CONFUSED

Blaire:

I spent hours sitting in my room, hugging my knees to my chest as my feet dug into the bed, and I let my mind recall everything that had happened with him. I was suddenly unable to understand the drastic change within my body in his presence.

I wasn't sure if it was the setting or just him that was responsible for it. My head was beginning to ache from the endless thoughts. Hera had made the absolute decision to leave me alone and take a fucking beauty sleep while I faced that beautiful devil on my own. And to think she was always going on about us sticking together.

Stick together, my ass, because there was nothing sticking together there except for my exploding nerves and weariness of him. It was like he had purposefully withheld every trace of him, making my task increasingly difficult. A very stupid task if you ask me, because who requests someone to serve them in the dark, huh?

Was he also going to make me clean in the dark as well?

But scrap that; the most important question of all was, How long was I going to have to bear being around him? It was honestly suffocating.

To make things worse, I was freaking smelling like him at the moment, and it wasn't helping my body one bit. Again, what was happening to me? I heard from Emmett that pregnancy can turn your body topsy-turvy, but this was just utterly ridiculous. I've only been pregnant for how many months?

I groaned in frustration, roughly threading my fingers through my hair. I felt a pull in my lower belly and winced, resting my back on the wall. I was feeling sick, and the only reason I did not have my head lowered in a toilet, puking my gut out, was because of an awful concoction Emmett had made me drink when she had returned for her break.

I smiled, glad that for the past few days, since Sue took over, she's been brighter and had more time for herself. Sue had shared out routine work equally, forbidding anyone from ditching work or dumping it on Emmett. According to her, Emmett was really frail and was quickly losing weight, so a little pity is what makes us humane. Despite knowing her punishment, her aura was enough for her to defend Emmett and have everyone obey.

"So, I was thinking I could wash your hair today. I just finished picking out some ingredients I need to make a local shampoo. My mom used to make it; would you love to try it?" She beamed at me, her eyes sparkling.

I blinked at her, her words flying out of my head without registering. "Hm?"

She scowled at me, putting down the portable clay mortar she was holding to properly eye me.

I tucked a brow at her, not in the best of moods. I felt horrible as I was still yet to figure out how to go about my pregnancy and recover from my wild encounter with London.

She sighed, hanging her hands on her waist. "You weren't paying attention, were you?"

I blinked swiftly at her, immediately remembering that she had said something to me a while ago. Something that hadn't registered one bit. "Oh, uh, I was, but—" I swiftly scratched the back of my ear with my index finger.

She gave me a pointed look that indicated that she was yet to hear the other half of that sentence, "but?"

I sighed in defeat, dropping my hands. "I'm sorry, okay? It's just that it's been a lot for me these days, and most times it just overwhelms me, and I just don't know what to do."

Emmett pouted her lips at me as she made her sad face, which I've gotten used to in the past few days. She has proven to be a sensitive soul more than once.

She perched on the space beside me, bringing me in for a warm hug that I was badly in need of. "It's okay, love. I understand. It's really not easy. I'd probably pass out if my mate had gotten me pregnant." She sighed .

There was an undertone of pain in what she had said, and I was pricked by guilt for absolutely no good reason.

I never really knew Emmett had a mate until that night, and watching her lose her mate at the snap of a finger was horrible. I was immediately dragged down memory lane to relive the day I lost Sinclair.

Her cry of pain reminded me of my cry of pain as I held his dying body. And when he took his last breath right before my eyes, it felt like my whole heart had shattered to smithereens, getting blown away by the dry air whooshing by. I had forgotten how to breathe in that moment, and it felt like my heartbeat had become a countdown to my outburst.

It was safe to say that I understood her pain. It was something I was too familiar with. Losing my mom? My best friends? Sinclair? It was all too much for me, and until now, I wasn't properly healed. Hell, I wasn't even healed at all and probably would never heal.

I still hear their voices in my dreams and feel their presence around me. I get easily reminded of them, and remembering they were gone forever made my heart squeeze painfully. I always hyperventilate whenever I think of them. I was hurting.

And now, cue in London. Despite everything I've gone through, I finally received a consolation from the heavens in the form of a mate, but what did it turn out to be? A miserable twist. He didn't want me. He couldn't stand being around me. He never acknowledges me, and he plays with my poor, miserable heart.

I wondered how accurate Hera's words were because doubt was beginning to creep on me. She somehow tends to lose her wisdom whenever it comes to London, and she was trying every means to get me to submit and give it my all in winning him back.

I admit that was the plan initially, but now I'm not so sure anymore. In the same way, I know I should discuss my pregnancy with him, and now miraculously, everything has fallen into place for that to happen. The only hurdle left was my fast-growing hesitation.

"Maybe he's ready to give us a chance. Think about it." Hera said

Give us a chance?

Give us a freaking chance?

It infuriated me to hear that, but then again, I still couldn't accept the rejection. I'd be all alone again, with no one to claim me. You only get one chance at meeting your mate. I couldn't afford to die mateless.

"Soooo…. How are things coming up?" Emmett asked.

"Fine… I guess." I replied with my head resting on my folded knees.

"Have you told him?" Emmett questioned me suddenly, and I knitted my brow in confusion.

"who?'

"Their father, silly. I wanted to know if you'd told him yet." Emmett said.

Oh… that.

"Uh, not yet." I answered.

"Why? A baby is a big deal, let alone twins. I think the earliest you tell him, the sooner you know how to go about it. You both need to talk it out as a family."

My heart sank at her words. As a family? I scoffed at the thought. London was not one for such things; it was something one could tell at one encounter with him.

I turned my head, burying my head in thought. What if London would not react the way I perceived he would? That thought had me stuck. I was used to his mean side, but the thought of his soft side made me very uneasy.

Did he even have a soft side? From the way his pack was run, everything and everyone was tough and disciplined. His right-hand men were an example. I wondered if soft existed in their dictionary. I've heard lycans are very different from regular wolves, but I never expected such a big difference.

I knew Emmett was right because pregnancy wasn't something that could be hidden. My belly would start showing in a few months to come.

"Why did you leave your previous pack? Was your mate not treating you well?" She asked.

A dry laugh nearly slipped from me. If only she knew...

"I'd have been happy if my mate and I could have started a family. We planned on secretly claiming ourselves this coming winter. I was supposed to be pregnant by then." Tears brewed in her eyes as her smile faltered.

She didn't have to force herself to be okay; heck, it was okay to not be okay. It would be better to just let the tears out. It wouldn't take away the pain of what my mate had done to her, but at least she'd be on the road to healing. Which begged the question, How would I feel if something bad were to happen to London?

As the father of my children, I'd feel bad because I'd love my children to know their father, but that would be if he were any better of a human being. As he was now, I was still uncertain.

I wanted someone to grow old with. Someone who would look into my eyes and find a reason to smile. Someone to stand by me when things get rough and acknowledge my strength. I wanted someone who saw the importance of having a mate. Someone who didn't exist in darkness.

The more my eyes skimmed the list of things I wanted in a man, the more I realized they were the opposite of London.

Sinclair was handsome, but he could be categorized as one of the angelic soft boys. London, on the other hand, with his long black hair that fell on his shoulders in layered waves, steel-gray eyes that would make you shudder at one place, a love for dark colors, and an aura that was predatory, looked every bit the king he was. He could be best described as an angel that fell to hell.

I stared at Emmett, wondering how she was still able to remain cheerful after everything she'd gone through. Existing with such deep hatred for London but never letting it show? I sighed, taking my thoughts off the poor girl. She was just trying to be happy.

"You good?"

Emmett lightly shook my hands, jolting me from my thoughts. Was I good? I wasn't sure.

"I-uh, I'm fine." I replied in an awful voice.

"You don't sound okay. Wait here, I'm going to get you something to drink." She smiled at me, rushing to her feet and dashing to the door in a minute before I could object.

"Emmett, I'm just pregnant. I'm not going to die." I rolled my eyes, scooting gently out of bed.

She shooed me with her hands, "Pft, I'm gonna be an aunt; I have to take good care of you and your unborn bab–"

She was cut off by the door barging open and a scary-looking, tall as hell creature with ashen hair standing in front of my door. His red eyes glowed, and his pointy ears twitched.

His eyes moved from mine deftly, pinning Emmett with a terrifying gaze. She immediately bowed,

"Alpha London, Alpha Fuyu..."

He grunted, "Your wolf, get me Gena and come with me."

His low, guttural growl scared me to my bones as he moved past her, taking meniacal steps towards me. He reached my bed, towering over me with an unreadable expression. Those red eyes of his lacked emotion and spoke of terrible, terrible things. I was afraid to keep looking.

"A-alpha." I rushed out.

"Your wolf… Hera, was it? Bring her." He turned to Emmett, "both of you, to the infirmary… now!" He slowly growled out.

He turned, making an exit with an aura that made it impossible to breathe. Once he was gone, I let out a breath, coughing frantically along with Emmett.

"That's their semi-merged form. Something is wrong. We have to go because once Fuyu is like that, he has no patience." Emmett rushed out fearfully.

She didn't need to tell me; I could feel it. I heard a beastly growl that shook the walls and bodies as well. My heartbeat accelerated as fear ate deep into me. Just what could have happened to make him like that?

Like a mad dog on the loose.