Head above the clouds

Atasha’s Point of View

If there was one thing I disliked the most, that was to see myself getting delusional . . . when I couldn’t tell if a certain situation was real or just a dream, and whether the person I was seeing was real or simply a creation of my imagination since I was longing for that person at one point.

The sight of the soon-to-be Alpha, Elijah Montreal, whose face I hadn't expected to see again, made my lips tremble, and all I could do was gasp, close my eyes, hate and curse the fate that appeared to be playing games with my thoughts and emotions all over again.

I knew to myself that I wasn’t ready for this . . . even if this was just a dream . . . even if it was just a fucking dream to test my emotions and decisions in life.

I wasn’t ready to face him . . . after what I did to him . . .

My imagination seemed to betray me. I thought I was already doing fine. I thought I could move forward in this life but then his presence, his wayfarer blue eyes that could see through me . . . his voice . . . those had awakened the supposed forgotten emotions I felt for him.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly. This wasn’t real . . . Atasha, your imagination was only tricking you . . .

After what I've done in the forest, there's no way Elijah would come and see me here again. I betrayed and attempted to kill him!

There was absolutely no way he would come here to find me . . .

“Atasha,” he called my name.

My heart skipped a beat upon hearing his familiar deep and demanding voice . . . I gasped for thin air, slowly opened my eyes as my hands made a fist. I looked down and stared at my feet, unable to make any move at my seat.

Mixed of emotions had started building up in my chest.

Was this real?

Was I dreaming?

Was it really you, Elijah?

“Open your eyes. You’re not dreaming,” he said as I felt his wayfarer blue eyes glanced through me.

I couldn’t even try to look at his face at this moment. Finally realizing that this wasn’t a dream and the thought that Elijah Montreal was really in front of me, my breathing increased rapidly. The deafening silence surrounded us here in the cabin. All I could hear were the loud beating of my heart and my heavy breathings.

Why is he here? Did he come to hurt me? To seek his revenge about what I’ve done to him?

Is he planning to make me suffer? Or to kill me?

A lot of questions whirled through my head. I couldn’t find the right answers to these questions but I guess, I have to prepare myself for the worst as I knew that explaining or even arguing with him was useless at this point.

My chest felt so heavy as I could no longer control my emotions inside.

“Atasha, let’s go back . . . “ he said softly, breaking the deafening silence between us.

He reached for my hand and squeezed it gently. An electrifying feeling ran through my veins. It was the same thing I used to feel whenever he touched me. My body had the same reaction whenever he was around and from how his warm skin brushed through mine. It didn’t even change a bit . . .

“El–Elijah, this place is my home,” I uttered as I gathered all my courage to look at him in his eyes.

His face, his eyes . . . those didn't fail to take my breath away . . . My eyes memorized every part of his beauty. It’s been just a couple of days since I left them but my heart yearned as if I hadn’t seen him for a very long time.

All the wounds he got from the forest were gone, and it gave me a huge relief.

I had to admit that my heart was so happy to see him again. My emotions were like trying to betray me as our gazes locked to each other but as the sunlight hit my face, I had to be firm with my decision, that no matter what he says, I should no longer allow him to drag me back to his place.

“You have to return, Atasha. I-I need you . . .” he said. As I looked through him, I knew he was struggling for words and I didn’t know why.

Why did he have to come here to see me? I was just a nobody.

“Elijah . . .” I grabbed my hand away from his. “I assure you that you no longer need me.”

A glimpse of pain and panic crossed his eyes but those immediately went away in the thin air.

“No, this isn’t what I came here for. I don’t want this fucking clean break, Atasha. We have an agreement. I need—”

“Clarence Norwood,” I said as I cut him off. I knew I never wanted this but I had no other choice. “I can help you see Clarence. You know what's great news? She told me that she still loves you, Elijah. She told me the reason why she had to leave you. You two just have to talk and I’m sure you’ll understand—” I couldn’t finish my statement as I felt that something was tearing apart inside of me.

“But she’s not the reason why I came here, Atasha,” he said in a low tone of voice. “It’s you . . . .”

I looked above the ceiling, trying to suppress the hot tears that were about to fall down my cheeks.

Elijah, you have to understand. I don’t want to get things more complicated for the two of us. I am doing this because this is what’s deemed best . . . for you. I couldn’t be swayed by you anymore. I have to find my sister . . . I have to reunite with Astrid and in order for me to do that, I have to stay away from you . . .

I wished I could tell him those but I couldn’t . . . I shook my head and breathed heavily, still avoiding his gaze.

“Atasha, I came here for you,” he stated.

I smiled bitterly. Did he think that we could still prevent the fall out by pursuing his plan?

I reminded myself how he treated me wrong . . . that he only wanted me to be his object who would help him with his plans. I was just a mere slave. No more, no less.

“I’m no longer your slave, Elijah . . .” I said firmly and blinked several times.

I felt as if my entire body convulsed when he wrapped his arms around me. As I froze at my seat, all I felt was his familiar warmth.

My lips quivered as my heart cried inside. The cabin stopped at the highest part of the Ferris wheel and from where I was seated, I could see the clouds in the sky . . . the sunlight hit my face that gave me wanders . . .

Was I feeling this high right now because he was embracing me or was it because of this ride?

“We made a promise,” he said, then his embrace got tighter. “I didn’t even break my promise with you. I will still find your family, protect you against any harm in this world and I know I’m the only one who can do that,” he added.

My heart was beating so loud that I could hear it from my head.

“Elijah, didn’t you hear me? I said Clarence still loves you. You can make her your Luna . . . it doesn’t have to be me anymore!”

And those words I voiced out tore me apart.

He let go of me, his fist punched his seat and then he pulled his hair out of frustration.

“You’re the only one I want to be my contracted Luna. Knowing what she feels for me doesn’t change a thing. I will still choose you, Atasha,” he said with finality. He shook his head, made a deep breath and palmed his face. “Let’s go back. You don’t have any choice. You’ll be my contracted Luna until the end of time . . .” he said and smiled.

I stared at him, contemplating. My emotions were so high that all I could do was to remain silent, to seize this one fleeting moment as I knew this too shall pass in an instant. I stared at him like I’d never see him again after this . . .

Why does it have to be me, Elijah? Don’t you think I was too less for you?

You still have Clarence . . . don’t you feel anything about her anymore?

I didn’t know how long I stared at him. I only came back to my senses when the cabin finally reached the ground, and when the door opened, he immediately wore his fox mask and went out . . . leaving me.

It took me a minute before I could stand up to my feet. I slowly walked out of the cabin, my hand gripping the strap of the body bag I wore as if it was the only thing that would keep me sane.

It felt as if my entire world had slowed down and turned pitch black and white. My gaze roamed around, lips quivering as my tears started falling down my cheeks . . . trying to find Elijah’s presence in such a colorful crowd.

I sobbed and looked down, palmed my face and my other hand clutching my chest.

He wasn’t here anymore . . .

Was it just my imagination trying to hurt me? I hope it was . . . as even though part of me was dying now, my decision wouldn’t change even for a bit.

I hope he no longer comes back . . .

Don’t ever come back, Elijah Montreal.

***

“What happened to you, Atasha? I looked around and you’re gone. I was so worried about you!” Leo said, almost shouting at me when I got back to the bench where he left me earlier.

After what happened earlier, I went to the restroom to wash my face as I didn’t want him to see evidence of me crying because of Elijah.

There was still a part of me who wanted to look around, hoping to see Elijah somewhere but I scolded myself inwardly as I knew I wasn’t in my right mind.

“I– I’m so sorry, Leo. I didn’t mean to make you feel worried about me.” I tried to think of an alibi as there’s no way I would tell him that I met Elijah, the son of Alpha Gregory. “An old lady approached me. She needed some help with her . . . uhm, her belongings. She’s old, and she had a lot of bags to carry so . . .”

I bit my lower lip. I couldn’t look him in the eye. I really hate lying as I knew I wasn’t good at it.

I heard him sigh, and I felt that he no longer wanted to argue with me.

“It’s okay, Tash. I’m sorry if I raised my voice on you.” He then held my hand. “Come on, let me escort you back to your home.”

I nodded and followed his lead. I was quiet the whole time as we walked home. When we arrived at my house, I turned around to meet Leo’s gaze.

“Thanks for today, Leo. I enjoyed it a lot,” I said and smiled at him but deep within me, I knew that smile didn’t reach my eyes.

I felt bad for Leo. This day should have been special for both of us. I knew to myself that I was ready to give him a chance as it looked like this was the Moon Goddess' plan for me— to get closer with Leo but I actually just ruined it.

“I enjoyed the time I spent with you too, Tash,” he uttered and leaned forward.

My eyes widened as I was well aware about what he was about to do. He tried to kiss me on my lips . . . but then he stopped midway and before I even got a grasp about what happened, he already held his left eye as if something went inside of it.

“W-What happened, Leo? Are you alright?” I asked worriedly and tried to check his eye.

“I-I’m fine, Tash. It’s only dirt which went through my eyes,” he replied.

“Do you want me to check it?”

He shook his head and patted my head. “No, I’m good. I-I should leave now. Take a rest and see you on Monday, Tash.”

“Thanks, see you as well!”

I watched how he walked away and decided to enter my house afterwards. As soon as I closed the door, my knees immediately fell down on the floor.

I gasped, trying to catch my breath as my body started to break down.

Atasha, please forget about him . . . please, I’m begging you to forget about him . . .

I thought I cried enough in front of the Ferris wheel a while ago, but then my tears pooled in my eyes as if I never cried for years. I clutched my chest and sobbed in silence. I didn’t understand why my heart felt as if it sank into bitter sadness.

“He’s our enemy . . . I should stop thinking about him . . .” I said repeatedly and hit my head thrice. “You should wake up, Atasha . . .”

I cried in despair, while trying to collect my thoughts and justified my decision of pushing him away . . . I cried, as that was the only thing I could do. To cry and forget what happened. To cry and move on from all these nightmares. To cry . . . and live once again.

I embraced my knees and just cried. I didn’t know how long I stayed in that position. Sadness and pain engulfed my entire system. I couldn’t help but question the Moon Goddess as to why she let all of these happen to me.

Was I the only werewolf who the Moon Goddess despised the most?

I let out a huge sigh as I wiped my tears away. I decided to stand up after what seemed like hours of sitting on the floor, contemplating and letting my emotions take over me.

If there was one thing that could ever make up for the decision I chose, that is for me to live with it as happily as I could.

I was about to go to bed when my eyes darted on the window.

I immediately walked towards it and held the glass window.

It’s fixed.

“Who did this?” I asked myself, wondering how the broken window got repaired.