Chapter 15 Star Gazing

Star Gazing

Avalyn

I saw my real Master looking at me worriedly. I took a deep breath. My savior had saved me. He was gone. I am safe.

Master- Nikolai wiped my tears and smiled a wobbly, trembling smile at me. That made me cry more.

"Come with me," Nikolai said, pulling me by my hand and making me stand up. He pulled me into the washroom and told me to wash my face. Then he took some blankets with him and started walking, holding my hand. I didn't ask questions, I followed him. I trusted him.

We were walking towards the end of the beach where the big rocks were and I frowned. It was cold here and I had worn hardly any clothing. He placed a huge bedsheet on the sand and sat on it, tapping the space next to him, motioning for me to sit. He wrapped the blanket around us once I settled next to him.

"Whenever I feel sad, when I miss my mom, I come here. The depth of the ocean and seeing how big it reminds me of how small I am, how small my problems are compared to other people, compared to you." He whispered while he was looking at the ocean. I sucked a harsh breath at that. He was sharing something about himself, something he rarely did.

"What I'm trying to say is that this is a big world and everyone has problems, everyone has their own demons, some bigger and some smaller. I'm not saying I understand your pain, I can't even imagine in my wildest dreams how you endured that and are still so beautiful, inside and out, still so pure and innocent. But your heart is troubled, like so many people out there. I can't help everyone but please, let me help you. Tell me how do I help you? I am helpless and desperate, please Avalyn, help me help you." He whispered as he turned towards me.

"Being with you helps, being close to you helps," I whispered.

"But it's not enough, you still get nightmares." He told me, wiping the tears that leaked.

"I haven't had them in a while. Today was a trigger I guess." I told him the truth.

"Please tell me what happened today," he pleaded.

"I had made traditional Russian food for all of you, I wanted to make everyone happy. But I tripped and the cake fell down and I felt very bad about it, Nikolai. There was a time when I didn't get food for days and here I am, wasting it. I spoilt the hard work behind it, I used to get punished if I dropped anything while cooking or eating too. Sofiya had told me it was your favorite cake and I was madder at myself that I couldn't do a simple job. I just wanted to make you happy, I want to make you proud Nikolai. I wanted you to eat that cake and see the smile on your face while you did. I want to be a good girl. Your good girl." I told him the truth.

"You are a good girl, Ava. You didn't fall down, Violet tripped you, Love. And you do make me happy, I'm the happiest I have ever been in my life with you and I'm very proud of you, Moya Lyubov. I'm so in awe of your strength, that even after everything, you are still so amazing, you are a warrior Ava." He told me quietly, looking deep into my eyes.

I turned to look at the water. The moon looked beautiful and its reflection made the water sparkle. It was truly a sight to behold, even more than during the day. I needed time to process his words. Me? A warrior? I feel so weak.

"You can make me the cake later Ava, I won't mind if it gets spoiled, you can make me whatever you want and whenever you want and I will always love it. You are worth more than you believe yourself to be. Next time, I don't want you worrying yourself over anything. You are my Queen, my Love, you should not bother yourself with these things. Let me deal with whatever it is, all I need is for you to rule by my side." He whispered.

"I don't think I'm the right one to rule," I told him.

"But you are the right one for me Ava and I'm never ever letting you go. You don't have to rule alone, I'll always be with you, by your side, you will become the Luna and I will be helping you through every step in the way." I heard him say.

"You saw what happened today, do you want someone like that by your side, as your Luna? Someone that can't handle themselves?" I asked him.

"You are too hard on yourself, it's hardly been a month since you came here, you are still not used to everything. It will get better with time." He told and cupped my chin, tilted my head to face him again. I nodded at him.

He leaned forward and kissed me, it was a sweet and gentle kiss but too short for my liking. He leaned his forehead on mine, his thumb caressing my lip.

"Are you feeling better now?" He whispered. I nodded. "Thank you," I told him.

"No problem, Love." He smiled and pulled me on him and lied us down. My head was on his chest and our arms were around each other.

"Look at the sky, Ava." He whispered.

I turned my gaze away from him and towards the sky, gasping at its beauty. The moon looked beautiful and there were so many stars.

"You are free now, you can fly in the sky like the angel you are." He whispered.

"What if I don't want to fly? What if I want to stay by my savior's side? Be bound to him and be allowed by him to worship him, because while this angel doesn't believe in heaven, she believes in her savior." I really hoped he became my Master again, let me serve him, let me worship him, and let me make him happy again.

He didn't reply after that. He just kept caressing my hair. I had seen the way his eyes clouded with his desire for me. He used to enjoy me calling him Master, me kneeling at his feet, me doing whatever he told me to do. I didn't know why he was depriving both of us of something we both wanted.

I had woken up in my bed that morning. Yesterday night felt like a dream but I knew it was not. I took a shower and went down to the kitchen, ready to make breakfast for everyone. They were all already in the kitchen, all of them. I suddenly started feeling nervous, I don't know what to expect after what happened yesterday night.

"You are not going to cook until you are healed, Ava," Master said when I was walking towards the stove. I stilled and turned around, smiling nervously at everyone, finally looking at them.

"Thanks for the dinner yesterday Avalyn, it was amazing." Dimitri grinned at me.

"Yeah, he was hogging all the food." Mikhail rolled his eyes.

"You're the one to talk, I'm the one who didn't get enough because of both of you." Andrei snapped.

I knew they were only taking my mind off of things and trying to make me feel better. And it worked.

"Dinner was delicious." Vladimir smiled at me.

Sofiya came and hugged me. She didn't need to say it but I knew, she was comforting me, all of them were.

"Thank you." I smiled at them sincerely. I was glad they didn't ask more, I didn't feel like I could talk about it