Chapter 29 ARE WE DOING THIS AGAIN?

Once bitten twice shy, obviously doesn't ring true - at least not for me!

EVE

One month later see's me back at home, a nervous wreck.

Little noises startle me.

I guess that's what happens when you allow fear take deep root inside you.

It doesn't help either, that Tomide is back together with his girlfriend, Ronke, and they're acting out their second come - back like it's their honeymoon, except they're not married.

So he's AWOL, and I miss him terribly.

The scars on my stomach have become faint, while the scars in my heart remain vivid and alive.

Dad watches me like a hawk, always trying to cheer me up with little anecdotes and jokes that are never able to make me smile.

Mum just sits and stares sadly at me, while her exquisitely sweet egusi soup goes uneaten by me - all the time.

She knows Egusi soup is my favourite and she always makes it for me, but my appetite has been non-existent, at best.

I found out that my parents never really got to know I was pregnant.

While a part of me rejoices in that because I want to spare them the agony of finding out, a bigger part of me is reasonably sad that I have to hide that fact from them.

I mull over the one-way conversation I had with the doctor for what seems like the umpteenth time.

He'd called me into his office, while I was waiting for dad to finish off with the bills and pick up my drugs from the in-hospital pharmacy and I sat opposite him, wishing I could go home and coil on my bed, numbing my emotional pain by crying myself to sleep. Instead, I'd staunched my anxiety and stared bleakly at him as he spoke.

"I needed to spare your parents the torture of impersonally telling them their daughter had a miscarriage, so they don't know about it. I believe it's your choice to tell them or not." He'd looked at me solemnly after his opening speech and I'd stared back, saying nothing.

What could I say, anyway?

Thank you for keeping my parents in the dark about something so sensitive concerning their daughter's well being?

Or

Thank you for not giving my parents the chance to share in their daughter's pain?

Instead I'd kept quiet. It was much better that way.

I didn't know he was far from finished with me.

He'd leaned on his desk, fingers clasped, features schooled into a serious look and regarded me the way a lecturer regards his student right before he tells her she failed his exam.

"Miss. Eve, I'm not going to beat around the bush here and while I know you've just come out from a one month hiatus (he made it sound like being in a coma was more like a holiday I went for willingly), there's no other way around what I'm about to tell you."

From the grave stare he'd given me, I knew there was a major problem that clearly involved my health.

"As a result of the impact on your stomach, your cervix was ruptured. In other words, you can never have children again, at least not in this lifetime." He'd said it so smoothly that I didn't initially wrap my head around it, but by the time I was half - way home, it had sunk in and stayed rooted in my brain like a deadly virus -- one that would never leave me -- at least not in this life time.

*

"Helloooo! You haven't even heard a word I've said. Where's your head at, girl?" Ebere gives me a look, not understanding the emotional turmoil I'm passing through.

Unfortunately, I can't even tell my own best friend what I'm going through.

This is something I have to keep close to my chest. At least for now.

Maybe when the pain of it subsides, I can decide to share it with her.

But can any woman ever get over the pain and hurt of not being able to conceive again?

Let's face it. I'm finished goods!

And it hurts so bad.

So, no, I'm not ready to spill my greatest secret to Ebere, nor to anyone at that.

She's been a great support system, coming over everyday to cheer me up and cursing the person or persons that performed the act on me, while I just moped.

"Alright, that's it... get dressed, I'm taking you out." When I don't move, she slumps back into the chair. "Babe, please now, snap out of this dreary cocoon you've placed yourself in. Life is for the living, it's meant to be enjoyed."

But I'm far from feeling joyful, because my mind keeps swinging back and forth like a yo-yo, centering on three things.

-- My inability to ever get pregnant again. Check.

-- The mishap at the hands of unknown people . . Check.

-- And Batman . . . Check.

Exactly in that order!

"Batman kind of broke up with me." I say silently now, knowing fully well we were never in a relationship, but I say it anyway.

Her mouth shapes into an o and her eyes go wide, as she stares at me in shock.

"Wait, what?! You mean you guys were dating and you didn't tell me?" She shoots me a deadly look.

"No!" I reply listlessly. "It just feels like we were, you know. And the words he spoke to me sounded like he was breaking up with me." So I recount what Batman said to me at the hospital, in robotic - like monotones. When I'm finished, her mouth goes slack as she stares off into space.

"Why would he -- OH MY GOD - THE BET!"

Huh?!

I narrow my eyes at her as she clamps a hand across her mouth, like she just made a mistake in divulging a secret.

This will definitely not do.

Adrenaline suddenly pumps through my veins as I study her.

That study has come to an end as I speak up sharply. "Ebere, what bet is this you speak of?"

She opens her mouth and closes it once more. I don't think she's even aware when her mouth opens again, because she's fidgeting so badly, it's almost comical.

"Ebere... this is not the time for you to remain mum. If our friendship ever meant something to you, then please speak up now, or -- "

" -- Okay, okay! I ... I'm so sorry bestie, when we were planning this whole ... set up, I didn't know it would lead to ... this."

Planning? Set up? Lead ... to what, exactly?

This merry go round has gone on for far too long and quite frankly, I'm at the end of my tether.

"I'm loosing my patience here." I silently warn her.

She stops her fretting and faces me, shoulders squared.

Clear signs of an incoming storm of words and I brace myself for it.

"Dipo made a bet with Bat - Segun, to ... to ... to - "

"To what, Ebere?" My voice comes out sharper than I intended it to, so I add a slight smile and a watered - down please to urge her on.

She sighs dramatically, haunches her shoulders, drops her gaze to the floor dejectedly, wrings her hands and opens her mouth to drop a bomb that I never saw coming in a million years.

"There was a bet made between the two men for Segun to sleep with you."

"'Wh ...what?!" I splutter, feeling suddenly light headed. "I don't understand." My words come out in a whisper, like I'm scared if I say them out loud, I would unleash a wild animal.

Maybe there is a wild animal in each of us.

Ebere puts a hand on my shoulder, possibly for support, I don't know, can't tell either. What I do know though, is she kept something as grave as this from me and I'm just over it all.

She sees the defeat in my eyes and begins to explain in rushed tones. "It all happened so fast. Dipo was only trying to rile Segun up in order for him to evoke the feelings he has for you. When he told me about it, I decided -- we decided, to prime you, make you ready so you could make him fall, and boy did he fall." She says the last words speculatively.

My head is spinning -- quite like the spinning of a gun cylinder during Russian roulette. Too much information overload. I'm dizzy. This has got to be the sickest joke that has ever been played on me and by my best friend too?

Wow!

"You can hate me and my forwardness, but know this - I did it for you, I did it for you to have a chance at love, a chance to -- "

" And where did that get me, hmm?" I ask, finding my voice, as strength seeps back into my weak limbs. "Abandonment when the going got tough, that's where. He ran away after he had gotten a taste of me."

But as the words leave my lips, I know they're far from the truth.

How many times he came to my rescue flashes through my mind like I'm vividly watching a television screen.

He saved me from Dee and from the other bastard that tried to molest me at Wizkid's concert and . . .

I remember my jealousy.

Jealousy I felt seeing him with another woman that day.

I let out a long drawn out sigh.

Come to think of it, he was going to tell me something that night.

But what did I do?

I scorned him, pushed him away.

I even lied to him about Tomide being my boyfriend.

I must have hurt him, letting him think I was dating while he went around sowing wild seeds inside every woman, like he did, Chioma.

Anger surges through me, but quickly fizzles out when I remember how he had boldly told her in everyone's presence at the strip club, that he felt something for me.

I remember the attention he lavished on me all the time, like it was just the two of us in the whole world, wrapped up in a cocoon.

I remember the way he'd stare at me - the intensity in his eyes.

I heard his unspoken words - I felt them, words he didn't voice out.

But most importantly, I remember how he made me feel - how he still makes me feel.

Goose pimples break out on my skin as I reminisce of the not - so - distant past.

If hearts could speak, mine would sing a clear tune of love . . .

. . . and it would sing gaily, just for Batman only.

Try as I might, I just can't get it into my heart to dislike him.

"We've gotta get back at him, somehow." A fiery light enters Ebere's eyes as I turn to look at her. I'm actually scared at what she's dreamed up again this time. "Babe ... are you ready?"

"Uh.... ready for what?" I'm clueless as to what she means.

"I know Segun likes you - matter of fact, I think he's in love with you. He just doesn't know it yet."

I'm suddenly tired of all these games she's been playing as I begin to shake my head, eliciting another fresh wave of dizziness, born out of strain this time.

"Just listen to me. It doesn't involve him, it actually involves Mr. Faseun. I think he likes you and you can use that to your advantage."

She's gotten me in a tangled web of confusion now.

"How?" I ask, my brows furrowing fiercely. Whatever she has to say, I'm going to shoot it down anyway.

"Ask Mr. Faseun out on a date, but ... you need to go to his office and make sure Segun see's you with him." She see's my startled look and explains further. "What I mean to say is, I want you to flirt with Mr. Faseun in the presence of Segun. This pain you're feeling." She comes close to me, tears dotting her eyes as she taps my heart softly. "I want Segun to feel it too."

If only she knew the half of it.

"But don't you get it - that's what got me into this mess in the first place." I whine, pitifully.

"The mess with Segun and everything that's happened, yes?" She asks, concern written all over her face.

I nod, because I still don't want to tell her about the pregnancy; how I lost it, and also being banned to barrenness for the rest of my life.

"Please.... babes, don't do this for me, do it for you." A determined glint appears in her eyes. After some few seconds, a sigh leaves her lips and she asks in a cold voice that I recognize from her past. "How do we serve up revenge, bitch?"

"Best served cold!" I whisper immediately.

"Atta, girl!" Her smile is as bright and as scorching as the sun.

She's out for blood!

So . . .

Against my better judgement, I silently agree, but who am I kidding . . .

I still carry a torch for Batman!