Chapter 28

I sat on the same bench as that day, thinking back to how we sat here after I found out about him and Mel. I was early, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to face going through with it if I didn't head out as soon as I was ready. I felt sick with nerves and sorrow for what I was about to do. I closed my eyes to stop from crying, but it only made it possible for my mind to torment me once more as images of me and Sean flicked through my head like a slideshow.

"Rox?"

Sean's voice sounded just a short distance away and my breath seemed to vanish from my lungs. Opening my eyes meant I would see him. Seeing him meant I would have to tell him that it was over, and doing that meant that I would be losing the man that I was in love with. I remembered Mel's threat and right away I knew I had to pull myself together, telling myself that I was doing this for Sean, I opened my eyes and faced him. I could see instantly that he knew something was wrong. Concern was etched onto his beautiful face, and as he sat down, his eyes raked over me for some kind of sign of what was going on.

"What's wrong?" He asked gently, reaching out a hand, taking my own in his.

His touch had my body reacting right away, sparks darting up my arm and my heart thudding away in my chest, but I refused to indulge. I couldn't allow myself to go down that path.

"It's us." I replied with as much strength as I could.

From the unmistakable quiver in my voice, he seemed to get the hint instantly, his concern quickly became worry and distress.

"What about us?"

His chest began rising and falling faster, and the words were forced out, as if the question itself left a bitterness on his tongue. I wanted to run, to just figure out another way. But I knew that Mel would keep her word, and he would be the one to suffer. I forced myself to look into his eyes, swallowing the building nausea, I put on my poker face. The same one that I had used so many times over the years, but never in a situation that caused me as much pain as this.

"We can't do this, we can't be together."

"Yes we can, I'm ending it with Mel, I told you that." His tone was hurried, as if he was rushing to make me understand his words.

"You can't end it, you shouldn't."

He cupped my face, staring deep into my eyes as though he was trying to see into my mind.

"Where is this coming from Rox? It's not you, I know it's not."

Anger flared in his amber eyes, and I knew he was putting the pieces together. I couldn't let him. If this didn't work, it would have the same result. The same cost.

"It is me, that's just it. We can't be together because this isn't me."

I gestured between us, feeling as though my heart was freezing into solid ice as I spoke. He still wasn't buying it. Him and Evan were the only two that ever truly saw good in me. The bad side to that was that he wasn't going to let this go easily.

"Please Roxy, tell me what's really going on."

The understanding in his face, it nearly broke me, I wanted to wrap my arms around him, tell him the truth and confess to the feelings for him that were etched onto my heart, but instead I sighed.

"The truth is that I don't want to be with you, I don't do relationships, I never have. This was just some fun, with the bonus of getting one over on Mel of course."

I couldn't stick around, he was clearly still not a hundred percent convinced. I had to get out of here, give him no choice but to take that as my answer and deal with it.

"You didn't want this either, you had your life set how you wanted it, so did I. We had a good run, we enjoyed ourselves, now it's time to head back to our old lives. You get yourself hitched, and I get my flings. It's a win win."

I smiled, but it felt more like a pained grimace. I felt sick as I forced myself to pretend to want flings, to pretend to want to see him go back to that bitch of a sister of mine. I stood up, ready to practically run from the park. He rose with me, his hand clutching my forearm as I turned to leave.

"Why are you lying?" He asked sternly.

His warm breath brushed over my cheek and he stared at me, trying to figure me out. I didn't answer, deciding instead to make the most of the last seconds I had with him. Screw Mel. I reached up, my fingers dancing over his cheek, he closed his eyes at my touch, and when they opened they were darkened with desire. I leant forwards, and brushed my lips over his, a soft kiss, but one that I allowed myself to feel. I couldn't get too carried away or he'd never believe what I'd said. His tongue brushed my lips and I immediately pulled back.

"Goodbye Sean." I whispered, turning and hurrying away.

I intended to go back to my place when I left the park, but somehow I found myself going in the opposite direction. I ended up in rowdy looking bar across town, one where I'd certainly never been before. It was dark and dingy inside. The old bar stools were battered and torn, and the wood of the bar was chipped and scratched. The afternoon clientele seemed to be made up of fairly dodgy looking characters who stuck to the shadowy sides of the bar, I didn't bother taking the time to look properly as I walked straight ahead, taking a seat on one of the less battered stools and signalled for the old barman to come over.

"What'll it be?" He gruffed at me, throwing a towel over his shoulder.

"Whiskey, neat, and keep them coming." I replied, slamming a twenty down on the bar.

He nodded, swiping the cash and returning a moment later with a glass and a bottle. Pouring the measure, he pushed it forwards into my waiting hand. I threw it back in one, banging the glass back down onto the bar and tapping my hand twice in signal to refill it. I lost count of how many I had downed, my brain eventually fogging over and my pain being numbed by the burn of the alcohol on my system. Everything around me seemed to blur, the only clear thing was the glass in my hand and the drink flowing down my throat. That was until an unpleasantly slippery male voice sounded beside me.

"Hey there pretty lady."

I swallowed the drink before answering.

"Fuck off." I said, not even looking up as I waved for another refill.

"Now, that's not very nice of you is it. I'm just trying to be friendly."

He sounded anything but, as an underlying wave of harshness echoed through his words. I didn't have the patience, nor was I sober enough to care about irritating him, but at the same time, I was aware that I was alone, and definitely in no fit state to do a good job at defending myself if this went south.

"Not interested." I replied, unable to stop the snappiness from coming out.

"I don't give a fu-"

"I'll give you a good fucking ass kicking if you finish that sentence."

I recognised that voice, the creep seemed to think better of replying, retreating back into his dark corner away from me. I shook my head with a slight laugh as Evan sat down next to me.

"Stalker." I said playfully, lifting my glass to my lips.

"You didn't come home." He replied softly.

I felt his hand wrap over mine as he gently removed the glass from my grasp.

"That's enough of those."

I let my head fall into my hands, before running my fingers through my hair and turning to face Evan, my vision was blurred and I was pretty sure there were two of him, I realised I'd had a hell of a lot more to drink than was wise, or safe.

"How did you find me?" I mumbled.

"Tracker app remember." He smirked.

I groaned, rolling my eyes as I remembered the day we installed the app together, thinking it was a good idea.

"Well, you didn't have to, I'm fine right here."

"Uhuh." He said with disbelief. "You really look it."

My bravado faded in the presence of my best friend. I looked up at him and tears stung my eyes.

"Come on, let's get you home." He muttered.

He threw some cash down on the bar and hooked his arm under my shoulder, hauling me to my feet, and pulling me with him, taking me away from the strange bar, and back to the safety and comfort of my own home.