52

I lay totally introspective on this narrow bed in the small room and stared at the white ceiling above me.

Nothing ever seemed to go back to normal, nothing seemed to matter anymore. I had given up. After four days in this room with the bars on the windows, I had reached the edge of my emotional burden and could not find a way back.

Thomas was probably already cozying up at home with my mother and together they were amused at getting rid of me and Kiyan. How could my mother do this to me?

If only my father were still alive...

Shocked at this so real thought, I closed my eyes and escaped from this pathetic, knee-deep reality and thought again that everything, really everything, was my own fault.

If I hadn't let Kiyan get to me from the start, Chloe would never have gotten into a fight. He would never have argued with Zayn and would have had no reason to go after Thomas about me. If it weren't for me, he'd probably be sitting in Zayn's apartment with Chloe and Adam right now, living his life, but instead he was in jail because of me.

If I hadn't escaped that fateful evening, Thomas wouldn't have had a chance to get rid of my father... so that was all my fault as well.

I was also the one who kept hurting Micah, and yet his red sweater was the only thing I had with me that at least gave me some comfort.

The worst part was that even here no one seemed to be listening to me. Whether I was telling the guys who brought me the food about Thomas, or the weird therapist I used to see, everyone looked at me the same way. Like I was completely insane and that made me so incredibly angry.

Why didn't anyone believe me???

I turned sideways and stared at the small table that held some of the things my mother had given me. There were clothes, shower stuff and a stress ball that I wanted to throw at her head.

She doesn't want to see me, my therapist said yesterday, which was fine with me. I didn't want to see her either, preferably never again. How could you trust your own daughter less than a crazy stranger? How could she not see that he was absolutely disgusting and lying?

I shook with anger and had to sit up to catch my breath. All that shit... it was probably my consequences for losing myself...

Frustrated, I got up and paced the small room, then banged loudly on the thick iron door.

It took a while, but then it was opened for me and one of the guys who usually brought me the food looked at me questioningly with his blue eyes.

"Yesterday you said that I could make a phone call today," I turned to him immediately and he only nodded briefly, then kept the door open so that I could walk past him into the wide hallway.

Beautiful pictures hung everywhere, of forests, flowers and the sea, which were probably there to calm people down here, but that didn't do anything for me. I was in constant turmoil, if only because I didn't know what was happening outside at the moment.

"A call," he said coolly, and then walked ahead of me past the large lounge, straight toward the phone that was unassumingly hanging on the wall in the far back corner.

"Thanks," I murmured, then hurriedly picked up the phone to dial Micah's number. Each repeated tooting made me more nervous and when his mailbox answered, tears welled up in my eyes because of his warm voice. How much I missed him... How much I missed everyone. I felt so alone and abandoned and it made me all the sadder that he hadn't answered.

In tears, I hung up the phone and followed the blonde back to my room until I suddenly glanced across the lounge and met Zayn's dark eyes.

I stopped in shock and thought for a moment that I really had a psychosis, but when he waved at me with a grin, I became aware of his real presence.

I started to tremble and wanted to approach him, but was held back by the blond's arm.

"You have to go back to your room," he said and I looked at him pleadingly.

"Why can't I go into the lounge with the others?" I asked calmly and then looked back at Zayn, who suddenly wasn't there anymore. My eyes darted around the room in confusion, but he was mesmerized. Only people I didn't know were sitting there, playing cards and watching what was happening on TV.

"Because you're delusional. Talk to Mrs. Kellerman tomorrow, she's the only one who can give that permission."

His words sent a chill down my spine and I looked at him in complete confusion. I was beginning to doubt myself and my thoughts. What was real anyway?

Did I ram the scissors into Thomas' leg, or was it Kiyan? Did Thomas really whisper about my father in my ear, or was it just an idea?

If I was imagining Zayn, what else?

"I want out of here," I breathed, shaking, clutching my racing heart. "I want to see Kiyan," I cried bitterly, but the guy paid no attention to me at all and pulled my arm back to my room to shove me in roughly.

"Please," I yelled when he had already closed the door and then let myself slide down the door to curl up on the floor crying.

"Kiyan," I kept breathing, completely unnerved, and then crawled on all fours to my bed, which had Micah's sweater on it, which I pressed tightly to my face for at least some reassurance.

With the last of my strength I heaved myself onto the bed, turned on my side and cried miserably until at some point I just lay there, exhausted, staring at the ceiling...

Wracked with self-doubt, I followed a stranger to the dark wooden door that led to Mrs. Kellerman's office. The woman who seemed to be my last hope, but my last conversation with her had already proved to me that she didn't believe me either.

The man with the short black hair knocked three times until her shrill voice allowed us in and I entered the bright room without him.

I had seen this room before but didn't really notice anything that day because of the excitement. The large bookshelf showed her interest in education, while the red couch begged you to take a seat and get comfortable.

"Hello, Mia. Please sit down," said the woman with the short blond hair and got up from her desk by the window to sit down on the black armchair opposite the couch.

I did as she asked because the only way out of here was for her to think I was normal.

"So," she gave me a friendly look and adjusted her glasses and light blue blouse before taking her pen and notebook from the small side table next to her. "How are you?"

How I feel?

I wanted to stand up and scream out all the pain and anger out of me. Accused her of not listening to me and ripped her glasses in two.

But I took a deep breath, put on my best possible smile and settled back into the soft cushions of the couch.

"I'm fine, thanks."

She nodded, wrote something in that little black book, and then looked at me again as if she wanted to study me.

"When we last saw each other, you had expressed many things that seemed to have bothered you. Would you like to speak about them again?"

Yes! But with the police and not with you, because you didn't believe me that this madman wanted to attack me and killed my father!!!

"No," I smiled, not avoiding her gaze. "I just didn't feel well that day."

Just be normal, I told myself. Then get out of here, I whispered to myself.

"Why weren't you feeling well?" she then asked curiously, leaning a little further forward as if that would give her a better idea of whether I was lying.

"My boyfriend got arrested and it was just too much for me," I whispered, trying not to burst into tears.

"Kiyan, right?"

I just nodded and then avoided her piercing gaze. It felt absolutely shitty that I couldn't show how I really felt. That nobody believed me anyway and that I had to pretend to be taken seriously at all.

"How long have you known Kiyan?"

As I looked out the window and watched the branches of the trees sway slightly, I thought about this question longer than I wanted to and didn't even know it anymore.

So much had happened in a very short time and I had lost all sense of time here.

"Long enough to freak out about his arrest," I replied without taking my eyes off the window.

"Could it be that your life has changed since you started this relationship?"

Now my gaze fell on her again, because that question sounded like she wanted to blame Kiyan for everything that was making me incredibly angry.

"Yes, and for the better," I replied stubbornly, then folded my arms, making her write in the book again.

"Your mother said she had noticed for a long time that something was wrong with you. In fact, since Kiyan came near you. How do you feel about that?"

That was enough!!!

I'd been telling myself all morning I'd have to pretend to say yes and amen to everything to get out of here as soon as possible, but there's no way I'd ever agree with my crazy mother about anything.

"How do I feel about that?" I raised my voice, then got up to pace nervously. "I caught my mom with another man! This man moved in with us two days later and has physically harassed me more than once. Plus my mom hit me and gave away all her money to this narcissist! And last but not least, she's stuck me into psychiatry! What do you think I should feel about that?"

I held back my tears with all my might and looked at her questioningly, but she closed her book, got up and came towards me.

"We will help them process everything. It must have been a tough few weeks for them."

She stroked my arm soothingly and pressed a head on her piper, whereupon one of the nurses came into the room a short time later.

"Mia, I allow you to stay in the lounge, but I want to see you every day now," she said, but I felt completely misunderstood. I wanted the fuck out of here and not in the fucking rec room.

As I was about to turn and leave, she gently grabbed the sleeve of Micah's red sweater and grabbed me. "Oh yeah, we'll put you on medication. But don't worry. It's for your own good."

I looked at her in confusion, then shifted my gaze to the orderly who was holding out a small pill and a white cup of water.

"What are those pills?" I asked confused and looked over at her as she sat down at her desk again smiling.

"Sedatives," she said seriously, then nodded to the orderly, who took a step closer to me, beginning to scare me. My heart started pounding and I took a step back from him.

"I don't need these. I'm fine!" I turned to Mrs. Kellerman, but instead of showing understanding, she just got angry.

"Either you take the pill or we'll give you an injection. Be reasonable, Mia."

I would have preferred to flee, no matter where. Kiyan was right from the start. I was a real good escape...but there was no escaping here, so despite my reluctance, I took the pill and then quickly left the room, making my way to the common room. Songs like getting an injection. I could only hope it was really just a calming pill because I didn't trust anyone here anymore. What if no one really listens to you?

As soon as I entered the large living room, I sat down on one of the green chairs in front of the TV and looked at the floor, lost in thought, until someone sat down next to me and spoke to me from the side.

"Hey."