Chapitre 23

Dear Ephilia,

I'm glad to hear you're still alive. I still can't believe that you're gone, especially in these times...

Tommy misses you, Theo misses you and of course I miss you too. Theo is very well. He texts you about the projects he is working on. However, a few things have changed for us. Besides the store, I took another job so we can survive. It is not difficult and yet...

I wish you were here so we could talk about it. I can't confide in anyone and it's eating at me. And what worries me further is Silberblut: I can sense that something is brewing. They're still licking their wounds, but someday they'll try again...

I hope you have better thoughts and don't do so much nonsense anymore!

Lots of love and take care,

Your Lizzy

45. WEDNESDAY OF THE 9TH MOON COUNT:

Although I had something to do, the days passed painfully slowly. I had written letters to Lizzy and Theo and read some books on architecture. But in between I could hardly concentrate.

Eros and I had hardly spoken. Only when the pack was eating did we see each other and were silent. Yesterday I made another attempt to confront him.

Unsuccessful.

He ended up snarling at me for being so stubborn and I ran out of the room hurt and offended. It was freezing cold.

He had offered to go out with him, but I couldn't get over my pride, especially when I was mad at him. I had hoped he would give in, but Eros was as stubborn as a rock.

It was the worst at night.

I could hardly sleep without him. The dark circles that had formed under my eyes testified to my inner restlessness and I couldn't hide them. I hadn't seen Eros since yesterday. After the argument, I refused to come out of the library.

The library had become my home. On the first day even Lucia had come down and visited me. She had looked at my choice of books and even brought me one of Karen's teas afterwards.

Gamma Johnson had also stuck his head through the door. But after I noticed him, he disappeared again without saying a word.

It didn't matter who visited me, I couldn't get rid of the pain. Our bond pulled and tugged at me just to enjoy a little of Ero's closeness, but I fought back with all my might.

Every day the impact of my decision grew worse. I could barely swallow a bite and my stomach resented it with intermittent cramps.

I hid it from the twins, who seemed oblivious to my inner suffering.

Good this way.

The last thing I needed was for them to run to Eros and get him. However, I didn't know how much longer I could keep it secret.

Did the bond really have that power over me?

I felt helpless and pissed off at the only one who could help me. My mouth felt consistently dry like the desert no matter how much tea or water I drank.

I wanted to scream in desperation, but here I was sitting in the candlelight, between open books and graphite drawings of houses.

I tried to distract myself from all this and stared at the legend of the primeval wolf that I dug up in my desperation:

Created from water, purified with water.

The primeval wolf, the image of the moon goddess, created from holy water, invulnerable and unconquerable by any werewolf. Neither silver nor vervain can harm him, he can hide his tracks and death follows him everywhere.

A shiver ran down my spine as I looked at the sketch of the primeval wolf: black fur, long fangs like those of a saber-toothed tiger, and bright red eyes.

Created from water, purified with water.

"Ephilia!"

My head snapped up out of my dream world and I looked around. I was still sitting in front of the desk with sketches and books.

"Are you alright, my love?" asked the female voice.

My vision was blurry and I had to blink a few times to get clear vision. Karen was standing behind me with a tray in her hand.

"Yes," I said numbly.

"Are you starting out like Lucia? In your absence, she has also spent her days down here. I don't believe in spending all day in the dark, even when it comes to reading," she said disapprovingly.

I would have liked to start crying. Inside my feelings were at war and there was nothing I could do. They raged in wild chaos and kept tearing my heart into small pieces. My pride began to crumble. Meanwhile, I wanted nothing more than to fall into Eros' arms.

"Here, I brought you something to eat."

I looked at the tray. The appetite I used to have was completely blown away, leaving nothing but yawning emptiness.

"You must eat something or I must inform Alpha Eros."

Hurt, my gaze jerked to Karen, who wore her red checkered apron with elegance. The candlelight reflected concern in her motherly eyes.

"Thank you Karen. You're welcome to leave it here. I'll eat something right away."

The wolf looked down at me skeptically and clicked her tongue.

"Finally talk to him about it. Alpha Eros... not doing well without you either," she said.

I snorted.

"I can't imagine that," I replied, closing some books.

"You have to understand him. He is responsible for hundreds of lives and has to deal with everything that is happening. He needs you by his side. You must become an inseparable unit, this is the only way to defeat all enemies. Stop fighting each other when you could be so much stronger together."

I nodded at her words. My head was absent as I tried to regain my vision.

"Thanks Karen," I said.

"Honey, if you need anything, I'm always here for you. Do not forget that. Here you have people you can always talk to."

She brushed off her apron and looked at the tray.

"And when I come back I don't want to see it fully anymore," she said in a stern tone and with a friendly smile. Then Karen turned and left the library.

The flames of the candles looked like dabs of orange in my eyes. I blinked to clear my vision again. Maybe all that darkness really wasn't doing me any good.

The well-known thirst had dried my mouth and I gratefully reached for the cup of pink tea Karen had made for me. I blew off the steam and took a long sip.

The hot tea slid down my throat and the fresh, sweet taste revived me. It was time to clean up and return to the surface.

I finished the tea and started to close the books. I stared one last time at the image of the primeval wolf, saber teeth, red eyes, black fur.

It lacked the human that any normal werewolf had in their eyes. I shook my head and rolled up the parchment. I was fed up with myths and all other breastfeeding.

I got up and immediately an opaque film mixed with my gaze. Even blinking couldn't scare him away. I furrowed my eyebrows and concentrated with all my might on being able to see clearly again.

I took a few steps away from the desk. I could only see the shelves blurry. The books mingled like watercolors. I staggered through the ranks trying to find the exit.

Something was very wrong with my body. My heart knew it too, because it was pounding in my head. My mouth was parched. The otherwise clear boundaries of reality blurred.

I put my hands in front of my face and spread my fingers. Was that even real?

Suddenly a huge shadow flickered across the carpeted floor. I stood frozen in the middle of the aisle. The shadow kept growing. Then the body followed.

Dead black fur covered the monster's entire body, red eyes fixed on me, sabers gleaming in the torchlight.

A scream gurgled from my throat. I stumbled back. The monster didn't seem to like my movements at all. It kept coming at me. I landed clumsily on a shelf and books fell like comets to the floor around me.

I was trapped in a nightmare, but I didn't sleep.

This was the reality.

My heart pounded against my chest and I pushed back as far as I could. The beast in front of me, unperturbed, approached.

Death follows him everywhere.

My eyes rolled back and I lost all my senses for a few moments. I wanted to scream, but my voice failed. Excited shouts haunted me. Then I felt warmth around me and strong arms lifting me off the floor. They pressed me against a hard chest and only now did I realize how cold I was.

"Ephilia! Wake up!"

Eros.

I felt a warm hand on my cheek and I wanted to tell him I was fine. However, we had sworn to always tell the truth.

"She's very cold!"

My head hung helplessly in his arm. I tried to keep my eyes open but only saw blurry images passing by.

A hand turned my gaze up. Like two beautiful sapphires, the blue eyes of Eros stared down at me. Pure worry clouded them as they scanned my entire body.

"Your pupils are huge!" he shouted at someone, his voice booming through my body. "Call a human doctor!"

At that moment all my panic was gone. Ero's presence was all I needed. The voices around us grew louder. My consciousness wrapped itself in darkness again.

"Ephilia, please!"

The desperation in Ero's voice was the only thing that kept me clinging to reality. I didn't want to disappoint him.

For as long as I could, I fought the need for sleep. But like a heavy stone, fatigue pushed me further down into a bottomless abyss...

"Ephilia!"

***

THURSDAY OF THE 9TH MOON COUNT:

I lay on cotton and felt nothing but warmth around me. My head was foggy from sleep.

"What's wrong with her?" It growled next to me.

In stark contrast to the harsh words, I felt fingers gently stroking my cheek.

"We do not know it. We have no experience with humans," said a male voice. "She seems ill."

The voice was right. I felt like I had the flu that had attacked my muscles and was sapping my strength.

The growl grew louder.

"DO NOT TOUCH."

Goosebumps made my body tremble. The room immediately went silent and I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder.

Eros.

"You have done enough. Leave us alone," he growled and I heard footsteps and the door slam shut.

Eros sighed and I fought the weight on my eyelids. Suddenly, the memories hit me like a comet.

The library.

The legend.

The primeval wolf.

My heart started pounding with fear, killing the rest of my tiredness. My eyes opened and closed again right away in the glare of the rising sun.

I groaned.

"Ephilia."

The hand that held me tightened as if it could pull me out of the darkness. I turned my head and blinked a few times.

Every movement made my joints ache like I hadn't used them in years.

"Eros?"

My voice snapped in half like a branch in a storm. His blue eyes were fixed on me, searching for signs of pain. My heart calmed a little when I saw him.

Eros grabbed something from the dessert and I recognized a glass of fresh water. With his help, I leaned against the headboard and he held the glass to my lips. The cool liquid ran down my parched throat.

Eros wanted to get up, but I caught my fingers in his forearm. I looked at him in desperation.

"Eros, I'm sorry," I said, new tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.

I couldn't help the huge sob that broke out of me. I finally let all my feelings run free: despair, sadness, pain.

My emotions were scattered everywhere.

Suddenly, Eros was holding me tightly against his chest and burying his head in my hair. Immediately, part of the pain and longing that I had felt for the past few days dissolved.

"No, I'm sorry," he mumbled and I raised my head in surprise.

Eros wiped the tears from my cheek. He looked like someone had stuck a knife in his heart.

"Please Ephilia, stop crying."

"I know you were just worried about my safety, but I have to apologize to you. I should have told you what was going on from the start. I want us to be able to tell each other everything," I said.

"And I should have reacted differently than you told me. It's just... it's no small matter and you're human. You have such a different perspective on things and the world and in a way I love that about you. I love that we're so different."

His fingers traced my lips. I dropped my chin, but Eros lifted it so I was looking at him.

“I know your spirit is steadfast and curious and strong. But your body is not. You have no idea how scared I am for you because your body is so fragile."

My stomach clenched. Ero's eyes blazed with determination. The way he said it, I believed every word he said. He was right in what he said.

"I'm sorry you worried about me," I whispered.

Eros nodded and pushed my hair back from my face. I enjoyed the moment of silence between us, where peace reigned again. My heart calmed down and felt lighter for the first time in days.

A knock shattered the moment.

"Who is it?" I asked, looking at Eros who got up.

"Karen. She brings you something to eat. After that we have to talk about what happened."

Before my eyes flashed the form of the primeval wolf that had harassed me. Did that really happen? From a distance it all seemed like a vague dream.

The door opened and Karen came towards us with a tray in her hands.

"Oh darling! How are you? Is everything ok? What happened?"

As she bombarded me with questions, she placed the tray on the bedside table.

"Karen, how is she supposed to get well if you're hassling her?" Eros asked annoyed, sitting in the chair next to the bed. "I'll make sure she's something. You can go."

"Of course Alpha. Get well soon, Luna."

She bowed and closed the door.

"Poor Karen. She was just trying to be nice,” I said, pulling the sheets down a bit. Underneath I was wearing one of Ero's shirts, which came down to my thighs.

"You need as much rest as you can get," he said simply, taking the bowl of soup from the tray. Next to it was a plate of bread along with a freshly brewed cup of Karen's tea.

"This is chicken broth," Eros said, scooping up a spoon. He blew off the steam and held it out to me.

I felt like contradicting myself and saying that I knew how to eat myself. But Eros seemed completely tense and I didn't want to annoy him with my comments any more than necessary.

The soup was pleasantly warm and salty. My stomach rumbled at the feeling and even lifted some of the worry lines from Ero's face.

After I'd eaten half and I was full, Eros put the bowl back on the tray. I felt much better and not as sick as before.

"What happened?" Eros asked, looking at me with a sharp expression.

"I- I don't know," I replied, unable to take my eyes off his. "I was mad and annoyed with our argument. So I holed myself up in the library downstairs. After Karen brought me something to eat, I threw me some food." I suddenly couldn't see clearly anymore."

The memories came back like a wave crashing on me.

"I wanted to leave and staggered through the shelves. Suddenly I... I saw the primeval wolf. He was right in front of me. I know it sounds completely crazy. Maybe I was just imagining it, but it felt so real, like he was about to rip me apart."

My body tried to shake the thoughts off, but they were burned into my memory forever.

Ero's strong arms wrapped around me and he looked deep into my eyes.

"You are not crazy. I felt something was wrong so I ran downstairs. Then I heard you scream. I've never been so scared in my entire life," Eros said, looking wild.

"I found you with books around you and completely shaking. Your heart was out of rhythm and your pupils were as big as coins."

"I don't feel well either," I said. "Maybe I caught something up north."

The door slammed open and almost gave me a heart attack. A short, bearded man stalked in.

"That's why I'm here now," he said, and my eyes lit up when I recognized him.

demetrius

Perplexed, Eros looked down at the old wolf, who was at least two heads shorter. It was like he had never seen him outside of his tree house. Demetrius carried a leather briefcase and placed it by the bed.

He eyed me skeptically as if I were a test subject.

"Demetrius, what are you doing here? You're just a healer for werewolves," Eros said, stepping protectively in front of me.

"That's not quite right my son. When I was young, when I was still traveling, I learned a lot from people and wrote it down."

"That's right," I said. "I found a book by him in the library about plants and their toxicity to humans."

For some reason I trusted Demetrius. Maybe it was because he reminded me of Uncle Theo. Eros shook his head, but finally came to my side.

"So, Ephilia. Please tell me everything that happened. All symptoms, all ailments."

Demetrius pulled out a legal pad and graphite pencil from his briefcase. I grabbed the pink tea and took a long sip. That was going to be a long story.

I told everything: from my dry mouth, even though I had drunk a lot, to the insomnia, to the blurred vision and the hallucination of the primal wolf.

Demetrius never once interrupted me. Only the pen scratched the paper every time he took notes. In the end I had emptied the cup of tea and looked helplessly at Eros.

"So you quarreled in time, yes?" Demetrius asked. "And before you saw the primeval wolf, did you see his likeness in the legend?"

I nodded to both questions.

Perhaps the sight had triggered the hallucination.

My stomach knotted at the memory. I frowned at the feeling. I slowly felt my stomach turning into a volcano that was about to erupt.

I felt sick.

I threw the sheets aside. I frantically looked to the bathroom and ran. I pushed open the door and leaned over the toilet.

I felt Ero's presence behind me, holding my hair out of my face.

I choked on the sickening feeling crawling up my esophagus. The contents of my stomach, which I had only ingested a few minutes ago, completely emptied into the bowl.

I closed my eyes.

I sat on the floor exhausted and a little relieved. I felt powerless, like my muscles were rusty.

Eros helped me to the sink so I could wash away the sour taste of stomach acid.

"What was that?" he asked.

He had probably never seen anyone throw up before. Hope I didn't have the flu.

Demetrius came to a halt beside us.

"There can be many explanations," he said, examining his note. "There's something special about a bond between a human and a werewolf. I've never heard of a mate contracting a human disease. Normally, the wolf strengthens one's health ."

"What can it be then?" Eros asked impatiently.

His touch was gentle as he helped me back to bed. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.

"Well...loss of appetite, mental confusion, morning sickness..."

My eyes opened.

No, this could not be.

"It could be natural, even if it doesn't explain the other symptoms. Maybe she's..."

No.

"Maybe she is what?!"

Ero's patience was growing thin as I dreaded the words Demetrius was about to utter.

"Maybe she's pregnant."