Last Chance

I still had a doubt about whether to give Nicholai a chance. Because honestly, I still feel scared. I may have forgiven him, but that didn't mean that I had already forgotten what he did to me.

I was still torn. I know Nicholai has changed a lot. He became the man whom I didn’t expect him to be. I didn’t expect that he would change that fast for those two years I was gone.

The scene in the garden of Deneirys ’Refuge repeatedly bothered me. I know I've forgiven him, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from saying bad things to him.

I shut my eyes as I remembered those words. Those words made me regret afterward after seeing the hurt in his eyes.

“That’s enough, Nic. Yes, I already forgave you, but that doesn’t mean that I already forgot what you did to me. I know you changed a lot, but that also doesn’t mean that you can’t hurt me anymore, the same that you did before. ”

I couldn’t help but tell him. The heavy rain continued to fall, going along with the tears falling in my eyes.

“I’m sorry. I can’t promise not to hurt you, but I promise that I will not hurt you intentionally. Not in this lifetime, Cris. I would rather hurt myself than hurt you as I did before. I'm sorry for all the pain I did to you in the past. Just give me a chance to prove it, hon. Just one last chance, please. One last chance,” he pleaded. I could feel the resentment and guilt at every word he uttered.

I bit my lower lip, trying to stop myself from crying. What if I give him a chance, then he would repeat what he did before? Those memories that I tried to forget flashed in my mind. The beatings, the pain, the bruises made me flinch in an instant. No! I don’t want to experience all of that anymore. And the only way to not experience that again is to stay away from Nicholai. I needed to guard my heart. I’m not ready.

“I’m sorry, Nic. I-I can’t. I don’t want to experience that same fate with you anymore. I don’t trust you anymore,” I said out of frustration. I looked at Nicholai, and I almost gasped as I saw his bloodshot eyes. I could feel the pain in those orbs as he stared at me like I was the only person that could break him completely.

I no longer waited for him to speak. I ran away from him after seeing how he smiled painfully at me. I hurt him. But why do I also feel pain too? And it was twice as much as he did.

I sprawled on my bed frustratedly.

You want that, Denima. Stood up for it!

I'm going back to Canada tonight. Maybe I needed to really go back there. I was happy there. And I will be happy again, even alone there. I’m so glad to be alone. I groaned. Why could I sense a bit of bitterness while thinking that?

I sighed and dialed Angel’s number. I knew she was still on her honeymoon, but I really needed someone to talk to. After three rings, she answered the call.

"Hey, Cris," she replied on the other line.

"Did I disturb your sexy time?" I asked shyly.

I heard her chuckling on the other line. “Not really. I'm just drying my hair. Is there a problem?"

I bit my lower lip and then sighed. “I don’t know what to do,” I began.” Nicholai is asking for a second chance—"

“Eeeeh! Really?” she squealed on the other line.

"But I rejected him in an instant," I added, closing my eyes tightly. She groaned because of what I said.

"Poor, Nicholai."

"Really?" I said, unbelievably.

“Hmmm. I think it’s worth giving him a second chance, Cris. But make it difficult. ” She laughed it off. "Make it hard for him. Test how far he could go just to prove that he is sincere with you and everything he said was true," she said, making me think.

“You see, Cris. Love is accompanied by pain and joy. When you are hurt, there you can say it is love. Choose what your heart desires. Do not deprive yourself of happiness. Don’t let fear hold you back. Don't let this cause you to be unhappy. You deserved to be happy. If there’s a slight chance for him to make you happy, risk it. You know life is too short, and happiness is too rare. ”

I was suddenly silent at what she said. Memories flashbacked when Nicholai and I were still okay. When the baby was alive and when we were still married. Even if I was forced at that time, I know for myself that at those times, I genuinely felt happy. I just tried to ignore it. Nicholai didn’t lack anything back then to our baby and me. He always made me feel how important I was to him and our baby, but I always ignored him.

Until Cheni came into the picture, everything messed up because of her. I wondered if Cheni was out of the picture, am I still going to go through with that same fate again? Maybe not. If she was the only obstacle then, now that she was gone, was it possible to be okay when I give Nicholai a chance?

I groaned. Overthinking about it gave me a headache.

"Cris, are you still there?" Angel asked on the other line.

“Sorry. Yes, I’m still here. I’m just thinking of something. Thank you, Angel. Everything that you said made sense. ”

I heard her giggling on the other line. "I bet you are thinking now if you will give him a chance or not."

"Maybe?" I just answered.

“Go for it, Cris. Just make it hard for him first,” she said with a laugh. I also wanted to laugh at what she said. “I gotta go, Cris. Philip has been waiting for a while now, bye!”

Before I could answer her, she had already dropped the call. I just shook my head.

What to do now, Denima Cris?

***

I was already inside the plane going to Vancouver. I just got on the plane, but I already miss my family.

I just sighed as I sat in my chair. I was thankful that I was on the window seat.

I was still thinking about everything that Angel said. I never saw Nicholai after I flatly rejected him and told him that I was not ready and didn’t trust him anymore. I retook a deep sigh.

"Are you okay?"

I was startled when the person beside me talked. I looked at him, and our eyes met immediately. He looked familiar. It was like I'd seen him before.

I timidly smiled at him and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine," I replied and decided to go to sleep because the trip was still long.

After a long ride, the plane finally arrived at Vancouver International Airport. The jetlag was killing me. Good thing that I got home right away. I was tired and hungry when I entered my apartment. I just called for food delivery and watched TV while waiting for the food to be delivered.

After 20 minutes, the doorbell rang. I smiled. Delivery was fast. I walked toward the door and opened it.

My eyes widened, and my mouth fell open when I saw who was in front of me carrying a bouquet. Those flowers that I always got early in the morning for those six long months.

“I know you told me that you are not ready. That you don’t trust me anymore, but my heart is so stubborn, Cris. My heart only wants you. It only beats for you. So let me earn your trust. I will do anything for you to trust me again and wait until you are ready. Ready to give me a chance. Ready to love and be happy with me. ”