and moved away. "It's getting too much for me." What's too much for her? What was going on between them?

"The fuck am I supposed to do now?" Nikolai growled.

"Let it all out." Valerie said.

Nikolai's eyes snapped to her. "You mean...? Fiyona said I shouldn't lose control."

"There is no one here. If it gets out of control, I can always do damage control." What the hell were they talking about?

Nikolai let out a breath and then stood up and walked a few feet away from her. And then suddenly, fire started erupting out of his feet and then spread up his entire body quickly before he spread his hands to the side and a loud growl left his body and all the fire just....blasted.

Everything around him, at least a radius of a ten to twelve feet lit up in flames. But most of it rose in the air. The fire rose up to at least twenty to thirty feet. My eyes widened as I watched the fire lit up around him...the kind of power he had released. His eyes were closed but his eyelashes, eyebrows and hair were on fire. He opened his mouth and let out another ground-moving growl. My hand flew up to hold Gabe's arm to regain my footing. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Nikolai was breathing fire. He had released fire from his mouth.

And then his knees buckled and he fell on the ground on his hands and knees. His head lowered and them slowly, the wilderness of the fire stopped. But it was still burning.

Nikolai was in pain. He was hurting. I could feel it.

I felt this unimaginable urge to go up to him and make everything okay.

"Nik, stop." Valerie's voice pierced through the air before I could move a muscle.

Nikolai let out a harsh breath and then the fire extinguished before he looked up at her with liquid gold-red eyes. There was fire in his eyes too.

The entire area around him was ruined but Valerie tread through it and crouched besides him and then started speaking something, too low for me to listen.

My hands clenched into fists.

"What the hell was that?" Gabe breathed. The same question was in my mind too. Where did all this...power come from? What exactly happened to him in the world he was trapped in to become this way? And if he held all this power, he could have killed Gabe. Easily. He chose not to. Again, why?

His eyes immediately fell on me. They were glowing. A royal gold colour.

His eyes widened and he stood up, "Ava," he breathed before he spotted Gabe and his eyes went blank.

"What the hell was that?" I demanded. I couldn't help myself.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded in return, his hot gaze on Gabe. Normally, he avoided Gabe but that clearly wasn't going to happen this time around. He was...heated.

"This is my land. I can— we can go wherever we wish." I stated. "Now answer my question."

Gabe laced his fingers through mine then suddenly I was dragged between their pissing contest.

"I won that fight. I said I didn't want to have to see your face again, scumbag." Nikolai hissed at Gabe, "I told you to get fuck out of my palace, out of my land."

"This is my palace and my land too." I narrowed my eyes at him. "I have fought for it just like you did. So Gabriel stays."

"Are you not a man of your word?" Nikolai goaded.

"I am," Gabriel said. "But more than my own word, I value Avalyn's wish and well-being. I'm not going to make her suffer by leaving her."

The rage in Nikolai's eyes intensified. "I'll make sure she doesn't suffer then. And since you aren't going to leave, I'll just finish what I started that day." And then he opened his fist and a gasp left Gabriel before his hand came up to clutch his neck and he collapsed, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. His heartbeat quickened all of a sudden.

My eyes widened when I realised that Nikolai had sucked all the air out of Gabe's body.

"Stop it!" I screamed, before I fell to my knees and started patting Gabe's cheeks. "Breathe, Gabe!" He can't die. He can't. He just can't.

His face started turning blue and my head snapped up to glare at Nikolai. But he was relentless. Like always. He always did whatever he wanted, without considering other's feelings, without thinking about anything other than what he wanted.

"Av..." Gabe croaked before his voice cut off. There was pure fright on his face.

I panicked. I felt like I couldn't breathe either. "Don't die. You can't die. You can't. Not you. Not you too. Please. Breathe." I shook his limp body and used all my powers to help him breathe but nothing worked.

And then suddenly, he sucked in a huge gulp of air before he began breathing quickly, taking in as much air as he could.

But I still couldn't breathe. I was talking huge gulps of air but my lungs were burning.

"Avalyn!" Nikolai snapped, pulling me out of it and I realised he was kneeling in front of me, his hands on my shoulders and his deep grey eyes looking straight into mine worry. "Breathe, Love. In."

I took in a deep breath.

"Out."

I released my breath. He made me do it a couple of times and then I finally felt like I could breathe again.

"Are you okay now?" His hands slid down my arms and caught my hands in his. My skin sizzled and my body felt hot.

I nodded, unable to say anything.

"Words, Moya Lyubov."

"Yes, Nikolai." I whispered, biting my lip.

"Do you have panic attacks often?" He asked softly.

"I used to." I haven't had one in years.

"Did you talk to the doctor about it?" His thumbs caressed the back of my hand.

"I did therapy for some time to cope with...everything." The guilt on his face was instant. I wanted to wash it away. I wanted to tell him that I understood. I understood why he did what he did. And I would be grateful to him for the rest of my life. He sacrificed his life for mine. He sacrificed everything and everyone for me. Because he loved me.

"I'm sorry." He didn't need to apologise for anything.

Tears rose in my eyes.

For all that we had. For all that we lost. For the love we shared. For the memories we made. We had the best time of our lives together.

What was I doing?

Why was I hurting him?

Why the fuck was I hurting the man I love the most?

What was I doing with Gabriel?

Nikolai is my true soulmate.

Nikolai is the man I love.

A cough broke us apart. Gabe was conscious now.

"Avalyn?" He called me, his eyes fluttering open.

I love Gabriel Volantis.

I yanked my hands out of Nikolai's hold and glared at him for having the audacity to touch me before looked at Gabe, getting worried, "Gabe!"

Nikolai had pulled out all the oxygen out of his body. I'll deal with him later. I need to make sure Gabe is okay first. "Are you okay, babe?"

He coughed again a few times before breathing harshly, "yes."

"Come, I'll help you stand up," I jumped to my feet and helped him stand up. Ignoring the burning gazes of Nikolai and Valerie, Gabe and I made our way back towards the palace.

Nikolai

"Did you see that?" I whispered in awe.

She loves me. She really does. I saw it in her eyes. She's just blinded by him. And is in denial. I just need to help her realise that it is me who she really wants.

"I did." Valerie's voice was tense and then she turned to look at me, her eyes alert. "Something is off."

"What? No! Nothi—shit." My jaw clenched. Yes. Ava being nice to me clouded my head. Something was definitely off. "She was herself again when I touched her. But then she shut off when he called her."

"You haven't touched her yet?" Valerie asked, looking genuinely surprised.

I shook my head. "She maintains her distance, even when we're together. And I didn't want to touch her without her consent."

"But now you do." She stated the obvious.

I smirked, a plan forming in my head. "Now even she won't be able to save herself from me."

******

It wasn't working. Nothing I tried worked.

I had started slipped in anonymous notes in her fresh laundry that a slave would be taking to her bedroom, or I'd just simply slip in a lone flower or chocolate—which I was sure she would love literally anywhere I thought she'd find it. In the emails I sent her, I signed it with 'Love, Nik'. It seemed stupid but I wanted her to know that I still love her. Our morning routine continued but slowly, my patience was wearing thin. It wasn't enough. I wanted more from her.

My wolf felt sick without her. He longed for his mate. He had been silently stewing for a while. And the energy that kept building up in my body seemed to have reduced. Valerie needed to siphon it out of me at least twice a day and it overwhelmed her every time.

I had been in an unpleasant mood that reflected atmosphere as well. The sun had shined brightly over our island in weeks. It only did when I was in a somewhat good mood, which only happened in Viktoria's presence.

It had caused a drastic drop in temperatures as well. And it had affected a lot of people living in Imporia —since it was a city on the top of the tallest mountain of our dimension. Vampires were cold blooded so they didn't mind it as much, the werewolves were warm blooded and while their body kept them warm, it took up too much of their energy. And most of the witches had to move to either Alvar or some other place.

I hated that I was causing this but I couldn't help it. I had never felt so helpless and so desperate before.

I didn't just hate it. I fucking hate it.

Lightening flashed in the sky and then the clouds thundered.

"Yeah, I fuckin' know!" I raised my glass of whiskey towards the sky. "Cheers to fucking you too!"

I hated that the sky matched my mood. I couldn't even be...whatever I was feeling without the whole world knowing it.

"Looks like the Gods are angry." I heard an unfamiliar female voice say.

"Not God this time. Just me." I took a swig.

"You know that anger is a positive emotion?" I was in no mood for company or for a chat but that statement was absurd. "And I love it when it's dark and when it's thundering and lightning."

I turned around to fave the woman. Human. In a wheelchair. Blonde, blue eyes, scars and a missing foot.

That's when I realised that she was Andrei's sister. The same one he had told me he brought home more than a year ago. She had been in a bad accident and Andrei was helping her get better. I knew there was a lot more to the story than he led on but I assumed he would tell me when he wanted. I hadn't met the girl until now. I had been busy and wrapped up in my own shit.

"Your anger is a part of you that knows your mistreatment is unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that loves you."

Her words hit home.

And she smiled, like she knew it.

"I'm Alyanna. Andrei's half-sister."

This was the same girl Dimitri had taken a special liking to, much to Andrei's displeasure.

"Nikolai. Andrei's sister. We don't half-ass things here." She was his sister meant she was our sister.

For some reason, that made her smile slightly.

"Whom are you angry at?" I asked. I could feel multiple emotions clinging to her. Hatred. Grief. Pity. Love. Agony. Anger.

"The world. Myself. But the world mostly. Same are you."

"Oh no. I'm angry at someone I could easily kill and not lose a wink of sleep over." Killing him would take away ninety nine percent of my problems.

"Are you really?"

"No. I'm angry that I can't do that. Even if I want to." Ava would hate me more than she already does.

"So what can you do?"

"A lot of things that don't work. Or don't truly matter." Everything I had been doing up until now to win Avalyn back, to even gain a shred of attention she could give me, wasn't working.

"Then do something else." She shrugged.

Do something else.

I had been so fixated on doing and redoing everything on the list I had created to win Avalyn back that I didn't even consider anything apart from it. We had formed a routine and I needed to do something totally different. It needed to be something Avalyn wouldn't expect.

And then suddenly I knew what I needed to do. I needed to rewrite our history.

"Thanks. I'm gonna make sure you walk. And that you're not angry at the world anymore. It's a promise." This girl has been more useful than anyone else has been since I came back.