Hope

I sat bolt upright, gasping for breath, covered in sweat, and momentarily disoriented as I looked around quickly.

I was alone in my bedroom and it was still a little dark outside. What the hell had just happened? Slowly the outside world invaded my senses. I glanced over at the alarm clock on the bedside and found that it was five something in the morning.

When my breathing settled, I pushed my hair out of my face, groaning as I realized I had one of those dreams, the kind reading too many Nikki Sloane novels could give you.

My eyes fell to my phone on the nightstand. I picked it up, checking to see if there was any call or message but my log was empty, just as it had been for the past four days.

Honestly, staying alone in this house was starting to get suffocating without Killian in it.

I located his number and called him. We needed to sort things out, most especially now when my next appointment was approaching and we still hadn't discussed vital things concerning the baby.

His phone rang a few times before it disconnected without going to voice mail. I called again, staring at the screen. Halfway through the first ring, a recording played. "The person you are trying to reach is unavailable."

My stomach dropped. When I tried again and the same recording played, the realization that he had blocked my number hit me in the gut and although my pride was hurt, I told myself that it was going to be fine because that was all I could do; pretend it was fine until it was.

Tossing the phone away, I clambered out of bed and walked to the bathroom, stopping to gaze blearily at my face in the mirror. A pale ghost stared back at me. I'd cried so hard my eyes were red and puffy and my skin looked so dehydrated, I thought it might start to peel off.

I showered quickly, struggling to push back the thoughts of Killian that tried to invade me. I finished my shower,  dried up, got dressed, and added moisturizers to my skin before stepping out.

At work, my supervisor had me running errands for him but I didn't feel bad about it, It helped me escape the reality of how messed up my life was.

Although, at some point, I ended up thinking about Killian again when I saw a boy running down the sidewalk with a balloon in his hand and his mother chasing after him with the father laughing behind. It probably wasn't a profound moment for them, but for me, I saw a happy family and I craved that happiness.

After my last errand for the day, I was standing on the platform waiting for my train to arrive. When it came, I hopped on and settled.

I didn't tell mum I was coming over.  Hopefully she took my surprise well. The truth was I needed someone to talk to. Thankfully I had my iPod with me. A little soothing music made the trip worth my while. When I exited the train station, I boarded a taxi even though her apartment was only about six blocks away.

The apartment was achingly unfamiliar. I hadn't lived here long enough for it to feel like home. When I knocked and mum opened the door, I didn't know if it was because of exhaustion, the long trip, or the whole Killian situation, but as soon as she gave me that heart-warming smile, I rushed into her arms and burst into tears.

"Oh, Hope, honey." She held me tighter. My emotions were completely out of control and I seriously had no idea what the hell I was doing but I relished in her arms and we stayed that way for the longest time.

An hour later, my weariness waned and for the first time in days, I started to relax and was currently sitting on one of the kitchen stools while watching mum graciously dice the carrots into fine thin lines.

"How's Killian?" She asked out of the blue.

My heart thudded. I cleared my throat "He's...fine."

"Is everything good between the two of you?"

"Why do you ask?" I was avoiding her question, I didn't want to answer it.

"Because I want to know if he is the reason why you're in an emotional spin."

"He's not, It's the horm—"

She dismissed my words with a wave of her hand. "Don't even start with it's the hormones thing because I'm not buying it. Is he treating you right?"

I sighed. I couldn't get anything past her. "He hasn't been home in days."

She dropped her knife and packed the carrots into a silver bowl. "What did you do?"

"Why do you think I was the one who did something?"

She paused to look at me. Her face went slack.  "Am I wrong?"

My shoulders dropped. "Well technically, no. I did something horrible and he's been avoiding me since then."

It took me ten minutes to try and explain everything in detail, leaving out the parts of our marriage not being ideal since she still regarded him as her superstar son-in-law.

"Oh, honey." She cooed when I wiped the tear that slipped from my eyes. "It's okay." She walked around the counter to my side and held my hand. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life too you know. You don't need to beat yourself up over it."

"What if he never comes back to me?' Honestly, that was my worst fear.

She squeezed my hand. "He will honey, he will. He's grieving now, most men are like this, some more than others. Take your father, for instance…" Her eyes saddened for a moment and she shut them, no doubt battling with the thought of my dad, this mythical man I never knew. "You know what," she opened her eyes. "Let's not use your father but my point is," she reached for my cheek and brushed off my tears. "He'll be back. Just give him time."

I sniffed. "You think so?"

She nodded and managed a smile. "But if he takes too long pull him by the ears and remind him that you are carrying his child and he needs to be a father and a lover."

I chuckled through my tears. "Thanks, mum."

"Come here." She hugged me tightly. "Pease try not to overthink things. It's not favorable to my grandchild. Just relax and let things happen the way they should." Her heartfelt words comforted me. Unwelcome tears pricked my eyes as I clung to her. "I love you, mum."

"I love you too my darling." Her eyes were red with unshed tears as she released me and brushed my hair.

The journey back home was slow and caught up in rush-hour traffic. By the time I returned, sadness swelled and dragged me and it was a shock how I managed to remain composed.

Mum was right, maybe I just needed to give him more space, but not too much space. I could do this. At least I thought I could but the moment I entered the house and the exotic smell of Killian hit me, my control snapped and hard sobs wracked me. Maybe I wasn't that strong after all.

I missed him. God, I missed him so much.

I forced myself into the shower, deliberately skipping my evening meal, hoping that wherever he was, he felt it and was coming to scold me.

When I was done, I dried myself and tossed on one of my Jersey, and just in the process of preparing for bed, I heard a crash somewhere outside the house, making my heart thud with fear.

My stomach felt unsettled as I slipped out of bed. I didn't want to leave this room. What if it was too dangerous. For all I knew it could be a burglar who'd been stalking the house and realized Killian hadn't been home.

The memory of the one time when a thief had entered my mum's house and beaten up Scott when he tried to defend us rushed to my brain and my heart pounded.

I paced around, contemplating if I should walk out or not. When the crash sounded again, this time close to the house, I knew something wasn't right and the longer I waited, the less of an opportunity I had to save myself.

Not a second later after being in deep thought, I decided to take the leap of faith.

I opened the door and took two steps out, looking left and right. When everything seemed in place, I stepped out and grabbed a vase before proceeding down the stairs.

I could have called Killian but I had a feeling he still blocked me and it would take at least 30 minutes for anyone to get here, that was enough time to commit murder.

My heart was thumping when I climbed down the last steps leading to the living room and I felt my heart threaten to burst out of my chest as the front door rattled and when it finally opened, my eyes widened.

"Killian?" A sharp sensation shot straight to my heart and I stood paralyzed as he staggered in, devouring me with his eyes. There was something amiss; the strain in his jaw, the darkness around his eyes, the look of discomfort.

"Hope..." He swayed, reaching out to hold me and I reached out to hold him too but he never made it into my arms because he collapsed right in front of me and I screamed.