41

The atmosphere had become quite tense. Ramu lay there wide awake thinking of taking a room for himself independently and start living on his own. A whirlwind of thoughts kept gyrating in his mind. It was 2am when he finally drifted away to sleep only to wake up at the clitter clatter Badri was making while getting ready to go for his work. He got up from his bed with a start and got himself readied in another half an hour. They both went to their work together but not uttering a word to each other. And in the evening when they came back home together, Ramu suddenly blurted out, "Badri, I'm going to find an accommodation for myself. It's been a long time we have stayed together and I think it's high time I should shift to my own. But, thanks for what you have done for me till now."

Badri was astounded at what Ramu was talking about and shook his head in astonishment. Ramu had lost his flair for words and respect for him, and that too, simply because of a girl, he thought.

Shock........pure shock flashed across his features and he stumbled back a step, feeling bruised by the mental blow Ramu had given him.

"NNNNo problem!!" Badri stammered to keep his cool. "But whatever you are doing, has brought a bad taste in my mouth. Now, look here, we both are like brothers and from the same village. Don't you think you are cheating on your wife who had put all the trust in you. You are so much worse than a cheater and you are ready to kill those emotions and sentiments of Tara..............Oh no!!! You have already killed them when her back was turned when she sent you to an alien land out of her sight. I feel sorry for her and your newborn daughter," said Badri in an infuriated tone.

"You better keep out of it," Ramu replied back in an incandescent tone.

Next day morning, Ramu woke up early to meet a few property brokers for a room for himself. Ultimately, he found one, a few blocks away from where he was residing now with Badri and he immediately shifted without even uttering a word to his friend who had been there when Ramu was in dire need of work and accommodation. Badri felt rundown by the humiliating behavior of Ramu and vowed never to talk with him again.

After a couple of days it was that fine Sunday morning, and for Ramu it was a day to meet his beloved Gauri. "But why should I meet her outside, when I've a room of my own!!" thought Ramu. Immediately, without a second to waste he made a call to her.

"What's it, you lover boy, can't you even wait for the sun to rise up in it's bloom as you becoming too eager to meet, "Gauri spoke out laughingly.

"No, no!! That's not the thing Gauri, it was just to inform you that you better come down to my room as I've shifted away from Badri to my own place. Why should we meet outside? You better take the metro rail and that's going to drop you right near my house. Just a couple of minutes of walk from the station, you can say," replied Ramu getting excited all over for meeting Gauri after a long time, while dictating the address to her.

"Okay, okay!! Don't you worry, I'll be there anytime between 1-1.30pm," said Gauri disconnecting the call.

Hurriedly Ramu got up, cleaned the room properly, went out to have his breakfast and while coming back bought a few snacks, sweets and cold drinks.

It was already 12pm by then and the anxiety of meeting Gauri was looming up large on Ramu's face. With a glass of tea in his hand he sat on the ledge of the window which was facing the road and kept staring at the end of the street from where Gauri was supposed to enter. He must have sat there for an hour or so, when, from a distance he could see a figure of a woman draped in a sky blue saree walking slowly to his direction. As the figure closed by, he could clearly see Gauri, who was looking more beautiful than what he had met in Lucknow. Ramu rushed to the door and stood outside on the lane waving his hand. As Gauri neared him, she passed her infectious smile to him. Ramu stepped further and took her hands in his.

"Welcome, sweetheart," whispering in her ears. Once, when inside Gauri took out her sandals and sat comfortably crossing her legs on the bed.

"Oh! It was such a long journey," she said looking straight into Ramu's eyes, who was feeling a little shy now.

"Heyyyyy! What's the matter with you? You were too much excited over the phone and now suddenly you are looking a bit disturbed," said Gauri laughing and looking at his face.

"Oh no, nothing. I'm not at all disturbed but feeling really happy inside, seeing you with me over here," Ramu said hoarsely.

Gauri gave a sly smile. In the meantime Ramu offered her the snacks and sweets on a steel plate and a steel glass full of cold drink. They shared the goodies together and while munching, Ramu told her everything about Badri and how he had given him a humiliating small lecture after coming to know of his affair with her which had offended him badly.

"You stop bothering about such people," said Gauri looking at Ramu with inviting eyes.

Ramu put his arms across her waist and pulled her closer implanting a soft kiss on her beautiful lips. Gauri felt docile as a lamb into his arms. They kissed and caressed. Ramu met no resistance as he unlaced the strings to free her dress. Gauri briefly toyed with the idea of saying 'no' just to see the look on his face but couldn't. The weather outside was fair and balmy. Their souls and bodies intertwined and dripping with dew of their sweat, their love for each other was seen as both took their time and enjoyed the tenderness they had never experienced before. The bed creaked from all the gyrations that Ramu and Gauri could dole out to maneuver in their frenzy of wanting each other's body and soul. Their eyes were full of dreams. There was a kiss for each day they had spent apart and for all the days they would be together after this. Gauri looked at him, into his warm black eyes and suddenly understood what he was trying to tell her. The message was clearly hidden beneath the words, "I'll be always yours."

"God, you are so sweet." Ramu held her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, lying down again. He got up from the bed, again cupping her face in his hands, "DO you want something to eat? I'm going to order tea and toasts with butter from the nearby shop."

Gauri said that she didn't want anything to eat but still Ramu went outside and ordered for her too. A tray with cups and a tea pot and a plate full of toasts soon arrived within a few minutes. As Ramu unveiled the tray and offered the plateful of toasts to Gauri............"I'm really not hungry," she repeated, lifting the tea cup and inhaling the fragrant steam before sipping the contents of it.

"Just a few bites," cajoled Ramu, taking his own place besides her. "You need to keep up your strength for next Sunday," he said laughing.

Gauri gave him a heated slumberous look, remembering her fantasy, "Why are you planning something special?"

"I suppose I am," Ramu said considering. "It'll be very special every time we will make love."

Gauri looked down deep into his eyes, sensing how he felt about her to an ecstasy beyond words. And suddenly she jumped out of the bed and grabbed her mobile phone to see what time it was.

"Og my gosh!!! It's 4pm and I should return now. It's going to take me more than an hour to reach back home."

"Stay with me for a few more minutes and then you go," pleaded Ramu.

"No, Ramu please try to understand!! I'm answerable to my mother, who'll start worrying about my whereabouts," Gauri replied in a hurried tone.

"Okay, okay!! Don't get nervous, but before going, give me a promise that you will be back next Sunday for sure," asked Ramu in a muted tone.

"Yes definitely," Gauri promised, because she knew that once she was defiled, she will not be able to get back her purity by any means. So, instead she will be only looking towards to be defiled again and again.

With a heavy heart, giving her a good bye kiss Ramu led her to the metro station to see her off.

Days passed, with many Sundays to come and go and Gauri kept visiting Ramu to repeat their acts together. One Sunday, as Ramu was standing on his doorstep waiting for Gauri, Badri passed by. Ramu could also see Gauri coming closer to his room.

Badri's eyes met Ramu's and before he could utter something, Gauri made her way into his room. Badri could sense something fishy but showed ignorance on his face and moved on. Inside into his head Ramu's sixth sense prevailed and he could know that Badri could create trouble for him by reporting his misdeeds to his wife and mother.

After about a fortnight, Badri took his annual leave from his employer to visit his village which he was quite religiously doing every year. For Ramu, this was a sign of danger now, as he knew that Badri won't be able to keep his mouth shut and will definitely let the cat out of the bag and he was also aware of the fact that Badri was strictly against this relationship of Ramu and Gauri.

"This is what happens. You tell your friends your most personal secrets, and they will use them against you," Ramu muttered to himself.

After about four days, Badri was all set to go to his village. Ramu, from inner self wanted to meet Badri to plead to him not to tell anyone about his extramarital affair but his ego and self respect came in between. He called up Gauri instead and told her about his qualms.

"But why are you that scared? If he does tell your mother then there is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will atleast know that you stood for...............YOU," muttered Gauri in a stern tone.

"But how can I compromise my respect for your love. You can keep your love, I'll keep my respect," growled out Ramu at her.

"But why are you getting furious at me? Is there something I've done wrong? It was you who took the first step and now I'm pregnant of your child," Gauri too spoke angrily, "and moreover, if you can't face the world, I'll make you face it by going to your home in the village and announcing everything to your wife and mother. I'll not take your nonsensical rebukes by just lying down. I'm a city girl and not like your wife who is a village woman whom you can treat however you like."

Hearing Gauri's tone, Ramu mellowed down as if nothing had happened but internally he was all scared to his wits end.

"Now...now!! Don't get so angry. I'm sorry for what I said as I was afraid of the venomous mouths who will definitely have an opinion about me," mumbled Ramu in a desperate tone.

"People can have their opinions about everything in the world, but people's opinions end where the tip of my nose ends," Gauri said cooling down a bit, "So, don't bother about people or your family or the village folk. Time is a great healer and soon they will forget about everything. Okay then, take care and don't get scared as a jack rabbit who has heard the howl of a wolf," said Gauri laughing and chilling down a bit further while disconnecting the call.

Plagued by the fear of the unknown and pricked by what was known............apprentice on sufferance.....Ramu thought he was caught between the devil and the deep sea. Compounding his misery was the thought of the effect his desertion would have on his hapless mother. Thus he felt, as though, he was a bird caged at birth, not acquainted with the faculty of flying.

"What's the way out?" he racked his brain. "Why not tell Ma and seek her support."

But on second thoughts he became doubtful about the wisdom of it all. She would sympathize with me only to plead that 'I fall in line' he figured it out.

'What's worse, she may even extract a promise or an oath from me to never desert Tara, moreover what if she blurts out it would only make matters worse.'

Puzzled by the predicament, his mind played snakes and ladders with his resolve..........even as his enthusiasm for freedom surged him to the threshold of action, the fear of the fallout pulled him back to square one. Unable to take the plunge and yet detesting the status quo, he decided that if Badri blurts out anything to either Tara or his mother he will not spare him to the end.

After around four days Badri was all set to go to his village and reached his destination unannounced. His family was too happy to see him after a year. While eating his dinner Badri narrated about Ramu's extramarital affair to his wife and mother sitting beside him. Elaborating, exaggerating, laughing, commenting and cursing they all enjoyed it.

This is a common human trait that everyone loves to slander everyone and indulge in it willingly at anytime and anywhere.

"Describe the shape of her face. Round, square?" asked Badri's wife inquiringly.

"Oval, I suppose with a cleft chin" replied Badri.

"We aren't at the chin yet."

"Well, pardon me," Badri retorted, stunned by his wife's snippy tone. His wife tilted her head and drew a deep breath picking up the empty utensils and walking away to the kitchen to wash them.

Next day morning Badri's mother wandered off to Ramu's place of residence. Ramu's mother greeted her with open arms as she had met her after a long time. While sipping tea she narrated her what Badri had told her about her son. Tara was in the next room tending to her child but her sharp ears were listening to what Badri's mother had to say. She couldn't hold herself and started sobbing. The sobs turned into crying with the thoughts wandering into her mind 'atleast he has me to turn for help', she felt melancholically. 'What about me? I can cry over his mother's shoulders and she's sure to wipe out all my tears. Likewise she would lend her shoulder to him as well. But can she address her worries? How can she, isn't the poor thing half dead on my account. Well, should her desert us now, she would be shattered and may even become insane. All the same, she will never let him go if she ever gets wind of his mind. But what's the solution?'

'Much of his love affairs maybe imaginary.' She again began thinking after a pause.

'But its effect appears real. He's really psyched out. Or so it appears. Maybe it's better that he goes away with the other woman. Being he away for a while may relax my nerves and help me clear my mental blocks. There's no other way out there. My mother too is bound to be upset about it all. She may even lose her bearings and disown Ramu forever and may even persuade me to do so.'

The thoughts floating in her confused head made her start wailing loudly. Ramu's mother on hearing her wailing hurriedly rushed to the room where Tara was and started comforting her. The worst kind had happened when her soul wept and no matter what Ramu's mother did, there was no way to comfort it. Tara kept crying, so hard that her throat started hurting. It was out of frustration on knowing that no matter what she can do or attempt to do will never be able to change the situation. She cried and cried in a hope that she will get it out, relieve some of the pressure inside...........that was the true pain. But no matter how hard she tried or how bad she wanted to....that pain stayed in its place. And inside she knew that someone she loved madly has been taken away by someone else. Eventually the crying turned to weeping and she started trembling as if her whole body was weeping and that there were no bones left to hold her up. She lay down on the floor sobbing silently, "I want to weep," she thought. "I want to be comforted. I'm so tired of being strong. I want to be foolish and frightened for once."

In a little while she started mumbling to herself, "I'm not crying because of you, Ramu, you are not worth it. I'm crying because my delusion of who you were was shattered by the truth of who you are."

"Don't worry Tara, I will b soon going to Delhi to meet my good for nothing son and bring him along with me to ask your forgiveness. How can he do this to my loving daughter like this? Everything will be alright. You just get up and have some warm milk. That will soothe your nerves," Ramu's mother comforted her by running her fingers in her hair lovingly. She made her sit up and hugged her, constantly whispering in her ears, "Rest assured, everything will be alright. God is always there. Just trust HIM. Listen to God with a broken heart; He's not only the doctor who mends it, but also the Father who wipes away the tears."

Tara could feel the soothing power of a human touch on the aching flesh. For Tara, it was as if hope had appeared out of nowhere to settle beside her and it wasn't going anywhere. It wasn't going to desert her now. She got up on her feet, went to the kitchen to get herself some milk, came back and sat down with her mother-in-law.

"Tomorrow I'm going to Delhi. I'll be there for a week. So, you better look after yourself and the child with utmost care and stop grieving," Ramu's mother said patting her cheeks in affection.

Next day early morning Ramu's mother was all set to go to Delhi to meet her son. She reached the bus terminal well in time to catch the first bus to her destination and took her chosen seat next to the am window. It was 7am then and the express bus was to reach Delhi by 6pm. The bus started moving at the scheduled time and Ramu's mother was overwhelmed watching the golden leaves of the trees flying past from the window. After a few minutes suddenly the thoughts started creeping in her confused head as she closed her eyes to relax. A sudden burst of realization crept in.

"I can't help it, and I can't stop it. I'm alone as I have always been and sometimes it hurts. I get so goddamn lonely and sad and filled with regress on somedays. How will I handle the grief of my daughter-in-law and how will I tackle my son?" mumbled she to herself and then opened her eyes. The electric wires on the sides of the road, sagging between poles went up and down with the same rhythm as her heartbeat.