21
"Hey little one, are you alright?" Kian asked as he re-entered through the living room door. I just nodded dazedly, even though it was a lie. I really didn't know how I was really doing. The thing with my mother affected me more than I thought. I felt like she would never accept Kian.
"You can talk to me anytime, Princess," he said calmly, sitting down next to me on the sofa. He put his arm around me and pressed my head against his chest. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even realize I was just starting to talk like that. “All I ever wanted was a real family. Now that she's back on track, I want to give her a chance. It just makes it so difficult for me that I'm not even sure if I'm doing the right thing anymore. Why doesn't she want to understand that I feel at home here?' Wet tears rolled down my cheeks as the spoken words hurt me. Not once did my mother think of me. Not even now. The only thing that mattered to her was that Kian didn't seem to be the right one for me.
“I can't make your decision for you, little one. But what I can recommend to you is that you can also think of yourself. It doesn't matter if you'll hurt other people by doing it. You've cut back a lot over the years.” And he was right about that, as well as everything else. He was a man who had a lot of experience. He had a suitable answer for every question. I was so grateful that he was there for me. I snuggled closer to his chest and listened to his heartbeat. I smelled his scent again, which numbed my senses every time. I wish I could spray his perfume on myself and smell it every day when he wasn't around. It gave me a feeling of security and safety.
[...]
The next day, Kian decided to take me out for ice cream so I could get some fresh air. Without him I wouldn't even dare to go outside. I was particularly afraid of tall strangers. I didn't know if this was just a phase that could go away or if it was permanent.
Kian parked the car on a side street before we got out and walked the next few meters to the ice cream parlour. The weather was perfect for it too. I sat down in a chair outside while Kian ran in and ordered us each a large cone of ice cream. He didn't really want to wait for someone to come and take the order. Above all, I didn't even know what he wanted to order me, because I should let myself be surprised again.
Lost in thought, I still looked at the menu and looked at the many types of ice cream. Someone next to me cleared his throat as I looked into their face. A man I didn't know stood in front of me and smiled at me mischievously. I raised my eyebrows, not understanding what he wanted from me. "Why is a beauty like that alone at an ice cream parlor?" he asked, piercing me with his dark brown eyes. They were so dark I could almost not see the pupil. "I'm not alone," I replied, looking back at the menu. But the stranger made no move to leave. I swallowed hard as this scenario sounded familiar. The only thing missing was that he sexually forced me to do something and touched my laundry without permission.
"Oh yes? Who is with you? I don't see a companion anywhere.” I looked up again and saw his still big grin on his face. He was starting to scare me with it. Like he's some psychopath out of a horror movie. "Listen, I don't know what you want from me, but it would be better if you left now." I asked him, which he didn't take seriously. "I can keep you company for a bit," he tried again. What didn't most people understand about the fact that you didn't want it? Why didn't you hear a resounding "no"? "I'll say it one last time. If you now-" I didn't get to talk any further, there suddenly Kian was standing next to him. Pointing a gun at the strange man. He covered this but in such a way that only I could see it.
"K-Kian..." I stuttered, startled. I didn't even know he owned anything like that. "What don't you understand about her not being interested in you?" Kian hissed menacingly, making me gasp. I didn't even know him like that. As if he had suddenly been replaced. "I-I didn't d-know-" the stranger stammered anxiously, but Kian didn't let him finish. “I don't give a fuck. If I see you again near a woman who doesn't want you around, I'll blow your skull off! Now fuck off.” And the man did exactly what Kian asked. He ran and disappeared into the next intersection.
Kian casually put the gun on the back of his waistband and sat down on the chair across from me. I looked at him dumbfounded, couldn't find the words I wanted to throw at him. Like I just swallowed my tongue. At the same moment, two waiters came and brought us our sundae. Many different ice cream balls were in it, as well as chocolate sauce and various fruits as decoration. Only I had lost the desire to eat ice cream. While Kian turned to his mug without explanation or word, I left mine untouched.
"Why aren't you eating your ice cream? Otherwise it will melt.” he said without looking at me. I didn't dare to open my mouth. Maybe then he would also want to hold the cold metal to my head if I said something wrong now.
Since Kian had spent money on it, I forced myself to finish my cup. After we were done, we walked in silence to his Range Rover before getting in. But Kian hadn't planned to drive off. "Come on, ask me." came his deep, icy voice. I didn't want to talk, but maybe this only makes him angrier? I swallowed hard and asked whatever was on my mind. "Why do you have a gun?" I asked softly, but still enough for him to understand. To be honest, I was afraid of his answer. Maybe he was a secret hitman after all, or worse. He belonged to an organization where he killed people indiscriminately. I narrowed my eyes at suddenly feeling so insecure and afraid.
“It's for my own safety, and now yours, too. I'm a lawyer who got many inmates out of or in prison. It can happen that someone can threaten me with death.« , he answered my question. It sounded truthful and believable. Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge someone when I don't even know the backstory of the story. But how can you blame me when it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. I thought I was wrong about the person I loved so much.
"Have you ever hurt anyone with that, or-" I didn't want to say that last part because the thought was cruel. But Kian understood me, which is why he answered this question for me as well: “Injured yes, killed no. If you care more about your own life than anyone else's, that's what happens. You have to understand that I want to protect you too.” I understood him. No one wants to die first and by doing an act that someone else decided to end. But I would never dare to pull the trigger. I would probably die before I could shoot someone with a gun. I couldn't even end my own life myself.
"If it ever comes to that, please never do it in front of me," I begged him. I would probably have to live with another trauma afterwards. The things that had happened at the moment were enough for me. Again, my spiritual self would not survive. Kian nodded vigorously. He must be relieved that I didn't run away like a frightened chicken. I was also surprised myself why I didn't just get out of the car and run away. “I really love you and that's not going to change, Saphira. I want to do everything I can to protect you, even if sometimes it wouldn't be the best decision.” Something in me said that what he said was true. He has always been good to me and never intended to hurt me. No matter what secrets he still had.
"I love you too."
