Chapter 32

I barely slept that night, tossing and turning, watching as the inky blue sky gradually lightened, and the moonlight turned to a pale pink sunrise. I heard Evan make his trademark thump in the next room as he stumbled out of bed and banged his knee on his bedside table.

"Will you ever stop doing that?" I called out, throwing back the covers and shivering at the blast of cold against my skin.

Even the heating in the house wasn't enough to block out the icy Winter chill.

"Doesn't look like it." Evan yawned, leaning against the doorframe in his boxers.

He looked so adorable first thing in the morning, his hair tousled and the sleepy look of his eyes. I grabbed my dressing gown, wrapping it around me to shake off the cold, and crossed the room to the doorway.

"How the hell can you do that?" I asked pushing him forward, onto the landing.

"Well, you see it's a guy thi-"

"Not that, you moron," I cut him off, rolling my eyes and walking down the stairs, his laughter echoing behind me. "You've not even got- You know what, that doesn't matter. I meant walking around with no clothes on. It's freezing!"

I turned towards the kitchen, then felt his arms wrap around me.

"Come here, let's warm you up." He chuckled playfully.

His hands were cold as they found my forearms, causing me to yelp in surprise, and dance out of his grip.

"Hell no, your hands are like ice." I replied firmly.

A mischievous grin spread across his face, and I knew immediately what was coming. I held up a hand in warning, and glared at him.

"Don't you dare!"

I knew my threat hadn't helped me here, he stepped towards me slowly as I backed away towards the kitchen. I'd barely made it two steps before he had ahold of me. Pressing his frozen hands against my newly warmed skin, as he playfully tickled me, making me squirm and shriek with laughter, his own laughs rumbling in my ears. My breathless begging for mercy was finally heard as a knock made him stop his torment, allowing me to snuggle back within the warm, fluffy robe, whilst he turned his attention to the door. As it swung open,I glanced over my shoulder, noticing the new mailman standing there, holding a collection of packages. The mail woman from before, had seemingly switched routes not long after I started staying here. The new guy wasn't bad on the eyes, but not to my tastes at all. It appeared that it was one sided though, as he looked past Evan, clearly checking me out. Something that Evan noticed, standing straighter, his large frame dominating the doorway as he glowered at the guy.

"Dude, do you wanna take your eyes off my wife." He scolded.

I fought to keep my face straight at the fear in the poor guy's eyes. A laugh was rising within me at the situation. Evan signed for the packages, then returned the handheld and slammed the door. I shook my head, finally letting out the laugh I'd contained, and headed towards the kitchen.

I opened the fridge, pulling out the milk and hearing Evan's steps behind me.

"You'll be getting a new mailman again at this rate." I teased.

"Oh well, I like to freshen things up now and again, life gets boring."

He reached over my head, pulling a box of cereal from the cupboard and standing it on the side.

"How are you doing?" He asked softly.

I flicked on the kettle, turning away from him and swallowing hard.

"I'm fine." I said, trying to sound assuring, but the slight squeak mid way through, gave me away.

"Yeah, 'cause I always squeak when I'm fine too."

The sarcasm in his voice made me slump, my head rocking back as I closed my eyes. He placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"I have to be fine." I sighed.

I felt defeated, exhausted and overwhelmed. I'd tried so hard to accept it, but inside, I knew there wasn't a chance to do that. I would just have to keep trudging on and force myself to take one step at a time, and keep looking forward.

"No, you don't have to be fine, you have to be yourself."

He turned me to face him, the kindness and love in my best friend's face nearly broke me. He had been my rock through every single second of this.

"It's not too late, we can still stop it."

"You know we can't, I can't do that to him. Besides what if it didn't work out between us? He'd have lost it all for nothing."

He tilted my chin upwards, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"He'd have you, that could never be for nothing, and if he was stupid enough to let you go, then he deserves to have nothing. But it's your decision, and it's what makes you incredible in my book."

I felt a single tear fall from my lashes, and stood on my tip toes, pulling Evan into a crushing hug. His arms wrapped around my back, and his hand brushed soothingly against my shoulder and he pressed a kiss to my head.

"You're the incredible one Ev. Never forget it." I whispered against his shoulder.

We put off getting ready for as long as we could, in my case, it was mostly due to the fact that I was unsure if the hideous dress would make the journey. Eventually we had to give in and began to leave. I stood in the hall, waiting for Evan to collect his suit jacket, the sight of myself in the mirror made me wince. The pink seemed even brighter and more hideous than before. Evan's running footsteps down the stairs caught my attention, and I turned in time to see him straighten up the collar.

"Here, let me," I gestured him forwards, "Alright, done."

I noticed a feather sticking out along the shoulder line, and plucked it from the fabric, holding it up.

"These fucking feathers get everywhere."

Evan's eyes fixed on it, as he picked it up.

"Actually, this isn't from your dress," he held it up to show me, "See, it's not radioactive pink, it's... red."

The corner of his lips raised in a smirk, and it dawned on me what was going on.

"Do I even wanna know?" I asked.

He bit the inside of his cheek in thought.

"Probably not." He replied.

The taxi outside beeped the horn and we moved towards the door.

"Remember, I'm not going anywhere." He whispered as we closed the door behind us.

I nodded, and he pulled me to his side in a brief, but comforting hug.

The venue was crawling with people. It seemed like Mel had invited most of London to the event. The planner had done a great job, it was decorated exactly how she had wanted it. The white, silver and ice blue colour scheme was repeated throughout every room within the centre. As people passed under silver archways adorned with fairy lights, and walked across white carpets with sprinkled rose petals, I caught snippets of their conversations, all of them marvelling at the beauty of the decor, and discussing the joys that the 'happy couple' were soon going to be experiencing. By the time I entered the room that the ceremony would be held in, I could hardly draw breath. The floral arrangements glowed from the fairy lights that were set within them, and the silver chairs, set on either side of the aisle, glittered against the lighting. I stood at the back, my feet frozen to the spot, whilst I watched guests taking their seats. Several of them stopped to speak to me. Whatever they said, washed over me, without me registering it. Occasionally I caught a few words, and I wished I hadn't as they plunged the knife deeper into my heart. Evan smiled and replied to them whilst I stared ahead, unable to form a sentence as words like 'dream', 'perfect' and 'babies' all swam in my head.

"Excuse me." I muttered, breaking free and dashing out of the room.

I turned on autopilot, walking through an empty seating area and ending up in the hallway that I knew lead to where they would set up the brides and grooms to get ready. I'd hardly made it three steps before I saw him. Standing at the other end of the hallway, silhouetted against a tall glass window that looked out at the grounds. The moment he spotted me, he stepped forwards, and I was able to clearly make out his handsome face. It hit me like a punch to the chest. I wanted to run to him.

A door to his right opened and a burst of laughter sounded from inside the room. Katarina walked out, a tall blonde guy following after her. I could tell from the rest of the laughing and cheering, that it was the room where Sean's family and groomsmen were.

I heard Evan before I saw him. His footsteps behind me slowed, as I watched the man take Sean's arm, and drag him into the room. Sean's eyes never left mine, the same sadness and pain from my own, mirrored in his and I felt my heart break for both of us.

"I can't do this." I breathed, still staring at the door, Katarina looked my way, and I turned away, "I can't do this." I repeated.

I walked away, my feet moving faster until I was running.

"Rox!" Evan called.

He caught me halfway across the empty room I'd come through before, clutching hold of my arms, he held me still and made me look at him.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I just can't do it," I replied, feeling my emotions bubbling up, simmering under the surface, about to boil over. "I can't stand there and watch him marry her, I can't pretend that it isn't tearing me apart inside, and I can't pretend that I don't love him." I half sobbed.

"It's nearly over."

His tender and caring tone wasn't able to help this time though. It just wasn't the truth.

"It's not though is it. This is Mel. Do you really think she will ever let him go?" I shook myself free of his grasp, raking my hands through my hair, tears now spilling from my eyes as my voice broke. "She will always think of something."

Evan's look of sadness washed away, replaced by anger, the kind of anger that was buried under a tonne of sadness within me.

"Then tell him. Get over there, and tell him what she did. He doesn't want this anymore than you do. End it Roxy."

I squeezed my eyes shut, wrapping my arms around myself and shaking my head.

"I can't do that. If I do, she'll ruin him, you heard her. He'll lose it all."

I made to walk away, but he pulled me back.

"Do you really think that his family would listen to that poisonous snake? They know who he is."

"And if you're wrong, how can I face being the thing that made his family see him as anything less than what he is?"

"You know that I'll support you whatever, but what happens when you leave? What's to stop her from doing it anyway?"

I knew he had a point, she wanted me here, she wanted me to witness it first hand, to suffer as I saw them exchange vows and commit to each other. I knew it would end me to do it though, so I had to trust that she wanted the win more than the torture. That her having him as her husband, would be enough that she would keep her word.

"Nothing I guess, but if she does, she loses it all herself. I guess I just have to hope that she isn't willing to risk it."

Evan's anger evaporated at the weakness in my voice. He pulled me into his arms, holding me tight against him.

"Let's get you out of here. Screw her."

I managed a small smile at his bitter tone, and allowed him to lead me out of the venue, and take me home.

The taxi ride was silent. I spoke only to tell him that I wanted to go back to my place. I needed to be alone for a while, and I knew Evan wouldn't be able to do that at his. He cares too much to abandon me. Even though, right now, I just need some space.

As the taxi pulled up outside my home, I felt a strange sense of relief. It had been so long since I'd been here. It was like coming home after a long journey. That feeling you get where you miss where you've come from, but there's that inner peace in the knowledge that now it's over.

I got out of the car, Evan asked the driver to wait as he walked me to my door.

"Are you sure you don't want to come back to mine?" He asked, I could see the uneasiness in his eyes.

"Yeah, thanks, but I just need to do this."

"I can stay here with you if you want, I won't bother you."

I smiled, and reached out a hand, taking his own.

"You could never bother me Ev, well apart from when you insist on putting bacon on the pizza."

"Hey! Bacon is awesome on pizza."

I laughed and pressed a light kiss to his cheek.

"Go home Ev, I'll be fine, and I'll call you later."

He nodded, and turned towards the taxi.

"Hey Rox," he called as I pushed open the door, "Love ya!"

He winked at me and got in the back seat.

"You too."

I watched the cab drive away and walked inside.

Evan had been picking up my mail for me, thankfully, even the small stack from today would have to wait. I couldn't imagine coming back to a floor filled with the stuff. I threw it onto the side table along with my keys, kicking off my heels and unclipping my hair, allowing it to fall into it's natural soft waves down my back.

"Home sweet home." I sighed.

I was halfway towards the kitchen when there was a bang outside, followed by rapid knocking on my door.

"Just pretend you're not home." I muttered to myself.

I took another step and the bell rang, followed by more knocking.

"For fuck's sake."

I stormed back towards the door, prepared to unleash a world of pain on whoever was on the other side. I wrenched it open and felt like the world fell from beneath my feet.

"Sean?"

He stood there in his tux, his hair was messier than when I last saw him and the bow tie hung undone around his neck. He looked flustered, like he'd just finished running a mile, and he stared at me as though imprinting the image in his memory. He didn't speak, instead hurrying forwards, backing me into the hall and capturing me in his arms, claiming my mouth with his in a searing kiss. I barely registered the front door slamming shut as he kicked at it with his foot, his tongue delving into my mouth and caressing my own. His hands clutched me to him, holding me so tight as if he would lose me if he loosened his grip. My fingers found their way into his hair as I kissed him back with reckless abandon, allowing myself to melt into his touch and feel every ounce of passion, need and love that I had been holding back. When our lips slowly parted, both of us were breathless, his face was an inch from my own and his fingers brushed over my cheek. I wanted more, but that's when it hit me.

"You can't be here," I said, pushing him back a step and biting my lip. "You have to be at the... at your wedding."

He stepped forwards again, capturing the hand I held out to stop him.

"No." He replied, his golden brown eyes fixed on mine.

I saw no sadness there this time, I saw fire, life, and happiness.

"You don't understand."

I tried to shake off the temptation and desire that was roaring within me, the battle of head and heart was deafening.

He cupped my cheek, making me face him, then pressed a light kiss to my lips.

"I understand, I know everything."

I felt my breath leave me, as he kissed me again, and again."

"All that matters is you Roxy." He whispered, his lips brushing over my own once more.

I wanted to give in, but my mind was racing. How did he know, and if he knew...

"If you know, why are you here?" I asked in shock.

He was risking it all. His gaze locked with mine and the smouldering heat behind them made me feel weak at the knees.

"Because you're here, there's nowhere else I would want to be."

"But, what about-"

"How could you ever think that stuff would matter more to me than you?"

I was astounded at his words, at his confession. That out of all of it,

"You would pick me."

"For better, for worse, I will always pick you. I love you Roxy."

I held back no longer, kissing him softly, breaking apart only to utter the words:

"I love you too."

With those words, all self control disappeared, his hands gripped the fabric of the dress and tore it from my body. It exploded into a cloud of feathers that floated to the floor in every direction. He lifted one from my cheek and I laughed, looking at the tatty remnants of it.

"You know, that's the best that dress has ever looked."

"I thought you pulled it off quite well." He smirked.

I fixed him with a disbelieving look, but he didn't waver.

"I know another look you pull off." He whispered in my ear, his lips trailing down my neck.

"Oh yeah, What's that?"

"Let me show you."

He took my hand and led me upstairs.

Every gentle touch and every heated kiss was more intense than ever. Finally, he was mine, and I was his, and for the first time ever, I knew what it meant to make love with a man. My man. Neither of us were able to resist this siren call, and I was glad, because we made it, together.