Killian

The longer Hope lived with me, the harder it was going to be letting her go.

Rewind two months back to when it had all started; when she had asked me to do the most outrageous thing ever.

Hearing those words right out of her mouth had frozen my bones and made my blood run cold. I couldn't quite wrap my head around why she wanted me to, but one look at those forlorn eyes and I gave in, I did it. I'd made love to her, I'd loved her with my body, and every single day after that, I asked myself the same question.

What was wrong with me?

I mean, I certainly must have had a screw loose in my brain when I called Jay Ives and bought her those novels. I literally hated romance novels. They gave women unrealistic expectations of romance and relationships that men couldn't live up to. And I didn't get the whole point of drooling over overly endowed men and detailed sex scenes.

I checked my time as I entered into my car after purchasing dinner from a nearby Italian restaurant. It was six o'clock in the evening. I barely stayed out late anymore. The possibility that something could go wrong with Hope and the pregnancy always kept me indoors. It was a hassle I tell you because she kept buying all these squishy toys and then littering the whole house with them. Worst of all were those weird-looking baby manikins she used for her baby lessons with her mother and made me carry around like it was the real thing.

When I rounded my street and parked my car in the garage, I saw that the living room lights were turned off. It was odd because Friday night's usually involved her lodged on the couch and watching one of her few favorite television shows.

Silence greeted me once I entered. My brows pinched as I made my way into the kitchen and dropped the bags of food before heading up the stairs with quick, economical motions that nearly made me trip over one of the baby manikins on the edge of the stairs.

"Shit." I kicked it away in annoyance and continued to walk and as I drew nearer to her room, I heard her talking faint voice.

Now I wasn't the type to on someone. Heck, I didn't even realize I was peeking through the door she'd left ajar until I heard her talk.

It took only half a second to realize what was happening. She was sitting on her bed, her hand caressing her bare bump as she stared admiringly at it and spoke to herself. "You don't have to worry little apple, your mummy loves you, your daddy loves you and your mummy loves your daddy and-"

My heart stopped and for a few seconds, I convinced myself I was having a dream, but then I realized the scene was real. "And well your daddy doesn't hate mummy anymore so we're one big fa—" the door slightly opened as it came in contact with the side of my face.

Shit.

I reeled back immediately and tried to gather my thoughts together.

"Killian?"

I inhaled a deep breath before walking into the room. "Oh, Killian." She smiled at me, her hand still caressing her exposed stomach. It ruffled my nerves. "I didn't hear you come in." Her cheeks flushed. "I was just bonding with the baby. You should do it too. So it, you know... Recognizes your voice or something like that."

Guilt gnawed at my stomach. "Maybe some other time?"

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Sure."

"I got Italian," I informed, trying to cheer her up since her face had turned six o'clock.

She smiled again, this time it reached her eyes. I smiled back, a deep sense of pleasure cutting through me. "I'll shower and join you at the dining."

She nodded and I walked away to my own room. I tried as hard as I could to push away what she'd said and focused on my bath. It was a quick one because Hope didn't like her pasta soggy and I didn't want to keep her waiting.

I slipped into my shorts and dried up my hair before walking back down to the dining room.

Hope was already sitting on her favorite chair and tapping her fingers apprehensively as she stared at the food bags. Weirdly, it was cute. I shook off the thought instantly and plopped down on one of the chairs.

Once I dispersed her food, she dug in and concentrated on her pasta, only looking up to ask me about my day which she did every other night and I looked forward to it because talking about it to her helped oddly helped me relieve stress.

I rolled my spaghetti over my fork and popped it neatly into my mouth. "Good, not much work."

"Still being an asshole to Cleo?"

I chuckled. "A Little?"

She laughed with me and we talked more.

After the meal, I returned to scraps to the kitchen, and when I walked back to the table, she was gulping from her glass of water.

"Killian, I wanted to discuss something with you."

I sat. "Sure, go on."

"So tomorrow is Scott's wedding anniversary."

Yep, I was over the conversation before it even started.

"He wants me to babysit the kids and I couldn't say no because it's their special day and I thought it would be a good opportunity to bond with real children."

My lips thinned. "That's good but what does any of this have to do with me?"

"Well, I'm not going to be home tomorrow, I have an appointment with my gynecologist and I was wondering if you could help me watch the kids until I got back."

Kids?

Scott's kids?

Hell no.

I shook my head from side to side. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"Come on, It's only going to be for a day."

"I can't, Hope." I deadpanned.

"Please, I'll sort out everything for you before I leave, all you'll have to do is just watch them." She coaxed.

"No."

"But Killian-"

I splayed my hand on the table and got up. "Please let's not do this. You can't expect me to smile and act like your brother doesn't fucking hate me or like we're in a happy fucking relationship because we're not."

Silence prevailed between us as we stared at each other.

She was hurt. I could tell. I took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is—"

"Forget I asked." She cut me, getting up.

"Hope," I moved across the table to touch her but she inched away from me.

"I was being out of my head for a second." She tried to manage a smile but I could see through the facade. "I'll have Lesley do it for me." She stated and stalled towards the stairs.

"Hope, wait. I know you're angry."

She stopped and turned. "I'm not angry at you Killian, I'm honestly disappointed and my hormones are all over the place right now so I can't think straight. Let's call it a night." She turned and climbed up the stairs.

My heart raced and a feeling of desolation rooted inside of me as I watched her go, realizing how much of an asshole I was.

I couldn't sleep that night, not when I knew she'd gone to be mad at me. And frankly, my bed felt too cold and empty and I didn't want to admit it but I missed her here with me.

Groaning, I got out of bed and padded out into the hallway to her room. It was a few minutes past one. She was already asleep. I was sure of it. She hadn't locked her door either, making it less awkward when I slowly opened the door and stepped in.

It was dark, the only light being the one sipping in through the windows.

I walked further into the room and stopped when I got to the side of her bed where she was sleeping, breathing deep, her hair splayed all over the white pillow.

God, she was beautiful and I fucking hated myself for being the reason why her pillow was damp with tears.

A smile touched my lips when she stirred and snored softly, drawing down the covers just enough to reveal her bump. I stared down at it, and I didn't know what I was doing or why I was doing it but for the first time, I placed my hand on her bump, savoring the feel of her smooth skin underneath my palm as I imagined how life would be if our circumstances had been different.

Something moved against my hand. It was a sensation I couldn't explain but it made my heart swell to the point where it hurt.

What if I could give her what she wanted? What if I tried to give her the happy family she wanted and deserved?

It moved again and I felt my chest swell. "Daddy loves mummy too," I said in a hushed whisper, looking back up at her face. "Daddy just needs more time."