Not Alone

I slammed the door shut in shock. My two hands were on my chest, and my eyes widened in shock. I could not believe what I saw. I was almost deafened by how loud the beating of my heart was right now.

What the hell is he doing here? And am I seeing it right? He’s holding a bunch of tulips, the same one that I kept on receiving back then.

And what did he say? I couldn’t remember what he said because of the shock.

I was leaning at the back of the door when I heard him speak.

“I’ll wait until you are ready to face me. I just can’t give up like that, Cris. Really can’t.”

I moved away from the door and swallowed the lump in my throat. I was battling if I should open the door or not. I kept on pacing back and forth, contemplating what I should do.

But then I suddenly heard Angel’s voice in my head. It said I would torture Nicholai. My evil self suddenly agreed to it, so I ended up staying in my apartment and tried to forget that Nicholai was outside.

"You are crazy, Demina," I scolded myself while sitting on the couch.

I was biting my lower lip when I heard another bell on the door. I sat up straight.

Shit! Shit!

Go away! Go away!

My phone suddenly rang, and it was an unlisted number. I frowned at it, wondering if I should answer the call. In the end, I answered the call, and I’m glad I did because it was the food delivery. I didn't open the door. So apparently, it was the delivery guy who was outside.

I kept chanting in my head, praying that Nicholai was gone when I was about to open the door.

I smiled at the delivery guy right away when I saw him. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that Nicholai was no longer in front of my apartment.

“Ma’am, the man said earlier to give you this too,” the delivery guy said after handing me the flowers. It was the flower that Nicholai was holding a while ago.

I smiled sparingly while taking flowers as well as my food. “Thank you,” I said, giving him a tip before going back to my apartment.

When I thought that Nicholai had already given up, I was totally wrong. Because the next day he was in front of my apartment again and brought flowers again. Same as usual, I slammed the door on him again. And it went on for a week like that. But not once have I heard a complaint about it.

It was frustrating. I know we weren't getting any younger. And the more I saw that others were already happy and married, I was still here, torturing Nicholai. I kept on thinking that maybe he really deserved a second chance. My family and even Philip said that love is actually sweeter the second time around. But I am not sure if that would be the same with Nicholai.

For the past few days, my heart would erratically beat whenever I saw him. Am I too fragile? Do I already have feelings for him? Or was it before that there really was, but I was just denying and not acknowledging it because of what he did?

I do not know. I am also confused about myself and how I feel. I was also tired of avoiding Nicholai. So I decided to face him.

I was biting my lip while holding the door handle. I feel like I'm going to faint at the speed of my heartbeat. I took a deep breath before opening the door.

Nicholai's face immediately greeted me as soon as I opened the door. He smiled while standing in front of me, holding the same flowers. He was wearing a maroon button-down shirt with folded sleeves and pants. I was swallowed hard by just looking at him.

Shit! He was aging like wine!

Damn it! Calm yourself, Denima. ‘Don’t be too vulnerable.

“Hi. I’m glad you didn’t shut the door on my face this time.” He chuckled while adoringly looking at me.

I blushed suddenly at what he said. I want to punch myself.

"Shut up!" I said suddenly out of embarrassment. But the fool just laughed at me.

I stared at him as he handed me the flower. "For you," he said kindly.

I accepted it and murmured my thanks to him. I knew he heard because he smiled after.

"Breakfast?" he said and lifted a paper bag he was holding. I didn't notice that he was carrying anything other than the flower.

I could not answer immediately. I was hesitant to accept his offer. He was just staring at me, waiting for my answer. I bit my inner cheek and then sighed. In the end, I ended up saying yes to him.

I opened the door widely for him. I went in first and let him follow me. He closed the door behind us. I just went straight to the kitchen and put the flower on the counter.

I turned to face Nicholai but was petrified when my face hit his chest. My eyes widened as I felt his hands on both my arms.

“Easy,” he said, which made me gasp.

I immediately pulled away from him as if his grip burned me.

"You surprised me!” annoyed, I told him.

“Sorry. I was just following you,” he said softly against me.

I sighed and bit my lower lip.

Stop being a bitch, Denima. You said you would give him a chance!

“Just sit down. I’ll get some plates for us.”

I turned my back on him again and took two plates and two pairs of spoons and forks from the kitchen cabinet.

Nicholai was already sitting at the table, still eyes not leaving on me. I approached and put down a plate in front of him and me.

He brought breakfast from Cafe Medina. I knew the cafe. I love eating there when I don't want to cook my breakfast.

I have almost drooled when I saw the food that he had bought. It was Cassoulet. It was a platter of two sunny eggs, medina bacon, andouille sausage, saucisson de Paris, white beans, red wine, roma tomatoes, and grilled focaccia. One of my favorite breakfasts in that café. How did he even know about that? Nicholai really had ways when it came to me.

"You know what I like in that café," I said, just looking at the food.

"Yeah." He rubbed his brow with his finger. "I actually saw you were eating this food at the cafe last time," he said, which raised my eyebrow.

“Stalker,” I said and started to dig in.

I heard him chuckle before he picked the spoon and fork and started to eat.

I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t help but smile inside. Eating together with Nicholai was new to me. It was new, but it felt good. I didn’t feel alone now that Nicholai was eating with me. It felt good in a different way.