42

"Will you be fine, if..if..if I ahm broke up with you?"

I, on the other hand, just stood there and stared at him as if I wasn't myself. I can't open my mouth to utter even a single word. "Let's break up." again he added without me speaking.

And it seemed like a bomb exploded in front of me the moment he said those three words. I stiffened in my stance and my tears fell on purpose.

"W-w-what?" and in the great pain of my heart I could utter only one word, it was still broken.

I can't breathe. I can't open my mouth anymore for another words. I can't move, it's like I became a statue looking at him straight to his eyes while crying and sobbing so loud.

It damn fucking hurts. I feel like breaking down. I feel like dying. Call me OA but that's what I am feeling right now.

"I'm sorry." He said, he can't even look into my eyes.

"But ... but ... but w-why? You know how much I ... I l-l-love y-y-you, right?" crying I said. I had a hard time coming up with a sentence to say to him.

"I'm sorry, but ... but I can't take it anymore. Sorry." that's all that he say.

"No ... no ... no please, baby. Let's talk. Please, I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you now. Please baby." I said crying.

"Sorry, but I ... I ... I don't l-l-love you anymore." He said again, still without looking into my eyes.

"NO! YOU'RE LYING! YOU CAN'T EVEN LOOK INTO MY EYES!" I don't know on which continent I got the courage to shout at him. I don’t know where I got the courage to say that. Because all I know is I can't, I can't let him leave me. I cannot accept and I will never accept. Not now that I am pregnant with his child.

"I'm telling the truth, Sariel. Please, let's just end this stupid relationship. I can't ... do this anymore. Please?" he said, while he's looking outside his window; he's not looking at me.

"Please, baby. I don't want to, I can't, please? Let's ... let's fix this. Baby, please I don't want to lose you." I beg while crying and sobbing. I looked like an idiot here.

"Please, Sariel. I ... I don't want to hurt you more. Please, just ... just accept it. I'm breaking up with you." Aius said, and I don't know if my eyes were just playing with me, or if I really saw tears in both of his eyes.

"Are ... are ... are y-you s-s-sure?" I stammered, while looking at him. He did not speak so I spoke again. "Then ... then ... if you really wanted to ... to break up with me, tell me your reason while looking straight into my eyes." sobbing I mustered up the courage to say that to him, even though my heart was crushed I still wanted to hear it from him. And when he does that, I'll set him free.

I waited a few minutes and Aius looked into my eyes. And you know what? It damn fucking hurt!

"I-I'm ... ehem! Breaking up with you, Sariel." He said it again, but the difference is, he's looking straight to my eyes while saying that. And the thought that I had crushed my heart would have crushed even more. It hurts!

I immediately shed many tears, I thought I didn't have any more tears, but there were more.

"W-w-why?" no matter how hard I was still able to ask. I know I'll be hurt more because of that question, but I don't care. I wanted to know his reason.

"I wanted to build a family of my own, Sariel. And you're not ready for that, right?" he said as if his voice were ice -cold.

"P-p-but you said ... you said..I'm the one you want to be with in building a family? You told me? You just told me? E, why is it like this now?" I cried, the pain I felt.

"I'm sorry."

***

I just cried and cried even though I was already in the room I was occupying.

I don't know, how I manage to get here in my room. I don't know what happened next, as long as I know he broke up with me.

It hurts. I thought, he won't leave me. I thought, he will fill the gap. I thought, I thought he was ... but I just thought it was all.

Just because he wanted to build his own family, will he leave me? What am I to him, then? am I not that important? Doesn't he wanted to build a family with me?

FVCK !! it hurts. Ayoko na! "Ahhhh !!" full of resentment I cried.

A family, huh ... a famil — wait. W-w-what? A-a-a family?

Cold water seemed to pour over me as soon as the word family sinks into my brain.

Damn! How the heck on earth did I forget my pregnancy ?! Damn it!

I didn't realize that in the extreme pain I was feeling before I forgot that I was pregnant, and it's his child!

And the thought of my pregnancy, gives me hope. It seems like the pain I feel has diminished when I remember I was pregnant. Hope welled up in my heart.

Blurred by my tears, I hurried to fix myself. I changed my clothes and slightly adjusted my messy clothes then I hurried to leave the hotel where I was staying.

Fortunately I also wore a mask, cover, and hoodie because I also met quite a few people outside the hotel.

I just sighed while waiting for the taxi. I'm going to Aius.

While I was in the taxi I was restless. Pain, nervousness, excitement and hope mix in my chest.

Pain caused by what happened earlier, is it because there are many possibilities running through my mind, just like if Aius will accept? If he believes I am pregnant and he is the father? Will her decision not to divorce me change? Excitement for how he would react. Will he be happy? Will he cry and shout because of too much joy, just like what I've seen in a movie? And lastly, most of all hope. This baby inside me is the only hope that I have to make things right between our relationship.

It seems like a very long trip while going to Aius' lodging. And each passing time that I am in a car, the nervousness in my chest doubles. To the point that I can barely breathe. I'm out of air.

My chest rose and fell rapidly as I gasped for breath.

"Are you all right, ma'am? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" there was a hint of concern in the taxi driver's voice when he asked me that.

"A-ah, it's okay. Let's go straight to our destination." I said smiling, even though I knew he couldn't see my smile because I was wearing a mask.

The driver just nodded and handed me some water.

***

Minutes had passed and finally I reached the building where Aius was staying.

I walked quickly straight to Aius's unit. And when I got there there was no knocking I went inside, it was also good and I knew the password of his door and he hadn't changed it yet.

And as the moment I finally entered Aius' unit, I saw him standing near his coffee table in the living room, with just a piece of towel wrapped in his lower body. Looks like he's about to take a shower.

My eyes were fixed on his muscular body. Damn! I'm craving for him. I want him. I wanted so bad to touch that massive body of him.

"Sariel? What are you doing here?" Aius's seemingly startled question caused me to return to the right mindset.

"Ha? Ha?" I stammered. My earlier courage and fortitude seemed to disappear like a bubble.

"I said, what are yoy doing here? It's late, you shouldn't be here." seems uneasy he said.

"I'm here to tell you something important, baby. Please listen to me. Will you, hmm?" tender and emotional I say.

"You should have texted me, or we can talk tomorrow. Not now. You must go home."

"It's urgent, baby! I can't wait for tomorrow to tell you it's important—" I heard a loud bang from the room which made me stop saying. "What's that?" confused I said, my eyes carrying a suspicious look.

"S-some, stray cat. I forgot to close the veranda's door. What is it that you wanted to say? Make it fast I have lots of things to do tonight." he said. He sounded uncomfortable and nervous?

Nothing even immediately helped the abundant tears from my eyes. Tears accompanied by nervousness, excitement and hope.

I took a deep breath before I finally opened my mouth to tell him the words ...

"I-I'm pregnant with your child ..." I cried to him.

To be continued...