20

Manik

"The reason I married-" I begin to say, but Nandini interrupts me.

"I do not want to know," she tells me, and I frown.

"But why? You deserve to know, Nandini."

Nandini shakes her head and sighs deeply before speaking. "Maybe. But I do not want to know because it does not matter anymore. It will neither change the equation of our relationship nor will it make me forget what you did to me. So, what's the point?"

I nod, understanding what she meant. "Ok. I won't tell you then. But you did not answer my earlier question. How do you forgive everyone even after they did wrong to you?"

"Who said I have forgiven?" Nandini asks.

"But you are not angry and are not planning to do anything against anyone," I reply.

"I am not like you, Manik. I don't fester the wounds people give me to the point that it bitters me and makes me like them. If I do that, I will be exactly like the people I am angry with, which will make me angry with myself too.

"You destroyed my dream of a happy married life. For whatever reason, you thought it to be ok to ruin my life as long as you got what you wanted. And you were successful in it too. But look at you now. You are not at all happy. Instead, you are burning with guilt for doing wrong in your blind pursuit of revenge.

"I don't want to live like this. First, burning in revenge and ruining others' lives, then burning in guilt and getting angry at myself for what I did. For me, this would be the worst way to live.

"So, I don't waste time planning and plotting against others. I simply focus on myself and think about how to be better every day, hoping to leave my past behind and truly be happy one day.

"But that does not mean I have forgiven everyone who did wrong to me. I am not that selfless. I don't forgive and definitely not forget," she finishes speaking, and I can see a subtle hint of anger in her eyes as she looks at me.

"You have not forgiven me then?" I ask, and she lets out a humorless laugh.

"You really are full of yourself, Mr. Manik Sisodiya. What you did to me is something that will be difficult to forgive even if you apologize many times. And here you are, thinking I have already forgiven you without you apologizing properly even once."

"What if I want to give our marriage a try?" I ask, surprising Nandini as well as myself.

Woah! Why did I ask her that question?

"Are you joking with me right now?" She glares at me.

"Nandini, I-" I begin to say, but she interrupts me.

"What do you think of yourself, Manik? How dare you come and say that after everything you did and said to me?

"On our wedding night, you said you would never accept me as your wife, that I would always be unwanted in your life. And now, you suddenly want to give this marriage a try?

"Well, news flash, Mr. Sisodiya. This world does not revolve around you, and you will not get everything you want every time." Saying that, Nandini stands up from the couch and walks away.

Once she leaves the room, I sigh, leaning against the couch, closing my eyes.

Why the hell did I say I wanted to give this marriage a second chance?

I have not even thought about it. When I married Nandini, my only reason was to get my revenge and divorce her.

But now, after realizing my mistake, I am unsure about the divorce.

But I also do not know if I want to spend my whole life with Nandini.

After what happened with Myra, I am not even sure I want to be with someone and make myself vulnerable to that person.

I gave Myra every happiness she asked me for, and she still betrayed me.

So, the question here is will I be able to place trust in Nandini and believe in her never to break it again?

"Why am I even thinking about this? Is it because of my guilt?" I wonder and stand up from the couch. Walking to the window, I look out to see Nandini in the garden.

Closing the drapes, I walk back to the couch and sit again.

"All I need is a few days to be distracted from this guilt and come to terms with it. This is all it is-my culpability. Nothing else. I need to stop thinking about it. Once I do that, the guilt will vanish too." Leaning forward, I keep my face in my hands and close my eyes, immediately opening them when Nandini's smiling face flashes beneath my closed eyelids.

"Why is this so complicated?" I walk back to the window and open the drapes slightly to look at Nandini, making sure she does not see me.

***********

Nandini

"The nerve of that man! How dare he say it? Just how?"

Pacing in the garden, I take deep breaths to calm my anger.

He was the one who said on our wedding night that this marriage meant nothing to me and he would never accept me as his wife.

And now, suddenly, he wants to give this marriage a chance?

Argh! I should have slapped him before walking away.

Slumping to the ground, I quickly wiped the angry tears that slid down my face.

Do I look like an object to him that he pushed me away when he felt like it and now wants to pull me in as if my feelings do not matter at all?

He neither asked me before getting married to me for his so-called revenge. And now, too, he didn't even apologize or ask me about my feelings before telling me about wanting to give this sham of a marriage a try.

Even if he had apologized, I would not have forgiven him.

He ruined my one chance at happiness just for his petty revenge. And he is not even happy after succeeding in it.

He told me two people close to him hurt him, so he married me to hurt them. This is what it is between us--a marriage for revenge.

But what the hell was my fault in everything? Why was I the one who burned in the fire of his revenge?

I shake my head and press on the temple as I start feeling the throbbing pain.

And I had thought I would relax today after a hectic week at work.

I sigh deeply, wanting to leave this mess as soon as possible.

I have signed a contract to work at Manik's company for six months. In these six months, I will save enough money to at least be able to move out from here and survive for a month or two until I get another job. Once I do that, I will serve divorce papers to Manik.

I feel a pinch in my heart as the memories of our wedding day flash in my mind.

Manik filling my parting with Sindoor. Him clasping the Mangalsutra around my neck.

While taking seven pheras with him around the sacred fire, I had vowed to be with him forever until death parted us.

How was I to know then that the man to whom I was pledging forever considered me not as a wife but as a pawn in his revenge game?

"Six months more, and I will end this meaningless marriage," I say aloud, feeling the quiet determination rise within me.

Nandini

"This is just too delicious, Nandini. It is good that you don't cook every day. Otherwise, I would have gotten fat already," Dad says, keeping another dosa on his plate.

"You are right, Siddharth. Whenever Nandini cooks, I need to give extra 30 minutes to the gym to burn the calories after eating so much," Mom adds before putting another morsel in her mouth.

I smile at them, glad they like the masala dosa and coconut chutney I made for breakfast today.

Manik is also at the table, eating his second dosa, but as always, he does not say anything about liking or not liking the food.

Not that I care about his opinion, but he could at least say one word of appreciation to the person who made him breakfast.

Shaking my head at his attitude, I stand up from the table. I am about to walk to the kitchen to wash my plate when Manik stops me.

"Umm, the dosa was delicious. Thank you," Manik says, surprising me.

Are my ears ringing? Or did he really thank me?

My expression must have given away my thoughts because an amused smile curves Manik's lips.

Standing up from the table, he comes closer to me. "You heard it right, Nandini. I did thank you. And it was not only for today but for all the times you cooked in this house. Anything you make is always delectable." Saying that, he walks away.

"Nandini, aren't you getting late for the office?" Dad asks me, and I jolt out of my stunned stupor.

"Umm, yes. I will go and wash this plate first," I reply and walk to the kitchen.

***********

"Good morning, Sir," I greet Samrat as he passes by me, about to enter Manik's cabin.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Nandini? You can call me Samrat inside the office too. No need to be so formal with me." He winks at me, and I shake my head.

I have made two good friends in this office in the last two weeks. One is Riya, and the other is Samrat.

Both of them helped me understand how everything worked in the office.

For the first week, it was Riya, but when she got sick and had to take a few days off, Samrat helped me when he saw me scrambling to finish the work alone without Riya.

We also meet outside office hours. Sometimes we go for coffee, and sometimes Samrat takes Riya and me out for lunch.

I call him by his name outside the office, but I am uncomfortable doing so inside. After all, he is my boss here.

"You know why-" I begin to reply, but he interrupts me.

"I know the reason, Nandini. But you don't need to feel uncomfortable. Even Riya calls me by my name," he says.

Just then, Manik exits his office, narrowing his eyes when he sees Samrat in front of my desk.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, and I frown at his harsh voice.

What is his problem?

"In case you have forgotten, this is my office too, Manik, and I come here daily," Samrat replies good-naturedly.

"Exactly my point. This is our office. You ought to be in your cabin, working there, not in front of my assistant's desk, wasting her and your time," Manik says to Samrat.

It's not his problem. It's his nature. Always rude and uptight.

I roll my eyes at the thought.

"I am not wasting my time. In fact, I was about to come to your cabin. I need to talk about some arrangements for our upcoming party. Only three weeks are left now, and we need to finalize some important details," Samrat tells Manik and turns to me.

"Speaking of the party, would you like to be my date for that evening, Nandini?" Samrat asks me, and I widen my eyes.

"Your date?"

"Yes. You know it is a ballroom dancing themed party, right? So, you would need to bring a date. Since you are unmarried and do not have a boyfriend, I thought we could go together," Samrat explains.

"Umm, I knew it was a ballroom dancing themed party, but I didn't know we needed to bring a date," I say, chewing on my lips.

I am unsure about it, but since I can't say no to going to the party as the company has made it mandatory for all employees to go, I sigh and nod at Samrat. "Ok. Let's go together then."

Anyway, Samrat is a good choice. He is a good person and my friend too. Hopefully, we will have a good time at the party.

"Nandini won't go to the party with you, Samrat," Manik says suddenly.

"She just said she will," Samrat tells Manik. "Why are you saying she won't?"

"Because I am her boss, and I have decided to take her with me," Manik replies to Samrat, and I fume, hearing him.

"Sir, it is not your decision to make. I have every right to choose who to take as my date, and I have already chosen Samrat," I tell him, trying hard to curb the anger I can feel rising within me with each passing second.

Who is he to decide I would be going with him?

"Samrat, I have important work now. I will finish it first and talk with you later," Manik tells Samrat and looks at me.

"Come to my cabin right now, Ms. Iyer." Saying that, Manik turns and enters his cabin.

"What is with him today?" Samrat asks me after Manik leaves.

"This is his normal behavior," I reply, finding nothing out of the ordinary with Manik, and Samrat chuckles, hearing me.

"I will leave now," he says and starts to leave. But he stops midway and turns back to face me. "So, are you going to be my date, then? Or Manik's?"

"I already said yes to you," I confirm, and smiling at me, Samrat nods before walking away.

***********

Manik

"You called me, sir?" Nandini asks as she enters my cabin.

"How the hell can you say yes to going to the party with Samrat? You should be going with me," I tell her.

"And why should I be going with you?"

"You are my wife, dammit," I reply, and she glares at me.

"What did you say?" she asks. "Your wife? Weren't you the one who said our marriage means nothing to you? That too on our wedding night? That is why this meaningless marriage holds no significance to me, and I do not consider you my husband."

"Your saying that does not change the fact that I am indeed your husband, Nandini."

"Weren't you the one who said-" she starts to say, but I interrupt her.

"I said many things before, Nandini. You don't have to retort them to me every time," I tell her, feeling irked by how she seems to remember every tiny thing I told her.

"But I need to, Manik because you seem to have forgotten them," she says. "I don't know what has happened to you that you suddenly want to claim your rights of being a husband in me. So, I feel I need to be direct with you.

"After our marriage, you said many things that hurt me deeply. I agree there had been times when I was weak, and you supported me, but that does not whitewash your words and actions.

"You married me so I could be a pawn in your revenge game. And now, when it is over, you cannot suddenly make me your wife and expect me to be ok with it.

"So, please just stop whatever you are trying to do here. We are still what we were since the beginning. I am your unwanted wife, and this is an unwanted marriage. That is why I am going to the party with Samrat. And you cannot stop me because I refuse to give you any kind of right over me," she finishes speaking and walks out, slamming the door shut behind her.

I feel something akin to hurt within my chest as I process Nandini's words.

I have no idea what has suddenly happened to me. Last week, when I asked Nandini that question about wanting to give our marriage a chance, it surprised me.

But as I kept thinking about it, I found I really wanted to do it. I want to see where it goes if I give this marriage a chance.

Only my wanting to do it is not enough. She also needs to want it.

Nandini's angry face from a few minutes back flashes in my mind, and I sigh deeply.

It is my fault that she is refusing to give me a chance. Blinded by my anger and revenge, I was a jerk to her in the beginning.

If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing so.

"But I can't do that. What's done is done. Now I need to think about how to convince Nandini to give our marriage a chance."

I walk to my chair and slump on it, thinking about how to do it.

"First, I need to do something to make Nandini go to the party with me instead of Samrat."

After thinking for a while, I smile as an idea pops into my mind about how exactly to make that happen.