Chapter 10 C W T C H 3

Eunae grinned, feeling incredibly sanguine. She wanted to learn more about love, and she was happy to find someone she could ask about what it really meant.

Because above all, she was desperate to know if everything she had went through were bits and parcels of love all along like how she believed in. Or more so, like how she wanted herself to believe in.

"Did love mean giving everything you got?" She started excitedly, ticking one question after the other in her mind.

"Probably," he shrugged. "We usually tend to give everything for the person we love," he stopped as she looked at her with a smile. "But of course, not entirely to the point where you won't have anything left."

Suddenly, color seemed to drain from her face and the excitement rushing through her bloodstream popped like a bubble that ceased to exist. And as if seeing through her, his smile slowly vanished as he looked at her with narrowing eyes, "Love is giving everything you can offer, not giving everything you have. You can't empty yourself to fill someone else's holes because you'll surely lose yourself when you do that. And when that happens, you'll consequently lose everything, including the ability to seek, to give, and to accept love."

For a minute, silence hung in the air and only the crashing of the tranquil waves could be heard.

Because in that instant, the time seemed to stop and so did the wheels in her head from working. Her body was rendered stupefied as his words swamped her off her feet like huge waves crashing to the shore.

Eunae continuedly asked herself if it was wrong that she gave everything away-her heart; her body; her soul; her dreams; even to the point of throwing away her principles to turn her back from everything she believed in just to stay.

Taking a deep breath, she blinked her eyes rapidly, "Does pain come along with love?"

The man stared at her blankly before nodding. "Probably," he shrugged. "Just like life, I believe love isn't always about rainbows, and butterflies, and unicorns. There are times when pain does take a sneak peek from time to time, but often, it's there to make the love stronger."

"But hey, that doesn't mean it's always there. Pain usually comes and goes, but it never really stays-it mustn't," he said, narrowing his eyes on her. "You can never really call it love when all you'll ever feel is agony; love doesn't work that way."

For a brief instance, Eunae felt her eyes burn. Suddenly, she felt like being choked, her throat burning and her stomach twisting in the most painful way it could ever do.

Soon after, her lips quivered relentlessly, and by the looks of it, she knew what would possibly happen next.

Holding back the teardrops and the ache throbbing within her, she sniffed and looked at the sky, "B-by any chance, is it supposed to change you?" She courageously asked with a trembling voice.

Eunae was too focused in suppressing her emotions that she missed the sympathetic look he was giving her. She failed to notice how his eyes lingered on her face-how he seemed to have seen through her that he knew where all these questions would eventually end up to.

From the corner of her eyes, she saw him brush the little girl's hair before letting out a breathy sigh.

"Probably," he said, "Love changes us much to our surprise. It usually turns us into a whole different person we never knew we could ever be," he stopped for a second and chuckled lightly.

His eyes focused entirely on the little girl on his lap. "It's like out of nowhere, we would just find ourselves believing in things we never really gave a single fuck to begin with. We become people who are more accepting, especially of the flaws that the people we love have. We feel complete just to stand by their side."

"Love," he trailed off, making her shift her whole attention to him, careful not to let the salty droplets from the corner of her eyes to spill. "Love is supposed to change you into a better you. To make you happy without any kind of reservations. It's supposed to make you, not break you."

And just then, Eunae could no longer see the man clearly as her vision turned blurry. Blinking her tears away and inhaling deeply, she tried to talk but she could not utter a single word as pain constricted her throat.

In a swift, she turned breathless and immobile.

She knew she had to at least say something just so the silence would not settle in. She did not want him to feel awkward. She did not want to put him in an uncomfortable situation.

But at the same time, she just could not bring herself to utter a single word, fearing that sobs would rather escape her lips and make their situation worse.

Her breath got stuck in her throat as soon as he placed a hand on top of her head and pulled her close until she rested on his shoulder.

"You've worked hard," he said softly. It was above a whisper and was just enough for her to hear. "You must've been keeping it to yourself for so long, haven't you?" His voice probably the most soothing she had ever heard. "It's alright, you don't have to keep it to yourself anymore. You can let it go, you have my shoulders to cry on."

Without even a second passing by, Eunae let loose of another wave of pain she had been holding back. Her chest painfully constricted as she allowed the agony trapped deep within her to escape.

And just like that, tears streamed down her face and the blood-curling whimpers shook her body. How many days had it been yet here she was still crying her eyes out?

Eunae knew her weeping would lead to nothing because in the end, her pitiful situation was kept concealed for others not to know of.

It was almost as if it was a burden she had to carry throughout her lifetime. Mourning for the life she had could only do so much to relieve her suffering, but it could never set her free.

It was just as if she was unloading a set of bags just to pick up another few in a week's time.

She knew she had to tell everything she had been feeling. At one point, she knew she would eventually reach her limits, and that might had been today.

Harshly wiping away her tears with the back of her hand, she could not believe she began telling the stranger what she was going through.

"I-I've been in love with my husband ever since we were young," she started to confess. "He was my best friend, my comrade-he was everything I needed. He was there when my father walked out of my life, when I had to stay home alone because my mother had to work and give me a better life-he was there when no one could-when no one would."

Eunae took several sharp breaths as she continued to wipe away her tears with the back of her hand. She felt him rub her shoulder soothingly as if to tell her it was okay, that she could go on-that he would listen.

"It wasn't hard to fall in love with him, he was everything I could ask for. And with everything we've been through, I've always wanted to know if he might've felt the same," she swallowed hard before chuckling. "But when he came home one day with a girlfriend she introduced me to, I knew I didn't need to ask."

"It was a hard blow and I wouldn't lie that it hurt. It was painful, even more painful when I broke a bone when I was younger," Eunae sighed, sniffing hardly, "But I learned how to live with it. I had to. I was there when he needed me. I stayed, I always did just like how he did for me when we were younger."

She tried to rub her eyes with the back of her hand, only for the man to tug her wrist and immediately squeezed her hand tightly.

"Stop it, you're only hurting yourself even more," he scolded ever so softly, placing his hand on her head, and burying it down to his chest. "We'll wipe your tears, but for now, you can use my shirt."

And just then, Eunae found herself sobbing even more.

"I was there when his family needed me. I tried everything I could, but I could only do so much. It wasn't in my control to flip the world inside out. If I could then I would've surely done that without thinking twice. And that's why I couldn't understand why he was pinning me for our arranged marriage. I never orchestrated any of this."

Eunae fisted her hands and closed her eyes, "He knew how much I love him, yet he still chose to trample on me as if I deserved any of it. For t-two whole years of this heck of a marriage, he has been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. He only used to see her behind my back, yet as time passed by, he started bringing her home, flaunting her at events, fucking her in our shared bedroom and treated me as if I was his mistress."

"I-I just wanted to be treated with respect, wh-why can't he at least give that?" She felt her voice crack just the same as her heart did. "He promised we'll make it work-that he would even try to love me. He gave me assurance-he was my best friend after all," she sighed helplessly. "There's no way I wouldn't trust his words."

Eunae's eyes hurt with the incessant weeping. Her throat burned more than ever as the agony settling in it tried to bolt out from the constricted space. Her heart twinge and seemingly would reach the point for it to crack in two. And her stomach bitterly twitched from all the miseries she had been trying to take.

"It's okay if he wouldn't love me more than a best friend, it's okay if he wouldn't even try because I've already accepted it. I know the boundaries I shouldn't cross. All I ask for is respect," she swallowed hard and felt her throat rumble with another whimper.

"Can't he treat me like he used to? Like the best friend he always had when we were younger?" Eunae drew her brows together. "Or just even see me as a human being who gets hurt? Someone who also has pride within me. That I'm not a kind of toy he would just dispose when he's tired of playing with. Is that too much to ask? Am I asking for too much?"

Eunae continued wailing until she felt numb-numb enough for tears to brim her eyes even barely. As tiredness seeped into her bones and darkness came for her, she eventually felt herself surrendering.

And the very last thing she could remember was his voice ringing in her ears, "You weren't asking for too much, if you'd ask me. You've probably just been asking the wrong person all these years."