Fifty-four

~Aphrodite~

We tried.

We tried and it's been a month and I haven't thrown up yet. I haven't had symptoms like I had last time. I went to Vivens and all he said was to try again sometimes it doesn't always work.

So. I didn't.

I didn't listen to him because it was so easily for me to get pregnant the first time and now it's like it's impossible.

The scars on my stomach make me not even want to be near Valdus and not even want to call him mine. But I can't. I can't stand not being next to him either way.

I walk outside and walk towards the beginning of the woods. I shift and I left Eris take control. I'm exhausted of having control so I'm going to be in the background as she stretches our muscles out and go hunt something, I don't know.

An hour and a half I would say that Eris was wondering around. She caught some rabbit but other than that she was just sniffing around the territory, even visited the other half of it. We walked back to the estate and we shifted at the door and quickly walked in. I rushed up stairs and walked into the bathroom to shower off all this dirt.

I walked into the steaming shower and closed the sliding door. I looked at my feet and the water was light brown and in between my toes there was little balls of dirt but they were slowly decaying from the water. I wiggles my toes around then looked at fingertips to see dirt lodged in the bottom of my nails. I started to take out the dirt and then once all dirt was out from my nails, I grabbed some shampoo and started to scrub my hair. It felt good to actually feel all the dirt come right off my body.

And now with washing my hair, I feel even more clean. I turned towards the shower head and rubbed my face in the warm water. I ran a hand through my hair and flipped it to one side. My hand trails down to my neck and then to the top part of my chest. My heart beat was steady yet it picked up. I opened my eyes and I was met with the eyes of my mate.

He stared down at me as water ran on his face down his neck down to his chest and further down. His arm snaked around me and pulled me harshly towards him. "Can we...can we try again?" He said as he face fell slowly from the blank face he was wearing earlier. My heart skipped slightly and my hand fell on his chest. I felt his hard and strong heart beat and it would skip a beat a few times.

"I'm just afraid I'll disappoint you from it not coming true." I whispered.

"We can always try." He whispered back while his hand gripped my face.

*******

~Three weeks gone by~

"Luna." Vivens said.

He already told me no that I didn't get pregnant, and I just finished crying silently because then Valdus would be upset.

"Yeah?" I sucked in a breath. I looked over to him where he was standing next to the door with a paper in hand and with his clipboard. He then looked up at me with a sad expression and softly tossed his board on the bed next to him. "I need to tell you something I should've done earlier. And I was wrong from keeping it from you and the Alpha. Please take a seat."

I was already standing up ready to just home and lay down. I stared at him questioning what he meant in my head but I sat down on the bed I was just laying on and watched him as he walked towards me with the same expression and avoiding my eyes at all cost.

He sighed and then rubbed the side of his neck. "When Valdus cut your pup out of your stomach, he didn't only damage your skin and the placenta, he also cut further down and actually damaged your uterus. Meaning you can reproduce a pup, which you two are trying to do. It was a wrong thing for me to do, I knew it was horrible to keep it from you two, but I had to tell you now. I'm sorry for ending this appointment with even more bad news. But I couldn't go another day with out telling you. I'm sorry Luna, but you two and this pack won't have a up coming Alpha. I'm sorry."

It felt like every thing about this pack was something bad happening. Why?! Tears welded my eyes even more and I quickly got up and sprinted out the door and out the pack house towards the estate. I rushed up the stairs and quickly opened the door, slamming it close behind me and holding the sobs as I ran up stairs. I ran towards the room and see him laying down staring at the ceiling but jumping to alarm when the door slams against the wall. He looks up and see me with furrowed eyebrows but then his eyes turn wide when he sees me crying.

"What wrong?" He tried to get up but I shake my head and walk towards the bed and lay down and then burry my face in my pillow. "Aphrodite." All he got in respond were my muffled sobs and my body shaking with each sob. It hurt. It hurt so much and I didn't know how to react.

So many things were wrong with this news. Not only can me and Valdus ever make a pup again, it's that this pack won't have a up coming Alpha to take care of them. So many damn things were wrong and I didn't know how and where I can even start to fix it.

"Aphrodite please tell me what's wrong. Was it Vivens? Was it someone else when you were coming back? What happen, please." He begged as I felt his hand rest on my back and try to move me to where he can see my face, but I hugged the pillow even tighter to my face and it was hard to breathe but I didn't care, that wasn't on my mind at that moment.

I kept shaking my head in the pillow and I couldn't see myself ever telling him. Not only would it pain me from seeing him hear that we can't have a pup again, it would kill me knowing that he'll know that his pack would soon die.

And it's my fault to begin with.

All of this.