Chapitre 13

Exhaustion settled in my bones. The whole action had drained me more than I had imagined.

The fire wasn't even a day ago.

Eros walked next to me the last few meters to the pack house.

I yawned.

I would prefer to just go to sleep, but before that there was an important conversation to be had.

"Where's Gamma Johnson?" I asked, looking over at Eros.

He opened the door and we stepped into the warm house.

"You'll have something to eat first."

I was thankful for the memory. Excitement had filled my stomach all day, but now that it was gone my appetite was growing.

Less than two seconds later, Eros opened the door and it felt like deja vu.

All eyes snapped to us. I saw families hugging their loved ones again.

I looked at the podium where Gamma Johnson was sitting alone at the edge eating his meal. On the other end, Lucia and Beta Julien were talking excitedly.

The perfect companions.

I looked at Eros and couldn't hide my smile. He looked down at me confused.

"Are you all right?" he asked skeptically.

I just nodded. I couldn't put my joy into words. We walked across the room and sat down.

The steaming food drew saliva into my mouth. Eros filled my plate and I waited until his was full too.

"Bon appétit," I said, taking a good bite of the meat.

I almost sighed at the salty taste. I really had to introduce myself to Karen and ask for her recipes.

I felt Gamma Johnson's burning gaze on me, but I ignored it. He could probably wait until I was done.

"You saw Alec?" Lucia asked.

Immediately my carelessness vanished and the fiery red wolf spread again in my thoughts. Eros tensed beside me, as if unsure of how I would react.

I swallowed the food and nodded.

"Did he suffer a lot?" she asked with her big, red eyes.

"Lucia," admonished Julien.

I looked at Eros, whose eyes were firing cold bolts at the werewolf. I elbowed him in the side.

"No, it was quick," I said, but my voice broke during the sentence.

I cleared my throat.

Without warning, Lucia jumped up and made her way across the room as fast as she could. The door slammed behind her.

"Lucia!" Beta Julien shouted.

Now what happened?

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked.

"No Ephilia, not at all," Beta Julien replied with a sorry look on her forehead. "Alec was her best friend. He was something of a brother to her. His family took Lucia in when she first arrived.. ."

His expression darkened at the memories that only played before his eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said, putting the cutlery on the plate.

My appetite was gone again.

"Excuse me," Beta Julien said, getting up and walking after his mate.

"Her real family was stalked and killed by hunters," Gamma Johnson growled. "She's the only one who made it here."

Eros growled menacingly. A new anger began to boil within me.

"If you think I've ever had anything to do with hunters or anything like that, then-"

I stopped myself and took a deep breath.

I couldn't allow myself to be easily provoked, especially not by Gamma Johnson.

"I think it's about time we talked," I said as calmly as I could manage.

"I have nothing to say," snapped Gamma Johnson.

That earned him a deep growl of Eros. All sounds in the room died away. Everyone was frozen.

"Your Luna asked you to talk."

Reluctantly, Gamma Johnson lowered his gaze.

"Very well, Alpha."

I got up from my seat with my head held high and walked across the room. The blonde werewolf followed me. I stepped out of the pack house into the cold.

Perhaps the fresh air could calm my anger. Just a second after I closed the door behind us, I heard his voice.

"You're not my Luna."

I immediately shot around. The anger got the better of me. I built myself up in front of him as best I could.

"What the hell is your problem? I haven't hurt you, I've never been rude to you and you treat me like dirt! I won't put up with that anymore!"

The fine clouds of fog came out of my mouth faster and faster.

"What's my problem?! You are my problem!"

His words were a stab in my heart. I had never seen so much anger in one person. I was surprised it didn't burst.

"Because I'm human? Sorry I can't change my roots! I have never harmed anyone! I am not responsible for whatever you went through to feel so much hate!"

A dry laugh broke from Gamma Johnson's lips and he threw back his head as if I'd just told him the joke of his life.

From one second to the next all humor was gone and he stared dead serious into my eyes.

"You think it's because you're human?"

His voice was the calm before the storm.

"You think it has something to do with my past?"

His footsteps crunched toward me through the snow.

I backed away.

I knew it was. I could see the pain in his eyes, completely masked by layers of anger.

A feeling I knew only too well.

"My past has nothing to do with it. It's none of your shit business."

Gamma Johnson was a bomb and I was afraid he was about to blow up.

"Why else would you disrespect me like that?" I asked.

A muscle twitched in his face.

"That's why."

I looked at him questioningly.

"What for?"

Angry, he grabbed his hair and tugged as if it were the only outlet for his anger.

“Are you really that blind or are you just pretending. You want to know the truth?"

My eyebrows were pulled together in a V. Every word he said was a jab in a heart.

"Have you never wondered how Alpha Eros was able to save you from a deserved death? He gave up all his demands to save you!"

A lump began to form in my throat, but I said nothing, waiting for Gamma Johnson to vent his pent-up anger.

"You're acting like a kid! Careless, irresponsible and naive. What kind of Luna is that who can't even follow simple rules! You don't even know our history! Who should respect you? Who do you want to look up to?"

I stayed rooted in the snow while tears pooled at the rims of my eyes. But Gamma Johnson wasn't done yet.

"If I find my mate, I hope not only that she's a werewolf, but that she's definitely not like you."

His eyes burned with disgust.

"Unfit and weak."

Silence fell over the square like a lead coat. It took all my strength to hold back the tears that would only underscore his words.

I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"You're right."

Gamma Johnson stared at me in complete shock.

"I beg your pardon?"

He probably hadn't expected that.

"You're right. I don't know the history of the werewolves, and certainly not that of the North. I am young and have no experience other than building houses. Without Eros I couldn't stand here and let you insult me. But you're wrong about one thing."

I continued to approach Johnson. He watched my movements suspiciously. My anger was gone and another emotion had taken its place.

"I'm not weak."

I stopped in front of him.

"Physically, I may be inferior, but that doesn't mean anything. I can see it in your eyes We both know what hell looks like. But I fought my way back to the surface."

I waited a second, but his face was frozen to stone.

"You're still stuck down there in the maelstrom of hostility and resentment. You, Gamma Johnson, took the easy route. Which one of us is weak now?"

His eyes turned golden and a low growl rumbled through his body.

"Come on, let your wolf out. He can't accept that I have this position. Release your anger. But then you'll have to live with the fact that I was right forever."

Bones started to break and I couldn't take my eyes off it. Before my eyes, Gamma Johnson tore himself apart and turned into his wolf.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I wouldn't back down an inch.

That was the only way I could prove it to him.

I stood calmly while the wolf watched me.

Before I could say anything else, he jerked around and sprinted into the forest.

Relief washed over me.

I had made it.

Hopefully.

****

Without thinking about it further, I went into the forest. I went the other direction, further away from Gamma Johnson.

I've had enough of him for today.

In just a few minutes I stood in front of the remains of the house Eros had called home; which he built himself.

Everything was black as coal, but the skeleton was still visible. One side collapsed. The other still gave a glimpse of the roof and the stairs.

With a werewolf's senses, I might have heard the intruder.

But I was human.

Tears crept to the edge of my lids. I'd never been ashamed of it, and I wouldn't do that today just because a werewolf had insulted me.

Gamma Johnson might have been right that I knew nothing about werewolves and their traditions, but that could be learned.

It was time I took responsibility.

With renewed energy I continued past the house in the direction of the border. A little fresh air couldn't hurt. I staggered down the slope and came to a stop in front of the strip of clearing.

I still hadn't asked Eros about it.

I stopped between the trees and stared at the other side. A light breeze made the fir trees lean to one side.

I braced myself against the tree.

From now on I needed a plan. It couldn't go on like this. I had to prove it to Gamma Johnson, and if not to him then at least to myself.

I could take responsibility.

I would rebuild the house.

Someone had to clear the shards.

My eyes fell on the glass silver bracelet. My brow wrinkled in sadness. It's been so long. I could still feel the pain rushing to my heart in waves.

My hands buried themselves in the cloak that kept me warm.

It would never settle down.

A rustle drew my gaze back to the other side. I narrowed my eyes trying to see something.

I stepped cautiously out of the safe shadow of the trees into the clearing.

"Is that someone?" I asked.

Only the whispering of the trees came towards me. Whoever took shelter in the murky forest would not reveal themselves. Maybe it was a wolf of silverblood.

I swallowed at the thought.

I crossed the clearing with cautious steps. The rustling grew louder. A silverblood wolf would never hide like that.

Hopefully.

"Who's there?" I asked.

I waited.

"Come here," a voice whispered.

I froze on the move. My gaze immediately darted to the treetops, but I could see nothing but green branches that were covered with a layer of snow.

"Come out of hiding then!" I called upstairs with as much confidence as I could muster.

Who could have guessed that I would get an answer.

"Come closer," the voice whispered again.

"My uncle told me whoever hears voices is crazy."

All I got was a rustle in response. Snow fell from the branches to the ground. Suddenly something small and bright flew towards me from the treetops.

I jumped back in shock and landed in the snow. It was something square, green.

"Ephilia, you must come with me."

My eyes widened with fear.

"How do you know my name?" I asked, backing away in the snow.

"Everyone here knows your name. You are a legend."

I could only stare blankly in the direction of the voice.

"Come with me-"

Before I could react further, a voice spoke from behind me.

"Ephilia!"

My eyes jerked backwards.

Castor and Pollux stood between the trees leading to the clearing. Castor frantically gestured for me to come over.

The rustling drew my eyes back.

"Use it wisely and flee from the wolves. Follow the path through the forest."

The voice was starting to annoy me. How could you have so many secrets and then ask me to trust you like that?

"I don't trust a voice without a body."

"But you're safe with us," replied the stranger.

"Ephilia, come on now or does Alpha Eros have to know about this!" Castor called, his voice echoing across the plaza.

"I'm pretty good at taking care of myself, thanks," I said, brushing the snow off my coat.

Still, my eyes stayed on the green object that had landed in the snow. I lunged forward and slipped it into my pocket.

I stole one last glimpse of the gloomy forest.

Then I made my way across the clearing. The twins watched annoyed as I leisurely strolled towards them. However, they made no move to meet me.

Unusual.

This day had long since passed its limit of oddities. But something bothered me: the voice knew my name.

Should I tell Alpha Eros about this?

It was best for me to keep quiet about the voice in the treetops for now. Whatever was there was terrified to show itself and wouldn't dare step into the clearing.

So as long as I didn't go into the forest, nothing could happen...

The werewolves snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Are you crazy?" Castor asked, tilting his head.

It seemed like a serious question to him.

"And if it were me, what would my answer count for?" I asked with a smirk.

"Good answer," he replied.

We made our way back through the forest. Instead of going back to the pack house, I stopped at the ruins of the house.

Glad I was still wearing my gloves.

I started at the front, throwing charcoal bars out of the way. Maybe they could be used as firewood. The fire had left only chaos and it was time someone cleaned it up.

"What in the name of the moon goddess are you doing?" Castor asked.

"I'm just cleaning up a bit."

"I thought you weren't crazy."

"I never said that," I replied.

With a sigh, Castor began to lend a hand.

"If you say so, Luna."

I grinned secretly and together we made a woodpile out of the charred remains. Pollux leaned against a tree and watched us without responding.

"You could help too," his brother said.

Pollux ignored him. The sun slowly descended towards the earth. The orange light made the snow sparkle. Was it that late?

Loud footsteps echoed towards us.

"What's going on here?"

Alpha Eros was coming toward us through the trees. I just dropped a piece of wood on the pile.

"We're just cleaning up a bit," I said.

He looked at me a little surprised. Suddenly, Castor and Pollux gave a jerky bow before disappearing between the trunks. I was beginning to understand when they used the mind link.

Alpha Eros came towards me.

"You're sad," he said. "I can see it clearly. I can feel it."

I swallowed but avoided his eyes. His arms reached around me and snuggled me into him. There seemed to be a frog in my throat, preventing me from speaking.

I didn't want to cry.

I promised myself earlier that I would be strong.

A deep sea of sorrow brought tears to my eyes that I could not hold.

I pressed my head into Alpha Ero's chest and just let it happen. He held my weight in his arms like it wasn't for him.

"I miss her," I sobbed and Eros hugged me tighter.

"I know."

I was completely enveloped in his warmth.

After a few minutes I calmed down and broke away from him. The cool evening breeze hit me immediately. A tremor ran through my body. Ero's eyes looked stormy and he eyed me.

"Come on, let's go back. You are cold."

I nodded.

But before I could do anything, Eros picked me up in one and carried me in his arms.

"Ah! Put me down please." I said, digging my hand into his shirt.

His fierce gaze was chiseled on his face and he was staring ahead.

"You're not well, so I'll carry you."

A yawn escaped my lips and I leaned my head against Ero's chest. I could get used to that.

Only one thought kept me from falling asleep.

The item in my pocket.

Whatever I took with me...

****

We got to the house and I tried to hide a deep yawn in my hands. Eros carried me as if I only weighed as much as a feather. I didn't have the energy to fight back.

We passed the doorstep, but he didn't stop. My eyes burned with fatigue. I leaned my head back against Ero's shoulder. His muscles were pleasantly warm.

"I can walk too," I said as the stairs came into view.

I wanted to jump out of his arms, but a warning growl stopped me. He hugged me tighter to him.

"Then don't," I replied.

Should be fine with me. He climbed the stairs without any problems. I was just glad we didn't run into anyone. My lids drooped.

"Don't fall asleep," he said as he opened the door with his back.

Carefully, as if I were a doll, he set me down on the bed. I immediately unbuttoned my coat and threw it over the leather chair. I flopped back onto the feathers and sighed contentedly.

What a day.

"Good night, Ephilia."

Alpha Eros walked to the door and I almost asked him to stay. After everything that had happened, I didn't want to be alone.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

“There is still work to be done. Many of Alec's followers have sworn allegiance to me."

I nodded and ran my fingertips over the soft sheets. He closed the door behind him and left me alone with my thoughts. Eros was always so busy that it sometimes felt like I was just ballast for him.

I shook my head to dispel the uncomfortable ideas.

My gaze darted to the coat, which still contained the object from the forest. It was a wonder none of the wolves had noticed.

I sat up annoyed. If the voice in the forest had just stayed silent and not thrown that thing at me, I could have just slept right now.

I got up and crept over to my coat. I rummaged in my pockets until I felt the slightly rough surface on my fingers. I pulled it out.

It was the size of my palm and had been squared very neatly. A fresh smell hit my nostrils.

It was a bar of soap.

My brow furrowed. Why the hell would the voice throw a bar of soap at me. Did I stink that badly?

The dull green color was interspersed with dried plant blossoms. My eyes widened. There was only one explanation for this.

Verbena.

The voice had planted something illegal on me, and I'd taken it with me without hesitation. If anyone found out...

A loud knock pounded on the door.

I spun around, startled.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"May I come in?"

Gamma Johnson's muffled voice surprised me. My eyes darted around frantically.

"Eh, yes. One moment."

I couldn't think of anything better than to slip the bar of soap back into my coat. I sprinted to the door, my heart racing. Hopefully he didn't notice the smell.

I tore it open and he was standing in front of me. Instead of the hair pulled back, Gamma Johnson's strands hung down on all sides. His eyes were restless as he looked at me.

"I have to apologize to you."

His tone was static, devoid of any emotion, and it took a while for his words to get through to me. I stared at him in bewilderment.

"May I come in?"

I just nodded and stepped aside. Gamma Johnson stepped in and stood in the middle of the room. I closed the door.

"What is it?" I asked as calmly as I could with my heart racing.

My eyes darted for a second to the coat that lay forgotten on the armchair. He didn't seem to have noticed the verbena.

"I am sorry."

A slightly reluctant tone accompanied his apology. His honor was tarnished.

"Did Eros force you to say that?" I asked.

Gamma Johnson sighed and walked towards the chair. Everything in me tensed as he picked up his coat. He carelessly tossed it past me onto the bed sheets. Internally I sighed with relief.

Gamma Johnson didn't seem to have noticed. He just stared at the brown patterned carpet below us, totally in his own world.

"You were right about what you said."

His gray eyes locked on mine and for a moment pain and hatred crossed his expression.

"I've seen hell. I have spent many years in it. Because the bad thing about hell is that it is infinite. It keeps going down."

I said nothing while Gamma Johnson brushed his hair back from his face. Then he continued.

"And I thought I escaped the pain. I thought I was past all of that, but no matter how far I run, it haunts me."

A part of me wanted to comfort him, but I knew only too well that no words were appropriate at the moment.

"I took revenge on everyone who caused me pain. I made her suffer as I suffered."

A dry laugh escaped his throat but didn't reach his eyes.

"And now? What remains after revenge."

A heavy silence fell over us. My fingers clenched together in search of an answer. But what to say to a broken man?

"You were right. I have indulged in hostility and resentment. After Eros, I am the strongest warrior of the pack. I should be happy with what I have."

He put his head in his hands in despair.

"That is not enough."

My voice was quiet, pulling Gamma Johnson out of his thoughts.

“It takes more to live than a good position. What about a family?" I asked, frowning.

Was that the real reason why Gamma Johnson had treated me like this? The truth slowly trickled through to me.

Gamma Johnson was jealous.

He was jealous of Lucia and Julien. He was jealous of Eros and me. He was angry because I, an ordinary human with no great achievements, had Alpha Eros as my mate. And what did he have?

I didn't do anything for it, it was just given to me. And for all my faults, Alpha Eros treated me well. He didn't understand the feeling.

It was high time for that.

"You need a mate."

New excitement spread through me. I couldn't imagine Gamma Johnson's soul mate. He shook his head dismissively and gave me an angry and disturbed look.

"What does that have to do with it?" he asked confused.

Excited, I jumped at him and tugged at his arm.

"Everything has to do with it! You must find your mate! Have you ever looked for her?" I asked.

"Of course not. As Gamma, I have far more important responsibilities," he replied.

I rolled my eyes.

"And if I tell you as Luna?" I asked cautiously.

He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. I knew he wasn't taking me seriously yet, but it was worth a try.

"When you're done with the ceremony, maybe I'll think about it," he finally said.

I jumped up and down and walked him to the door.

"Then we have a deal, Johnny."

His eyes darted around and the lightness was gone.

"The last person to call me that is dead," he said.

I raised my arms in peace.

"All right then, John. Good night John."

He shook his head, grunting under his breath, and pulled the door shut behind him. Relieved, I blew the air out of my lungs and fell onto the bed.

So that would be done.

My gaze slid to the coat next to me. The whole time he hadn't smelled the verbena, but how could that be? Werewolves' noses were far superior to those of humans.

I took out the green rectangle. The fresh smell enveloped me immediately. Was that why verbena was banned?

Extremely interesting.

I slipped the piece into my black bag and thought of Gamma John's words.

He would seek his mate when I was through with the ceremony.

My breath caught in my throat.

The ceremony?

Which ceremony?