53

It's been two weeks since I left Aius, house. I miss my son so much.

And I'll be lying if I say that I'm not missing him. I miss his efforts, his voice, his forehead kisses and his cooks, things I never valued during the times I was still experiencing.

I sighed and then looked at the setting sun, there's a void in my heart, I feel so empty and loss. I feel like there's a missing part inside me, and I know what it is, but I'm too scared to even admit it to myself.

"Mommy, do you love watching sunset and sunrise with daddy, before?" the little girl just a few meters away ask to her mom.

"Hmm, of course baby. Watching every sunset and sunrise with you dad, is the most romantic moment that we have up until now, and it's even more romantic because we have you here to watch with us." the kid's mom answered sweetly.

"Really, mommy? Iloveyou and dad, mom. So much." the little girl giggled sweetly.

I immediately avoided looking at them because I felt envy and bitterness in my heart.

"Could be us." I just spared and then smiled bitterly.

I know it so stupid of me to run away from him just like that, for not hearing his explanation, for letting my anger consume me. But what else can I do? I'm so tired of getting hurt.

I'm very low, I have some left but it's just a little. And I don’t want us to get to the point where even the little bit left we have is still gone.

I stayed a few more hours on the beach and waited for the sun king to disappear from my sight before I thought to get up and enter the hotel room I got.

During the time I stayed on the beach and I did nothing but feel and try to remove the weight on my chest, but no matter what I do in sadness I always fail.

I think of my mistakes. Yes, I know I'm wrong, e. Because I didn't listen to him, but no, I can't. And even if I wanted to change and take back everything I said to him, I couldn't do it anymore because no matter what I did I had already said everything I had said, and I had finished everything we had. It's regrettable, I really want to go back but I don't look like I can face him anymore.

While walking into the elevator I accidentally looked up at the hotel entrance, and I don't know if my eyes were playing with me but it was as if I saw Aius there looking at me.

I narrowed my eyes and rolled my eyes because maybe I was just playing with my own mind, I looked again at the entrance of the hotel, in case I just saw the back of a man, similar to Aius back. I would have liked to keep an eye and make sure that what I saw was the case when the elevator door closed completely.

I just sighed, and now my mind is playing with me. I'm now hallucinating.

When the elevator reached the right floor and opened it, my eye immediately hit the man standing in front of the room I was occupying.

"Xander?" I call to ask.

"Sariel." he smirked.

"Why are you here? And what are you doing here? How do you know that I'm here?" I kept asking, 'cause it's really confusing seeing him here.

"Won't you invite me first to come inside your room?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Ah, that sorry, come inside." when I open the door.

**

"So ... why are you here?" high eyebrows I still ask. "Are you broken?" I asked jokingly.

"What? Me? No. Actually, I'm here for you. To tell you something, I guess? Or more likely to fix whatever is your problem with your husband." he sighed.

His words made me frown. "What do you mean?" even though I had an idea of ​​what he said I still chose to ask because I had nothing to answer.

"I knew it already. You and Aius are not in a good shape again." he sighed and rubbed his forehead as if he was in trouble with Aius and me. "Damn, the stubbornness of you two, my head hurts you."

"What are you saying? I'm confused about you." kunot-noong I just said and then averted my eyes.

"Come on, Sariel lower your pride, please? Even just for once, even just now please, lower your pride, and please too, don't run away from the problem between you two and Aius. You're acting like an immature— "

"CUT IT, XANDER!" his words slash through my heart, fvck the pain speak.

"Listen, Sariel, I'm just helping the both of you here—"

"No, stop it. Stop meddling with our lives, Xander. We're friends, yes. But you don't have the rights to meddle with our personal life, anymore. Go get yourself a life!" I don’t know where I got the courage to tell him all those hurtful words.

"Is that so? Then, sorry. Sorry if you feel that I'm crossing the boundaries, sorry. Why would I meddle, by the way? It's not me who's hurting here, so why bother try to fix your relationship?" sleep the pain he says and then stand up. "I'll get going, then. Sorry for disturbing you." he said then get up from his seat.

I immediately felt guilty and it seemed like all his help was a blow to me that suddenly rushed to my brain. Damn, it is so stupid of me to hurt him. Damn it he's a good friend, yet I hurt him.

"Xander, wait! I ... I'm sorry." I chased him as he was close to the elevator, thankfully he stopped and acknowledged my presence.

***

"Not to meddle, Sariel. But you must give Aius a chance, I'm not siding him so don't get me wrong. You two already have a child, and Aider deserves to have a complete family, you grew up without having a family to attend you, so please don't let Aider feel the same way.I know and I can see that both of you and Aius love each other, it's just that you're just stopping yourself to open your heart for him to invade you again. And you keep on denying the fact that you love amd want him back to yourself, you're just punishing yourself, Sariel. For once listen to you heart, it's not always our mind that is right. " Xander said while hugging me, caressing my back to calm me from crying.

I don't know how we ended up here on the shore, I just realized that I was already telling him about the whole thing that happened and why I chose to leave Aius again. And here I am, I thought I cried everything already, but I was wrong, there is still some left. And it would hurt even more, especially and little by little, I realized that my mistake had also increased.

"I wanted so bad to go back to his arms again, I wanted to do bad to take back everything I've said to him, I'm regretting everything I did, for ignoring his efforts and for pushing him away from me. I want to say sorry, I want to tell him thatI love him so much, that for the past years of being away from him, nothing changed when it comes to my feelings for him. " I just kept crying, like a child accusing his father of a mistake.

"Then, do it, Sariel." he said, he sounded like he's encouraging me.

"But I'm scared. I'm scared to admit it, to tell him I love him, I'm scared of being so dependent on his love, I don't want to repeat the past, I don't want to go back to the way I used to be. I live for him, for loving him. Once I get hurt again because of him, I don't know if I can handle it. " I confessed.

"Sariel, getting hurt is a part of love. It's not true love if you don't get hurt. Do you get my point?" he asked and I nodded, I understand him.

"If, yes then I think you already know what I am trying to say. And besides, I know my friend – Aius won't hurt you, believe me Sariel, he loves you so much, and just like you, for the past years his love for didn't change. Allen, is just nothing to him. "

"How do you know? How sure are you? If Allen was just nothing then why was she in their mansion the first time we get back here?"

"I can't tell you the reason, Sariel. I'm not in the position to tell it to you. All I can say is that Aius has a valid reason why he did everything to you—"

"I thought you and Aius are not in good terms, so why do you sounded like you're siding him?" I asked a little annoyed.

"I'm not siding in him, and to you as well. It's just that Aius and I had already fix whatever problems we had towards each other, he already apologize for not listening to me. And he already explained everything that he said and did to you back then. But as what I've told you, he has a valid reason, and I am not in the position to tell it to you even how much I want too. Please, just understand and give Aius a chance to prove himself, he deserves it — no, scratch it. Both of you deserves it. " his persuasion.

"Just tell me, even if there's just a little reason why he did everything he did to me before, why I should give in to him because if I don't hear anything acceptable then I won't follow what you 're asking me to do. " I know, I sounded so immature and stupid, but I just wanted so bad to know the reason behind Aius betrayal to me. I just wanted to hear it and know it, 'cause I feel like I am missing something.

"Fine. You're so stubborn. Allen, has something to do with your parent's death, especially with your father's heart donor. And Aius did everything that happened in the past, because he wanted so bad to save your father from death." giving up and seemingly losing patience says Xander.

But his words are like a bomb to me. It was as if a bomb had exploded in front of me because of what I had heard, I was cold, stunned and did not know what to say. I just started crying because I realized even more how stupid I was. That all this time I was really the one who was wrong, how stupid of me to not listen to his explanation and not to believe in him. I was crying so hard while Xander is comforting me.

"Stop crying and do something, Sariel. Aius is here, he followed you. If you want to correct all your mistakes then do something before it's too late—" Xander's words were cut short when his cellphone suddenly rang for a call.

"Hello, aunt, Aider? What's wrong why are you two, crying?" streaked with concern Aius asked.

By just hearing my son's name, and the word 'crying' I instantly felt very nervous. I was restless and terrified my chest. "W-w-whats wrong, Xander ?! What happened to my son ?! Give it to me! Let me talk to him, fvck!" I try to snatch his cellphone from him but he doesn't give it to me, and accidentally I press the loudspeaker mode. Reason for me to hear the words that I will crush more.

"Aius got into an accident. He's ... he's inside an ICU room, he's in critical condition." Aius's mother moaned I heard following our son's loud howl.

"50/50." that was the last I heard before the call disappeared.

"Noooo! No, Xander, no! He can't just leave me like this! No, no, nooooo!" I cried my heart in so much pain, I can't breathe properly.

I'm more sorry that I didn't listen to him, if I just didn't runaway then he won't follow me here and won't suffer and accident! Damn it!

"Bring me to him, please, please !! I can't lose him, Xander. We can't lose him, we still need him. Please, Xander I love him so much." the pain of my heart, crushed to pieces.

And just like what I ask to Xander. He did really bring me to Aius. While on the flight I prayed non -stop, and talking to myself, I blamed myself for my stupidity. Xander keeps on saying that everything is fine, that I shouldn't blame myself. But I can't help it. It's really my fault, e.

In less than half an hour we arrived at the hospital where Aius was. The nurse told me that he's already in a private room and he told also what number it is.

But, then my knee seemed to break when I witnessed what was outside that room.

My crying son, my in-laws family in tears, doctors and nurses outside the room while heads are down. Just the scene outside the room is enough for me to broke in tears.

"I'm ... sorry." two words coming from the doctor is enough for me to breakdown. I got on my knees in pain and just cried.

Suddenly, I felt a big and warm hands hold my shoulder, as if telling me to stand up. "You must check on him, Sariel. Be strong. You can handle it, even though I know it hurts for you, please, you can handle it. You need to see him." Xander in his sad voice, said.

"I can't ...."

"You can do it, I know you can do it. For him." he said and help me to get up, and guided me to enter the room.

And there I saw, Aius on the bed ...

What the .... fvck?