Chapter 3 Funny Girl

“We know that girls’ education is vital because educated girls become better mothers, have fewer, healthier children. Every additional year of schooling reduces the probability of child mortality by 5-10 per cent.” – UNICEF’s Communication’s Specialist, Geoffrey Njoku.

........

I wiped off any possible evidence of toothpaste with the sleeve of my top and took a deep breathe before pulling the door open.

"What do.... Who are you?" I asked the stranger in front of me. I was surprised to see a total stranger in front of me. Evidently, she wasn't Aisha.

"I'm Tomison." The shy girl looked down and whispered. "We attend the same school. I'm in Ss3 Honour"

I was in Ss3 Fame. Don't get confused by the names, it's just the way some Nigerian schools differentiate their classes.

"I don't know some of my own classmates, so pardon me if I don't know you."

"It's OK" she whispered, with her face plastered to the ground. The girl either had a terrible breathe or she was just terribly shy.

"You can come in if you want" I offered. She thought it up for a second or two before shaking her head.

"There's no point, I'm just going to be quick" this time she looked up and her breathe smelled quiet okay, so I concluded that she was just shy. But that wasn't the point, what exactly did she want?. I stepped out of the doorway to prevent mosquitoes from gaining access into our house and directed her to a spot where we could sit outside. She nodded and followed me.

"So........"

"I need your help" she said, squeezing her hands together, it looked like she was trying to stop it from shaking.

"With what subject?" I said, mentally rolling my eyes. Why didn't I think of it at first, that's the only thing that could make a mildly hot girl like her come to me, a plain girl.

"It's not about schoolwork, It's something else". One part of me was happy that she needed me for something else other than school work, another part was very nervous.

"O..kay. I'm listening."

She took a deep breathe and asked. "Do you know Aisha Balewa?."

'Oh not again' I thought.

"Yes I do, I mean, who doesn't?"

"I know right? Everyone loves Aisha" she said dryly. I knew what she was trying to do, she wanted me to admit that I wasn't a fan of Aisha.

"Actually, you're wrong. Everyone might love the girl, but if I had a bullet, I would keep it safe in her heart."

She looked like she was about to smile but she just took a deep breathe again, instead.

"So why do you want to know if I know her?"

"There's a party at her house, I don't know what the party is about, but you know these rich people, they throw parties for simply farting without stinking the place up."

This time I laughed and my laughter was contagious judging by the way she laughed herself.

"Okay, okay. Relax. So how does this party has anything to do with me?"

"Everyone in Ss3 are coming, I wanted to know if you'll like to go.....with me."

"But you're in Ss3 Honour, that's Aisha's class. Why would you need me to accompany you?"

By the look of worry on her face, I knew there was more to the story.

"And besides, what makes you think I'll want to go to Aisha's party, I hate her"

"Please, you have to come with me" she sounded desperate.

"Is there something I should know?, because this is beginning to seem more mysterious than a simple invitation."

"Actually, yes: there's something you need to know" the shy look on her face was quickly replaced with a strange one, you know those kind of faces people give when they're frustrated and they have had enough.

"Okay?"

"Listen, I don't know what you did to Aisha, but she hates you. I'm serious, she really hates you. I was serious when I said I didn't know what the party is all about, but she told me to find a way to bring you to the party or she's going to...."

"Going to what? Kill you?"

"No"

"Then what?"

"She's going to reveal my secret."

"Secret? That's so movie-like, she's blackmailing you?"

"Yeah."

"What's this secret anyway?"

"I can't tell. You don't....need to know"

"Then I can't help, you need to know"

"I knew this was an impossible mission, I just wanted to tryout my luck. You'll probably find out about my secret on the school blog anyway, so...." She got on her feet. "I'll see you on Monday, and sorry for waking you up"

"How?.."

"Your brother."

I nodded and watched as she walked away.

'Why was Aisha after me? Wasn't she the guilty person? She's the one that stole my position, she tried to buy me, she even went about spreading false rumors, now this?'

I didn't realise when I screamed at Tomison to Stop. She hadn't gone far any way, she was doing the 'I don't want to go, call me back,please' walk.

"Yeah?"

"Do you perhaps know what she has, planned for me?"

"Probably get you drunk and naked or something like that."

"Pick me up at 2 tomorrow"

She smiled widely and nodded her head from time to time. "Sure! Sure! Thank you"

I wondered what secret of hers Aisha knew.

"Was that Aisha?" Rotimi asked immediately when I got in.

"When are you going back to school, gan sef ?" I asked, irritated. He was home on holidays, at least that's what he told us.

"Next month, answer my question, is that the Aisha girl?"

"No, why?"

"The girl is good looking".

"On behalf of her, thank you. We're all good looking in our school."

"Except from that girl."

"Which girl are you talking about? You don't even know anyone in my school"

"But I know that girl."

"Which one?"

"What's her name....uh...yeah! Remi Martins, the girl is ugly as hell"

"Oh! oh! that one. Heard she's also the splitting image of her elder brother, in fact, I heard she got most of her looks from him. Agbaiya. "

He laughed. "I don't mind getting her number though."

"I don't have her number."

"But she's your friend."

"No she isn't."

"Then why did she come here.?"

"To invite me to a party at Aisha Balewa's house."

"Wow! We must go o!"

"Are you really that shameless? You'll party with kids?"

"Forget that one! Secondary girls like University boys, and I'm sure there'll be enough Uni boys at the party."

"Timi, you're not invited. Besides the party is Next month" I said, giving myself a pat at the back for coming to my own rescue. His expression went from excited to disappointed.

"Whatever, I wasn't planning to attend anyway."

"Really?"

"So you thought I was serious about going? What do you take me for?"

'A shameless assxxxx?' I thought

I smiled instead.

That night, I couldn't sleep. Different thoughts were rushing into my head, I even began to wish I invited Rotimi, but one thing was for sure, I wasn't going to let her pull anything on me this time. I knew her plan and I was going to watch it crumble. In fact, maybe I would pay her back, this time.

My restlessness led me to open my blog and I was shocked to see that no one had hinted anything about it the reader section. So I did. I invited everyone in my school and other schools to the party of the month. Told them that it was going to be a blast, from alcohol to pool party, at some point, I knew I was taking it too far. But I also knew that she wasn't going to have my time if the turn up was massive so I continued hyping her party.

I guess all the students in my school were also having sleepless nights because they all gave me the thumbs up sign that they were going to turn up.

'Aisha, prepare for the crowd of your life' I smiled at my own thought as sleep finally came to claim me.

The next morning, I woke up feeling expectant, you know that feeling when you spend whatever you have at hand because you know you have backup, or when you eat up the cookie left in your pocket but you know you have a box load waiting for you at home. That's how I felt and I couldn't pin point on an exact reason why. Maybe I was just happy to sabotage Aisha's party.

I told mum one of my friends was having a party and she shrugged, as long as I did my usual Saturday chores and made sure lunch was set, I could burn in hell for all she cared. (I'm just kidding), mum was just the type of woman that believes in letting children free. She says, "kids tend to search for invisible greener pastures when they're caged, but when they're free, they'll know the grass isn't always green". And I love her for it. Dad was currently at Abuja, but if he was around, he wouldn't have objected . Although he would call to check up on me every 20 minutes, (and I'm not exaggerating).

I was done with cooking and I waited for Tomison with a wrapper around my body. You might wonder why I'm in this situation, well i forgot to inform you guys that I'm not fashion cautious. And I was totally freaking out. I was too busy planning Aisha's sabotage that I didn't realise that my own sabotage was waiting for me.

By 1:45, Tomison arrived and said Hello to my mum and brother. I asked her to come over to my room, giving Rotimi a warning look as he kept looking at Tomison hungrily.

"you're not dressed yet" she was putting on a White T-shirt that read. 'I sleigh' I knew immediately that it was from Beyonce's Lemonade Merch, she also a denim sky blue jean and teamed it up with a Nike Sneaker. It was a completely clean and easy look, but her confidence made the outfit on her look like a Victorian secret Angel.

"I don't know what to wear." I fake-cried.

"Or you don't have what to wear." She smirked.

"Hey, you know that boutique beside the Principals house?" I asked.

"Yeah! Who doesn't know Kerry Glow Boutique ?. Why?"

"My mum owns it."

She opened her mouth in shock after realisation hit her.

"I'm sorry. I was just kidding"

"I thought as much, So will you help me?" I asked, gesturing my left hands towards my wardrobe.

"But wait o, your mum owns a boutique and you don't have what to wear? Girl! I would be changing outfits and slaying the hell out of Aisha if my mum were to be your mum." It was amusing seeing Tomison talk in out loud, she was a totally different person yesterday.

"I know right?."

"But its okay, you're just own of those 'irony of life' type of person"

"Excuse me!"

"No I don't mean it in a bad way!" She smiled.

"So how do you mean it?"

"Hmmmm how do i explain it to you? Okay, you know what they say about Children of the Police being the criminals, and the Pastors Children being the Sinners, the Children of the teachers being the dumb ones, and so on?"

"Oh, I think I understand now" I nodded.

She shrugged, smiled and covered her mouth with her hands as she pulled my wardrobe open and saw the contents.

"Jesus Christ! And you say you don't have what to wear? Your wardrobe is a boutique! And I'm not exaggerating." Well, looking at my wardrobe now, I guess she could be right. Here's the thing, mum always gets me any single thing she thinks might be of my size from her store, and in return, I keep them in my wardrobe and never put them on. Why? Because I'm not fashion cautious!.

In a minute, Tomison brought out a Sade Adu Maxi T-shirt and a mini black shiny leather skirt and teamed it with a white Champion Converse I wore once in a while.

"You'll kill in these, you have the legs".

"Thanks, you're a life saver" I smiled and took the wrapper off and wore the outfit. I would read books and watch movies and roll my eyes when female characters got makeovers and use the "I couldn't recognize my self in the mirror" lines, but When I stood in front of the mirror, I couldn't believe my eyes, I wasn't seeing the plain, Remi, I was seeing a woo-able Remi, a toast-able Remi.

"Thank you" I whispered.

The fact that I wasn't fashion cautious didn't mean that I didn't like looking good, I just didn't know how to.

Tomison also picked a nice face cap to cover my plain cornrow school hairstyle, I told her to take one for herself too. She did a mild makeup for me with her makeup kit, (I don't have a single makeup item, not even a lip gloss), And we both stepped out the look on the faces on my mum and brother was everything.

"Can I take a picture of the both of you?" Mum asked. I knew she was happy to finally see me bring a friend home, especially a stylish one. She took numerous pictures and thanked Tomison for helping me out. She kept telling me that I looked sweet and it worked a whole lot for my confidence level.

Rotimi couldn't deny that I looked Good, but his main focus was on Tomison.

"So, Tomison, where are you guys going?" He asked her when we stepped out of the house.

Tomison turned to look at me, but it was too late to give her an hint. "Aisha's having a party, we promise we won't be long"

Rotimi turned to me and smirked. "Is that so? Then you guys should hurry up okay?" He sounded weird.

I gave him a warning look and hit the road with Tomison.

"You have no idea how grateful I am that you're coming with me" she said.

"I just hope she's not planning anything dangerous" I thought out loud.

"Don't worry, I'll stay with you throughout."

"Look who's being protective now, yesterday you were like a jello."

"I know right, but I'm not usually that way, I just don't want my secret leaked around." She said softly.

"I understand." I said, trying hard not to ask for the secret.

"So....can we be Friends?" She asked all of a sudden.