Brazen-faced

Jason's pov :

I could sense the demolition of my world when her strong side kicked me away from her. If she had decided something, she would go for it and I knew that.

"Lia, I acc..accept that I fucked up!" I stammered because of the fear of losing her. The fear was killing me but still, I had to make her understand that I love her. "But I love you, Lia. I love you!"

She took a step back and shook her head while sighing. "Is this what you call love? Seriously? Is this your love? And if it's how you love, I'm sorry but I don't want this love. Leave me alone with my worst dress sense!"

I took a step forward towards her. "Okay! I'll explain everything to you, you know the day Barbie-"

"No! I don't want to hear it now. When I was asking you to tell me what's bothering you, you needed some space, right? Then I'm ready to give you your space, just take it and leave me! I don't want any explanation." She yelled and took a step back.

I took a deep breath and began, "even though you don't want to hear it, I'll tell you. I'm a dumbass, I should have told you before but now when I've realized that I can't keep things from you, I'm not gonna keep it to myself. The day Barbie came here," I started explaining to her but she put her hands on her ears as if by that she couldn't listen to anything.

"I was shocked because she didn't tell me before coming and when Theo said that she was his fifth-grade-love, I felt like he betrayed me. Maybe he was friends with me just for Barbie, our friendship was nothing to him. He just used me to get his love.

"You don't even know how I was feeling at that time and they were living so happily with each other as if they knew each other for a long time. Barbie was dating Derrick, right? Then what is she doing here with Theo? It's so confusing and hurting, I didn't want to bother you with my feelings and insecurities, that's why I didn't tell you anything.

"I feel happy, I'm so happy for both of them as a couple because Theo is the best man I could have asked for Barbie and she is the best woman I could have asked for my best friend but somewhere, I feel like I'm betrayed by both of them. There is something that they both hid from me and perhaps I mean nothing to them now.

"Even in the morning, I went to Barbie to ask this and clear my mind but then, she got to know about this, um breakup! And now she is so upset with me that she refused to help me to get you back. And about your dressing sense! Um, to be honest, the outfits matter to me a lot since I wear the branded only and I know that you can afford that. You just should learn-"

I kept blabbering until she took her hands off her ears. "I don't care about your opinion about my clothes. I'm so fed up with being judged for my dress sense by all the guys." She was hurt by last night's incident.

"I'm sorry for last night. Will you please forgive me?" As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I realized how casually I was asking for forgiveness after the mess I created! "Lia-"

"Why do you feel so insecure about everyone in your life? If you are happy, then just focus on being happy for your sister and best friend. What the fuck is betraying! No one is betraying you, why do you think that everyone will tell you everything about their life and story?" She smacked her forehead with her palm.

"Because I fucking tell them everything about my life so I have the right to know everything about them, too," I spoke to my mind. That's what I should have done before but it's never too late to confess or make things clear.

"You don't have that right, Jason. If someone wants to tell-"

"Jason?" I laid my fingers on my forehead and started rubbing my head to calm myself down, I couldn't break down in front of her. "I need a break from this. I don't want to fight with you." My eyes were pleading to hers, no expression left on my face. "Just forget everything and everyone else! I want you with me. I love you! Please, don't leave me!"

I took a step towards her, my heart pounding against the rib cage. I thanked God when she didn't move, maybe she won't protest my touch. I badly want to have her in my arms. I tried to circle my arms around her but she stopped me.

"What are we?" She whispered while looking into my eyes with her glossy eyes, she didn't push me this time. I didn't want to see the shadow of hurt and pain on her face but it was again my fault to be the reason for it.

I was so mad at myself for again being an asshole and behaving like shit to her. I closed my eyes and banged on the wall next to her with my fist to release from the fury.

She shivered a little and the tears started scrolling down on her beautiful face again. "What are we?" My obdurate girl dared to ask the same question again and it reminded me how I asked that same question at the start of our relationship. That time, everything was going so smoothly and so quickly and it was a sweet and teasing question but now, it was a terrible question because I almost tried to break up with her.

I opened my eyes and held her arms. "I'm feeling so guilty of always being a dick to you. First, I hurt you in the gym. Next, I hurt you on your special day, your birthday. And last night, I was again the reason for these," my voice was way too low that I could barely hear back anything. "These tears!" I put my finger on her jaw and moved it to her eyes to wipe it and stop it.

"I thought I was a prince and I was the best guy any girl could dream for but it's not true. I, I don't deserve you."

Taking a deep breath, I added further, "I'm so guilty of my stupid and immature acts. I don't know what we are but I know one thing that I'm no longer in authority to decide." I put my hands on her cheeks and closed my eyes. "I can't even ask you for forgiveness, I'm hating myself for always hurting you."

As soon as I finished my words, her lips hugged my cheeks one by one. "Please, don't cry! I love you too much to not care."

When I opened my eyes and gawked into her eyes, she immediately removed her hands from my face and took a step backwards. "I love you but I shouldn't. I don't want to be controlled and caged in your love as your princess. There is so much about me that you don't know, all you know is that I love you and you keep hurting me."

Lia rubbed her tears out herself and turned her face to the other side. "Maybe I should forgive you but I can't. I can't always tolerate the pain that you give me unintentionally. It seems like I'm in a toxic relationship but I still want it, shamelessly."

"Perhaps love is not enough for us, we are missing something. I don't want a toxic relationship either, I just know one thing and that is I love you. Without you, I'll be nothing." I didn't try to comprehend her expressions, she was hiding her tears from me and it was better that way because her tears made me feel furious at myself.

"I don't want this pain, maybe I was better alone."

"You are like the moon, I like you, I want you, I love you but I can just see you. I can't get you."

A hand approached my shoulder and turned me forcefully and before I could see who it was, that hand approached my cheek. Barbie slapped me, her face was red of course, due to anger!

"That's what you should do, Lia! Every relationship asks for some sacrifices and compromises but if it's worth it, you will do it but if it's not, you'll leave it. You both have confessed your love hundreds of times in the last forty-five minutes but no one knows the actual meaning of it." My sister shouted in one breath at both of us and then she bent forward to hug Lia.

Barbie caressed her back and shot me a you-stupid-boy glance. "Love doesn't mean happiness only, it comes with so much pain. Haven't you heard that, no pain, no gain?!"

Lia nodded and my sister wiped her tears. "I don't want to give you a lecture on love but I don't want to see you guys fall apart either. Maybe you should give him a chance or maybe you should take a break from the relationship but be friends and try to understand each other. It's all your choice, do whatever you want! No one is gonna blame you or curse you!"

She patted Lia's shoulders, gave her an assuring smile, and came to me. "I still don't want to talk to you but just to let you know, Theo and I were in love with each other for a very long time. He didn't tell you because he was afraid of his psycho best friend and I lied that night because you and your crazy friends were a mess so I didn't want to be the reason for your separation. And I never dated Derrick, we put on an act so that I could know whether Theo had something in his heart for me or not!." Barbie crossed her arms and shrugged.

"Everything makes sense now. I don't deserve anyone, I'm the most immature person on this planet." She made me realize that I was wrong in everything, and there was no way I could deny it.

"But you can be the best person if you start to focus on your life. Everyone will share the thing with that person who can understand it or relate to it, I wouldn't have thought about you if Theo had confessed his love before. Why? Because sometimes you have to make your life's decisions by yourself and no one can put a finger on that because that's your life." She ruthlessly uttered it and started leaving the place.

"Barbie! I'm sorry! I don't know how many times I should apologise to you for being an immature brother but I'm sorry!" I kept my head down as the embarrassment was radiating through me.

"Fucking one k times! Stop apologizing and start learning a lesson and improving yourself! You are not a prince, the world doesn't revolve around you. Give people love and learn to have some patience!"

Before I could thank her for her advice, she was out of my sight and I realized that when she uttered LOVE, I was gazing at my love.

"Wait, wait! Lastly, every relationship and person is different so it'll always be different. I say from my experience and what I think but the things can be different for you so you should listen to my advice but follow what your gut feelings say! If you want to leave him, just fucking leave him! Don't think twice!" Barbie again showed up and screamed from a distance.

I was wrong! I was so fucking wrong! I shouldn't have thought about thanking my brazen-faced sister. "Take your ass out of this room, man!" I shouted in frustration and Lia was chuckling at my insane words.