CHAPTER 23

Willia how can I protect our son? Should I run? Should I leave this place? what should i do to keep him safe? I want to be selfish right now. I know I didn't make Guardian. Not even a drop of my blood flows in his body. I'm afraid the man you love will just get her. if you were here today would you allow your son and his father to meet? Will you let him meet his stupid father?

If you ask me. I do not want. I know Guardian is his flesh and blood but I really want to hate him. He has no right to my son. he has no right to even see or touch my child.

I decided to let myself inhale some fresh air. I felt suffocating inside. It's like I'm being choked by my feelings. In my thoughts.

The cold wind blew causing me to close my eyes. my mind is clouded with so many questions. Why did he look for Guardian only now? Why just now? Why not when we first set foot in this place? Why isn't my friend still alive? How stupid is he to not stand up for my friend?

My Villia doesn't deserve every shitty pain she's been through. She deserves to be loved. She deserves the world.

When I opened my eyes, my world seemed to shake when I saw a man standing outside the gate. He was leaning on his car while looking at me with curious eyes. I would have been happy if I could see Keegan's face but no...

I felt my hands trembling as I shook my head repeatedly. Feeling so scared at the moment. What is he doing here?! even if I don't ask who he is, just one look at his face I can already see Guardian's face when he grows up.

That kid is right! They really look the same! Its like Guardian is his carbon copy!

I hurried back inside the house. but before I could push the door, someone pulled my arm and held it very tightly causing me to gasp.

"Let go off me!" I shouted angrily and pulled my left arm.

"Can I talk to you?" he said with his deep and tired voice

"Can not!" I yelled in annoyance and angrily faced him.

Where did he get the thickness of the face to show off! I don't even know him! Then suddenly I would see him outside the house as if he was watching us. Or just my son? Is he here every night? Have they met for a long time? I have no idea at all...

Guardian keep it a secret for me not to be hurt. But the truth is that even if he hides it, I will still be hurt. I felt betrayed. But he's only a kid. I understand him. I understand my innocent Guardian. . .

"I just need to talk to you about my son," he gently promised, causing both corners of my eyes to heat up.

Shock was written in my eyes as I watched his face closely. I was weak when I saw that they were the same as my son's eyes. guardian probably inherit his amethyst eyes. It's like I'm staring at the matured version of my son.

Even his whole face screams that he's really the father of my son. Willia! This face is like a fucking fuck boy and a thick faced asshole! why are you crying, loving and crazy about this man??

"You don't have a child!" I gritted my teeth as I shouted at his face.

I know it's late and our other neighbors are asleep. But their house is not that close to mine. so it's okay if I yell at this animal!

"Get out of here because you don't have a child! Maybe you just went to the wrong house!” I shouted louder causing him to look at me coldly. You can't scare me with your looks! You asshole!

I turned around and was about to enter again when someone pulled my arm again! Annoyed, I faced him and gave him a strong slap causing him to gasp.

I saw how darkness consumed him when he looked at me darkly.

"I just want to talk to you about my son. I won't harm you or Guardian. Why did you have to slap me woman?” he asked coldly, causing my eyes to glaze over.

"Talk your face! you have no right to talk to me about my son–” what I was about to say was cut short when I heard his sarcastic laugh

He licked his lips as he mockingly smiled at me.

"Really? Your son?” he asked sarcastically

"Yes my son! Guardian is my son! so you have no right to talk to me about him! You don't even have the right to see him nor talk to him! Or say his name! You understand?!"

"I don't even fucking remember that we fucked. Did we fuck?” he asked sarcastically making my eyes widen in horror! my hands flew again to his cheeks. I was shaking right now because of so much anger! And he even has the guts to say nasty words while I'm literally losing my mind right now!

He's really an asshole!

"I don't remember that something happened to us. For you to say that Guardian is your son. I am his father. Flesh and blood. Even if you turn the world upside down. You cannot change that fact that Guardian is my son. I made him. Rémy and I made him.” he muttered with his controlled voice

I felt like someone hit me in the head making me wake up from my dream. yes he is the father but I brought Guardian to life. I took care and loved. Yes I know I'm not the real mother but I love him. I love my son. Maybe these are enough reasons to give me the right to my child, right?

I bit my lower lip and inhaled. I felt my heart clenching in so much pain.

"Yeah... you're right! If you'll base with his flesh and blood. I know I don't have any teardrop of my blood in Guardian's body. But he's my son! In my heart he's my son! I worked hard to raise him. I'm not scolding because I don't care if I struggled to revive Guardian. I just want you to know that you can't take him from me. I won't allow it. Why are you not there when your child needs you? why were you not there when my friend needed you? ”

"Why during the times when he cried and wanted to run away because of his problems you weren't there? She fucking needed you that time! My best friend is fucking lost. She didn't know what to do. she didn't know how to carry and solve her problems alone. She was so in love with you to the point that she can't fucking hate you even if she wanted to!” I shouted in a trembling voice

I saw how his angry eyes went softer. He blinked as he processed all the words I've said.

"You don't have times when he needs you so much. You left her hanging. You left her wounded. You put a scar on her heart. Making her lose her confidence and will to live. There are no times when he hurts himself! You weren't there. you weren't there to see how lifeless she is. How she smiled but there's no life in it. I'm there for him. I didn't leave him!”

"You? Where were you? Where were you when my friend needed you the most? Where were you at that time? Tangina! Where are you?! Answer me! make sure that your answer is really acceptable and valid because if not I will call the police right now.”

I glared at him while crying nonstop. I caught my breath because of the length of what I said. He took a breath and looked away. i saw how he clenched his jaw like he's so angry with something.

"I won't give you any of my reasons why I left her. You wouldn't understand me anyway. What's the point of proving myself when I'm really an asshole as you think I am. As she thinks I am. I know I'm so l-late... and I even fucking hated myself too. I abandoned the only woman who truly loved me. I'm a mess. A fucking mess. My life is full of shit. I'm so lost too. . .”

"I won't let her stay with me when I can't even fix my life. I'm not worthy for her. she deserves more than she knows. Whether you believe me or not. It's so hard for me to leave h-her.” he uttered with his broken voice

"Leaving her is my only choice for her to be safe. For her to live her life away from danger. I left because I wanted to fix myself. I want to fix myself for him. I want to fix the flaws in my personality so that I can be worthy of him. But I was late... I'm too fucking late."

"Do you think it's easy for me to breathe now in front of you while thinking that you are no longer the person I want to return to? You are no longer the reason for me to fix myself? I thought we could happen. I thought if I finally fixed myself I could face her and win her back. I thought I would see her pretty face again. . . But I'm w-wrong. . . Life is just too cruel to me. Life won't let me be happy. life loves to fucking break me over and over again. It's like life telling me that I don't deserve to be happy. That I don't deserve my Rèmy. . .”

"Life even takes the only woman I have. Fuck it. If only I had known that this is how the world would treat me, I wish I wouldn't have fixed myself. I wish I wouldn't have forced myself to rebuild my broken personality if I was going to be crushed again and again. My Remy's gone and I know she won't come back anymore...” I saw how his tears fell down like a waterfalls.

"I would rather see my son and I together even if he loves someone else than this. . . I can't even see her. I can't hold her anymore. And it's killing me everyday. . .”

"I'm at the point of killing myself... But when I think that I still have my son. I still have the reason to live. I still have Guardian. So I can't give up now. I will not waste every second, minute and hour of my life. P-Please... let me get my son back. let me make him feel that he has a father." my heart broke when I saw him fainting in front of me.

Did I focus on my pain too much that I forget he's also a human just like me? Makes bad decisions and wants to correct himself. If you look at Angel... it's like you and him had the same experience.

You hurt the person you love the most because you knew at the time it was the right thing to do. You left because you only think what's good for him. So that your cousin will not sympathize with him. Stay away because you want to fix yourself. and you're here now. Standing strongly and a little bit fixed. But you still can't really tell that you're fully fixed because you know to yourself that there's still a broken part in your heart. . . and that is the love you have for Keegan.

while looking at Xane right now I can tell that he has so many regrets. He's in pain too just like me. We have so many similarities. He left my best friend to fix himself. He wants to change for him to be worthy of Devillia Rèmy. so now that he has fixed himself and is ready to go back to my friend. He will know that it is gone.

I can imagine his pain while mourning for my best friend. He thought he was going to get something back, but he didn't. Life. . . Why are you so cruel to us?

we just want to love but why do you have to crush us over and over again?

I looked at Xane in shock when he suddenly knelt down in front of me. He bows down his head as he cries. Angel wake up! Why are you so cruel too!

"What are you doing?" I asked confused as I pulled him up

"Stop kneeling! Stand up!”

He stubbornly shook his head as he looked up at me.

"P-please I'm begging you. Please let me see my son. Please let me hold him freely. Please let me spend my life with him. This is my last shot. I want to hug my son longer without thinking about the time. I want him to know that I love him so much. P-Please I'm begging you. . . I don't know what to do in my life anymore. I just want to be with my s-son. . .” he whispered weakly

"I'll do everything you want me to do. just p-please let me be with him. . ."

My knees went weak as I pushed the tears away from my cheeks.

"Will you take him from me? Will you keep him away? I can't lose Guardian from me. He's the only person that reminded me of Villia. he can't be lost from me. . ." I cried harder. Just thinking that Guardian will be gone from me is killing me with pain.

“No, No... It's not like that. I just want you to let me be with my son. I will not take him from you. I know you love him very much. as much as you love Rémy. I just want you to let m-me... That's all I'm asking for. I wouldn't ask for more from you. Just this one p-please. . .” his voice quivered as his eyes pleadingly looked at me

"You really won't take her from me? Promise?" I sobbed

He shook his head again causing my scared heart to calm down.

Villia if you're looking at us right now I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for making your man cry. I'm sorry for making it hard for him. I'm sorry if I'm too cruel. i know if you're still alive you would let Xane into your life again. Let Guardian know him because he's the father. I'm sorry if I was afraid that he might take Guardian from me... Even though he just wants to be with her. Sorry if I deny them to meet. I'm really sorry. you know that i love you so much. . . and I'm just protecting our son from any harm. But I guess Xane is not a harm for Guardian right?

Xane will fixed Guardian and I can say that he'll be a good father to him. I'm giving him a second chance. I will not hinder your father and son.

"Okay. . . I'll let you see my son. I'll let you be with him. Prove yourself that you are worthy to be his father. Don't mess with me. This is your last chance. For William and Guardian. I'll let you in. . . in Guardian's life. You can spend your everyday with him.” I muttered and smiled genuinely at him.

“Fuck. You're not joking?" he stood up in shock because of what I said. I nodded my head and smiled at him. Everyone deserves a second chance. And if we had given this chance let's not waste it.

"God! Thank you. Thank you...” I blinked when he suddenly hugged me tightly.

I also calmed down because he also quickly left. I could clearly see the joy in his eyes. It's like I'm staring into the happy eyes of my son.

"I don't want to waste this chance. Promise. thank you for always choosing to stay with them and for not giving up on them. You have a good heart Angel. You're really an angel sent from above. No wonder your name suits you very well.”

I don't know why but I found myself crying after hearing his words. i've never imagined myself as a good person. But hearing from the other person that I have a good heart melts my heart. After bidding his goodbye. Xane immediately left. I don't know how many buckets of tears I wasted tonight but I don't mind though.

Because I have so many realizations tonight. the purity of Xane regretting touched my heart. Nowadays only a handful of people know how to repent of their mistakes.

I felt that he's genuine and he really deserves a second chance.

And before I doze off to sleep. I promised myself that I'll come back. I will own Keegan again. I will make him fall in love with me. I don't want to spend my life regretting because of so many chances that I've missed. I'll pursue him and win his heart back.