END

<Mia>

I woke up in the hospital with Ethan beside me, his eyes heavy with bags. He didn't realize I was awake; he was just staring into space.

That's how I found him when I woke up in the hospital.

It was my second day here. He was taking care of me, but he seemed lost and incredibly silent.

We eventually found out that we lost our baby.

I couldn't see any pain in him. He didn't shed a tear.

Wasn't he the one who wanted us to have a child? Why isn't he showing any reaction?

Am I the only one hurting over the loss of our child? It seems like it doesn't matter to him.

Where is all of this heading?

Are we going to be okay?

"Losing our child is the sign that we need to grow apart. I'm setting you free, Mia."

My world came to a halt, my chest tightened, and my breathing slowed at his words.

"I talked to my lawyer and he will send you the divorce papers."

"That's not a good joke, Ethan," I said, my voice trembling.

He remained quiet and lost in thought for three hours.

He looked into my eyes.

"I'm serious. You know me, I never joke about serious matters."

"Our child just died, and you're saying this? We're not even going to mourn? The pain of what happened, and it seems like the death of our child means nothing to you," I accused him, trying to make him feel guilty.

"I should be the one brave enough to say these things. Our child is gone because of you," I tried to blame, hoping to make him feel guilty. I was breaking apart from the pain I was feeling.

"Seriously? You ran away and met your ex yesterday. My whole family died yesterday in the mansion, yet you have the guts to find comfort in your ex-boyfriend. So much has been taken away from me. I couldn't even process the loss of our child. My grandfather died of a heart attack, then my auntie, cousin, and sister died because of an accident involving an electric bike in the mansion. And our baby died. One by one, Mia. I can't take it mentally anymore. I'm fucking going crazy!" His voice broke as he suppressed his tears. I could see in his eyes that he was struggling and hurting.

He wasn't the same handsome Ethan anymore; he was deteriorating because of me. He used to look fresh, but now he had heavy bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess, and he looked stressed.

I recoiled from his outburst.

"What? Did I hear that right? How did they die?"

“Overcharged electric bike. No one notices it Due to my grandfather's death, everyone in the mansion was busy and occupied. My sister Ann died. My cousin Mira, Jugs, Bentong, and Julies died. My uncle Alfried and Auntie Aurora. Damn it! The entire mansion burned down, and no one was left there, not a single soul," his voice broke.

I could feel the pain in his voice.

I wanted to hug him right then to alleviate his pain, but I couldn't do anything.

I feel guilty.

"I'm breaking up with you in a normal state. I'm still thinking. I'm sure of my decision, I don't want to keep you hanging wondering why I'm ending our marriage. I'm tired, Mia. I need to love myself first," he said, crying.

"I love you so much, but I'll choose myself first. Your love is too painful. Your love is not good for my mental health. If you truly loved me, you wouldn't hurt me repeatedly. I'm awake from my foolishness. Perhaps my brother Mark was right, that my feelings for you were an illusion. I'm setting you free. From this day, I am no longer your husband, and you're not my wife anymore. You'll always be my first love."

I couldn't breathe with every word he uttered. The man who truly loved me was letting go and giving up on me.

"Don't let me go, please," I pleaded and tried to reach him.

"I'll go crazy if I continue this. If you love me, you wouldn't hurt me. I've lost myself, and I don't know how to get back to my old self. Perhaps, I'll find a new version of myself. I still love you so much, even though it hurts, but it's enough. I've chosen you many times, but now I'll choose myself, okay? Let's love ourselves first. Maybe my way of loving you was toxic, and that's why we ended up like this. I need to fix myself first.

"I'll wait for you, but please don't leave me yet," I begged desperately.

"Before I met you, I was mentally fine, but when I met you, I no longer recognize myself. I want to be free. You slowly drain me. This is the first time I'm asking, so please grant me this."

"Please, hubby."

"My heart doesn't want it anymore, Mia. I chose you repeatedly, but you also repeatedly showed me that you shouldn't be chosen... I can't find a reason anymore to love you. Even my own heart is refusing."

He stood up and kissed me on the forehead.

"Goodbye, wife."

I tightly held his hand, but he removed it.

"Ethan!" I shouted his name as he left the room.

I searched the entire hospital for Ethan, but I couldn't find him. I also couldn't find Mark.

Until I left the hospital, I didn't see him. He didn't even show up to us.

I went home hoping to see him, but a silent house greeted me. The lights were off, no security guards, and even the maids were gone.

I stood there like a fool, crying as I looked around the living room.

What have I done?

The next day, his lawyer arrived with the divorce papers.

I couldn't bear the pain, so I went back to my parents' house.

When my sibling saw me, they hugged me. I knew they were confused, but they held back their questions.

Our parents also saw us and they hugged us too.

Why did he leave just when I learned to love him?

Why did he give up on me so easily?

I need to see him, to talk to him.

It's like I'm dying when I don't see or talk to him.

"Ethan left me, Mom! Dad!" I sobbed.

I was emotionally dependent because he trained me to be. He provided solutions to all my problems.

He helped me discover my true self.

I realized that I should have known myself better first to avoid this pain. If only I knew who I am and what I am, maybe I wouldn't have hurt him.

He was mentally drained because he was always helping me. He sacrificed a lot for me, including his career, until he lost himself.

Ethan lost himself loving me while I was busy trying to figure out who I am.

I realized that I should be whole before entering a relationship.

It was a wrong decision and assumption to think that someone else could heal me, make me whole, and love me. I learned the hard way that everything should start from within myself. I need to love myself, figure out who I am, and what I truly want.

Loving someone who's not mentally stable is a risky endeavor.

I don't know if I can do it, but I'll try my best to heal myself, to love myself, and to become a better version of me. I know it won't be easy, but I should believe in myself, just like what my husband told me.

I don't know if I can face tomorrow, knowing that the one who loved me dearly left me because I didn't value him.

My failed marriage with Ethan made me realize a lot of things.

If I had set boundaries, maybe I wouldn't have allowed Dashie to use me and use him.

If I knew myself and had self-awareness, maybe my relationships with Daze wouldn't have ended up toxic.

If I had chosen someone who loved me more than he loved himself, I wouldn't have chased Yunnie and begged for her love. If I loved myself enough, I wouldn't have believed the thought that Yunie was the one who healed me, loved me, and knew me better than I did.

If I had healed myself before entering another relationship—if I had gone through the healing process, recognized my own identity—maybe my marriage with Ethan wouldn't have ended up like this.

I disregarded the man who truly and faithfully loved me because I wasn't yet done with my past, I hadn't moved on. I was drowning in my past relationships.

And the worst part is I was following someone else's blueprint. I looked at my parents' marriage, and whatever I saw in their relationship, I projected onto mine. I should have followed what I truly wanted.

I was blinded by romance novels, movies, and fairy tales, believing that love makes us complete.

Seeing those seemingly perfect couples on social media had a huge impact on my relationships because I thought perfection existed. I kept seeking relationships because it was ingrained in my mind that I needed a love life. Since childhood, I had this ingrained idea from fairy tales that I would eventually find my own prince charming.

The pain of what's happening to me is overwhelming. I can barely breathe from the pain I'm feeling.

I need to take a step back from relationships, give myself a break. I need to get to know myself, heal myself before I enter into another relationship.

What's painful is that I can't believe Ethan and I ended up breaking up. It's so painful that he left me.

I don't know when I'll be able to fully accept all of this. At the moment, I feel like I'm going insane.

It seems like no one understands the pain I'm feeling.

I just want to stop breathing so I don't have to feel this pain anymore.

"There's no take 2 in life. What you're feeling and going through right now is not permanent; it will pass," my father said while I'm crying.

"It's better to love yourself than someone else," my sister said while caressing my back, tears in her eyes.

"It's better to love someone who loves us back. Along the way, we'll also love that person. Love yourself first," my mother said, a tear running down her cheek.

I will leave the old Mia and welcome the new me.

Just like Mark Manson stated, love is great, love is beautiful, but love is not enough. We need more than love; we need more.

The most important lesson to learn from a failed marriage is that love is not always enough. It takes hard work, communication, and a willingness to compromise to make a relationship last. Sometimes, despite our best efforts, things just don't work out. And that's okay. It doesn't mean that you're a failure or that you'll never find love again. It simply means that this particular relationship wasn't meant to be.

In the aftermath of a failed marriage, it's important to take the time to reflect on what went wrong and what you can do differently in the future. This isn't about assigning blame or dwelling on the past, but rather about learning from your experiences and using that knowledge to build a better future for yourself.

Ultimately, a failed marriage can be one of the most heartbreaking experiences a person can go through. But with time, patience, and a willingness to learn and grow, it's possible to come out the other side stronger and more resilient than ever before.

I lost my unborn child and my husband left me. I am Mia Zoey Inarez - no longer Mrs. Mendoza. This is the end of my story, and this is my goodbye.