Chapter 7

I found myself sitting at the table in the kitchen the next morning, absent mindedly pushing my scrambled eggs around my plate. It had been a long, restless night with my mind replaying the evening's events, whilst my stomach flipped with nerves about the pending meet up with Sean. Finally deciding that I wasn't hungry I got up, scraping the barely eaten food into the bin before rinsing my plate and heading to the living room. It was barely eleven, I felt the mix of anticipation and unease eating me up from inside as I watched the clock hands move round second by second. A few minutes had passed before I jumped up from the couch and headed upstairs.

Walking through my room I pulled a towel from the wardrobe and made my way into my bathroom, pulling off my pyjamas and turning on the shower. The sound of the water was instantly relaxing to me, steam began to fill the room as I twisted my hair up into a clip and then stepped under the water. The warmth was an instant comfort, soothing away the tension in my body. For a while I just stood there, relishing in the first piece of relaxation I had managed to get in the last twenty four hours. I tried to keep my mind clear but it was impossible. Reaching out I grabbed the bottle of shower gel from the hook. Rubbing the creamy lather over my skin, I inhaled the delicious, warm, sweet scent of Shea Butter and Ginger. I closed my eyes as Sean's face swam in my mind. His gorgeous smile, beautiful eyes, muscular body. My hands continued to softly caress my dripping skin whilst my mind played with the idea of Sean's hands replacing my own. Big and strong, firmly tracing circles over my shoulders... down my back and over my hip. I bit my lip as I imagined him tracing the sweet foam over my bare stomach, before moving lower and dipping between my legs. A loud bell sound tore me out of the moment. My eyes flew open, my brain registering I was still alone in my shower. Quickly rinsing the rest of the bubbles from my body I turned off the shower, wrapped the towel securely around myself and made my way back downstairs to the front door.

"Just a sec!" I called as I reached the last few stairs.

I hurried forwards, unlocking the door and swinging it open. A delivery driver stood on the step a small package in hand, his eyes bulged as they did a slow sweep over my semi naked self. Temporarily amused, I leant against the doorframe, a newly placed playful smirk in place. He made a small coughing sound as he cleared his throat and fixed his eyes on my face.

"Miss Roxy Parks?" he asked nervously.

"That's me."

"Delivery for you, could I just get you to sign please?" He held out a small black handheld device, taking hold of it, I made a quick squiggle of my signature and handed it back. He gave a small nod of his head, a flash of a smile and then handed over the small package, before turning and leaving. I stepped back inside, pushing the door closed with my foot. I tore open the parcel, finding a small black velvet box inside, opening it up I saw a golden butterfly charm for a bracelet, and a note underneath in looped caligraphy writing:

Sorry... M x

Rolling my eyes I closed the box and tossed it onto the coffee table. Typical Mel, thinking money and gifts will solve everything. I laughed as I was brought to the familiar realisation of just how little she knows me. I don't even own a charm bracelet, I've never been inclined to wear one. She will never understand that I don't want presents, I don't want empty words. Shrugging it off I went back upstairs to my room. Deciding to try to kill some time I grabbed a pair of yoga pants and a comfy baggy shirt, pulled them on and laid back on the bed, pulling my laptop towards me, starting up Netflix I kicked back and started re-watching episodes of Slasher.

At One O'clock I closed the laptop and started getting ready, after putting on a light dusting of make up I threw open the wardrobe and immediately began to curse for not pre selecting my outfit. I never usually cared much with this kind of thing. I wear what I like, and never really overthink it. But today, I'm meeting Sean, a guy I can't help but like, and who is engaged to my sister. What the fuck is the right outfit to wear for this? pulling a few of my favourite dresses from the rack, I started holding them against me one at a time, before casting them aside a moment later. None felt right, too dressy, too smart, too professional, too "club", too short, too fancy.... Sighing I ran my fingers through my hair. Taking a look at the clock I saw it was nearing quarter to two. Although I lived five minutes from the park I didn't want to be late. I took a slow, deep breath, desperate to gather my composure. Looking inside my closet again I saw a pair of black skinny jeans and a new red cold shoulder top. Deciding this would do, casual but chic enough to look like I made an effort, I quickly changed into them and snatched up a pair of black heels. Making a run for the stairs I looped my small cross body handbag over myself and slid on my shoes before walking out on to the street.

As I arrived at the park I took a look around, it was a fairly warm day, a small bite of chill was on the air as it danced over my cheek. The sweet smell of grass and a crisp freshness from the air itself filled my nose. I made my way towards a bench at the side of the main path. I took a seat on it just as an elderly man came past me walking his little Chihuahua. He turned towards me, giving me a bright smile as he continued on. I smiled back chuckling softly as the dog did a little leap spin towards me. I watched as they moved further away before a teasing voice instantly got my attention.

"Hope it's just the dog you're eyeing up."

I turned around to see Sean standing a few steps away from the bench, dressed casually in dark jeans a white t-shirt and a black leather jacket. His brown hair glowing golden in the afternoon sun and his eyes fixed on me and a small smile playing on his gorgeous face. My mouth instantly went dry as I stared at him, mentally kicking myself for the reaction my body had whenever I saw him.

"Hey." I managed to say, my voice came out low and breathy, as if I'd been running. He gave a small laugh and walked forwards, taking a seat next to me, the scent of his cologne carried to me on the breeze, the familiar warmth of it was heightening my senses.

"Hey," he said softly, turning to face me, his eyes traced over my face and down the length of my body. "You look, beautiful."

"Thanks, I could say the same about you." I replied, feeling a jolt of my usual confident self igniting within me at his compliment.

"Could?... Do feel free to say it." he smirked.

"Nah, I don't think you need the ego boost." I teased, with a smile.

He laughed in response, a warm, happy laugh that made his eyes twinkle with genuine happiness. The sight made my heart skip and my blood heat. I couldn't help that I enjoyed making him laugh, making him smile. It was like that night we met... but it wasn't the night we met. It wasn't as carefree as that night, because now I knew things. Things that changed, everything. He was engaged, to Melody. I immediately felt my stomach clench as if someone had just sucker punched me. Taking a steadying breath, I turned my attention to the park, trying to make it easier to keep myself composed.

"So, why did you want to meet?" I muttered.

A couple of seconds passed as I felt his eyes on me, burning with intense focus before he spoke.

"I just needed to talk to you, away from everyone else. I needed to explain."

"You already did," I replied with a slight shrug, still keeping my focus away from him. "You don't have anything else to explain."

"Yes I do, there's more to this, it's complicated Roxy." He leant forwards, taking a hold of my arm and turning me to face him. His expression was sad, pleading, almost.

My skin burned under his hand, the heat was running the entire length of my arm and striking my heart which started to beat faster. My eyes lingered on his hand where it held onto me.

"How is it complicated?" I whispered tilting my head up.

"It just is, I can't really explain right now, but it's not what you think."

"What I think is that you and my sister are engaged to be married, and that this right here, whatever this is, is wrong." My tone was rapidly changing, beginning to sound angry. Sean seemed to pick up on it, loosening his grip he brushed his fingers over my arm in soothing strokes as he softly muttered his reply.

"I'm sorry, but I promise, it's not all as it seems, I'll explain everything to you, but first, I want to know if you're okay, it was a rough night last night, I didn't mean to cause that."

The fact that he cared so much was touching, but I felt bad that he thought he was the cause of it.

"You didn't cause any of that, it's just another dinner at the Parks family household."

"What do you mean? It's always like that?" He asked, his tone shocked, his eyes narrowing in question.

"Pretty much yeah, that's why Evan's usually with me, makes the evenings semi bearable." I laughed coldly.

I have always brushed it off, making out like it doesn't really bother me, truth being that it does bother me, it does hurt that my parents treat me the way that they do, but if I can fool everyone else into thinking otherwise, then eventually it might fool me enough too. It's been this way almost my entire life, it's the norm for me.

"The way Melody always talked about your family, she made it sound like such a close bond between you all. I figured the iciness of the evening was because of me, what happened with us."

"Oh there's a close bond alright, between Mel and our parents, I on the other hand, I'm very much on the outside looking in. It's been like that for so long. Don't worry about it, it wasn't your fault."

"Can I ask why?" His voice was gentle, questioning. Not probing. It made me feel more comfortable opening up to him.

"I have always been the disappointment. They didn't approve of my life choices, my wild spirit, they've always tried to mold us into two carbon copies of themselves. Driven, successful, lawyers."

I paused, looking up at him, he was looking back at me, concentrating on every word, listening to what I was saying with interest and care.

"Of course they got that with Mel, but with me. I always rebelled, not just to be a pain, but I felt like I could never breathe, never be myself. Whatever I did was never good enough, I was always being compared to Mel anyway so I figured, why bother trying, why try and fail at something someone else wants me to do, when I can try and succeed in being what I want to be."

"Sounds smart to me, and from what I can see and what I heard, you've done great at what you have done for yourself."

The compliment from him made me smile. Evan was usually the only one to ever compliment anything I ever did, so hearing it from someone else was nice.

"Thank you." I murmered.

"You're welcome."

My eyes scanned his face before meeting his. Locked on to each other neither of us spoke, the surrounding park seemed to fade away as we were completely lost in each other. My skin tingled with the electricity that seemed to crackle in the very air around us. His hand began to slide along my arm from where it had been throughout the conversation. It moved over my shoulder in the same way it had in my mind this morning, before making its way to my neck.

"So beautiful." He whispered softly.

I swallowed as I leant towards him, we were so close at this point, but still not close enough. Before I could move either way he spoke again, in the same low voice, laced with desire... with need.

"I wanted to kiss you that night in the club."

His revelation surprised me, I'd felt it that night and was pretty sure, had we not been interrupted, that we would have kissed, but somehow, hearing the words made it so much more real. I knew this was dangerous territory. I knew that I should jump up and walk away, but my body wouldn't let me. Instead the words tumbled free.

"I wanted you to kiss me."

His responding smile was full of joy and mischief.

"I haven't been able to get you off my mind since that night."

"But, what about Mel?" I asked, trying to remain focused on the only thing stopping me from lunging forwards and giving into the temptation that I was feeling.

"I told you it's complicated." He sighed, leaning back, giving me the breathing space I desperately needed in order to calm down. "You don't know how hard it was for me seeing you walk through that door last night."

"I know exactly how hard it was, it was even harder for me, I wanted so badly to see you again, but not like that, it felt like my heart stopped beating when I saw you with her. When I realised it was over before it could even start."

I hadn't even realised what I was saying until the words were out. Silence hung in the air between us, heavy and thick. It lasted until Sean spoke up, quiet at first.

"What do you mean?"

I took a slow breath, my brain torn between stay and run, before internally saying fuck it. I figured I might as well bite the bullet now. so I continued.

"I wasn't ready to say goodbye that night we met, I went back to the club hoping to run into you again. I couldn't get you out of my head, I felt something with you, something that was new to me. I didn't want to lose that."

Hearing the words that were coming out of my mouth, I realised I meant every word, but seeing his expression, shock and something else that I couldn't discern, I realised just how full on I sounded. The nerves began to shake me as I pulled myself up and with a mock laugh, just spat out a random excuse.

"This is ridiculous, I'm being stupid, it was probably just the drink, a few too many whiskeys." I laughed a hollow laugh. Hoping he'd buy it and brush it off. But that wasn't the case as instead he stared straight at me.

"What about since then?"

"I- I..." I stuttered, realising the huge hole in my excuse. It was a blatant lie. Unable to remain sitting there, I jumped up from the bench. "It doesn't matter, you're engaged to Mel, none of this matters." I began to walk away, barely making it two steps before Sean caught up to me, taking hold of my arm again and pulling me back.

"It matters to me." He said firmly, pulling me close to his body.

"Why?" I asked, fighting back the frustrated and painful tears that were stinging in the backs of my eyes as my skin warmed at his touch and my lungs filled with his seductive fragrance.

"Because it's not real." He burst out.

"What? What do you mean?" I looked at him, not understanding what he was saying, how could he say my feelings weren't real?

"The engagement. It's not real, It's an arrangement."

The words rang in my ears as I continued to stare at him in utter confusion. An arangement? what did he mean? What type of arrangement? why? So many questions.

"I don't love Mel, I told you it's complicated, there's more to it than you think, I'll tell you everything, but I want you to know, this isn't wrong." His eyes pierced mine as his hands cupped my face to keep my focus. His voice was firm as he emphasised the last three words.

"I don't understand." I muttered.

"I'll explain it all," he whispered, his face was moving closer once again, he tilted my chin up, stopping just short of our lips meeting, before whispering against my lips: "I still want to kiss you."

My brain was clouded in confusion, questions and desire... I didn't know what was going on, what he meant, what the story was about this arrangement. But for now, I didn't care, desire won the war as I whispered back.

"Then kiss me."

That was all the encouragement he needed as he closed the gap, our lips finally meeting. I felt like there was fireworks going off in my head. My lips tingled against his as they moved together. One of his hands at the back of my head, cradling it softly and another placed at my waist holding me against his warm, strong body, I was lost in him. Everything else could wait, for this brief moment, I was his, and he was mine.