Hope

The last forty-eight hours of my life had been a total mind fuck.

From having sex with Killian again, to enduring long, chatty conversations focused on weddings and love, then dealing with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law and relatives all prying into my personal life. Not to mention, the tedious shopping spree. Bridal dress testing. Pre-wedding photoshoot, and now, having lunch with Killian.

I tossed my plate of food back and forth, and I could tell Killian was staring at me but I didn't bother to lift my head. I continued to make a mess, knowing I was just half a day away from selling myself to him in front of the church.

"You need to stop playing with your food and eat." He finally spoke.

"I can't seem to work up an appetite," I replied honestly, still stirring my food.

"Why?"

I wrinkled my forehead. "I don't know."

"Well at least eat just a little." He bit irritably.

My head snapped up. "Don't tell me what to do."

"It appears someone needs to." He leaned back in his chair on the other side of the small walnut table. "Do you even eat at all? You look as if all your bones are about to evaporate."

I gritted my teeth. "I'm pregnant. It's normal to look this way."

"Really? I heard pregnant women glow. Your definition of what is normal needs to be amended."

I dropped my fork. I knew I wasn't as beautiful as half the women he hung around with, but he didn't have to rub it in. "Well, you certainly didn't think so when you were railing into me last night, did you?"

His eyes snapped up like I suddenly had his full attention. I caught him off guard, I just knew it. He was silent, too stunned to speak, I presumed.  "What?" I continued tauntingly. "Don't tell me you've suddenly forgotten all about the this pussy is mine talk or the open your eyes and watch me fuck you talk?"

He seemed taken aback and took a moment to recover from the spell before glowering at me. "What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, Hope."

"Why?" I mocked. "Scared you'll catch feelings and fall in love?"

A mocking laugh rumbled out of his throat. "It might be easy for you to fall in love with just any man that takes you to bed but it's not for me."

My brow raised. "Are you trying to imply that I am cheap?"

He shrugged, taking a piece of apple into his mouth as his sharp indigo eyes prodded my face. "I never said you were but I wasn't the one throwing myself on you last night, now was I?"

I was about to answer when my mind registered what he'd said.  What the—"I did not throw myself at you."

His gaze roamed my body. "Don't try to convince me otherwise." He took another bite of the apple. "You've already failed."

"Don't act all high and mighty either." I hissed angrily. "You kissed me back remember?"

He shook his head, deliberately trying to annoy me with his casual demeanor. "Because you looked like you wanted it so bad."

"You're a fucking liar." I spat.

"And you're deluded." He bit back, leaning forward. "And let me just remind you what happened last night was nothing so don't get any funny ideas that I care about you or things have changed between us because they haven't."

I huffed, fighting back the ache in my chest.

It was just primal sex, I already knew this. But why did I feel awful?

"Well fine." I managed a reply. "Don't care."

He scoffed. "I already don't. But what I do care about is my child and I'm worried they're not getting enough nutrients in there." His eyes fell to my stomach. "So if you want my child, you need to eat properly."

"I don't want your child. I want this baby." I jeered.

His lips lifted. "Same thing."

"It's not. It's my baby and I'm keeping it."

"Stop being irritating, Hope. Have I ever implied at any time that you should not?"

"You said it's yours. It's not."

He sighed. "You know what just eat."

"I'm not doing anything until you—"

"Hope?" The sound of Mary's voice coming from behind cut me short. She walked up to the table with a plate of freshly diced watermelon. "Darling, don't you like the meal? You haven't touched it." Her brows creased as she looked down at me.

"No it's not that, I just—"

"She's just a bit tensed about tomorrow." Killian cut me, reaching across the table and grabbing my hand before I had a chance to pull it away. "I've been trying to calm her nerves but she worries a lot. She's always like that."

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. "He's right," I said through a tightened smile I hoped Mary didn't notice.

The grin on her face widened. "Well don't be. Tomorrow is going to be amazing." She dropped the plate. "Why don't you join me for a ride around the mansion, I want to show you something."

"Perfect," Killian spoke in my stead, smiling at me.

I couldn't protest. "Sure." I smiled with feigned enthusiasm.

"Alright, come on."

I jerked my hand out from under his the moment Mary turned away and began to walk. "This isn't over."

"I believe it is." He waved his hand in the air in a dismissive gesture. "Have fun."

"I'll get my—"

"Hope!" Mary yelled.

"Coming!"

While inside the small carriage car with Mary, I couldn't help but notice that she had a bouquet of Amaryllis sitting on her lap.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked and she turned to smile at me.

"Well since you're getting married tomorrow, I thought it would be best to introduce you to Killian's mother at least once since he won't do it."

It was as though the air had been knocked out of my lungs. "We're going to her tombstone?" I asked in what sounded like more of a gasp.

She nodded and chuckled softly. "There's nothing to be worried about." She placed her hand on mine and squeezed. "You'll be fine."

I swallowed hard and nodded, not entirely sure how I felt about this. Getting married to Killian and lying to his family was one thing but meeting his dead mother and perhaps lying too was just terrible but even if it hurt me, I couldn't do anything about It. So I inhaled sharply and stared out the window.

Some minutes later, the car came to a stop and Mary got out, urging me to come with her. I didn't want to. I swear this was borderline terrifying but there was no going back now.

We walked through the wet scant soil in silence and when we reached the white erect tombstone, she stopped.

Her grave was simple, far less ostentatious than you would expect. It told me a lot about her personality and I could deduce that she was nothing like Killian, leaving me to guess that he got all his nasty traits from his father's side.

Mary smiled wistfully as she spread the purple blanket she'd carried along out over the grass. "Hi, Sophia." She said, carefully arranging the Amaryllis at the base of her headstone. "I'm here with someone you might find interesting."

I stood, hands knotted between each other as she blew off the dry leaves hovering around and then said a minute's worth of prayer before picking up two red ancestral candles and handing one over to me.

I hesitantly accepted it, not sure what to do since I'd never visited a graveyard before.

"You need to light them and stay till it goes up." She instructed, tapping on the blanket for me to join her.

I gulped and got on my knees next to her. We both lit the candles up in unison and I sat on my heels, staring at the red burning flames.

"This used to be Killian's favorite place," Mary spoke softly, staring at the tombstone.

"A graveyard?"

She chuckled and nodded. "Ever since she died, you'd rarely find him anywhere but here. He loved her you see. He was a mummy's boy."

This was...extremely shocking. "He doesn't say much about his past or his mother."

She smiled. "I am not surprised. He was never really one to share too much. He rarely talks about that part of his life anymore."

"How did she die?" I read the date on the tombstone. She was young.

"She was Ill and passed away suddenly. " A look of regret etched on her face. "Killian wasn't around then. He'd left home to live with his uncle in Spain because he didn't want to take up the family business and preferred to pursue his dream of becoming an architect but when he finally returned, his mother whom he loved was dead."

Something in my heart clenched as I stared at Mary. "I didn't know."

"It's fine. His past must have been too painful to talk about. You should know when his mother died, he blamed himself for not being around and hated his father for not doing enough and he's carried that resentment with him. I think he still does."

Anguish tore my heart to shreds. "He must have felt heartbroken."

She nodded. "He was, everyone was," she sighed bitterly. "I didn't know Sophia on a personal level but when I came into this house, I got to hear so many stories of her. She was a loving woman who didn't deserve the death she got."

For some reason, I felt extremely sorry for Killian. It made a little sense why he seemed so ruthless at times.

"Hope." Mary turned her full attention to me, her eyes burning mine. "I brought you here because I wanted Sophia to know that Killian was in safe hands, so I'll ask you this in front of her." She inhaled deeply. "Do you love her son?"

My gut tightened so painfully that I nearly groaned. She was staring at me as if trying to shred past the surface and seek the truth.

"I.." It broke my heart to lie to them. I was never going to forgive myself for this. God help me. Sophia, please don't hate me. "I love him."

I bit my lip, half expecting to be struck by lightning for lying, but there was nothing, just the gentle frill of wind against the leaves.

Mary's warm hands enclosed mine and squeezed as a smile settled on her lips. "He has tried many times to love a woman other than his mother and when he finally did he had his heart broken so you see he can be very difficult but I'm glad he found you. I'm glad he was able to love again." A light gasp escaped my lips as she pulled me into a hug. "Thank you for choosing our son."

I shouldn't be doing this. I couldn't bring myself to lie after everything she just told me. My chest ached so badly and I wondered why I suddenly wanted to cry.