Hope

After dinner, Killian and I walked the beach a while in comfortable silence, watching the scanty crowd.

Life here seemed so different, so surreal, carefree, easy. "Everyone here seems happy. It's amazing."

"If you like it so much, we could always relocate."

I snapped my head to look at him.

He shrugged. "It'll be a good chance to get away from everything. There are lots of free rooms, we could maybe make one into a nursery."

I released my breath in a soft sigh. "Killian, stop saying things like that."

He chuckled softly. "I mean it. You're the only woman I've ever brought here, that's because you mean a lot to me."

"Not even Megan?" I wanted to suck the words back in the second they slipped out because he stared at me with an emotion that choked me. "On second thought, don't answer that," I said quickly and looked away from him.

"Not even her."

His words sent a flutter to my belly. "Really?"

He smiled. "Let's find somewhere to sit, your feet must hurt."

They did. I nodded and offered no disagreement as he led me to the dry rocks and assisted me as I crouched on one of the boulders.

He sat next to me. When I looked at him, his expression lacked humor.  "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just clearly did."

I narrowed my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Fine. Ask away."

I cleared my throat, thinking carefully about how to gauge my questions. "How did you meet Megan?"

He looked up at me.

"Of course, if you don't want to talk about it, I under-"

"It's fine." He relaxed. "Megan was the daughter of my grandfather's business associate. We had similar fates. She wanted to become a journalist for The New York Times company and I wanted to pursue my passion for architecture but both our parents had different plans for us. We managed to get away, I enrolled in a science school and she moved away to London for her studies but surprisingly, when my mother died she showed up at the funeral and like that, we got close."

He heaved a breath.

"It's funny you know, after my mother died, I vowed never to allow myself to get caught up or attached to anyone because I never wanted to suffer that kind of loss again. But when Megan came, it changed."

My heart throbbed. "How long were you with her?"

"Three and a half years."

I swallowed my jealousy. "You must have really loved her."

He shrugged. "I loved her to the point that I'd gotten this fancy million dollar diamond ring just to propose but I never got to use it because, well, I found out she'd been sleeping with my best friend for about a year after walking in on them together."

"That must have been awful."

"It was." Pain etched on his face. "I was foolish enough to trust people too easily."

"Did you ever try finding out why she did what she did?"

"What reasons could she possibly give for sleeping with my best friend?"

My lips pursed and I realized that was a stupid question.

He sighed. "I never told anyone this but the night after I found them both together, she crawled back to me and begged, she told me she was pregnant for me. She manipulated me into believing that Rodney had her nudes and was blackmailing her with them. I believed, I took her back, tried loving her again. But," He paused in the shattering silence and shook his head. I could tell he didn't want to break in front of me. "After three months the paternity test showed the child wasn't mine, neither was it Rodney's. We were both fooled into believing we were the fathers but I guess she had other guys she'd been playing around with."

My face scrunched with disgust. "She's such a rotten person."

He shrugged a shoulder. "I guess she is."

His voice held a hint of a heartbreaking sadness that cut through to my heart.

It felt like a wall crumbled between us and an inner glimpse of what made him choose this path suddenly crystallized in my mind. It wasn't his fault. He had so much to give, but no one to give it to so he buried all those messy, writhing emotions deep in a hidden secret place and pretended he was untouchable. "I can tell losing her hurt you."

"It did, it hurt me pretty bad, scarred me even."

I gulped. My stomach churned as I prepared to ask the question I needed an answer to. "Do you...still love her?"

His eyes met mine and held my gaze. I couldn't keep his gaze, I lowered my eyes down to my fingers knotted on my lap. Why the hell did I ask that?

"Hope," he called, placing his hand on my chin and moving my face to meet his gaze again. "For a long time, I thought feeling nothing but hate and resentment for Megan meant I was finally over her but it didn't. I was caged, I couldn't let her go so I hurt her repeatedly in my mind because it's easier to hurt the one you love than let them go. But recently..." He exhaled. "Those feelings aren't there anymore-the hate, the anger-I no longer feel it. I let her go. I don't love her anymore, Hope," he smiled. "Frankly I have my eyes on only one woman and she's currently seven months pregnant with my child."

My mind skidded to a stop. "Stop it, Killian."

"Hope." All trace of humor on his face was gone. "Megan was my rebound from my grief. I needed her to take care of my broken soul. But with you, it's different. I've tried to avoid extreme emotions but it doesn't work. I don't need you. I want you."

My heart skipped a beat and my breath quickened with sudden heat coursing throughout my body. "Killian, stop..."

"After Megan, I never thought I'd have a future with anyone but then you came into my life with this baby and made me start thinking of a lot of possibilities. You brought out feelings in me that completely scare the shit out of me, Hope, but if this past month has taught me anything, it's; that I'd rather stay with you and have my heart broken again than lose you completely."

For a brief moment, I was paralyzed, lost as I stared at the man who gazed at me with so much unfathomable emotion. "Killian, I..." The lump in my throat swelled. "I don't know what to say...i..."

He cupped my face and rubbed his thumb against my cheek. "Just say you'll stay with me, say you won't leave me." His eyes searched mine. "I know I've hurt you and I should not even be forgiven for what I did but I'll get better. I put an email through to the mental health department in the hospital, they'll take me in as a patient. I'll be going to therapy."

Tears stained my eyes, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "You'd really do that?"

He nodded. "It's scary, but I'm more scared of losing you so I'll learn to control my anger and I'll never lay my hands on you again. I won't hurt you ever."

A tear slipped. "You promise? You promise you won't hurt me anymore?"

"I promise never to hurt you. When you love someone, you have no control, it means being powerless, and I'm right here, ready to give up every single ounce of control for you." His mouth found mine and the kiss was as unexpected as the flutter in my heart.

He kissed me fiercely; liked he craved it all day. I didn't hesitate, I matched his fervor, pouring all the pain and angst I'd felt for this last month into

the single kiss.

"Hope..." He groaned, and that low baritone coming from deep within his throat gave me the validation I needed to know he felt the same way did. He felt the ache, the need, the possessiveness. My hands knotted his hair and pulled it hard, losing all concept of time and even separation.

"Mummy, look they're kissing!"

Jesus Christ.

We both moved away from each other like two teenagers caught doing crack by the cops.

"Oh my, I'm so sorry." The middle-aged woman who had her hand clamped around her son's mouth in utter embarrassment apologized, smiling nervously. "He gets a little silly sometimes."

My sanity returned fully. I smiled. "It's fine, miss."

"Thank you."

When she grabbed the boy's hand and hauled him away, I breathed down and turned to Killian.

He smiled at me and leaned forward to kiss away the tear that slid off my cheek. "Kiss me without my permission again and I'll kick you when the sun doesn't shine."

He laughed and grabbed my hand. "I should take you home now, it's getting really late."

I smiled. "Sure."

The drive back to my apartment was silent and short. When Killian pulled over at the entrance and we got out, I stared up at my outmoded building and sighed.

"I'll see you to the door Just to make sure you're safe," he insisted.

I agreed.

We walked in silence up the littered stairs to my quarters. When I reached the front of my door, I turned to him. "Thank you for today, Killian."

He smiled. "I should be the one thanking you."

I swallowed. "I guess this is good night then?"

"Probably." He leaned forward and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me but he simply planted a kiss on my temple and drew back. "Good night, Hope."

With a smile, he turned toward the stairs and began to walk to them.

Watching him slowly descend made me realize a part of me didn't want to let him go. I squeezed my fist. I was going to lose my mind over this man. I knew it. I could already feel it happening. Maybe it'd already happened.

"Killian?" I managed to get out just before he opened the stairway door.

He spun back to face me, his dark eyes unreadable. "Yeah?"

I swallowed. God, I hope I don't regret this. "Do you maybe want to come in?"

It was like he'd suddenly frozen in place as he stared at me silently. I felt stupid.

"I'm sorry. That was a stupid question." I blanched and lowered my eyes to stare pathetically at my slides. "Who would you want to crash in a place like this."

"Hope." My heart jumped into my throat when I looked up and saw him gravitating toward me. "Do you want me to stay?"

His question was honest. Raw.

Don't be a fool, Hope. Don't admit you want him to stay. He's just going to hurt you.

Fuck, whatever. "I don't want you to go."

"That's not a definite answer."

I swallowed, for once deciding to chew my pride back and put my feelings first. "Stay."

His eyes twinkled as he cupped my face between his hands and lowered his mouth to mine. "If I kissed you right now, would you still hit me where it'll hurt?"

"I'd consider it."

His lips twitched to the side. "Alright, then do I have the permission to kiss you?" He asked, so close that his words were whispered across my lips.

"Would you stop if I say no?"

"I might."

My stomach fluttered again. "Do it."

Without hesitation, he kissed me, gently, softly but I wanted more. God help me, I wanted much more.

I ripped my lips from his. "We should probably go in before my neighbor sees us."

His eyes gleamed with savage lust. "Lead the way, Kitten."