37

Surprisingly, despite my mind working overtime and inability to keep picturing Colton inside my head, I fell asleep. Curled up with Meadow, talking quietly until the darkness grew that we could no longer see each other, and we faded into tiredness. I don’t remember who fell asleep first, but I woke to her rousing me with a shake and telling me we had to get up. Exhausted, groggy, and somewhat disorientated, as I came to and impulsively reached for the warm and familiar body of my mate and blinked at the shock of his absence.

It was then that it all came rushing back and I almost cried with the realization that none of it was a dream, he’s really not here to welcome my day, to kiss me good morning or hug me awake. And that today we have to leave to go drive an almost full day to find a witch who may or may not help us. It feels like being sucker punched by a cannonball and my heart faltered before pounding through my chest in the most agonizing way.

It’s way too early in the day, sun not quite fully up but I know we have to get out of here at first light to make sure we hit our destination before the sun comes down again. The goal is to get there without stopping if we can and try to make it in one day. The sooner we deal with this, the quicker we can break the spell, and the faster I can get Colton back. That our pack can come home again.

I wander down with her, half asleep, fatigue kicking my ass still and we grab a cold quick breakfast in the kitchens as quietly as we can so as not to attract attention and spread the word we are sneaking out.

We didn’t tell the pack we planned on leaving, so as not to cause panic and have the remainder of the pack try and talk us out of going. We are relying on Sierra telling them after we go so no one can hinder our progress. Wolves are naturally protective and when it comes to a Luna, they will hold me against my will for my own safety if they feel it’s needed.

Everyone is on edge and I know the loss of their Luna on top of their alpha’s absence will send them into a frenzy and barricade us from leaving. Wolves need the hierarchy more than is logical sometimes, especially the peaceable land-dwelling type and by going out there, I am abandoning them to their own fate should anything happen to me. They’re going to be unhappy when they know the Rema is now in charge and they have neither Alpha nor Luna in the grounds.

It has to be done. I’m the one with the strongest gifts, and that gives us more chance of doing this without death. And the spell books and the bottle seemed pretty certain I was meant to go with Meadow to see this through, for whatever reason.

I walk slowly into the medi bay when Meadow cuts right to head outside and check the sentinels she left in charge of loading the truck have done what they were asked. They know she’s leaving but they don’t know about me. I am waiting until the last second to go out and jump in the truck with her, besides I still have one task to carry out before we go.

Carmen is standing by the window when I walk in and staring outside at the obvious green mist which is still lingering over the horizon. I can tell by the waves of mood coming her way she already knows what’s happened while she was asleep. She’s quiet, still, somber, and standing upright like that frosty bitch I knew so long ago, only now, I can feel her so much better than I used to, and the sadness is almost suffocating. If I didn’t know her before, and only saw her like this now, I would be moved to pity this vulnerable creature and wonder who had hurt her so deeply.

I clear my throat to get her attention, feeling like I’m invading her space and a little awkward; she snaps around, startled at seeing it’s me and not the doctor, lowering her eyes immediately in submission, knowing her place in our grounds.

“Luna…. I … I’m sorry for….” She begins with a waiver in her voice, her guilt seeping through so that I know what she’s about to say; almost like an overwhelming heavy dampener in the air and I cut her off. She is nothing like the fierce and stubborn girl of yesterday.

“You didn’t do this. She didn’t do this. It would have happened anyway. They were waiting for a time and it was just coincidence.” I try to soothe her, but the lack of change in her tight expression tells me my words are falling on deaf ears and her responsibility in this runs deep. I sigh and try a different approach in a bid to remove that dark shroud of worthlessness which is cloaking her and making me feel all kinds of emotional. “You can look at me, I give you permission. After all, you are one of my sub pack and they’re family. No need for the formalities.” It’s the least I can do, given how awkward it is for her to stare at the ground while I am attempting to comfort her and making a hash job of it.

Her eyes flash up at me, a hint of shock on that normally noble face as she second guesses my words, looks away again and then flickers back at me unsurely. I think she’s trying to figure out if I actually mean it, or if I’m trying to catch her out, but I haven’t got time to waste today.

“Look, I didn’t come here to have a chit chat… I came to ask you something.” My nerves are building, knowing it’s almost time and I sigh and look around the room trying to ground myself and sound stronger than I am at this moment in time. I feel like time is ticking away faster than I can deal with and yet also not. Like wading through sand in terms of how long it’s been since Colton held me.

“Yes, Luna.” She has the sense not to question anyway. I guess she really is trying to step in line with my new role, or that she’s so bogged down in her own grief that all her fight has left her. I’m thinking it’s more that than anything else.