CHAPTER 22

Chance

It's been three days after Keegan left. Until now he didn't show up again. And why would he show up anyway if he doesn't live here? Maybe it's just a coincidence that we met at the hospital because he was injured because of the raid they did. It's because of his work the reason why we met again after so many years.

We never met because one of us wanted our paths to cross again.

I don't know why I'm doing this. Why do I feel like I have no appetite? Is it because I'm hurt? I'm not naive to deny what I truly felt right now. Even if I want to hide this feeling in the dark. It still keeps coming out. Especially now. . . that we met again. For the past years I focused on raising Guardian. I dedicated my life spending my everyday with him.

I thought of nothing else but to raise him right. I promised Devillia that I will raise her son with so much love... and I'll treat him as my own. That he is really from me.

I felt the excitement of being a mother to Guardian. but I can't even deny this excitement and scary feeling inside of me when I saw Keegan again after many years of longing to see his face. I feel the excitement because a dream of mine just came true. To see him again. . . But I'm also scared because of too many reasons.

What if i choose to want to own him again? What if I want him to be mine completely but maybe he doesn't want to let me into his life anymore? Rejection is one of the things I'm scared off.

But when he said that he tried to hate me but he just can't. my heart was revived. I hoped that I might still have a part in his heart. He said he's proud of me. I don't know why he's proud of me but my heart raced at those words. . .

But my happiness didn't last long. They say there are things that don't last long. Happiness is one of them.

I haven't been to the hospital for three days. I've felt like I'm not in myself these days. I feel like I'm not myself and I'm just thinking about something. I've thought of so many scenarios inside my head that didn't help me. I think so negatively which is so weird for me. I don't want this anymore. I'm disgusted.

I smiled at the pretty little girl who was sitting on the waiting chair. Probably she's waiting for her parents? Or to follow him? She looked at me with her blank expression like she doesn't mind my existence in front of her. she reminded me of myself when I was the same age as her.

I looked at his ID and suddenly my eyes widened when I read his name. When he saw me looking at his ID he hid it and looked at me angrily. Oh? Her name is Mary Devine. he is what my son is referring to. That's right. It's like I'm just a kid.

“Hi... Did you know Guardian? I'm his Mom. I'm looking for him. Because usually at this time he is already here waiting for me. I'm just wondering why he's not here yet. Did you see him?” I promise long

She pursed her lips and looked at me blankly.

“I can't familiarize your face with him. I don't believe you are his Mom. Are you a kidnapper?” he asked flatly while raising his eyebrows causing me to gasp. She's so rude! Do I look like a kidnapper with my face?!

this kid's crazy ah?! I remembered myself again in him. This is how I really am. I wonder if the people I used to look up to feel the same way. It hurts to be rejected.

God she's testing my so little patience!

I laughed awkwardly “Uh... I'm really his Mom. not only is it obvious but I'm really his Mom. Did you know my son? I'm worried. Is he still inside the classroom?” I asked again.

Her brows furrowed in confusion. As if I said something wrong.

"What if you're a kidnapper? And you're just trying to fool me?" he asked again which really raised my eyebrows. He was a while ago! Is my pretty face like a kidnapper?!

"I don't believe you. You're lying. Guardian went home a while ago. I saw him with his father. He was picked up.” she said while glaring at me.

After hearing her words. my eyes widened as I felt my body rotten in place. I couldn't move as I tried to process what he said in my brain. What? What was picked up? And which father is he referring to? My hair stood up and I could feel my lips trembling.

What is happening?

"Tell me you're just lying..." I gritted my teeth as I felt my lips quiver. My tears formed in the corner of my eyes. No. . . No. . . Please no. . . Please tell me you're just lying!

"I may be honest but I'm not a liar. I'm telling the truth. If you do not want to believe. Edi don't. I won't force you. Guardian was actually picked up by his dad. They look so much alike that I'm sure he's Guardian's father."

"Maybe you're the one lying now?"

I blinked and suddenly tears fell from my eyes. I covered my lips as my sobs came out. I shook my head not wanting to believe what the boy was saying. But there is a part of me that believes in him. Oh my god... Am I dreaming right now?

Where will I find my son?! I don't know any other information about Guardian's father other than his name! Villia told me that his name is Xane. 'That's it! He didn't show me a picture of the man anymore!

Did he really take my son away?!

"Why are you crying? Are you okay?" I can hear the worries in her voice.

"Yeah I'm fine... Thank you for the information." my voice broke as I tried to walk away. My knees are weak now while looking around. I dare to find my son.

Maybe he just made a mistake? Maybe Guardian is still here? it's not just going with other people if he doesn't know him! What if that boy Angel is telling the truth? What if your child was picked up? I don't want... Please don't take away my son.

I tried to wipe the tears from my cheeks because my vision was getting blurry. my eyes became so blurry because of my damn tears. Other parents are already looking at me with their children.

I hurried out of the gate. I need to find my son. I can't lose him! I promised myself that I'll protect him!

a kid bumped into me making me stopped from my tracks.

“Mimi?” the familiar voice of my son caught my attention making my eyes widened

I was shocked to see my son gasping while he was holding an ice cream in his right hand. The shock in my eyes mirrored his. he blinked as he gulped nervously.

"Oh god! Where did you go Guardian?!” I bent down in front of him and quickly pulled him close to my body and hugged him very tightly.

My lips trembled as I continued to cry. I hugged him tightly, squishing him to my body. I'm scared... I'm really really scared right now.

"Where did you go? I'm so worried...” I cupped my son's face. He turned pale as he looked at me. When he saw my crying face he suddenly avoided my gaze making my brows furrowed.

Why is he avoiding? Why can't he look at me? did he do something i won't like? I really wanted to ask him where he was from and why he was panting but I didn't want to draw attention.

"Let's go home son. I've been waiting for you. You just bought ice cream. I thought what happened to you..." I smiled weakly. I tried to steady my voice even though I could feel it breaking.

Using my palms I wiped away my tears. I held Guardian right hand as I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. Guardian can't look at me. He didn't move. He couldn't even look at me.

i saw how the ice cream cone melted in his hand. I smiled bitterly and tried to calm myself down.

"Son... your ice cream is melting. Can you just throw it away? I'll buy you a new one.” I've tried so hard to use my softest voice even if I'm shaking inside.

I took the melted ice cream from Guardian's hand and threw it into the nearby trash can. It's like my heart is being pierced while looking at my son who can't even look at me. Using my handkerchief I wiped some ice cream on his hands.

Won't you even speak? Guardian!

I held his hand tightly and immediately got on the tricycle. I felt the harshness of the cold wind brushing my face as my tears cascade down my face. I gasped as I felt my heart pounding for some inexplicable reason.

I quickly paid the fare and immediately got off the car. I'm still holding Guardian's hand tightly. Afraid to let him go because maybe the moment I let him go, he will suddenly disappear from me.

"Sit down." I said with my shaking voice.

He quickly obeyed my order. I looked up and closed my eyes to see his hands shaking as he played with his fingers. And from what I'm seeing right now. I know he's guilty.

"Guardian look at me..." I firmly ordered in a controlled voice.

A gasp came out of my lips when I saw my son kneeling in front of me with his head bowed.

"Mimi.... I'm s-sorry..." his cute voice broke as he said those words.

My heart broke even more when he hugged my legs tightly.

"Is it true? Did someone pick you up? does he look like you? Guardian please be honest to me. Did you already know your father? Did you already meet him?” I asked controlling my anger. I angrily wiped my damn tears away when my son slowly nodded his head. One fucking nod that made my heart tear apart!

"I'm s-sorry Mi... please forgive me. I don't want to hurt you. Trust me... I love you so much Mimi... Sorry...” he cried and tightened his hold on my leg.

I laughed out loud when I heard what he said.

"What? You don't want to hurt me but you're lying! when did you learn to lie to me? Guardian Rexane! I didn't raise you to be a liar! Just by keeping this secret you made me feel thousands of needles in my heart. if I don't fill it in, you might be facing me every day with this lie!"

"You do not know him! I thought you were smart?! Why do you trust someone you don't know very well! What if he hurts you? What if he takes you from me?! My god Guardian! I can't handle it!” bent down and hugged him tightly.

I don't want to lose anymore. I'm fed up. It's scary...

"Am I not enough for you?" I asked weakly at him

My son cupped my cheeks while shaking his head. His tears won't stop falling. He looked at me sobbing.

"You are enough for me, Mimi. I'm sorry if I lied. I didn't wish to see or meet my Daddy. My Mimi Angel is enough for me. But when he showed up and I saw his face I immediately knew that he's my Daddy. We have the same face M-Mi... I can't ignore the truth that we have the same face. When I saw him I felt hate towards him."

"I want to punch him M-Mi but I don't have the power. I'm just a kid, his body is big. Even though I hated him, I insisted on talking to him normally as he wanted. he cried M-Mi... He hugged me tightly like you always do as if he missed me so much. Even if he wasn't there when Mommy Vill needed him the most. He wasn't with us. He let me and Mommy go so I hate him...”

My son sobbed as he wiped the tears away from my cheeks. His nose was red as he explained.

"But I have so many questions for him. I want him to answer all my questions. Why did he let, leave and hurt Mommy? Does he not love me? Does he hate me? To us? why did he appear only now after so many years? If he didn't leave Mommy and me, is there a chance that Mommy is still here with me?"

"If only he hadn't left us, you would be happy now..." my son bit his lower lip when his sobs got louder.

"I hope you are happy with Chief. he should be with you now and not a boy like me. I want you to be happy M-Mi... I want to see you genuinely happy. Because I can see in your eyes how much you love Chief... I feel that I am the reason why you are still here. m-You deserve to be happy..." my daughter whispered which made me cry even more!

I shook my head and kissed his forehead.

"What are you saying! I'm happy with you. I am happy because I am your child. I'm happy because you came into my life! I will never regret loving you and taking care of you. I don't have any regret for choosing you over my old life. We love you and your Mommy very much. So why do you say that I deserve to be happy? Aren't we both happy? ” my voice trembled as I asked him.

"Mi why are you so selfless? You don't need to dedicate your whole life to me. You have a life. Choose what makes you really happy. We are both happy but I believe that you will be happier if you follow your heart... I will not leave you M-Mi... i just want you to choose your own happiness..."

Guardian words crumpled my heart. He's just six! I can't believe he's thinking about my happiness. I know my son is hurting. Even though I tried to pour all my love on him. I feel like I'm still not enough. That something is still missing... he will still ask many things that I cannot answer.

I caressed my son's cheek while looking at him sleeping soundly. I'm sorry if I can't answer your curiosity. I love you so much child... Remember that. I will not let anyone hurt you. I will not let your father take you away from me.

“Sleep tight big boy... I'm sorry for making you cry. Mimi loves you so much...” I whispered and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.