Crazy Hormones
Virgínia
After the appointment with Dr. Clifford, where the doctor tried to reassure me about my drastic mood swings and the roller coaster of feelings that had taken over me in the last few days, I felt less confused about everything that was happening.
The doctor was very kind during the whole time, as well as very considerate, and said that everything that had been happening to me was due to pregnancy hormones and that it was completely normal what I was feeling.
" In order for you to be able to cope better with Virginia's mood swings, you need to do something simple, and it can be done easily by both of you," The doctor told us during the consultation.
" And what would that be, doctor? " Murilo asked.
" The dialogue between the couple will help you in this first phase of pregnancy, which is the adaptation to pregnancy and all the changes it brings " he explained.
Murilo participated actively during the entire consultation, answering all his questions, and even what I hadn't stopped to think about, he asked Dr. Clifford.
Now that we were in Murilo's car after leaving the doctor's office, all I wanted was my home, my family, and my bed. But, all I could have was my bed because the house, my father made it absolutely clear, was not mine.
" I didn't like that doctor from the first moment he laid eyes on you, but I must admit that he was very clear in his information during the entire consultation " It was pretty clear that saying that was something really difficult for Murilo.
" I liked Dr. Clifford a lot " I made a point of repeating "He is very kind and polite.”
"I'm nice and polite too, Virginia. But I don't see you complimenting me.”
Murilo sounded like a stubborn boy when he said that, and I couldn't help smiling at his puppy"dog face that fell off the move.
" I know I haven't been an easy person, but I'll do everything the doctor told me to do, and I'll really try to be more in control from now on, " I said in a tone of promise.
Murilo used his free hand to hold mine and stared at me with his gaze full of affection. At that moment, the car stopped at a red light, and he took the opportunity to speak while staring at me intently.
"I know that this pregnancy was not in your plans and that the way we met makes you totally defensive, but let's do what you said. Live one day at a time, with no prejudgments?”
Before I could answer, the traffic light opened, and he let go of my hand, turning his full attention to the busy midday traffic.
" I know it's best really " I agree " But I haven't put my own words into practice, have I? "I gave him a wry smile, remembering my outbursts and feeling embarrassed.”
He looked at me with a beautiful smile that only Murilo could give, and my heart gave a little jump in my chest. That beautiful, gentle, and loving man was offering me the world, and all I was doing was creating obstacles and hindering our relationship. That had to change. I needed to change.
" You mustn't worry about me, Virginia, " Murilo said. "As the doctor said, you are going through great changes in this first trimester of pregnancy and things get a little confusing indeed.”
Even though he wasn't looking at me at that moment, I was paying attention to his profile and noticed that he was smiling, and I ended up smiling too.
" What do you think about doing the yoga and aqua aerobics classes that nosy doctor suggested you do? " he asked. "I think he might be right, and you might feel better with light exercise.”
" I'll think about it calmly " I preferred not to commit to anything else that I couldn't fulfill.
We went the rest of the way in silence and when we reached my house, another problem lay ahead of us.
"I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone in this house, feeling this sudden discomfort.”
We hadn't talked about it, and I believe Murilo had even forgotten about the current situation. But now that we were in front of my parent's house, the subject presented itself with full force, and even I didn't even feel safe being alone at that moment.
" I could stay with Mariana, but she has to take care of the store, " I commented regretfully.
As if it wasn't enough that I couldn't help in the administration of our dream business venture, it wouldn't be fair to my friend.
Murilo and I were still inside his car, parked in front of my house, and he was looking at me carefully, but his thoughts seemed to be analyzing the situation, trying to find a way out.
" You could stay with me, in my apartment " he suggests.
When I heard Murilo's proposal, the first thing that came to my mind was that it was impossible! To stay in the apartment of a total stranger?
" I don't think that's a good idea, Murilo " was my immediate response.
But as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I regretted it. I needed to stop and think before I refused everything that the father of my son proposed to me with the best of intentions. And I also couldn't say that he is a complete stranger when even when he was really that, I felt threatened by him.
" I know that you still don't feel completely at ease with me and that staying in my apartment is just one more thing that was not in your plans, " Murilo said, showing, as always, that he was very tactful "But think about it, Virginia. Staying here alone is not the best option right now.”
