Chapter 11
“Uh-oh, I can see some rainy clouds forming in the sky,” Caroline heard her best friend Hyacinth complained from the other desk.
She peeked over the division of their desk, but Hyacinth was out of sight. When she turned her swivel chair around, Hyacinth was already standing behind her back. Hands propped on her waist.
“Did you bring your umbrella?” she asked. “I think it will rain.”
Instead of answering, Caroline looked at her desk calendar to check the date. “It will be the first rain for May.”
“Yup!” Hyacinth walked towards her window and pulled open the Venetian blinds. Dark clouds in the middle of a clear sky welcomed Caroline’s eyes.
“My classmate’s mother once told me that month of May’s first rain showers can heal people’s sickness,” Caroline said while staring at the dark clouds. “Will the rain heal the painful feelings that I kept in my heart for years? Will it also make my emotions stable?”
Hyacinth’s brow furrowed. “Is it about Benjamin again?”
Caroline covered her hands in her face. “I missed Benjamin so much…”
She hadn’t seen Benjamin for three months, and it felt years for Caroline. The day after the event, Caroline and Hyacinth packed their stuff and drove back to Manila. She hadn’t got a chance to get Benjamin’s contact number when they parted ways after the field event. Caroline also hesitated to find him in Manila or in any part of the country because of fear that Benjamin really knew that she was the girl he saved from a scandal back in their high school days. And that fear was also the reason she holds back until now.
She heard Hyacinth heaved a sigh. “Caroline, Benjamin is married. Keep that in your mind.”
“No! He’s not…” she countered. “Remember what you told me when we were in Clark? That perhaps, the reason why their mother wasn’t with them is that she’s dead… maybe it’s the real reason.”
Hyacinth was shocked by what she has said. “Caroline, can you hear yourself? You sounded desperate—”
“I’m not desperate!” Caroline shouted, when she realized what she did, she leaned back in her chair and grabbed her stress ball. “I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“Caroline… listen to me,” Hyacinth knelt in front of her and squeezed her hand. “Benjamin is a married man, we saw it. He got twin daughters, and he’s still wearing his wedding ring. If the mother was dead, he would surely mention it to you briefly, right?”
Caroline stared at her friend. “I doubt it.” She squeezed her stress ball tightly. “Men don’t share sensitive topics like that to women.”
Hyacinth rolled her eyes. “I need some caffeine.” She swiped on her phone before she pulled another chair, as soon as her body touched the backrest, she speaks again. “I shouldn’t tell you those theories.”
“Even if you didn’t tell it to me, I will be thinking the same way very soon.” Caroline heaved a sigh. “I’m just wondering why I met him again? Why at times like this when I’m already giving up the idea that I could have a family? That I could have a husband to spend my retiring days with?”
“Caroline, you’re just over-thinking again. You met Benjamin by nothing but a coincidence,” Hyacinth explained slowly. “And don’t forget, he’s married.”
But Caroline ignored what she said. “I think this is the reason why I have unstable emotions.”
Hyacinth frowned. “What? Caroline listen—”
“Maybe the reason why I couldn’t stay longer in my past relationships is that my heart couldn’t forget yet the first time that I fell in love…” Caroline rose in her seat and faced the glass window of her office. “That deep within my heart, I’m still hoping for the universe to find ways in making our paths crossed again. And, make the best-kept feelings in my heart bloomed.”
Hyacinth didn’t speak. She heard the door opened and then closed. Her friend left her, like what she expected. Nobody can understand her emotions. Nobody tried to comprehend her. Caroline’s eyes stared at the clouds passing by their office building. They’re on the 8th floor, and she can see from her window the sea of Manila Bay.
“But, Caroline, Benjamin is married,” she heard Hyacinth said.
She turned around and was welcomed by the aroma of roasted coffee. Hyacinth passed her a cup of coffee she picked up from a delivery container. “Where did you get these?”
“I ordered it online,” Hyacinth said while adding more sugars on her own cup. “You know, you need coffee to clear your ambitious thoughts. Caffeine will increase your heart’s rhythm, making you a little bit nervous for feeling that way towards Benjamin.”
Caroline ignored her best friend’s taunting words and inhaled her coffee’s aroma. Coffee is indeed a hug in a mug. It relaxes not only her system but also her soul. She closed her eyes and took a sip.
“So, you mean, Benjamin Monticello was your first love?” Hyacinth asked, her eyes were focused on the invoice receipt
“First love and first heartache,” she replied. “I never get a chance to know him when we were in high school because he was surrounded by his classmates and his girlfriend.”
Hyacinth arched a brow. “Maybe that girl was her wife now…”
Caroline shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.” She sipped again on his cup. “How will I know?”
“Is he aware that he was your first love?” Hyacinth asked curiously.
Caroline shook her head. “Like I said, I never get a chance to know him. How will I confess my feelings for him if he’s always…” she hesitated. “He’s always with that girl… since then, I stopped myself from following him, from admiring him, from making him as my inspiration. I diverted my attention to my studies and quit on all the school activities I joined because of the hope that I will be noticed by him.” Caroline heaved a sigh. She weighed the cup in her hand, its warmth was surprisingly soothing. “I thought I lost all the feelings that I had for him when I graduated. I lived my life all these years, thinking that I’ve already moved on from my puppy love. But, I was wrong… because when I saw him again in the field, all the memories came back to me. And, it hurts more when he introduced his daughters to me.”
Hyacinth reached to touch her hand, holding the cup. She didn’t notice that she was trembling. “Caroline…”
“I’m fine…” her voice broke, and seconds later, she was crying.
“Caroline, I hate to see you like this…” Hyacinth grabbed some tissues on the coffee box and wiped Caroline’s tears. “It’s about time to move on, Caroline.”
Caroline blinked back her tears. “Tell me… tell me how to move on?”
***
