1

Nandini

Pacing in my new room, where my mother-in-law brought me a few minutes back, I think about this new relationship I have gotten into.

I got married to Manik Sisodiya today, and I do not know how to feel about it.

Holding the edge of my lehenga's shawl in my hand, I twirl it around finger, untwirling it and twirling it again, feeling anxious about facing my husband with whom I did not have even one conversation before getting married.

I take a few deep breaths to calm myself and walk to the dressing table to look at myself dressed as a bride.

My makeup has perfectly covered the dullness of my face, the kohl in my eyes has hidden my puffy eyelids, the fake smile on my face that gave false assurance to everyone that I was happy with this marriage.

But I am not happy. Not at all.

The abrupt way in which my parents got me married has left me baffled and nervous. That too, just a few weeks after my brother’s death, who I am still mourning for.

My elder brother, Vivek Iyer, died about a month back.

Not died. He was—

I stop thinking about it, not wanting to plunge me into the depths of anguish I feel whenever I dwell about how he died.

My parents were devastated by their only son's death. I tried to console them and support them, but they shunned me from doing so.

After all, I am a daughter they never wanted in the first place.

I had once eavesdropped on my mother talking with her friend when I was ten years old.

It was then I understood why they never loved me the way they loved Vivek. Because I heard my mother say that they never wanted a daughter.

After Vivek's birth, they were content, not wanting any other child, but they later found out that she got pregnant again.

As the time came to know the gender of the baby, they were disappointed to find that they were going to have a daughter.

They wanted to abort the child but could not do it because of some medical complications.

That was the day I finally found out why my parents had been behaving indifferently with me ever since I could remember.

I became Iyer by birth in that family and by my name, but could never be a part of the Iyer family. My parents never accepted me and never loved me as their child.

It is not that they behaved badly with me. They took care of my basic needs. Sheltered me in their home, gave me food and clothes, and also provided me education.

They never misbehaved with me, never shouted at me, never talked rudely with me.

But they never cared for me, too. Never showed me love and affection. Never got concerned for me.

The way they behaved with me—it was as if I was non-existent to them.

And I meekly accepted her position too. I was grateful that although they did not accept me, they did not abandon me too.

They at least gave me their name and let me stay with them.

I never asked for more.

Although I yearned to be treated like a family by them, I was content with whatever crumbs of attention they threw at my side.

I never got my parents' love, but my brother loved me.

Vivek was three years older than me, and he accepted me as his sister with his whole heart.

He always took care of me. His brotherly love and affection made up for the nonchalant attitude that my parents had toward me.

As we grew old, the time came when Vivek went to the USA to do his MBA.

I was happy that my brother was pursuing his dream, but I also felt lonely ever since he left home.

My parents never talked much with me. They always pretended like I did not exist and did not like it if I ever came in front of them. So, I mostly stayed in my room.

Owing to my introvert and shy nature, I did not have any close friends too.

Therefore, without my brother, I used to get utterly alone.

I used to wait for the times when Vivek would come home during his vacation as those were the only days when I did not feel lonely.

The time passed the same way every day, and although I always felt the pain of being unwanted by my parents, I still had found a way to be ok with that because I had my brother's love.

But everything changed when we got the news of Vivek's death.

I completely broke down that night. So shattered I was that I denied it for hours and tried to contact Vivek by calling and messaging him, hoping desperately that he would reply and tell me he was alive and there had been a misunderstanding.

But all my hopes drowned when Vivek's body was brought to the house.

I cried the most that day when I had to finally accept that I lost my brother.

My parents were broken too. They were so devastated that they decided to move to a new place.

But they did not want to take me with them. So, they told me that they would be getting me married before leaving.

I was not given a choice, just an ultimatum.

They did not even consider letting me meet with my to-be husband. The only thing they said was he liked my photo and wanted to marry me.

And with that, I, Nandini Iyer, was married to Manik Sisodiya within a week.

"Manik Sisodiya," I tentatively whisper.

Looking around, I notice his photo on the center table of the room.

Picking up the photo frame, I gently caress it.

All my life, I have been an unwanted daughter of my parents.

Vivek was with me, but I always craved a family who would accept me. A home where I could belong.

And now, when I am married, I hope that my husband and his family will accept me.

I am still anxious about how to proceed and talk with Manik because I did not get to meet him even once before our marriage.

I only saw him today when he came to my house to marry me.

Amidst the wedding proceedings, I did not even get a chance to say a word to him.

Although I could not talk with him, I had noticed him look somewhat angry and sad too.

That is why my worry is increasing with each passing second.

What if he is not happy with this marriage? What if he does not want me as his wife?

"You are overthinking, Nandini. Maa and Papa had told you that Manik saw your photo and liked you, which is why he agreed to marry you." I say out loud, trying to convince myself.

Still, I am unable to shake the fact that ours had been a peculiar arranged marriage.

We did not meet even once before tying the knot.

When I asked my parents if I could meet Manik before the wedding, they simply told me that he was a busy businessman and did not have much time to come and meet me before the wedding.

That is why the other wedding functions were also not done. They had directly gone for the marriage.

Enough, Nandini. You are feeling such trepidation just because you are overthinking. Nothing else.

Taking a deep breath, I try to shake off all the negative thoughts plaguing my mind.

I will not enter my married life with nervousness and negativity. I will try my best to make this marriage work.

After living my whole life being an unwanted daughter, I hope I can at least be a wanted wife and daughter-in-law.

***********

Manik

I walk toward my room, my legs and heart feeling heavy as I think about my newly wed bride waiting for me there.

This marriage holds no significance to me because I agreed to it in a rage after getting betrayed by the girl I loved and my best friend.

About a month back, I saw my girlfriend in a compromising position in a hotel room with my best friend.

At that time, I could not believe that Myra, who I had loved since our college days, and Raghav, who was my best friend since our childhood, would betray me like that.

I had never felt such anger and such heartbreak before. Never felt the need to burn down the entire universe.

I wallowed in my rage and sadness for days after seeing them in that hotel room. Drinking too much, trying to drown my sorrows. But nothing worked.

Every time I saw Myra and Raghav, the fire within me ignited, making me want to punish Raghav and make Myra crawl back to me.

For a while, I could not figure out which path to take to get back at them.

I first talked to Myra and told her that I was ready to forgive her and take her back even after knowing she cheated on me, but she refused me, citing that she loved Raghav.

Although I had gotten angry by her reply, I did not show it because I knew I needed to be patient and take my sweet revenge when the right time came.

I tried many things to persuade Myra-- from sweet-talking with her to threatening her. But she kept refusing me.

That is why when my mother approached me with a marriage proposal, an idea popped into my mind.

I thought if I got married to someone else and started to be with someone else, maybe then she would get jealous and try to get back together with me. And at that moment, I would finally be able to show her and Raghav the consequences of betraying Manik Sisodiya.

As that plan formed in my head, I initially felt skeptical about it because I did not want to destroy some other girl's life in my blind bid to get revenge. But seeing Myra together with Raghav every day killed my conscience, and I told my mother that I was ready to get married to Nandini Iyer.

I even invited Myra to the wedding, and she attended it too.

Time and again I had kept stealing glances at Myra during the wedding proceedings, and had seen her being stoic the whole time.

After cheating on me with Raghav, she repeatedly told me to move on in my life, and when I pretended to do exactly that, I was pleased to see that she was not happy about it.

It is only a matter of time now, Myra. You will soon realize how much you love me, and you will soon come running back to me. It will be precisely that moment when I will finally get the satisfaction of ruining you and Raghav.

That thought brings a small smile to my face.

But the smile falters as I reach my room because I do not know how to face Nandini and tell her not to expect anything from me.

Taking a deep breath, I open the door to come face to face with my bride, who I will keep with me until the time I take my revenge on Myra and Raghav.

***********

Third Person’s POV

Manik enters his room and sees Nandini standing in front of the dressing table, looking at his photo.

He frowns when he sees her caressing the photo gently with a small tentative smile on her face.

Assuming she is doing it because she is attracted to him and wants to start a proper married life with him, he decides to clear her misunderstanding once and for all.

"Nandini," he calls her, and notices her hold tighten on the photo frame.

He narrows his eyes, seeing her hastily put the frame down on the table and taking a few deep breaths.

She fidgets, clenching and unclenching her hands as if trying to calm herself, making him confused by her reaction.

"Yes?" She softly asks, looking at him hesitantly.

"I want to be clear of one thing before we start our married life,” Manik begins. “I have married you, but I will not be able to accept you as my wife.

"So, do not expect anything from me or this marriage. You can continue to live your life in any way you want. I will not interfere in your matters. And I also don't want you to interfere in my life,” he continues.

"We will pretend to be a loving married couple in front of my parents, but inside this room, we will be just strangers. I hope I am clear."

Saying that, Manik walks to the cupboard to get a change of clothes and then walks to the bathroom to get ready for the night without waiting for Nandini's response.

Nandini stands stunned, watching Manik walk inside the bathroom, without even giving her one glance after giving her such shock of their marriage meaning nothing to him.

Tears fill her eyes as his words keep reverberating in her mind.

"Unwanted forever," she whispers, closing her eyes to let the tears fall.