Painful feelings

Barbie's pov :

The way he is looking at me, it feels like everything is mutual and he is thinking the same thing I've been thinking for years. And my heart feels like he is testing my patience or what…?

It's making me reckless and anxious every day, I cannot share my thoughts with anyone else. I have to check if what I'm feeling is right or not!

But what should I do?

Whenever I look into his sparkling brown eyes, it seems like they hold so much in them but then, he breaks eye contact as always to hide something. I just can't take this anymore, I want a confession, I want to live a happy life with him like Jay and Lia, like every other couple.

"Barbara, for the shoot's sake, follow my orders!" Derrick whispered in my ear while straightening my face with his finger, "don't stare at him that much, girl!"

I looked at his face, he had gritted his teeth. I again gazed at Derrick, then him, was he feeling jealous?

Yes, his face is holding so much anger and hate for Derrick. The way he is glancing at him, I don't think he is trying to be friendly, it seems like a threat, stay away from my girl!

I guess I've got what I was wondering…!

It's time to put on a play, "Derrick, you can call me Barbie," I laid my hands on his shoulders.

Derrick looked at him, "he won't kill me, will he?"

In a few days, Derrick and I became good friends as we met to discuss the details of the shoot. Derrick had an attractive personality, a matured mind and breathtaking looks but my heart had someone else's face for years so there was no chance for him.

I giggled, "you got good humour, Derrick! Any girl would love to be around you, you just need to have a clean shaved face so that your beard won't prick her when you'll kiss her," I winked at him.

"He is the one who has got this princess's heart, right?"

I knew I was blushing so I was about to take off my hands of Derrick but I found a masculine hand on my hand, "you are the photographer, right? Go and do your job, her brother will be here soon and I'm sure he won't like your nasty face closer to his sister."

Before I could react, Derrick opened his mouth, "I don't follow anybody's order! And I would like to meet her brother since you don't have the guts," and he went back to his place from where he was capturing the pictures.

"What was that, Theo?"

His eyes turned to meet my face, I could see the pure rage in his eyes, "I would like to ask the same question, what was that, Barbie?"

Instead of confessing his feelings, he was daring to question me, let me show him my cool play!

"What? Derrick? He is handsome, right? He asked me out and I didn't find any reason to reject him," I looked at Derrick who was smiling at me, I pouted and was about to send a flying kiss to him but Theo caught my hand.

So the plan was working, "you are dating that piece of shit...?"

I knew that George, Fiona, and Alex were also there, so I searched for them. When I couldn't find them anywhere, I felt relieved. I didn't want to give a free show to anyone and it'll cost them their friendship, too so I was trying to hide it until we…, "they have gone to the poolside area, don't worry! No one is watching us."

We both knew what we were trying to hide but at some point, we needed to be honest and accept our feelings and I was smelling that it was high time to confess everything.

"We don't need to hide from anything or anyone, can you follow your own words, Theo?" Why was he hiding from his feelings and he was the one who suggested to Jay and Lia to confess and accept their love but was he following his advice?

"Then, why were you checking out if anyone is watching us or not? And when didn't I follow my words?" My hand was still in his and he was not planning to leave it any sooner.

I was trying to play it cool but he was trying to do the same and better than me.

"Because I don't want anyone else to find out what we should figure out first! You provoked Jay and Lia to confess their love, right?"

He grinned, "yeah! And look, how happy they are! I called Jay a few minutes ago to remind him about the shoot as he is still not here. He forgets everything when he is with Lia, they look so good…" I snatched my hand from his grip roughly, "then, why don't you accept your feelings?"

I didn't ask him about the other couple, everyone was in love and happy except me. I was loving him for the past five years but hid it from everyone. I feel envious of each couple, all the people on earth are so joyous and here, I'm waiting for him to love me. I was tired of waiting, tired of expecting that one day, he'll come to me and tell me that I'm the one with whom he wants to spend the rest of his life.

To the whole world, I am a stone-hearted girl. I don't have feelings for anyone, I am too tough to hurt, I'm too obsessed with myself that I can't love anyone, all I care about is my career.

Inside my heart, I know how much I suffer from my unrequited love for Theo. I get hurt whenever Jay talks about how girls hit on him. I'm also a human being. I feel hurt, too, when he hides his feelings and I'm not capable of showing my real emotions to him because of his stubborn attitude. I know, even if I confess my love, he won't love me back the way I love him.

Loving someone from the bottom of the heart yet hiding it from the whole world is painful. I can withstand the whole universe if he is by my side but it aches a lot in my heart that he is not with me. Waiting to get the same passionate love from him isn't an exciting thing, your eyes get red when you pay the price of loitering for someone. When you want to kill the misery of waiting but you just can't because waiting is the only thing that you can do. It breaks you down and makes a hole in your heart that can never be filled by anyone but the person whom you love the most.

"I don't have feelings for anyone," he shrugged but his face was showing the uneasiness of his words.

For the first time, I tried to make him say what I wanted to hear from the years and he simply refused to accept his feelings.

"Okay!" I smiled and took a deep breath to control my resentment.

Then, why were you feeling fucking envious of Derrick?

I wanted to ask him but I just couldn't. I didn't. I'll make him suffer the way he is making me suffer. I started walking towards Derrick but he stopped me by holding my wrist, "you didn't answer my question, are you dating that fucker?"

"You shouldn't curse my boyfriend, I won't tolerate that behaviour!" Once again I buried all my feelings in a box and threw it on Mars so that no one could ever see it.

His mysterious brown eyes showed a glimpse of hurt and rage for a second but then, he swiped that look and gave me a tight-lipped smile, "okay! I'm sorry!" He muttered in a flat voice but still didn't lose the grip on my wrist.

"You should be and I also feel sorry for you."

"Why?"

"A person who can't follow his own words, a person who doesn't have the guts, a person who is losing something or maybe someone," I bit my lips to fight back with the tears, "I feel sorry for all those people."

I released my wrist from his grasp and walked to Derrick. I could feel his gaze still on my body so I climbed my hand on Derrick's arm, "would you mind if I ask you to date me?" I threw a gorgeous smile in his direction to make Theo envious.

"Of course, not! But you can't expect a relationship or commitment from me, I'm focused on my career for now since there is no harm in dating so you can count on me but please, don't expect too much from me! I'm physically attracted to you, you seem an interesting person to me but I don't love you. I still love a girl whom I left for my career," he shrugged and started clicking my pictures.

"We both don't love each other. I just want someone to realise that what I'm doing with others, all this belongs to him only," I put my hand on his camera to make him stop capturing my random pictures.

He put the camera aside and held me by my waist, "if that's what you want, it's fine with me!" He lowered his gaze on my lips, "I don't find him special, why do you like him?"

I traced his face with my finger, "he never looks at any girl except me, he is too honest and pure to this world. I love everything about him, there is no such thing that I don't find attractive and special about him." I could flirt, too if it was the only way to get what I want.

"You are hopelessly romantic, why don't you confess your love to him?" He asked while cupping my cheeks.

"Barbie!" Jay's strident voice startled me.