Chapter 67

~Alistair~

I asked Mr Coleman to drive me all the way to Eliana’s family’s Lake House, with a strong determination in my mind to get Eliana back, along with the son I just found out I had. She had said I should come by when I was ready to have a proper conversation with her, which could only mean that she also wanted to talk things through with me. I hadn’t realised it early enough, but I was able to understand that what she had said meant that she also wanted to discuss about stuff with me.

Perhaps, after all these years, her feelings for me hadn’t changed the same way my feelings for her hadn’t changed, and remained completely evergreen.

I stepped down from the car, and went straight to the door. I heaved a sigh, thinking of whether I was to knock or just go back to where I had come from. I hadn’t been to this house since the time I had spent alone with her, which according to her, was where she had conceived of my son.

Even with a son, she still looked the same way, with her perfect stature, even though she never exercised. I had missed seeing her with a protruding stomach, and I had an urge to get her pregnant again, but this time around, I wanted to be there for her. She was so good, and she had kept the child, who had someone like me as a father, when she could have easily aborted him.

I was thinking too much. She had probably tricked me into coming here, and she was uninterested in having a conversation with me, but I had gone to overthink things. Imagine me thinking about getting her pregnant again and starting a family with her, when she had made it clear that she was never going to forgive me for all that I had done to her.

I decided to just knock on the door. Even if she sent me out, at least, I would get to see her face, and that would be more than enough, seeing that I didn’t even deserve to stand before her.

After knocking on the door, I tried to relax my nerves and flexed my muscles, while waiting for the door to be opened by someone, preferably Eliana.

“Yes, who’s there?” I heard her mother’s voice ask clearly.

“Shit!” I muttered under my breath.

The last time I had seen her was the day I discovered Eliana had left Los Angeles, and I drove to their former house to speak with them. I tried to apologise, as well as try to find out where Eliana was. It was then they had warned me to never show up in front of them ever again, and I had done exactly as they wanted.

How was I to face her now?

Before I could think about how to answer my self-imposed question, the door flew open before me, and Eliana’s mother looked extremely shocked as she saw me standing right before her.

“Why are you acting like you’ve seen a ghost, mum?” Eleanora asked, as she came into view.

“What are you doing here?” She asked me in a harsh voice, after seeing that I was the reason her mother looked like she had seen a ghost.

“I came to see Eliana,” I said.

“And how did you even know that she’s back?” Elvira asked, showing up.

“I ran into her the other day at an Ice cream shop,” I replied, realising that her family wasn’t even aware that she had met me since she came back.

“Well, you know the drill. You’re not welcome her. Now, leave, before my husband sees you and does something drastic to you that you’ll never forget in a lifetime,” Eliana’s mother said.

“I can’t. No, I won’t, not until I see Eliana and my son,” I said.

Elvira scoffed. “Son? How do you know about Ian?” She asked.

“I told you that I ran into her the other day. She was with my son,” I said.

“And what proof do you have to back up your claim?” Eleanora asked.

“Wait. Are you seriously asking me that? Isn’t it obvious that he’s my son? I don’t even need a paternity test to lay claims as the father of that boy. The resemblance we share is more than enough proof that Ian is my child,” I said, trying to control my anger.

“Have you ever heard of the term, “Sperm donor"? If you haven’t, well, that’s all you are to Ian. You’re not his father, you just contributed your sperm in order to give him life,” Elvira argued.

“Exactly. You’ve not been there for him in six good years, and you just want to come from nowhere and claim that he’s your son? That will never be possible,” Eleanora said, agreeing with her sister.

I cleared my throat. “It’s not like I had a say in that matter. I had no idea that I had a child with Eliana. I was in the dark,” I argued.

“Then, for your sake and all our sakes, please, continue being in the dark. He has grown up so well without a father. It’s glaring that he doesn’t need you in his life. Pretend that you never heard about him, erase him from your memory, and remind yourself constantly that it’s better to not have a father than to have one who is the greatest enemy your family has. You’re wealthy, aren’t you? Get married to a rich girl from a rich family, and have as many children as you want with her, but don’t ever try to think of Ian as your child,” Eliana’s mother said, and what she didn’t know was that those words she had just uttered had broken my heart.

“You know, my mother’s right. Like my cousin, Santana, would say; Family is overrated. The fact that you share the same blood running through Ian’s veins isn’t special. If you truly care about him, you’d let him go,” Elvira added.

I heaved a deep sigh, as I considered what they had both said. My own son hadn’t even pretended not to hate me, and it was indeed better if he never had to live with the constant reminder everyday that someone like me was his father. Even if I was granted joint custody of him, he will still loathe me in his heart, because already, he hated me, and when he grew up and had the full picture of what I had done to his mother’s family, as well as his mother, it was only going to make him loathe me all the more.

Aunt Salome once said that you should let go of what you love at times, when you know that it is for their own good. I had been so overwhelmed with the idea of having a son to call my own, that I had failed to realise that trying to be with him was only going to cause him more harm than good. He deserved to have a better father compared to me, and I had no right whatsoever to call him my son.

“I should get going,” I managed to say, while holding back the tears that threatened to fall.

“Yeah, you should go. Hope to see you never again,” Eleanora said, waving her hand.

“Take care,” Elvira said, and immediately, the door was slammed shut in my face.

I nodded my head gently accepting what had happened, and walked away, feeling ashamed. The moment I had heard that it was Eliana’s mother who was coming to open the door, I should have just left immediately to save myself from this embarrassment and shame. All I needed to do was just get out of this place, and drown my sorrows in bottles of alcohol.

Funny how I had come here so optimistic, and was leaving with a drooped shoulder. That’s the height of how people’s words could hurt. Words were never just words, and one’s heart could be broken just by someone’s words. I had done that to Eliana, and now, I had been forced to dance at my own party. I would never understand what it had been like for her at the company’s anniversary six years ago, but at least, I had felt a pinch of what she had gone through that day, and it wasn’t nice at all.

Although I had come with a very strong determination to get her back, I now saw reasons with her as to why she could never bring herself to forgive me. I wish I could see her just one last time and tell her how sorry I was, and also tell her nor to forgive me because I didn’t deserve forgiveness. I deserved the pain that was eating me up slowly, and knowing she was never going to forgive me was going to be my punishment for ruining her life with my words and actions.

“Alistair,” I heard Eliana call.

I looked up, and saw her standing right in front of me, dressed in ripped jeans and a purple t-shirt, and the most surprising thing was the fact that she had on a concerned look.

Wait a minute. Did she care about me? Was she wondering why I looked so down? Did my sad countenance bother me? Was it possible that she still had feelings for me?

“Eliana,” I said.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked, still wearing a concerned look on her face.

“I just realised that I shouldn’t try to get you to forgive me, or attempt to get my son back after all I did to you,” I replied.

“You met my family, didn’t you?” She asked, obviously wondering why I was saying such now.

“I did, and they made me realise that you and our son are better off without me,” I said.

“So, what now?” She asked.

“I just wanted to see you one last time and apologise for all the bad things I did to you. I’m very sorry, Eliana, and I wish that things hadn’t been this way. You don’t have to forgive me. I just wanted to let you know one last time that I have spent every day of my life for the past six years, regretting what I did to you. Please, tell Ian that I’m sorry, but also let him know he’s right to not want to have anything to do with me. I don’t deserve to be a part of his life, and he deserves someone better than me as his father.

“Eliana, you’re still very much beautiful and attractive, and I’ll never want anything bad to happen to you. You should settle down with a good man, who will love you and cherish you, and will also be a good father to our son. You deserve to be happy, and our son deserves to be raised by a father he can look up to. Again, I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I just want to let you know that I’m sorry, and I promise never to show up in your life again. Do take care,” I said, calmer than I had ever spoken in my entire life, and with one last look at her beautiful face, I forced a smile and began to walk away.

All through my speech, she had just stood and listened, not giving off any expression in her face, but I could swear that there was one time she had blinked back tears. All I knew was that letting go of her and Ian was for the best, and after putting her through so much, I wasn’t going to jeopardise her happiness and that of my son because of my own selfish reasons.

I had held on to my guilt for six years, and had just wanted to apologise to Eliana and get back with her someday, but after seeing her, it was obvious that what I needed to do wasn’t to hold on to her. Rather, for her own good, all I needed to do was to let go of her, and wish her the very best. Maybe I’d finally find peace with myself because I had done the right thing by letting her go.

At this point, all I wanted to do was just go back home and cry my eyes out. It was tough acting so strong, and pretending that I wasn’t sad and heavily burdened because of what was going on.

I felt a warm hand touch mine, and when I looked up, it was Eliana who was holding my hand, and preventing me from going any further.

I had longed for her touch for so many years, and now that she had touched me and didn’t seem willing to let me go, I didn’t feel like letting her go anymore as well. Was there still hope? Was there hope of rekindling an old flame? I wondered, as I didn’t bother to resist the grip she had on me, as my blue eyes met her adorable brown eyes.