Chapter 26 BITTER SWEET

EVE

Mother said I was born on a rainy night.

As she pushed me out of her warm cavern, the wind had torn up the roof of the hospital with an ear splitting rendering, whooshing in with a scary force that took everyone's breath away.

Even then, I hadn't brought forth my first cry... yet.

Everyone had cowered, holding onto the edges of fixtures, and mum - well mum couldn't do a darn thing about it, as she had still been very weak from birthing me. She had been on the operating table, just cleaned up, with me in her arms. The wind was so ferocious that she was scared I would be snatched away in it, so she had offered up desperate prayers to God and held on tightly to me.

She said I had opened my eyes then - strange, I know - being a new born and all, and I had gazed up, at who knows what, not even blinking.

And then the strangest thing happened.

I smiled.

Well, not a real smile, but a slight tilting of the corner of my lips.

Still... it was enough for her to gaze in wonder at the little bundle in her arms.

And then the wind had retreated as suddenly as it had come, immediately ushering in the rain.

That was when I had cried a real earth - shaking cry.

After that particular incidence, she had wanted to name me wreign - a cross between wind and rain, but dad had vehemently kicked against it, because, in his own words - she's the child of a christian, not some pagan gypsy child.

So that had been that.

Years later, when I brought it up in dad's presence as a joke, a silence so grave had descended like a cloak, you could cut through it with a knife. He had pressed his lips together in annoyance and kept quiet.

And I'd never mentioned it again.

I kind of liked the name, though. It made me feel earthy, light and free, even though I had scoffed on hearing the story.

I scoff till this day...

... but the scoffing stopped some minutes ago.

Something called me out here to the porch tonight.

I know it's wreign!

The sudden gust of wind almost knocks me off from the ground.

I shiver as I wrap my hand round myself, the thin cotton top I'm wearing doing nothing to warm me up.

There's a storm coming, I can smell it - always been able to. It's a rich sharp, tangy smell that rides on the scent of the wind, bringing cold chills racing through my whole body.

I know the wind won't hurt me, other situations in life will, just like the budding life currently growing in my womb.

Days had blended into nights and back again, the cycle continuing for the next two weeks.

I'd locked myself in my room, not once coming out to even say hello to anyone. Tomide had lied to mum, saying I didn't want to be disturbed because of a project deadline I needed to meet. They talked in hushed whispers from outside my door and I stood, with bated breath, hand on the door, willing them to leave me in peace - in the same vein, silently crying out for help.

When they left, I'd sunk to the floor in despair.

In all if this, I never cried.

Not even once.

Mum would bring me a plate of food, announcing it with a gentle knock and a soft voice. She would leave, not getting any reply from me, dropping it at the foot of my door, where she would meet it some time later, food untouched.

She'd cry softly, pleading with me to come out and talk to her but I was inconsolable. If anything, I spiralled, plummeting into a deep state of depression that only I could get out of.

Sadly, I couldn't help myself even if I wanted to.

Good or bad thing dad had been on a trip then, otherwise he sure would have broken down the door to get to his baby - privacy be damned.

Tonight is my first time coming outside and seeing the world or what little of it, from the porch of the house.

The first drops of rain splatters onto my clammy skin, instantly chilling it. I uncoil my arms from around myself and hold them out on either side of me, my head lifting up to the skies in welcome of the unrelenting down pour.

It falls heavy and free and I revel in it, as a roar cry escapes my lips.

My tears flow now, free and unhinged, blending with the rain washing over my face and onto my body.

Thunder flashes and the landscape is illuminated eerily as everything turns white.

It's frighteningly beautiful in its stark rawness and I'm left gaping, staring at mother nature.

Maybe I should end it all, here and now.

Maybe I would finally feel at peace and quell the raging inferno in my heart.

For a brief moment - only very briefly though, do I understand what Ronke felt before she plunged the knife into the side of her neck.

Just before the second thunder ripples across the sky, I'm wrenched away from the ground, the scream dying in my throat at the suddenness of it all.

I'm carried in to safety, out of the rain - bridal style, as the breath is knocked out of me against a hard chest.

I'm let down gently onto a bed I recognise as my own, when I open my eyes to see the worn duvet on it.

Tomide looms over me, worry evident in his eyes. He sighs and covers me with the duvet.

We say nothing for like a very long time. Him just staring at me and me, well, I'm just staring into space, like a lost child.

"He's been here everyday, you know." He whispers, such that I have to strain my ears to hear him above the thundering noise of the rain. "And everytime he comes, I lie to him that you travelled on a business trip." His voice picks up, stronger now, as if he knows I won't stop him. "Eve, you can't keep hiding, you have to tell him. He deserves to know about..."

His voice catches and I know he can't seem to bring himself to say it.

That's when the tears begin to flow again, more relentlessly this time. They seep from my tired eyes and fall down my cheeks, but even then, I don't make a sound.

I morn for the former me, I mourn for the innocent child that is crossed in this otherwise harsh situation.

I mourn, because how on earth can I be pregnant for a man who see's me as game ... as fodder for his loins.

That's the problem right there.

I was just a pleasant lay to him, nothing more, nothing less. And it can't get any less than that now, can it?

But then who is to blame, really?

No one but my foolish self - and my supposed best friend.

I can't even blame her either because she asked if I wanted to go for it and I made the decision to, she didn't force me, no one did, actually.

I did bad all by myself.

And then there's the problem with society.

What will people say?

Mum belongs to the society of Christian mothers in the church - a very prestigious society if I might add.

Where do I hide my disgraceful face, and my eventually growing belly?

These thoughts must have mirrored themselves in my eyes, because Tomide crushes me in a warm hug. It takes a bit of time, but my arms eventually go round him, hesitantly at first, but then I hug him back fiercely, as sobs rack my entire being.

He rocks me back and forth like a baby that I'm not and I wonder why I'm not lucky enough to get a boyfriend as kind - hearted as him.

"There there, it's okay now, hush. I promise not to let anything happen to you." He holds me tightly as the last sobs die in my throat and I'm left feeling like an empty shell.

"I'm so selfish!" I whisper hoarsely into his tee shirt. "You should be with Ronke, not me."

"We've talked about this already, coz. She's out of the woods and recuperating nicely at home with her family. She doesn't need me."

But we both know that's a lie.

I know he itches to be by her side, probably stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothing's into her ear, telling her everything would be just fine.

Instead he's doing it to me.

The bitterness rises in my throat and I push it down, quelling the sudden jealousy.

He doesn't deserve it, neither would I burden him more than I'm already doing.

I sigh against his chest, pushing him away gently.

"Tell me what to do. Just tell me and I'll do it." I look into his eyes, pleadingly.

Without missing a bit, he replies. "Talk with him, I think he's going stir crazy not being able to see you." I shake my head in denial. "No don't say anything, just listen, please. I see the grave disappointment in his eyes when I tell him you travelled, yet everyday like clock work he comes back, sometimes in the mornings, probably to see if I'm lying. I watch him from the sitting room window as he does a stake out of the house. I see the desperation when he tells me he keeps getting a switched off message from your phone and I see the longing. Eve, all these things I felt when I started dating Ronke. He loves you and wants to show that same love to you, but only if you let him. I know things are different now, but they don't have to be if you two can work through it together. So to answer your earlier question, you need to go to him and you need to do it soon."

I hang my head and clutch the edge of the bed as I whisper. "What if he rejects me? What if he says he's not the father and he wants nothing to do with me? What if ..."

He hushes me by pulling me close to his chest once more. "Then he will have me to contend with, but I'm sure it will be fine. I would love to go with you but unfortunately this is something you have to do on your own - face to face."

I nod against his chest and revel in his warmth.

"Now please, get these clothes off, otherwise you'll catch a cold." He stands to leave, but I shake my head.

"Please don't go, I'll change in the bathroom. I'll be out soon, I ... don't want to be alone."

He nods and let's me get up, removing my soaking bed sheets and getting out clean one's from the chest of drawers.

I sigh, as I walk into the bathroom.

When you take a wrong turn in life, you expect a close friend or loved one to be there for you, to support you, but what completely baffles me is that someone, unexpectedly turned out to be Tomide.

Sigh!

Ronke is a damn lucky girl.