THIRTY SIX

Lexie

My entire life had been spent adhering to the guidelines, but something about Ryder sparked a level of irresponsibility in me that I had been completely oblivious to before. Being in his presence was similar to taking a drug. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time because I knew he was playing the role of Hollywood's kingmaker while he was sitting behind that massive desk right behind me. Frequently, I had the impression that I could sense him keeping an eye on me, but whenever I had a valid excuse to turn my head to the side and steal a peek in his direction, I saw that he was looking elsewhere.

Aside from the first morning, there was not a single moment that was just the two of us. When he was in need of something, he would contact Mina. He never stayed behind for lunch. I didn't know if he did that all the time or if it was a new habit he'd developed to avoid being left alone with me when Mina went to the cafeteria in the building where we were both working. I was there with her the majority of the time. It provided us with an opportunity to talk about the job, although I made it a point to always direct the conversation specifically to Ryder.

"Does the job ever require him to make decisions that affect his personal life?" I inquired while nibbling on some of my grilled chicken salad at some point.

Mina had a good laugh. You, of all people, ought to be aware of the response to that question.

I quickly looked up, and my first thought was that she already knew the reason why I was so interested in his personal life. However, there was not even the slightest trace of a knowing glint in her eyes, and her smile was as genuine as it had always been.

She reminded me by poking me in the arm for emphasis and asking, "Haven't you and Samantha called me often enough to get you out of jams?" she asked Samantha and me. Finding a dentist in Prague who could communicate in English was most certainly not an agency's line of business.

I relaxed. Obviously, she was considering Samantha at that moment. I responded by saying, "Fortunately, I think Samantha is staying put for a while," and then I went back to my initial inquiry in the hopes of eliciting additional details.

"So his private life is an integral part of his work?"

To my own ears, I came across as being overly interested, but Mina gave no indication that she was suspicious as she considered the question. "It is sometimes," she said as an answer in the end. "However, the fact of the matter is that Ryder doesn't really have much of a personal life. You will need to take calls from Kim occasionally, and every once in a while he will ask me to make a reservation on his behalf. That brings us to the end."

"I won't have to deal with a number of different hidden girlfriends?" I joked. "Thank goodness for that!"

I'd gone too far. Mina cocked her head to the side as she picked up on the insensitive undertone of curiosity in the joke. "No," she replied in a measured tone.

You are not going to.

We fell silent. It was almost completely filled by the low rumble of conversation and the clanking of silverware coming from the tables around us, but it wasn't quite.

"What kind of shape is Samantha in?" After a few drawn-out moments, Mina finally asked.

I swallowed. "She holds her own."

"She is aware that..." Mina's voice trailed off as she absentmindedly rubbed her stomach as she tried to formulate the question that was on her mind and decide how best to ask it. I refrained from breathing out of fear of what it could possibly be. She is aware that you have an unhealthy preoccupation with her father, right?

Doesn't she realize that Ryder wouldn't keep anything from her, especially something as important as this? After much effort, Mina was successful. She will be able to tell when he is serious about a particular person.

Relief filled me. She believed that the reason I was prying into Ryder's private life was because Samantha had asked me to, rather than because of my own insatiable curiosity.

I said, "I think it's hard for her, being so far away," being careful not to brush aside her suspicion lest she replace it with another one that was closer to the truth. "I think it's hard for her, being so far away," I said. I assured her that I would keep a close watch on him.

Hearing how honest my words came across made me feel a little queasy. Who would have guessed that I was capable of it? I can assure you that I had not. And I didn't like it.

But no matter how many times I told myself that I needed to quit, tell Mina that I didn't think I could handle the job, or even leave Los Angeles altogether, I was never able to follow through with any of those things. My eyes would meet Ryder's in an unguarded moment, and the result would be that my knees would become weak.

When Angie Roberts, the temporary employee, started working at the office a week before Mina left for her maternity leave, I honestly believed that any chance I had of ever being alone with Ryder had been eliminated. But I was completely unprepared for the opportunity that presented itself to me. It was the evening of a Tuesday. When the courier arrived with an impressively thick envelope that Mina needed to sign for, Ryder had already left—for some reason, he always left right at six on Tuesdays—but Mina was required to sign for the package nonetheless.

What exactly is it? I inquired while attempting to decipher the address label.

"A legal agreement." Mina wore a frown. "He could not have possibly known that it was going to happen. In most cases, he wants to sign the document straight away and have it returned before anyone else can change their mind. While she was thinking about it, she drummed her fingers on the desk. "In the normal course of events, I'd run it by his place, but..." She eventually trailed off and rubbed her stomach as she did so. She hated admitting that she couldn't do something because she was too tired, but I knew she was exhausted.

I suppressed a breath. I didn't have the courage to suggest it, especially not after what happened the other day in the cafeteria, but I hoped—

Mina let out a long sigh, furrowing her brow as she did so.

"Lexie, I'm sorry to bother you with this, but would you mind doing it for me if I asked? You are not required to wait for him in any way. I'll give you his code, and all you have to do is put it on his desk when you're done. He will contact a courier if he needs it to be returned to him tonight.

I responded with a casual, "Sure, that's no problem," hoping that she wouldn't be able to hear my heart thumping against my ribs. "Waiting is not something that bothers me at all."

"No, don't act in that manner." Mina gave a distracted shake of her head. It is impossible to predict when he will return home on Tuesdays because he always goes to happy hour with his friends.

I made my way out of the building while holding on to the padded envelope. The fact that I did not encounter Ryder on the way out of the building alleviated my concerns that I would miss the opportunity to visit his apartment. For once, I was relieved that he couldn't be found anywhere to be found. The first thing I did was head back to my condo. I was far too pumped up to drive over to his house right away. My nerves would have killed me if he had answered the door when it was knocked on.

I poured a glass of wine for myself and took a sip. I finally decided to purchase my own bottles so that I would no longer have to keep a running tally of the things that I owed Samantha money for. I was thinking about changing my clothes while I was drinking it. It was only fitting that the one and only time I wore one of my old dresses from college occurred on the day that I was required to visit Ryder at his apartment. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I would continue to dress in the same way. I did not want to give away too much information. I was willing to stand in his way, but it was up to him to take the initiative and do something next.

My nerves were finally calmed thanks to the wine, and I went bounding down the street to the address that Mina had given me with a spring in my step. It turned out that his building was just around the corner from mine on the same block.

When I walked into the ornate lobby, I felt my confidence immediately plummet. Even more so when a haughty concierge who was accompanied by a burly security guard called out, "Excuse me? He asked me, "Can I help you?" in a manner that made it abundantly clear that I was in the incorrect location.

I introduced myself as Lexie Anderson, hoping that Mina had not forgotten to remind them that I was going to be there. I have something here for Ryder Williams, if he's interested.

I pleaded with myself in silence, "Please don't tell me to leave it here."

To my good fortune, all the concierge did was nod and point me in the direction of the elevator bank. There was a private elevator that went straight to his floor, and the concierge could call for it from where he was stationed. The elevator that took me up twenty-four floors was ridiculously plush, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Marble tiles, a chandelier made of cut crystal, and velvet wallpaper were used.

When I looked at the bristly gold walls, I couldn't help but run my fingers over them and wonder if that was Ryder's design aesthetic.

When it opened up to his private lobby, I knew it wasn't what I was looking for. The exact opposite of opulent could be said about Ryder's quarters. It was lavish, but in a simple, understated kind of way. Even though he didn't have a lot of furniture, the pieces that he did have had the appearance of having been lifted straight from the pages of a catalog. one to which only people with a million dollars should bother to pay for a subscription. My expectations were not met by the size of the space, but I soon realized that this was due to the enormous size of the terrace that surrounded his apartment. The ceiling-to-floor windows in the living room, dining room, and kitchen could all roll up like garage doors, making it impossible to tell the difference between the indoors and outdoors in any of those rooms. The typical decorations found in a house were absent, but in their place potted plants could be found everywhere.

I couldn't help but feel curious as I rubbed the leaf of a ficus plant between my fingers. Even though Ryder had some houseplants in his office, I never would have pegged him as a gardener. On the other hand, each of these appeared to have been cared for by a knowledgeable hand. I had a fleeting thought that I should inquire with Samantha about it, but I quickly dismissed that idea. Even with the veneer of respectability that being sent here on an errand gave me, I didn't want Samantha to have any reason to suspect that I was interested in her father. I didn't want her to have any reason to suspect that I was interested in her father.

It is not the case for any reason.

Everything that went on between us had to remain a closely guarded secret.

I was able to locate his office precisely where Mina had indicated it would be, which was in the rear of the apartment directly opposite a door that was closed and which I had taken to be the entrance to his bedroom. The back of the place carried on the theme of turning things inside-out. The wall turned out to be a sliding glass door, giving me a view of the putting green that was located on the other side of the terrace. Next to his workstation, a lemon tree had begun to take root, and one of its branches was being sagged by the weight of a teeny tiny fruit.

I put down the letter and felt a strange sense of disappointment. It was over. I had finished doing what I was sent to do. I was leaving right now, and everything would stay the same. stuck between interest and action. I didn't want to leave his office, but I did. Instead of going back to the front, I went to his bedroom door and turned the knob. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I couldn't stop myself. This could be the only time I get to see his room. My job would be done before I could get him to kiss me again, according to my plan. I couldn't even dream about the things I wanted to do.

As I slowly turned the knob and opened the door, my nerves were all up and down my spine. I half expected to see him staring at me from the other side and asking what the hell I was doing. But the room was empty. Big and empty. The floor was always a dark gray color. On one wall was a king-sized bed that looked like it belonged in a high-end hotel. The dark gray comforter was folded over crisp white sheets. On one wall, there was a sliding glass door that led to the wraparound patio. In one corner, there are two armchairs with a small table between them. A small table had a fern on it, but other than that, the room was strangely empty. It did look more like a hotel room than someone's bedroom.

Maybe that's why I was brave enough to go in. To walk all the way to the sliding glass doors and peek out through the wooden blinds to see the view.

I was standing there when I heard the elevator doors in the lobby slide open.

Panic rolled up into a ball and got stuck in my throat. I couldn't move for a few important seconds, and silly ideas kept running through my head. I could get under the bed and hide. There wasn't a dust ruffle, no. He'd see me. I could try to open the door to the patio, but he would hear me no matter what. And what was I going to do after that? To stay there until he went to work the next day? I turned around, looked at the bathroom in a panicked way, and then flew across the room.

I had nothing to hide. I was here for a reason. I just couldn't go into his room and get caught. But it cost me to wait. I was just leaving the room when Ryder walked out of the short hallway and into the room.

When I saw him, I couldn't say a word. He'd never looked taller, broader, more imposing. As he figured out what door I was trying to close behind me, he got a look of dark incredulity on his face.

"Lexie," he said, but his voice had a harsh undertone that made it sound almost pleasant.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"