XLVII

Staring absentmindedly at the transparent liquid content of his bottle, Jordan allowed his thoughts to float freely in clusters around his mind. He defied the known law to always slowly sip schnapps by gulping down bottles after bottles of the liquor, right from its glass container.

He was seated on the floor of his living room, his back resting against the glass doors which demarcated his living room from the balcony. After grabbing bottles after bottles of peppermint schnapps, Jordan had withdrawn to the one place that still held Emerald's lingering scent. It kept him sane and at the same time, shattered him.

After spending years of living his life closed off with walls as high as the Great Wall of China built around him, he had finally found the courage to open his heart out to someone, only to have it shattered into a million pieces.

He had finally decided to live again and not just survive, yet the one person he longed to spend the rest of his life with had pushed him away when he had confessed his love for her. The hurt and pain from her rejection spread from his bleeding heart and across his entire chest. The pain was unbearable, so unbearable, it was akin to being stabbed on the chest repeatedly.

To drown the pain and anger, he had chosen to drown himself in an ocean of alcohol instead. Pain of her rejection as well as the sight of the in-depth anguish that had been so evident in her eyes and anger at whoever had dared to lay a finger on his Gem, not to even talk of. . . raping her. She had just been 8 years old for goodness sake.

Jordan's fist tightened around the schnapp bottle as he thought back to the words she had spoken the day before. She had mentioned regretting her decision to stay with her father instead of leaving with her mother and Jordan couldn't help but wonder if her biological father had been the perpetrator behind the assault.

The thought sickened Jordan and caused his stomach to roil. He couldn't begin to imagine the traumas she had had to overcome, the amount of therapy sessions she had had to sit through just to gain some sort of stability again.

Now after knowing a bit about her past, he could finally understand why she had had such insecurities and trust issues as well as the dependency problems. He could finally understand why she was so closed off and seemed to be unstable at times, but what she was definitely wrong about was how she had said she deserved death.

If anyone did deserve to die a horrible death, then it would be him. Jordan was almost certain that there was a special place allocated to him in the deepest, darkest part of hell. He had done countless things, he had the blood of countless people staining his hands - although they all weren't innocent.

If she thought she didn't deserve love, then she was so damn wrong. If she thought that she was too broken, too damaged for him, then all she had to do was rip off his façade and discover the reality of his heart and soul lying in fragments underneath the faux perfection he was deemed to ooze; fragmented pieces only she could piece back together.

His Gem had no idea that she was his strength, his pillar and not the other way around. She knew not that she was his sustenance, she was the only one keeping him sane and giving him life after all these years and now, she wanted to take that life back.

He was the one relying on her light to chase away all the darkness encaged in the cockles of his heart. He was the one dependent on her. She was his lifeline, she was his light in his dark world, she was the resuscitator that had revived him from something much worse than death. She was his everything.

He was the one who didn't deserve her and that was Jordan's reason for staying away. She had her own demons to fight, she had her own fears to overcome, he didn't want to overwhelm her with his. He was the darkness and she was the light. Slowly yet surely, his darkness would overshadow her light and she would eventually be swallowed in it.

That was what had happened to his mother. Jordan was very certain he would never be like his father, but what about the others? What about his rivals? They would always want to target Emerald and he was afraid that they would eventually get to her. What's saying what they would do to her if they did.

The Mafia world wasn't the kind of world where one could easily pull out. It was either kill or be killed. He had been living with that all of his life and it was already a part of him, but it was different for Emerald.

Maybe their breakup was for the best. Jordan may never find love again, he may never remain the same again, but at least he would know that she was far away from him and safe. At least she would continue to radiate her beautiful light for as long as she wanted. At least she wouldn't have to live her life treading on eggshells and paranoid about getting caught up in his bloody world.

Maybe it really was for the best.

Jordan lifted the bottle of Hiram Walker peppermint schnapps to his lips before taking a swig, letting drops of the liquor trail down the sides of his lips. Raising his head to rest it against the glass door, Jordan's droopy and red eyes collided with a pair of gray ones.

With his head hung low in deep thoughts, Jordan hadn't noticed the presence of his best friend, who had been standing and watching him quietly for more than half an hour now. Keelan let out a heavy sigh before pulling his jacket off and sliding down to the floor to sit beside Jordan.

They both remained quiet as Keelan grabbed the bottle from Jordan and took a swig from it as well. The action repeated itself - passing the bottle back and forth between each other - before Keelan tentatively tilted to his side, reaching for something in his pocket.

His whole body echoed hesitation as he carefully tapped his friend's shoulder before stretching out five Benjamins. Jordan stared at the money, wondering what Keelan wanted him to do with them.

"Miles asked me to pass it along to you. He said. . ." he gulped, wondering if he should call her name or address her with something else. He chose the safer path. ". . . she dropped it for him last night."

Jordan made no reaction as he reached for the cash in Keelan's hands. He ran his thumb along the long green, feeling the smoothness against his pad as he stared at it. His memory went back to the previous day when she had fled from him.

Jordan had noticed that she was barefooted and he knew how far his house was from hers. Although she had rejected him, he still couldn't find it in his heart to not care about her, so he had hurried after her and had watched her walk aimlessly while he called for one of his trusted men to bring over a car.

He had watched her get into the car so easily, probably too deep in her thoughts to notice that the car wasn't a taxi and he had followed behind them in his car all the way to her house, making sure that she got home safely. She had probably paid Miles, thinking he was a taxi driver. After that, he had stayed outside her apartment till past midnight before leaving in the wee hours of dawn.

Since he had returned, he had drowned himself in alcohol, attempting to numb himself and drive away all thoughts but her rejection, the words she had spoken yesterday, how she had sounded and looked so broken beyond repair; everything was so vivid in his mind's eye, it plagued him greatly.

Genuinely tired of everything, Jordan allowed his head to fall backward against the glass doors before releasing his hold on the bottle of schnapps and allowing the glass to clatter against the cold tiled floor, spilling its contents in the process. Keelan turned his gaze to the side and watched as slow and silent tears slid down his best friend's face.

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With a plastic, recycle bag lying on the kitchen counter, Emerald distractedly took out the dead flowers from their many vases. She floated so absentmindedly around the house with automatic movements, plucking and removing wilted flowers after wilted flowers, not minding the thorns that pricked her hands.

Since her discussion with her mother yesterday, Emerald had been both anxious and nervous about what to do. She knew what she had to do, but her fears restricted her from doing that. She didn't know how she would take the rejection if Jordan were to think that she was no longer worth the trouble.

She knew she had put him through that agony and it was selfish of her to avoid the same thing happening to her, but she was afraid. She didn't think she would ever be able to recover from the heartbreak if Jordan were to push her away like she did him.

He hadn't called or reached out to her since she had ran away two days ago and it weighed heavily on her. She dreaded the reality of Jordan giving up on her. Staring at the dead flowers, Emerald couldn't help but fear that maybe Jordan's feelings for her were also dying like these flowers.

Grabbing the dried up stalk of what used to be blood roses, Emerald reached for the recycle bag when her doorbell rang rather loudly through the silent house. Disposing the wilted flower, she walked towards the door and swung it open to see the person standing on the other side.

The familiar gray eyed man stared down at her wearing a grave expression, as well as sadness, on his face.

"Keelan?"

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Pacing nervously on the all too familiar balcony, which held both good and bad memories, Emerald bit down on her lips, waiting for Jordan to arrive.

After Keelan's visit, she hadn't been able to sit still after hearing how much her rejection had affected Jordan. Keelan had told her how he had resorted to drinking alcohol like he was consuming water. Emerald had cried when she had realised what he was trying to do.

He was trying to numb his pain, he was trying to forget about the pain she had caused him even for a little bit. Her heart still ached like it had earlier when Keelan had told her about it and her brain decided to torture her with pictures of a drunk Jordan while also repeatedly playing the image of the look of hurt that had been so conspicuous in his chocolate orbs.

That same look had haunted her ever since and she never hesitated to drown herself in guilt everytime the image sprung to mind. Emerald was sorry, she was deeply sorry for causing him such pain, such agony by pushing him away when all she had wanted to do was pull him closer to her and be held tightly in his warm arms while being gazed at with those affectionate and beautiful orbs of his.

Regret gnawed at her insides as she rubbed both of her arms harshly in hopes of heating them up against the cold evening wind which nipped at the skin of her exposed arms and legs.

Dressed in only an oversized jersey and a pair of knee length denim shorts, she was left bare to the harsh winds of the approaching night. She looked up at the approaching dark clouds pregnant with rain and her worry grew.

She was currently in Jordan's house, pacing heatedly on his balcony, the balcony, where it had all gone downhill. Emerald shut her eyes tightly to stop the images from playing so mercilessly in her head, when she heard a car screech to a halt in front of the house.

Her eyes snapped open and she hurried over to the banister, looking over the edge to see Jordan's familiar black car pull up in front of the house. The door was opened and Emerald only saw a peek of his raven hair before she sprinted downstairs. She was a few steps away from the door when it was opened and Jordan walked in.

Coming to an abrupt halt, Emerald's face paled and her eyes went wide when she saw her man covered in. . . blood.