18

~Lou Wilson~

Hard to believe I actually let him talk to me again. He broke my heart and gods forbid he doesn't do something like that to me again.

I've been staying away from him so well these last two weeks. But after he attacked Linus, I couldn't do it anymore. Who knows if he wouldn't have killed him if I hadn't intervened.

And so I'm standing here in the middle of the forest in front of Arian, who has meanwhile quickly put on a pair of trousers, and I'm waiting for his words, which I hope didn't tell me that I should disappear from his pack once and for all. Because, oddly enough, that's exactly what I feared, although it might even be better if we kept our distance like that.

Then no one can hurt anyone by word or deed.

"Lou," he began to speak. His eyes locked on mine and for a moment I was afraid of being rejected again. But I didn't expect what he said instead for walking off like an asshole after we had sex. And anyway for having sex because I didn't even ask your permission..."

"You're an asshole," my thoughts slipped out quietly. Arian, however, didn't let that deter him from taking the next step.

"I hereby accept you, Lou Wilson, as my mate and am ready to tag you."

I could hardly believe what he was just saying. My whole body was tingling and warmth was spreading through me. That's all I ever wanted. But do I still want it at all?

Is this what I'm longing for?

What if he just wants to hurt me again now? Eventually, I felt the companion bond between us continue to grow with his words. Now it would be easy for him to verbally hurt me even more. Because he hasn't done anything else since we met.

“Lou please, let me finally make you mine. I've waited far too long for this..."

Arian's voice was hoarse and his words were just a whisper in my ear. His lips lightly touched the tender spot under my ear as he stroked down to my neck.

When had he come so close to me again?

The wall! I must preserve my protective wall. My insides struggled against it, but Arian, pushing from the other side, was so much stronger that it was really hard not to just let go.

The tingling that ran through my body at that moment distracted me too much from his words. Instead, I started to melt in his hands.

Arian kissed a spot between shoulders and neck that made me moan. I didn't care that we were outside. That wasn't of interest at the moment. It wasn't until his fangs touched my tender skin that I came to understand, and so he didn't tear down my protective wall, even though it had crumbled.

That was close.

I gathered all my strength and pushed him away from me. He was far too perplexed to resist and looked at me with wide eyes.

"No. I don't accept your pathetic apology. Do you think this makes up for everything you did to me? What words did you throw at me? Do you even know what it's like when your mate rejects you and you keep thinking you're not good enough, not pretty enough, unsuitable and repulsive? You know what it's like when those thoughts make you wonder if you're even worth living?"

The words were true. The first time in London I had extreme problems with suicidal thoughts. But I got through it, telling myself instead that Arian just wasn't worth it.

"I said I'm sorry. What am I supposed to do now?" He tugged at his black hair with his fingers, messing them up.

"Nothing, there's nothing you can do to make things right. Because it happened. If you were a normal wolf, I would reject you now too, to show you what it's like, but I know better. You're an alpha and I can't possibly blame you for that. I can promise you that I won't be the one to cut your heart in two, but I still have to figure this out, about us, first. And that takes time. You can't fix that overnight." With that, I turned away from him and started walking my way back.

Tears found their way down my cheeks. Tears that he didn't need to see, because once again it's his fault that I'm crying, even if he didn't want to achieve that with his words. But I had to show him that it's not so easy to make up for the past. If he really meant it, then he has to try harder. Just as I initially tried for this mate connection.

"Lou wait!" I heard him call, so I shifted my gears to get away from him faster. But he was just too quick, so the next moment he grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him.

"Why are you crying?" he asked. He took his thumb and wiped the tears from my cheek. "I don't want you to shed another tear for me. I know I was stupid, but please forgive me. I'm sorry." "

I just shook my head. How am I supposed to forgive him? He can't even imagine what I've been through.

"Good" Arian sighed. "But maybe you'll be happy when I tell you that your father is on his way here. You must have missed him."

What? My father comes here? But why?

Arian planted a gentle kiss on my forehead, without my resisting, before jogging away, leaving me alone.

My tears dried up as I thought that I would soon see my father again and hopefully my mum with him. Finally a reason to be happy. Because my mum was a person who always supported me. A woman with the right words.

Actually stupid of me not to return home after Arian's first rejection. To her, into the comforting arms of my mum...