CHAPTER 21
Unpredictable
I don't know if I'm excited because I know Keegan is here or because I'm used to waking up really early because my son still has to go school. I always wake up at exactly six am in the morning every weekdays. But it seems like it's too early now? It's still five Angel Kate! You only slept for three hours but why don't you seem sleep deprived today?
With my heart hammering inside my rib cage I slowly opened the door. The excitement in my body instantly vanished in the thin air when I saw no one in the living room. My heart sank. has he left Didn't he even make an effort to wake me up to let me know he was leaving?
And why would he do that Angel? He can leave without telling you. Besides, he slept here at your house, you paid for that because he drove you last night. You're both quits. The sparkle in my eyes suddenly disappeared.
Why can I react like this? It's not a big deal to me that he already left without telling me! I'm matured and I understand him!
I rolled my eyes because I don't like what I'm feeling right now. A part of me is disappointed. I assumed that I'll wake up and he's still here. When did my assumption come back?
Even though I was not in the mood, I forced myself to take a shower to prepare breakfast. The hell I care if he leaves without saying goodbye.
“Mimi...”
I put a smile on my lips when I heard my son's voice. I immediately saw him walk over to the table where I was standing.
"Come here. I would have woken you up. Are you a good boy now?"
I sat on the chair and Guardian immediately came to me. I made her sit on my lap and immediately combed her hair.
"Did you do all your assignments last night?" I asked him as I squished both of his cheeks.
He buried his face in my chest causing me to smile.
"I already did it in school Mimi. Teachers had a meeting yesterday. So I have a lot of free time to do my assignments. I just did it for when I got home. Just eat and sleep.” he mumbled as he wrapped his arms around my waist
“Aw... My Guardian is great. Is there anything you want Mimi to buy for you?” I asked softly while kissing his cheek and forehead.
"I want potchi Mimi..." he requested making me blush
Why didn't I react like this when my son bought it?! Is it because I suddenly remember my crazy senior high school days? 'Causing me to remember the man that made my mood sour today?!
"Okay, I'll buy potchi for you. How many packs do you want?”
"Only two packs Mimi." he answered as he yawned
He raised his head and looked up at me. I saw how his eyes sparkled and he seemed to want to tell me a story.
"Care to share your thoughts hmm..." I asked him while fondling his cheeks. I smiled when he snorted. My son is so gorgeous and cute at the same time! Just like his Mom!
"I have a new classmate Mimi..." he trailed. I listened to him curiously. I carefully listen to every word that comes out of his mouth. I don't want to miss a thing when it comes to Guardian.
"She's so spoiled and a brat. She always rolled her eyes every time we looked at her. My classmates are afraid to take a glance at her because she will scold them every time. What do you call that Mi? Flat? She likes that. yesterday, my classmate Annicka tried to approach her. Annicka tried very hard to be friendly with her. Because he doesn't want Mary Devine to be left behind... that's her name. But you know what Mi? We were surprised when she shouted at Annicka. She said she doesn't want a friend and she's fine being alone. is that lonely Mi? Have no friends? Being alone like an outcast?” Guardian curiously asked me.
His amethyst eyes were suddenly sad. I blinked my eyes and then let out a sigh. I smiled because I could feel my son's concern for his classmate. it means, he cares about the people around him. That's why he's being concerned and curious like this.
I suddenly remember my self when I was still a kid. I used to be alone too. I don't want to be friends with anyone. I don't want to get attached. I'm fine being alone. and I don't need friends. I suddenly want to ask this question. Is there someone like Guardian who's looking at me from a far with concern when I was still a kid? Maybe nothing. Who would want me to be friends with the same attitude? very high self-esteem and very self-centered. Really a spoiled brat.
"Son... being alone doesn't mean that you're lonely. Some people just really want to be alone. That they don't want to socialize with other people. Because they have fear. there's so many reasons why some of us want to be alone. Maybe, for others they are happy to be alone. There are others who want to be alone because they are afraid of being attached because they know that they will only be hurt in the end..." just like me
"There are others who just want to protect their inner peace. everyone of us has so many differences with each other. Maybe... that classmate of yours has deep reasons. But what's Annicka did is not that bad either. She only wants to be friends with Mary. It's just that Mary doesn't like it. And he shouldn't force Mary if she doesn't want to. mary needs a lot of time to check and observe her surrounding first coz as you've said she's new. I think she's still not comfortable with the people around her. To you She needs more time to get comfortable to the place she's not familiar with. When she's already comfortable. Maybe... he'll let himself open up."
"Sometimes we just need to find someone's soft spot. How can we tame it.” I softly muttered making my son's eyes beam in joy
"Mimi that's what I think too. I always look at her to watch her every move. I found out that she loves potchi so much. Just like you Mi.” my son said happily
"Really?" I asked amused. Oh... that's why he wants to buy potchi. I thought it was for him but it wasn't.
"So you want to buy potchi to give it to her? Is that right?" Guardian nodded his head cutely
"Maybe... if I'll give her, her comfort sweets. I can convince her to be friendly with us. So that she will not feel that she's being left out. I don't want to see someone's sad Mimi. I want all of us to be happy.” My innocent guardian angel...
Devillia Rèmy... Thank you for bringing this angel into this world. I love you so much.
"Aw... Hug Mimi. It's still early but you're making me cry." I dramatically murmured earning soft laughter from him. Guardian hugged me tightly and I did the same to him.
I was smiling while feeling the warmth of his hug. But the smile that I was wearing suddenly wept away from my lips as my eyes slowly widened when I saw Keegan standing in front of us!
He was leaning on the wall while intently looking at me. I blinked in confusion. I thought he left? Why is he here?
I stared at Keegan's whole face. His face looks so calm while looking at my eyes. He has this thick eyes brows, perfectly pointed nose. With his deep cold gray eyes. and his lips so red, so soft and kissable.
I saw a look of wonder in his eyes as he looked at our arrangement. He straightened up when he felt me looking at him.
Guardian suddenly cupped my cheeks making me blink. his worried eyes immediately greeted 'kin.
"Mimi... are you alright?" he asked to which I immediately nodded even though I hadn't recovered from the shock.
“Your face looks like you've seen a ghost. Did you see Mommy right now?”
Silly... I laughed because of my son's question. How come he thought of that. I hope I have the ability to see Villia so that I can reduce my longing for her.
I was about to speak when a deep voice overtook me.
"Can I eat my breakfast here? I bought breakfast outside.” his deep morning voice made my body shiver.
I could clearly see how my son's eyes widened when he heard the voice. He tilted his head slowly to check where that voice came from.
"Police Chief?! Are you real?!”
I was shocked when Guardian got off from me as he walked faster towards Keegan. My brows furrowed in confusion. Why did my son know that he's a police chief?
"Come on, you're real!" My eyes widened in horror when Guardian hugged his legs.
"Son..." I called my son because he shamelessly grabbed Keegan's leg.
Keegan cleared his throat making me feel so shy towards him. I do not know what to do. I didn't know that my son would know him. I saw how Keegan knelt down to be level with my son. he then smiled making my heart flip. Did h-he just smile at my son? He ruffled Guardian's hair making me want to tear up.
"Mimi... You're right. He's so handsome. Look at his face...” my son called me causing me to swallow. I feel like I just want to be eaten by the ground right now!
"Did you know me? I introduced myself by email. I put my full name there. Did you read my email? The reason why you're here?" Guardian asked Keegan with his curious voice making my jaw drop!
Did he what—?! Did he just say he emailed him? Oh my God! Guardian Rexane! what are you doing?! I mentally slapped my forehead. I feel like I really want to disappear like a bubble. . .
"Is this really for real? Did God really hear my wish this instant?” Guardian cupped Keegan's face shamelessly making the latter chuckle.
Wow... His chuckles sounds so sexy in my ears. my cheeks suddenly flushed.
"Your crush Mimi is really handsome..." Guardian promised, causing me to gasp! Willia! What is your child saying!
I saw how the smile on Keegan's lips disappeared and how he gradually stopped laughing because of what my son said.
"Guardian... come here." I ordered my son with my shaking voice! Keegan tilted his head to look at me using his emotionless eyes. I avoided his eyes because I was nervous.
"Your Mom called you, go to her." Keegan told Guardian making my son nodded. Why am I still alive? I'm ashamed of myself!
"Mimi, is Chief going to eat here? Didn't I tell you that I saw your crush? that he's now a hot police officer. He's not the same thin boy, like before? Did you forget it Mi? Or you're not listening to me at that time?" Guardian asked in a muffled voice.
I blinked because he seemed really sullen based on his appearance now. I nervously licked my lower lip and looked at Keegan who was currently looking at me. He has this mocking smile pasted on his lips.
Son, why is your memory sharp and why are you babbling! You really are your mother's daughter!
“Mimi! I saw your crush! He's now a hot police officer. he's not the same thin boy, like before. Haha!”
And those familiar words suddenly hit me! I thought my son was just joking at that time! I didn't take it seriously because I knew he hadn't really seen Keegan. But where did he see Keegan? Right... has social media and often hangs out at Tita Briella's house.
I gulped nervously when I felt Keegan stares. He raised his right brow making me bite my lower lip. Did my son really send him an email? Guardian what have you done? Why are you playing cupid?
I really didn't hide anything from Guardian. Everything I can tell him I will tell him everything. I always love Keegan. Did he think that I still love Keegan until now?
Guardian's request just now registers in my brain. i thought the person he wants to meet is his real father? Never in my wildest dream did I think that he wants to meet another person. Which is Keegan... My knees go weak from the shame I feel right now.
No words want to come out of my mouth. the intensity of Keegan's gaze didn't help!
“Good morning people!”
Someone shouted with his lively voice making me tore my eyes off from staring at Keegan. Thank God for saving me from shame. I smiled when I saw the image of Gabriel entering our small kitchen.
I saw how his bright smile washed off from his lips when he saw the man standing with so much confidence in front of us. I even saw how his eyes widened. Gabriel lips parted. But he immediately recovered and took a sip.
"Good morning big boy," he greeted my son awkwardly
"Goodmorning Tito," Guardian greeted cheerfully
He approached Gabriel wearing his happy smile.
"Uncle, Mimi's crush is here. Very handsome." he excitedly told Gabriel that made me choked.
Gabriel laughed raw as he looked at Keegan. while I felt how red my face was while looking at Gabriel. I shook my head to tell him that my son is just bluffing! But is your son really bluffing Angel Kate?
I blinked when I felt Keegan come to my side. he suddenly crouched a bit to whisper in my ears making my face heated.
"I know your son is just joking. How come the great Angel Francisco like someone like a rat right? I'm hungry. Can we eat now?” he whispered with so much mockery in his voice.
it was like cold water was poured on me because of what he said. My heart ached and I forced myself not to cry. Keegan straightened up and walked over to a chair. He sat here and raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled and looked away from him.
I faced Gabriel and Guardian who were both looking at me. I tried to smile warmly to mask up my pain right now.
"Guardian, sit in the chair and eat." my son immediately followed. I tried to steady my voice so it wouldn't crack.
"Gabriel, have you eaten yet? do you want to come with us?” I asked Gabriel while smiling. I heard a scoff from someone.
Gabriel stared at my face intently trying to find out if I was okay. He took a step closer to me. I was shocked when he planted a gentle kiss on my forehead.
"I'm done eating. I just dropped by to give Guardian the legos I bought yesterday. Please know your worth. I know he has a special place in your heart but please don't let him hurt you. Love shouldn't be painful.” Gabriel whispered causing me to smile.
“I'll get going. I still have a job.” he stated and gave me a warming smile
He approached Guardian and ruffled his hair.
"Big boy I'm leaving. Always do good in school okay? I'll buy you more gifts." Gabriel always spoiling my son.
"Bye Uncle... be careful at work." Guardian said last before Gabriel left.
We ate in silence until the end. Even though I can feel Keegan's burning gaze on me, I haven't looked at him since earlier. I still can't get out of my mind what he said earlier. the rat word made my heart bleed. Tears started to form under my eyes. I know I hurt him. I understand his pain. And I'm so sorry for it. I didn't intend to hurt him but I did. Because it was the only thing I knew was right at the time.
It's okay for me if he's angry. I'll just listen to every hurtful word he will spill. I won't open my mouth to tell him that his words are hurting me so bad. Just like what he did before. He just listened to every hurtful word I've said without asking why I said those words to him. Why all of a sudden I'm pushing him away. when I'm the one who badly wants to be part of his life.
Did he realize now that his decision to let me enter his life is a bad decision he ever did? Did he realize now that I'm a bad person for making him feel that I love him when all I did at the end was mock and hurt him? my soft innocent yuki is gone. And I miss him...
"I'll drive you both to the school. Is it okay with you kiddo?" Keegan asked my son.
Hasn't he left yet? I thought he would just eat here? Why now he pretended to take us to Guardian's school. I want to scream don't stop. We can ride a tricycle but I can't find my voice.
You're a mess too Angel! It's like you just wanted Keegan not to leave and now you want him to leave immediately!
"Is it okay with you?" Keegan asked me softly making my lips parted. Did he just use his soft voice at me?
I can't grasp any words and I still can't find my voice. So I did nothing but nod. I just saw myself riding in his luxurious car again.
Even his car looks so expensive. A Lexus car huh... I can't help myself but to be proud of him. I know he'll be successful. I know he will reach his dream profession. Too bad I didn't even see him reach for them. Too bad I couldn't even take a picture with him. too bad I didn't even see him go on stage.
Too many regrets... That I shouldn't feel right now coz in the first place. It's all my choice. And my choice is to hurt him the reason why I missed years watching him getting matured.
"I love you..." I whispered while kissing my son's cheeks. He smiled cheekily at me before kissing both of my cheeks too.
"I love you more Mimi. So much.” Guardian uttered lovingly making me smile.
"Bye, Mimi! Bye, Chief! Take care of my Mimi! I love that so much!”
I couldn't erase the smile on my lips as I watched my son mingle with the children. Our daughter Villia grew up so fast. He will pick up on your behavior. But he's extra sweeter than you. I sighed as I felt my heart ache for remembering her again.
"Do you really love him that much huh?" I was surprised when Keegan suddenly broke our silence while we were still standing outside and on the side of the gate.
I tilted my head and looked up at him. He was wearing his soot black pants while his top was again a black T-shirt. He only looked ahead and didn't even look at me.
Genuine smile formed in my lips. Reminiscing the day Guardian looked at me with his innocent amethyst eyes. Remembering the first time he called me Mimi. I nodded my head while remembering those precious moments with the angel William brought into this world.
"Too much," I whispered softly enough for him to hear
“Where's Vill?” he asked suddenly and titled his head to my side. My breathing hitched at his sudden move. but I didn't let him see how affected I am with his every move.
"She's gone... After she gave birth to Guardian. She left me. She left him. She left both of us. Unprepared.” I gave him a small smile making his lips parted. I saw the shock in his eyes.
"Guardian is my son and I love him so much. He saved me from the cage of darkness. He gave me another hope and another reason to live.”
Keegan's intense eyes bore into me. He looked pained while staring at my face.
"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I shouldn't have asked.”
"No it's okay..." I shook my head when he immediately said sorry. It's not a sin to ask. I know he's curious and he just simply asked. There's nothing wrong with that.
I saw how Keegan's eyes glistened. He took a breath and looked up.
“Fuck this... I should hate you. but, why am I fucking seeing myself again admiring you? Am I this fucking stupid huh?” he chuckled dryly while his voice quivering a bit
The tears I've been holding back that I've been holding back... Now I'm allowing them to flow. my tears slowly cascade down to my face making me feel that I'm really crying right now.
Why are you crying? Is it because of my regret because I hurt the only man I loved so much? Or maybe I just really miss my friend? can't I just want to cry because I'm proud of myself because I was able to revive myself for six years?
No erase that... Am I crying now because I'm proud of myself because I survived myself and Guardian for six years? that I was able to raise him properly even though at first I was still very scared. Because I don't know how to be a mother. Am I crying right now because I'm proud or I'm crying because the man I love is telling me that he's admiring me instead of hating me? You also admitted Francisco? that you still love him to this day? That you just forced yourself to lock up the love you had for him for so many years because you were afraid.
You fooled yourself. You fooled yourself by believing that you already fixed your broken heart. you're just fooling yourself these years.
There is a part of my heart that hopes I still have a place in his heart. That there is still a little space for me. But I don't want to hope...
"Francisco..." he called with his soothing voice.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks and slowly looked up at him. He gulped as he clenched his jaw. He watched my face closely before saying the words I didn't expect him to say...
"I'm so proud of you." he whispered painfully making my tears fall again!
i should be the one who will say that! I'm so proud of you! Look at you! You're so successful! How come he's proud of me after all of the painful words from me? How come we can talk to each other normally like I haven't hurt his heart!
"I love this version of yourself..." he mumbled sweetly making my lips quiver. I can't clearly see him because of my damn tears!
“I thought I would hate you... I've planned it inside my head to hate you but I guess it won't work. I love this version of you... I can't afford to hate this new version of you.”
“Damn it.” he cursed as he bit his lower lip
He stared at me longingly. Like he missed me so much. Like he wanted so bad to touch me but he was stopping himself.
"Why am I fucking fooling myself? I just can't damn hate you and I hate it! I should be but I just can't!” he breathlessly shouted making my sobs escape from my mouth.
Why? You have all the rights! I wouldn't mind if you hate me! Because I deserve your anger!
He was about to help me dry my tears but before he could even do it. His phone rang. His lips parted and it was as if he had been splashed with cold water. I saw how he struggled to close his eyes and slowly lowered his hand causing my heart to break.
He fished his phone out of the pocket of his jeans.
The name 'Queen' calling her did not escape my eyes.
When Keegan saw who was calling he didn't waste time and immediately answered his phone.
"Keegan..." a soft womanly voice is what I've heard making my heart sink.
I saw Keegan look at me when I immediately looked away. I fixed myself and smiled bitterly. Ts He just said that he's admiring me. There is a woman!
"I need your help. Are you free? can you come here It's okay if you're busy, I understand." Why is her voice too sweet?!
I didn't realize that I'm rolling my eyes in the air.
Keegan cleared his throat before speaking “No, I'm not busy. I'll come. Yeah, yeah. Just wait for me. I'll be there Queen. Promise.”
I didn't look back at Keegan and immediately left by his side. He calls her Queen. Is that her new woman now? I stopped the tricycle and it immediately stopped. I wasted no time and immediately entered. I clenched my fist when I saw from the side mirror of the tricycle how Keegan hurriedly went inside his car like he's in a hurry. As if he can't fail Queen because he made a promise.
He's true to his words. While the tricycle is moving. I can't help but to smile faintly. It's like I used to hate riding this kind of vehicle. I only experienced riding like this because of a man. I smiled bitterly. You never know how life goes. I'm now very used to riding in a tricycle. while Keegan used to ride with his expensive car.
Changes are really unpredictable too. . . Just like how life plays with us. So unpredictable. . . and scary. . .
