XLVIII

Hearts beating, thudding ever so erratically yet so harmoniously in both their chests, Emerald and Jordan stared at each other, soaking in the sight of one another. One stoic expression against a pained and pallid face.

Emerald shivered slightly, both from the wind gaining entrance into the house through the door left ajar and also from the empty, expressionless eyes staring right at her.

Her eyes glistened with tears as she took a small, hesitant step forward. Gaining no reaction or expression from the man standing stiffly in front of her, Emerald continued to move towards him, her steps slow and shaky.

The man had splatters of blood all over his face and tatted upper arms. His white cotton short-sleeved shirt was also soiled with the red pigment and his hands up to his wrists were painted in the same blood. Seeing him like that had knocked the wind out of Emerald so fiercely, so harshly and now, looking into his cold, inexpressive eyes, she couldn't help but fear that maybe her thoughts were becoming a reality.

‘Jordan no longer felt anything for her’. He was probably going to reject her as well and most likely in the cruelest way possible. He probably didn't want to have anything to do with a rape victim such as herself anymore.

A sob threatened to escape her lips as she came to a stop one or two steps away from him. They stared each other in the eyes before words tumbled out of her quivering lips. “Cal,” she whispered.

Jordan remained quiet, only staring into her eyes for a few minutes before he finally opened his mouth. “What are you doing here?” his voice came out as cold and as empty as his eyes.

A tear slid down Emerald's cheek at Jordan's words. Her worst fear was being realised. He was going to reject her. But she wouldn't give up, she didn't want to give him up without a fight. He had fought so hard to win her heart, it was only fair if she would do the same. And she would fight; she would fight even harder.

“I—” she swallowed, letting her eyes wander to his soaked body before meeting his eyes again. “You're hurt,” she muttered as she tried to reach for his hands, only to have him pull away from her.

Hurt shot through Emerald's chest at his retreat but she didn't allow it to affect her unwavering determination to make it up to him.

“It's not my blood,” he spoke coldly, his eyes boring into hers, waiting to gauge her reaction. But he wasn't done yet. “I killed a man. I didn't just kill him though, I gorged his eyes out first. I made him wish for death. I made him beg for it, but I didn't give it to him.”

Emerald remained quiet as she waited for him to speak. He was trying to push her away, she realised. He wanted to make her scared of him. He was showing her a glimpse of the monster residing in him and he was hoping she would flee again.

But Emerald wasn't going to. Not this time. She had realised her mistake earlier. She shouldn't have pushed him away. She shouldn't have rejected him. She shouldn't have allowed her fears and insecurities to be the director of her choices. She should've stayed with him. She should have allowed him to comfort her and she should've been there to comfort him, but she wasn't.

She failed him.

“I watched him cry, Emerald and I savoured his tears, I took pleasure in his pleas. Then, I ended him. I watched him take his last breath with a bullet sunk into his skull.” His words were firm and unapologetic as he stared unwaveringly at her.

Another teardrop slid down Emerald's face as she swallowed past the lump in her throat.

“Are you trying to scare me off?” she asked in a small voice and at that, Jordan finally wavered and his gaze moved away from hers while his fists tightened.

He looked back at her and this time, an emotion flickered in his eyes before disappearing. “I'm only showing you who I truly am, Emerald. This is me, this is the monster I truly am and not that soft and caring Jordan you used to know.”

Emerald shook her head at his words, disagreeing with him. “No, Jordan. This isn't who you are.”

“It is!” he shouted, the coldness in his eyes finally giving way for emotions to rise and battle in his orbs. “I take people's lives, Emerald. I kill without hesitation. I'm the Mafia Don, I was born to wreak havoc, to cause chaos everywhere I set foot. I am a monster, Emerald and I was destined to die alone,” he whispered the last sentence, his voice breaking at the end, alongside his resolve.

“No, Jordan,” Emerald moved closer to him and thankfully, he didn't step away from her this time. “You aren't a monster. This isn't you. You weren't born to kill, Jordan, no one is. Circumstances made you this way. Life shaped you into what you are today. And whenever I look at you, I do not see a monster,” she tenderly cupped his face, running her thumb along his jaw and tracing the scar that ran from the bottom corner of his lips to his jaw.

“I see a man, who's been through so much in life. I see a strong man who didn't allow the challenges of life to weigh him down. I see an amazing man who loves and deserves to be loved and I do, Jordan. I love you,” she smiled, tears flowing freely down her face when she saw the slight enlargement of Jordan's eyes.

She felt his body stiffen against hers but she was yet to finish. “I really love you, Cal. I'm so sorry for pushing you away. I'm so sorry for rejecting you and running away like you were a plague or something. I'm sorry for yelling at you, for shutting you out, f-for making you go through all that trouble just to—”

Her weeping rant was suddenly cut off by Jordan, who slammed his lips against hers. Their lips moulded and their tongues danced in a fiery and passionate embrace. They kissed like they were afraid of letting each other go. Their kiss was fervid and their arms tightened around each other made their bodies scorching hot.

Salty tears flowed from their closed lids and mixed with their kiss. They tasted each other's sadness, fears and happiness. Jordan could feel Emerald's apology through the kiss and Emerald could feel Jordan's acceptance through it. Their tongues danced tirelessly for long minutes until they had to come up for much needed air.

They pulled away from one another but without letting go, they rested their foreheads against each other's, trying to catch their breaths.

Their eyes fluttered open simultaneously and their gazes collided and held each other captive in the depths of their intensity. Still gazing into her eyes, Jordan leaned towards her lips and brushed his lips against hers, but not quite kissing.

With his breath fanning her nose and his lips tickling hers in a tease, he whispered, “can you say that again? I want to hear it again, Gem. Please, say it again,” he pleaded.

Emerald loosened her arms from around his waist and instead, wrapped them around his neck, holding tightly onto him. “I love you, Jordan Kale. I really do,” she whispered with voice as firm as ever and eyes, a mirror to the sincerity of her heart.

Jordan sealed her lips with his again before whispering, “I love you too, Emerald Pearce.”

▬▬▬▬▬

Hands held and fingers tightly interlaced, Jordan obediently trudged behind Emerald as she dragged him towards what she could recall was his room. He was in lack of a much needed shower, she had emphasised and in the comfortable silence of his abode, the couple walked towards his room.

After switching on the lights and making sure that Jordan was well in his bathroom, Emerald made a move to leave, giving him some privacy when she felt a grip on her wrist. She turned around to look at Jordan who was staring at her with mild fear lingering in his eyes.

“Stay with me, Gem. I don't want to lose you again,” he pleaded in a soft voice.

Emerald's heart broke when she realised that the fear in his eyes had been caused by her. Wanting to comfort him, Emerald moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his head closer to hers as he, in return, wrapped his arms around her waist.

Placing a light kiss on his lips, Emerald whispered, “I'm right here with you, Cal. I will never leave you ever again,” she promised.

Jordan gave her a little smile before kissing her eyes, her nose and then, her lips. “Undress me,” he muttered, watching in amusement as Emerald shyly bit on her bottom lip while her cheeks blushed the signature pink he always loved.

“A-are you sure?” she asked nervously, to which Jordan responded with a nod.

Waiting patiently, Jordan observed how it took her almost a decade to untangle her arms from around his neck before moving them to his shoulders slowly, taking her sweet time.

Seeing as she made no further move to go lower, Jordan decided to help out. He grabbed her arms and directed them to his torso, slipping them under his shirt so she could feel his naked skin.

Emerald's eyes widened momentarily before she subtly cleared her throat and slightly moved her thumbs, feeling every rise and fall and every indentation of his rock hard abs. She felt the tightening and rippling of his stomach muscles as he groaned at her soft touch.

With unbelievably flaming cheeks, Emerald was able to garner enough courage to curl her fingers around the hem of Jordan's shirt before slowly pulling it up and off his head. Jordan smiled when he saw her release a breath quietly, appearing to be relieved with her task being completed.

She made a move to leave again when his voice stopped her. “You're not done yet, Gem.” His eyes glinted with amusement when her cheeks turned even redder.

“Jordan, a-are you—” He interrupted with a kiss, leaving her breathless and panting softly in front of him.

“Is that enough of an answer for you?” he asked, to which she gulped visibly before nodding.

Not wanting to rush her this time, Jordan only waited patiently for her to mentally prepare herself before her hands moved to undo the button of his pants. Her hands were shaky and quite clumsy with the zipper, so he decided to help her out and in minutes, his pants came off, leaving him standing in only his boxer shorts.

Heavily inhaling and exhaling, Emerald hesitantly moved her hands towards the rim of his boxers when Jordan stopped her, holding her shaky hands in his. He had noticed the rapid rising and falling of her chest and he knew she wasn't quite ready for what he was asking her to do, so unwilling to make her feel uncomfortable and obligated, Jordan decided to stop her.

“Are you okay, Gem?” he asked, kissing her hot rubicund cheeks before looking her in the eyes. “I don't want to make you comfortable. I just wanted you to see all of me, Emerald. I wanted to bare myself to you, but if you are not ready, I have no intention of forcing you.”

Emerald opened and closed her mouth severally, seeming like a gaping fish as she struggled for words. Jordan placed a kiss on her forehead before murmuring against her skin. “It's okay, Gem. Really,” he smiled.

“You can wait for me in the bedroom. I'll be out soon,” he traced her cheeks with a fleeting touch before pulling away and turning to walk into the bath stall, facing away from her.

Emerald continued to stare at Jordan's back, her eyes following every movement his back muscles made with every slight movement of his. She remained rooted to her spot, staring unblinkingly at the bald eagle tattoo drawn on his back, taking the most of Jordan's back and shoulders with its dominating wings.

Her thoughts scampered around her mind at Jordan's words. All he wanted was for her to see all of him, his secrets, his scars, his pasts — all of him. She wanted the same as well. She wanted him to know her, to see her completely for who she truly was. She wanted him to know all her insecurities, all of her secrets, all of her scars — every single thing, then why was she still hesitating?

This beautifully sculpted man standing underneath the spraying water had done nothing but waited patiently for her. He hadn't forced her into doing anything she wasn't comfortable with. He had been so understanding and he had even loved her, despite her annoying flaws and despite knowing that she had been raped, that she was incomplete, that she wasn't perfect.

All this man deserved was her respect, her love and everything that was her.

Having made up her mind, Emerald inhaled and exhaled, feeling any and every lingering fear and hesitation disappear into thin air. She moved to unzip her denim shorts, letting it fall to the ground before stepping out of it and placing it on the bathroom sink alongside Jordan's clothes. She was left in only her panties and the oversized jersey.

Feeling a presence behind him, Jordan turned around, eyebrows furrowed in confusion before shooting up across his forehead in surprise. “Gem,” he muttered, eyes staring at her. Noticing that she was shivering lightly from the cold showers, he changed the temperature of the water and it warmed up.

“What are you doing in here?” he asked, using his hands to move away strands of her now wet hair from her face and tucking them behind her ears.

Emerald blinked through the trail of water that flowed down her eyelashes, softly breathing with her lips slightly parted. She placed her hands on Jordan's broad chest. “I want to see you, Cal. All of you. And I want you to see me. All of me.”

Jordan ignored how his heart skipped a beat and began beating erratically at her words. “Gem, I don't want to force you into anything or make you feel obligated to—”

Emerald shook her head. “I love you so much, Cal and I want to do this. I'm a hundred percent sure,” her eyes held the resolve that was so firmly evident in her voice.

But Jordan asked her again, just to be certain that this was all her decision and not because he had instigated anything. “Are you sure, Gem?” he cupped her cheeks and watched as she tilted her face to place a kiss inside each of his palms.

“I'm sure, Cal. Trust me.”

Jordan stared her in the eyes before nodding gently. “Ok,” he whispered.

She gave him a little smile before reaching for the hem of her oversized jersey and slowly pulling it over her head.