Chapter 25 "Teach me"
He was a bit confused, and honestly, he felt scared somehow. Did she change her mind? But as he looked at her, she didn't seem like what he thought she was. Backing out. He was not sure either. Is this what they call wedding jitters? He really hoped she was just having cold feet and not abandoning him.“Of course! Are you having second thoughts?” He answered firmly and asked.
His answer made Anna realized that this man is decided, more than a hundred percent, she thinks. Is she the only one feeling all these tensions and worried about lifetime commitments?
"Well, you’re kind. You seem like a good man, and tomorrow is our wedding..." She paused. "But..." She was hesitating. She cleared her throat.
"But what..?" Jayson smiled. He was indeed head over heels when it comes to Anna, his very soon-to-be Mrs. Lebedev.
"But... I don’t think I know you enough yet. You might regret tying the knot with me or I with you.”She looked at his hands, gently rubbing her calves. He is sweet and caring, no doubt about that. But her family, as well as his, are people with strong beliefs against divorce. They will have to endure life with superficial harmony if something does not go along well with them as a couple. They can fight but only in private and put the face of a happily married couple when they appear in front of others. Not even in front of their house servants, as rumor would easily spread. It would affect both their families' reputations.
“What do you wanna know? You can ask me now… go on..,” he urged her. He wanted to make her feel that whatever she wants to know, as long as he can or even if he cannot, he will do his best to provide her a satisfying answer. His warm hands kept soothing her stiff calves even more affectionately. “I also have questions, but I thought we could find them out slowly when we live together as husband and wife.”
“Yeah, I partly agree with that." She nodded. But reluctance was also evident in her beautiful mien. "But what if..." She paused. Cleared her throat. She looked at Jayson, who was still patiently waiting for her to finish her words, smiling back at her worried face. "What if it’s too late by then because we are already tied up?” She stated calmly. Worries are visible in her eyes. Worried that her words might have been so vague for him to understand.
“What do you mean? What kind of things might we find too late to know after marriage?”Just as she thought. His handsome face was obviously frowning but in a fascinated, curious way.
Anna blushed. She wanted to curse herself for opening such an embarrassing conversation. She couldn’t voice out what she wanted to say. She is so embarrassed to even point it out. It’s just…. Ughhh!... really? How do you discuss these kinds of things?’But aside from him, she really has no one to talk to about this topic. And she was feeling like "it's now or never."
Jayson was suddenly confused why she suddenly turned beet red. And he silently prayed for all the saints to grant him more willpower not to cross the lines. She was looking so captivating in his sight right now. He was sure, absolutely sure, that she wasn't even aware of how she was affecting him. And that mere fact drives him crazy. Heavens must have heard his prayer. He was able to keep his lust at arm's length and lightly persuaded her to go on.
“Anna, you can ask me anything. By tomorrow, if you don’t change your mind, you and I will be one.”He was almost coaxing her. If anything, he wanted to ease whatever worries she has in her pretty face and her lovely heart.
Anna’s face, neck, and ears turned a deeper shade of red, if it is even possible. His words made her literally imagine them being one, in a biblical way. But she tried to summon her courage, and with eyes closed, he told him her worries.
“I don’t know if I can satisfy you in bed. I am going to be your wife, and I know that is one of my duties, but I don’t have any idea what to do to fulfill that duty.”
Jayson was so amused. Anna Just turned 24 this year. Not too young and not too old to their accustomed marrying age, but he didn’t expect her to be a virgin up to this time. He was inwardly rejoicing. He wanted to shout and jump in joy. He felt like he just won a golden jackpot! He himself isn’t innocent, so he didn’t mind if she wasn’t. She is good-looking and from a respected family. Free as she lived on her own. And as young people play around, men and women alike did not expect such a precious wedding gift. He was actually beyond surprised to hear her say those words.
“Don’t worry about that. I can teach and lead you what to do when we get there”, he coaxed her tenderly. Now, he was more determined to wait for their wedding night. Lust cloaked around him, but his love for Anna even more intensified. He was confident he could master his consuming desire with the purity of his adoration for her. But temptation is a playful tease.
“What if I want you to show me now and teach me." She shyly uttered as she gathers all her courage to be brave and tell him her thoughts. "If I don’t learn and satisfy you, or you satisfy me, I don’t wanna be imprisoned in an unhealthy marriage. We can still call the wedding off.” This is a lifetime commitment, after all. Say your piece or forever hold your silence, kind of thing. She now realized why people would agree to pre-lovism. It's quite scary to get oneself trapped in a lifetime commitment. Some may indulge in it for the sexual pleasure it offers, but some may just be like her, affrighted by the lifetime requirement of monogamy.
"What? Do you mean you wanna do it now....?", he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Or did he hear her words right? "Before the wedding....? Not after the wedding?” He was truly dumbfounded. He wanted to kiss and love this woman from head to toe right now, she looks so adorable worrying about something she shouldn’t worry about, and he is so turned on with her innocence that he wants to eat her whole! If only he can! And why not? Because he is worried for her. Very worried that if he let his beast appetite of sex win over his senses. Once won't be enough. And she will be in deep trouble. Something he knew she would definitely blame him for.
