Out of Danger

I was trembling when one of the nurses accompanied me out of the ICU. They made me sit outside and gave me water to calm down.

Nicholai was already out of danger. I really thought that I already lost him. My heart almost jumped from my chest while looking at him helplessly. I cried again because of relief. I should be mad at him because of what he did to me, but seeing him lifeless a while ago made my heart crushed into pieces.

What was wrong with me? I shouldn't feel like this. Heck! I wasn't like this with Nicholai then. Even when he was also hospitalized. I never had this feeling for Nicholai. I love Philip. He was my haven. But why did I feel like I was just convincing myself?

Was this because I was so guilty of what happened to him? I didn't know anymore.

"Cris? What are you doing here? Your father will really get mad if he sees you here."

"Tita," I cried when I saw her. It was Nicholai's mother.

Aunt Nichole hugged me and apologized for what happened to me. It was not their fault. They didn't know that Nicholai could hurt me.

"Nicholai will be fine, hija. I know he is strong. I know my son did a lot of bad things to you. Hija. He just loves you so much. He told us everything that happened to both of you. It's just a pity that you can't even love my son back. But I don't want to blame you either. You can't force someone to love you back. That's the sad truth, "Tita Nicholai said sadly.

"I-I tried, Tita. It's just—-"

"It's okay. You don't have to explain. But I think it is better for you to leave before your father sees you here. He doesn't want us near your family anymore. And we respect their decision."

"I understand, Tita," I replied sadly. It was just pitiful. Aunt Nichole was like a second mother to me. It was just a waste that we ended up like this.

I took a last glance at the ICU. I smiled bitterly before standing up and immediately left with a heavy chest.

***

I went back to Philip's room. But before I could enter, Aunt Meredith came out. Philip's mother.

"Can we talk, Denima?" she said seriously.

"All right, Aunt Meredith," I replied politely.

"Come with me," she said and walked ahead. I followed her until we left the hospital.

We crossed over and entered a coffee shop. It was just across the hospital. The smell of the coffee greeted my nose the moment we got in. There were quite a few people inside. We sat at the very end where there weren’t too many people.

The moment I sat down on my chair. My heart started to hammer. Philip's mother was strict. I met her only once. And when we first met, I felt like she didn’t like me. I didn't know why. I could feel it. Even then. With her stares and allusions. But because she was Philip's mom, I tried to understand and respect her.

"I will get straight to the point, Cris. I really don't like you for my son. Do you see? If not because of you, he will not be hospitalized. He was even shot during your trial! You are already married, for Christ's sake! Why are you still clinging to my son? Do you plan to ruin my son's future? He is barely starting his new firm. Why can't you just leave him alone? Don't involve my son in your husband's problem! " she angrily said.

"I-I'm sorry, Tita," I blinked a couple of times just to stop myself from crying. The pain of hearing it all in her.

I sighed at what she said. She was right. If it weren’t for me, nothing terrible would have happened to Philip. He wouldn't be in the hospital if he didn't take the bullet that was meant for me.

I was a mess. I shouldn't drag Philip to my downfall.

"You don't deserve my son. So please stay away from my son. I'm warning you. Stay away from him before I will hate you more," she said with finality and stood up and left the cafe.

I smiled bitterly. The tears I had been holding back were slowly dripping. I covered my face and cried silently where I was sitting.

***

I didn't go back to the hospital. I didn’t have the guts to face Philip anymore. I knew I didn't deserve him, but hearing it from her mother made it more clear. It was painful. But she was really right.

I didn't go home to my parents' house. I decided to go back to my condo. I wanted to be alone. Everything that happened today was so draining. I'm drained. Would something good happen to my life anymore? Did I deserve to be happy too?

I dropped myself on the bed, feeling lifeless. I was alone again. I missed those times when everything was still okay.

I heaved a heavy sigh.

I was so tired that I didn't even realize I fell asleep.

***

A few days have already passed. Even though I was not allowed to approach Nicholai's family and himself, I could not help but ask about his condition. Aunt Nichole kept me updated. She said that Nicholai was already transferred to a private room. Though he was already out of danger, he was still not waking up.

It had been a few days since Philip kept on calling me. He was already discharged from the hospital. I was guilty of ignoring his calls and text. But I didn't have a choice. I needed to do it not just for his mother but also for him. I was not good for him. I would just bring him down with me.

It was Sunday. My parents were out of town, so I decided to go to the hospital. I knew they were monitoring my whereabouts. So I needed to sneak out.

When I arrived at the hospital, I went to Nicholai's room right away. Aunt Nichole already told me about the room number of Nicholai. I just wanted to check if he was okay.

During the few days I stayed in my condo, I contemplated leaving the country. I wanted to do it for myself. I wanted to heal. And a new environment could help me. But before that, I wanted to make sure that Nicholai was really fine.

I first peeked inside Nicholai's room to see if anyone was there or not. When I confirmed no one was inside, I went in right away.

I brought some flowers and put them on the vase on the bedside table. After I was done, I walked towards Nicholai's bed and stared at him.

I sighed and sat on the chair right beside his bed. "I'm leaving ... for good. I think I can't wait until you will wake up."

"Why am I even waiting for you to wake up, huh?" I sighed again.

"My parents don't want me near you. But I was stubborn, so I'm here. I'm so guilty. I feel like I am obligated to take care of you. Because I should be in your situation now, it is all my fault. "

I was crazy because I was talking to Nicholai even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I shook my head.

"Hey, it's been ages. When are you going to wake up?" I asked in the air. My eyes stared hard at Nicholai. I was waiting for his eyes to open.

"I-I'm already a-awake, Dummy."

My eyes widened when I heard his voice. Gradually my eyes widened.

I gasped when his eyes landed on me. A small smile plastered on his lips.

"You wake me up. You need to take responsibility for me."