Epilogue

I woke up to sunlight.

Squinting my eyes in the bright light streaming in through the windows, I turned automatically to shield myself, but then instantly froze as everything rushed over me all at once.

I was leaving today. Today was the day I left Harry and started my new life, and..

Today of all days was the day I woke up and found him sleeping right next to me.

Sleeping on his side, snoring quietly against his pillow, his face all relaxed in a peaceful sleep, I couldn't take my eyes off of him as I watched him actually sleep.

Throughout the whole summer... every morning I'd woken up, he'd been up and gone from the bed, like the previous night had meant nothing to him- done nothing to him, but of course today of all days... today he chose to be sound asleep besides me.

The day I knew would be the hardest to get up.

Watching him sleep so calmly, I pressed my lips together and I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

Oh, God. Not again with the tears.

I still wanted to hate him.

I wanted to hate him so badly, but I just couldn't. He had given me exactly what I had asked for this summer, so how could I possibly hate him?

Last night had been... a mistake. I had been ruled by my emotions and acted on behalf of them, and today I couldn't help but feel like I had ruined something. Because as I watched Harry now, I finally realized what that dinner had been about yesterday.

It had been his way of trying to say goodbye - to leave it on good, friendly terms. - And then I showed up in his room last night, caught in a fluster of emotions and instigated what now was becoming the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

I ruined the perfect goodbye and now I was doomed to suffer the goodbye I knew would hurt so much more than it would have if I had just... stayed in my room last night and not given in.

Because now I couldn't get his taste off of my lips before leaving this place.

You really fucked it up, didn't you.

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and then forced myself to slip out of the bed, feeling everything inside me ache and protest as I stepped onto the cold floor and picked up my robe.

My body wanted to stay, wanted to curl up to him and hold him, but I knew if I did that, there would be no more use in pretending.

I wouldn't be able to hide it anymore.

Tying on my robe, my head suddenly turned as I tiptoed to the door to slip out without waking him. My eyes turned and took a final look at the man who had somehow stolen my heart, watching him sleep soundly and completely oblivious to the fact of how much hurt I was feeling at the moment.

Goddamn it, why did he have to be so... him?

Smiling weakly, I exhaled deeply and then slowly turned for the door, knowing I would remember this moment for a long time to come as I walked out on him.

Maybe I hadn't broken him last night... but he had slept besides me this morning, and for some reason, even though it hurt...

That was enough.

I was packed. Showered.

Completely cleaned up and ready.

I had passed on breakfast, simply because my stomach was in too many knots to get anything down.

I hadn't seen Harry since I left him this morning, but I had heard the maids bustling around downstairs, bringing in his breakfast and morning paper.

This was it.

Taking a deep breath, I grabbed my bag and my

suitcase, leaving the room I had called my bedroom for the past three months.

I chose not to look back as I closed the door behind me and started climbing down the stairs with all of my luggage.

Jesus Christ, everything felt so wrong.

I wasn't usually this.

Intense, but with every step I took, I felt my very seams break inside of me. I couldn't believe this was taking so much on me.

Tough it out. You're made stronger than this shit.

Now go down, say goodbye, and then get on with your life. You've got a whole one to live, and this isn't the end.

I was right.

I was acting like my life was somehow ending today, when really, it was just... a really great time of my life that was coming to an end. Saying goodbye to a man I... liked, having spent the summer doing what I loved, feeling happy, joyful and not having felt the judgment of my mother's constant eyes.

I had been me this summer.

Unadulteratedly me.

And Harry had let me.

Taking a last deep breath when I came to the foot of the stairs, finally felt something come over me - a sense of acceptance.

This wasn't the end.

This was... a new beginning with a great memory.

Harry might be in my past in a few minutes, but the past wasn't a bad thing. Not if you remembered it fondly. Tapping my knuckles against his door for the last time, I smiled faintly to myself when I heard his usual 'come in' through the door.

I twisted the doorknob and did as told, coming inside with a smile.

Sitting behind his desk as always, he looked up and returned my faint smile with one of his own as I stepped in.

When I came towards him, he took off his glasses and laid them down on his papers, just as I halted in front of him. He looked... calm.

Like he always did.

Like nothing hadn't happened last night.

As if last night hadn't... been different.

There was a short silence as I stood and watched him, followed by an even quieter moment of something passing between us when he watched me back.

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer.

"So," I said, looking down at my feet and chewing my lip.

"I'm all packed. I called for a cab about an hour ago, so it should be here in a few minutes."

He nodded slowly, leaning back in his chair.

"Very well."

Another silence.

I tipped on my feet, unsure how to continue.

"I... I want to say thank you one last time for... all of this. Really, you don't know what it means to me."

His lips twitched a little and he lowered his gaze.

"I'm sure I can imagine."

"I hope I didn't disturb the peace too much," I added playfully, trying for a laugh that never really evolved.

Instead it turned into a hoarse laugh that sounded strained.

"I did try to keep it down."

He smiled back silently, but didn't reply. He merely gave a vague nod, before lowering his eyes again.

"Oh! I, uh, got you something." I then suddenly remembered, just as he reached for his pen.

"I wasn't sure if I should give you a parting gift, and when I finally decided, I wasn't really sure if I should give it anyway."

Digging into my handbag, I found the item I was looking for.

The long, rectangular travel-toothbrush case was the only thing I had found that I could wrap it in.

"Surprise," I said, handing it over to him.

I saw him eye it out, and I knew why; the plastic case was a matted out, but a fairly see-through material nonetheless.

Taking the case from my hand, he looked at it silently as he laid the gift down on his desk, the blue part of the gift inside still visible even if the result wasn't.

It was supposed to have been a joke gift, but suddenly it didn't feel so funny.

"Spoiler alert, it's negative," I laughed, dryly. " just thought I would assure you that... you know, I kept my word. No babies on the way."

He nodded again, smiling faintly. But it seemed off.

Just like my joke.

"Thank you."

Looking at the case just lying on his desk, I tipped on my feet a little again when he made no move to open it.

"Aren't you going to check it? I mean, I could be lying.''

The corner of his mouth twitched, but then he lowered his gaze a final time.

"I trust you."

Those three little words hit me hard for some reason.

I swallowed with difficulty, but then took a brave, heaping helpful of air into my lungs. l opened my mouth to reply, but just as I did, there came a honk from outside. Both of our heads turned, and through the curtains of his windows, we spotted a cab parked out front on the gravel.

"Well, that's me," I said, clearing my throat when it all of a sudden clogged up.

Clearing it again, I then turned my eyes back

to Harry who nodded.

"So... goodbye?"

"I'll walk you out," He stated.

Standing up, I then watched as Harry walked with me towards the door, leaving his study and going into the foyer with me where my luggage was. Giselle was standing there as well, opening the door as the driver climbed out of the car, ready to stow away my bags.

"Bye," I smiled to Giselle who went in for a surprise hug.

I chuckled a little and hugged her back, feeling the treacherous tears coming back. God, not now. It was almost over.

Pulling back, I gave Giselle one last smile before watching her take my luggage and bring it down to the cab driver. I stepped out with her, feeling Harry linger in the door behind me.

This was really it.

Looking at the cab, I then swallowed hard and forced my tears back as they finally crept up my eyes. This was so ridiculous.

Why was I being this emotional?

Suddenly, I felt a warmth pressing against my back.

Closing my eyes, I felt as his figure halted right behind me, looking down at me over my shoulder.

I felt it. I felt all of it, but still no words left his mouth.

Fucking asshole.

Turning around, I had barely opened my mouth to speak when my lips suddenly got a different idea.

Before I knew it, I was stepping onto my toes and wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling his lips down to mine.

But to my surprise, his lips were already on mine before I could move.

Wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his body, I gasped when his lips roved against mine with a passion I couldn't remember having felt all summer.

They were hungry, yet pliant as I kissed him back desperately, gripping onto the roots of his hair and clinging to him.

His tongue swept along my lips, the same time his hands cupped my face and brushed my cheeks, swiping away the tears that were rolling down unencumbered now. I bit into his lip in frustration, but all he did was sweep my hair away from my face and press his lips harder against mine. I didn't think he would ever let me go, ever let me leave, until.

With reluctant moves, I felt him begin to pull away.

When I whimpered softly and tried to pull closer, he cupped my face again and forced our mouths to separate. I heard his labored breath, and with my hand against his heart, I felt just how strongly it was beating.

"Harry..." I whispered.

"Go," He whispered gravelly.

The simple one-syllabled word was spoken against my lips and broken in the middle.

Opening my eyes, I looked up to see that his were still closed. His lips were slightly parted, sucking in hard breaths, but his face was marred with resolution.

GO.

Closing my own eyes and pressing my lips together, I felt everything crumble as I pulled away and turned for the car. I didn't look back as I felt his hands slip on my skin, my body escaping the grasp that wanted to keep it.

GO.

I slipped into the back of the cab, the driver shutting the door for me and walking around the car to the driver's seat while I fastened my seatbelt with shaking hands.

GO.

The car engine started, and with a heavy crunch, I felt the wheels begin to roll down the graveled pathway, taking me away from the man I could feel staring after me as I drove away.

Go.

One word.

One word and everything had been said.

The whole summer, I had wanted Harry Devon to break, only to realize he... couldn't be broken.

But as I rolled down the graveled path and finally came to the open country road, I exhaled and leaned back in my seat.

He didn't break.

But if I hadn't gone, he would have.

And because he knew as much as me... that I couldn’t stay... had to go.

He couldn't keep me - he couldn't have me... because this wasn't our time and this wasn't our moment.

So go, I had to.

The whole summer would be a memory neither of us would forget though, and as I looked out the window and watched the landscape roll by, a bittersweet smile lifted on my lips.

Because this was the end of now..

But not forever.