CHAPTER 54

It’s embarrassing how fast I came fucking Jasmine up against that door. Two weeks without her and the knowledge I was claiming her in her husband’s home, the one who had the fucking gall to tell her she was bad in bed, made me come fast and hard.

It took the edge off but not nearly enough.

I’m pretty sure I’ll attack her the minute she walks in the door, and that should be very soon. She texted me a bit ago to say she was on her way, and I’ve had a hard-on since then.

I’ve also been filled with a low-boiling turmoil. Jas didn’t push me away in her house. She let me have her and screamed my name twice with love.

Not orgasm, but love.

I heard it, and so did she.

And then she told me she was with Peter. Christ, that fucking cut. She then told me that what we did wasn’t right, and that cut me further. I must face the very real possibility that I’ve lost her to a man who pulled through for her when she needed it. I don’t know the guy personally, can’t fucking stand what I do know, yet he did Jas a solid. He eased her pain for a few days by just being there, and that causes my conscience to tingle a little with wariness.

The knock on the door has me rolling off the bed and trying to adjust my erection away from my zipper as I stand. When I open the door, I want nothing more than to grab her, jerk her into the room, and strip her naked. But the minute I see the look in her eyes, I can’t do anything but open my arms to her.

She walks straight into them and starts sobbing. I don’t know the why of her tears or how to even fix them, so the only thing I can do is let her get them out.

I sweep her up into my arms and take her to the bed. Taking her down with me, I pull her in close, tucking her face into my neck. It’s drenched within moments by her tears that slide down and soak into the collar of my t-shirt.

One hand just keeps her head pressed there, the other rubs her lower back. My erection fades, and I only think about how I can help to ease Jasmine’s troubled soul.

Finally, her cries turn to the tiniest of whimpers and finally hiccups. When she takes a stuttering breath and whispers, “I’m okay now,” I let her up and roll off the bed. I grab tissues from the bathroom and a bottled water from the mini fridge. After I uncap the water, I hand it to her. I dab at her cheeks as she drinks.

When she’s done, she pulls her legs to sit Indian style on the bed and stares blankly at her hands that are folded in her lap.

I sit on the edge of the bed near one of her knees and place my palm there. “Talk to me, Jasmine.”

She looks up at me with red eyes and a quivering lip. “I’m so confused.”

“About me?” I ask her.

“About me,” she replies, and this makes me blink in surprise.

Why would she be confused? Jas is the one who has always known what she wants.

“I don’t understand,” I say as I squeeze her knee. “But I’ve got the rest of my life for you to explain it to me.”

She studies me for a moment before she says, “I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.”

Fuck… those words.

What they do to me.

Better than any fucking orgasm I’ve ever had, and that’s the God’s honest truth.

“But you abandoned me,” she continues. “I get you may have been overwhelmed with emotion, or a sense of misplaced priorities to Noel, or even scared shitless over the whole situation. And when it boils down to it, I can love you to the ends of the earth, but you may not be what’s best for me.”

Christ… if I thought I’d been cut before by the events over the last few weeks, those words right there completely gut me. For the first time, I’m truly afraid of losing Jasmine.

“Peter, on the other hand,” she says with a watery laugh. “He pulled through for me. He was there when I was at my lowest. He has a lot to atone for, and I don’t know if I can make it past the awful things he said and how they made me feel about myself. But he’s also offering me something I’ve always wanted, and that’s a committed relationship with children.”

My fear skyrockets over those words. Peter brought his fucking A-game to Jas, except it’s not a game at all. I can’t judge his intentions because I’ve not talked to the guy, but whatever he’s said… however he’s handling things with Jasmine, she’s truly considering him.

She’s fucking considering the man who kicked her out of her home because he’s now ready to have babies?

Well, that isn’t fucking happening until she knows how I feel about that shit. I get why she’s confused now, but she doesn’t have all the facts to make a good decision.

“I never thought I wanted kids,” I say suddenly, and Jasmine sort of jolts at my words. “It wasn’t something I really thought about. I was busy building my career, and then Rachel and I started dating, getting serious, and then married for all the wrong reasons. Kids never even entered a conversation for us, and when I divorced, I just went on my merry way leading the single life. I never gave my future that kind of thought.”

She stares at me transfixed, and I’m not sure she’s even breathing, so I continue to get this out.

“Honestly, Jasmine… I didn’t think about kids when you and I were together either,” I say hesitantly, and her lips flatten in disappointment. I forge ahead. “I thought you and I were casual. I thought we had an expiration date. I couldn’t see a future with you past what we had planned for the very next day. I thought we had time to figure stuff out, but then the rug got pulled out from underneath us, and suddenly… I didn’t have you anymore.”

Jas just continues to watch me silently, but I notice her hands are gripped tight and her knuckles are white.

“You can be damn sure,” I tell her as I lean in toward her to look her straight in the eye, “that I’ve thought of nothing else since your brother came to see me.”

“Noel came to see you?” The surprise on her face is evident.

“It’s a long story but it involved me punching him and then him helping me pack to come rescue you,” I tell her with a small smile.

She gives me one back, and that’s something.

“Jasmine… I’m suddenly faced now with a woman I love beyond reason who may very well tell me I can’t have her. It makes a man put stuff into perspective. It’s made me think about what my future really would look like with you in it.”

“And what do you think that future would be like?” she asks hesitantly, clearly afraid the answer may not be what she wants to hear.

I squeeze Jasmine’s knee. “I had intended to do this a lot differently. I thought you’d fall willingly into my arms when you opened that door this morning, and we’d ride off into the sunset together. We’d go back to Las Vegas and be a couple. I’d propose to you, and it would involve a romantic meal, candles, wine, and bended knee in the restaurant where everyone would watch and clap, and then you would say “yes”.

“But instead, I come here to find out you’ve committed at least a part of yourself to Peter. You came back to him to give the marriage an honest try, and he’s brought a lot of promises to your table. But I need you to know I’ve thought about these things a lot, and my future is with you. As my wife. And as my wife, that means you will have my children. And they have children, and we become grandparents. I know you’re confused, but you need to know I’m offering you the same exact thing as Peter. And frankly, our babies would be prettier.”

She gives me a hoarse laugh as she reaches out for my hand. “You really want those things with me?”

“Only you,” I tell her, my fucking voice breaking from the emotion. “You need to know I’ll give you everything you want, but more importantly, you need to know I want it too. Desperately.”

“I feel like a contestant on The Dating Game,” she finally says bitterly, and the tears well back up in her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt Peter, and I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“Baby,” I say soothingly, bringing my hand to her jaw. “The two men in your life both let you down. You’d be a fool not to think through this.”

She drops her eyes and nods. “I know.”

“But just so you know, I’m not giving up if you choose Peter. I am never going to give up on the hope you’ll truly be mine one day. In all ways.”

Rubbing her index finger over the back of my hand, she lowers her eyes almost shyly and says, “I told Peter at lunch you were here and that we had sex.”

Okay, I fucking want to beat my fists against my chest over that. So sue me.

“How did he take it?” I ask respectfully.

“Not well,” she says as she looks back up to me. “I told him that you and I hold an intense connection.”

“What we have can’t be described, Jasmine,” I point out, because frankly, this is where I have a leg—or a cock—up on Peter. “What you and I did right there up against the door? That wasn’t just sex. That was a joining of souls, and you know I’m right about that.”

She nods again, but looks down at where she’s holding my hand. I think this is the part where I have to let her fly and hope to fuck she comes back to me.

“Okay,” I say as I lean in and give her a quick kiss on her cheek. Standing, I pull her from the bed. I push her right to the door and open it. “You get out of here and go figure out your shit with Peter.”

She turns to me in surprise. “But—”

“But what?” I tease her as I touch the end of my finger to her nose. “You thought you’d just come here and use my body to get your orgasms?”

“I did not think that,” she snaps. But then she gives me a guilty look. “But I did think you’d make a move on me.”

“See,” I tell her with a grin. “I’m full of surprises. And just so you’re not tempted to sneak into my room tonight, I’m going to check out and head to the airport, get a flight back out to Las Vegas.”

“You’re leaving?” she asks with fear in her eyes.

“I’m giving you space,” I correct her. “I’m going to be waiting for you in Las Vegas. I’m not going to call you or text you, but don’t take that to mean I don’t want you. On the contrary, I’d like to haul you over my shoulder right now and carry you out of here. But I want you to take the time you need without me influencing your decision.”

Her eyes swim with relief. at this point. Things are looking good for me if I was a gambling man, and hey… I own a casino so…

“Jasmine…” I lean down to brush my lips against hers. “Don’t take forever to figure this out. You’ve got two of us in limbo.”

“I promise,” she says with a smile. Her hand goes around my neck, and she kisses me hard. When she pulls back, she says, “I love you. I hope you know that.”

“I do,” I assure her.

I just hope to fuck it’s enough.