At a Loss for Words

London:

I stared at her, running my eyes down the length of her relaxed body. She looked so fucking peaceful, it was almost infectious. The dull marks of my fingers digging into her skin and her hickies glowed on her skin, making an inexplicable feeling of satisfaction and pride sit in my heart.

I gawked at me, hand wrapped around her, keeping her against my skin, and swallowed with a deep sigh. I had no idea why I had ended up cuddling her after I had tired her out, nor why having her so close to me infected me with her peace. I was at a loss for words to explain why I had no nightmares last night. For the first time in a long while, I felt the wolfsbane in my system as unneeded because I felt so much peace last night that it scared me.

It felt too good to be true.

The dream I had yesterday intensified my fear even further. In it, I saw a little boy and girl, including her, and we sat in the green grass, staring at the sun set with our hands intertwined, her head on my shoulder, and the children resting on us. It was the first time in my life that I ever had such a dream that filled me with emotions that left me overwhelmed, dazzled, and confused.

I lit my cigarette, hating how I was feeling so lost and confused. This very woman, with each passing day, had me backing away in confusion because she did things to me that I couldn't explain, and although I might blame it all on the mate bond that was still very much there, I feared there was another reason, another reason that made me want to keep fucking her till Jax became nothing to her.

My teeth gritted tightly as I recalled how she smiled at him so beautifully. She'd never smiled like that at me at all, and I had no idea why that bothered me. I knew playing games with her would prove to be a double-edged sword, but I guessed playing with fiery desires and dangerous emotions was something that intrigued me.

I gazed at her, with my head resting against the headboard, blinking at her with a dark glint as smoke left my lips. Now that I wasn't caught up in passion, lust's haze, and alcohol's lure, my head was connecting all the dots, and Fuyu's input had me refraining a little from ripping him out of my head.

He was aware that I was aware, and his remarks only served to entangle me further, putting me at loggerheads with a darkness that flowed inside me as I swirled within. Knowing you had children on the way wasn't exactly that easy, especially for someone like me who was known to be a cold-blooded beast.

I had no the wherewithal nor whatnot, required to raise not now but two fucking children at the same time. The weight of the situation pressed heavily upon me, evident in the furrowed brow and troubled expression etched across my face.

I had put my ear against her stomach last night and nearly suffered a heart attack at the double heartbeats. The beats were fucking three. The most pronounced was Blaire's, and the second was a lot stronger than the other, and I perceived the scent... I knew it was a boy. The third was a lot more faint, but it was there.

I had crawled out of bed and sat in a corner of the room with my knees raised, hands dangling from my knees, as dark eyes of shock stared at her. I was dazed, overwhelmed, and confused. Name it.

I had tugged on my hair all night, smoking my lungs away with my eyes stuck on her. How the hell was she pregnant? How?!

Even Fuyu had been at a loss for words when we discovered not one but two, fucking two children. He had materialized at some point, circling her on the bed while eyeing her stomach in disbelief. At some point, he laid on my thighs, drinking from the glass I brought to his mouth every time I took a long drink.

He couldn't handle the growing tension because we were both lost. His comments ceased, and he quietly returned to my head, where he belonged, leaving me to deal with my shit.

I noticed her stare and gently looked away, peering into nothingness and smoking my shit away. I felt her gaze on my hands around her, and quietly I released her, returning my hands to my thighs.

Her scent hit me even more, and I gave her a side gaze before returning to stare into oblivion. She turned to me, gazing around in a disoriented state while running her fingers through her hair. She winced a little as she tried to sit down, pulling the sheets to cover her naked chest.

She looked away from me, hugging her knees to her chest, choosing to bite her lips and think. She probably didn't want to be around me anyway, and I honestly needed my space to think as well. No woman had ever been pregnant for me, so I had no idea how to take the discovery.

But then again, my brows furrowed when I remembered her smiling at Jax in admiration. She was carrying my freaking pups and had the guts to taint herself with another man's presence?

"How long?" I rasped, exhaling smoke while sniffling.

My sudden tone and cryptic question jolted her. Her face twisted into that of confusion. I was in no mood to have patience. I wasn't in the mood for games either. I wanted her to freaking answer me. Though I could give an estimated duration, I needed her to confirm what she freaking knew.

Miller must have known as well, and so must that fucking blonde friend of hers. Why didn't she fucking tell me? I wouldn't have been so fucking rough with her like that last night. I might have done a lot of things, but I don't hurt pregnant women or children.

Why did she make me break that rule? Why didn't she fucking tell me? Why?!

She blinked at me, "I don't understand what–"

I caught her off guard with a thunderous and terrifying growl. My eyes flashed a dark red as I nailed her with eyes that thrived in silent fury.

"Fucking answer me, Blaire White, How-fucking-long have you known?"I roared at her, making her fly out of the bed and pad to a corner of the room in fear.

"I-I really don't know what you're–" she gasped, pulling her eyes shut when I roared in anger.

"London, please calm d–"

I narrowed my eyes at her, "do not even dare complete that sentence if you love your life, woman!"

She swallowed, looking away.

"Okay, let me break it down for you." I was in front of her in an instant, rage flashing through my orbs. "How long have you known you're carrying, Blaire? How long have you fucking known that you're with a child? Not one, but two? Why didn't you fucking tell me?"

The look of realization, which soon enough morphed into that of terror and fright, had me chuckling darkly. She was without words. Her eyes frantically blinked at me as her lips quivered.

Fuyu was paving my head, pinning her with a gaze that told me that he was observing her. He was watching her every move. She hid something so serious from me, and my anger was that she could have fucking told me, and I wouldn't have fucked her as hard as I did last night. What if something had happened to her? I would have been responsible for two innocent lives ceasing to exist. I would have harmed a pregnant woman!

I banged my fists above her, hearing my bones and the wall crack due to the brute force and impact. I roared at her, seeing her tremble in front of me.

"I thought you'd kill me or make me abort them... You wouldn't blame me; you've given me every reason to act the way I did." She sniffled, breaking down into hot tears and a high-pitched voice.

"I couldn't bring myself to tell you." She said,

"Yet I found out either way. Do you take me for a fool? I'm not the Alpha King for no reason, Blaire. I see and feel it all." I growled.

She blinked away the tears, choosing to remain silent.

I moved away from her, puffing smoke from my cigarette. "How long? Don't make me repeat myself."

She gulped before finding her voice: "I-I."

I was afraid I'd do something dangerous to her, and if I didn't get her out of my room any second from now, I'd probably regret it.

Taking a deep inhale and exhale, I rasped, "Get out. Get out now."

She immediately ducked out of my entrapment, rushing out of the door with the sheets around her, nearly tripping as she scurried away.

Fuyu finally said something: "I'm yet to digest the fact that she's carrying more than one. That's too many pups for me to handle."

I rolled my eyes, sweeping the things on my table onto the floor, hearing them shatter and clatter on the hard floor. "Oh, would you fucking shut up, Fuyu? This is not funny."

How the hell was I supposed to be a father? I was a bloody piece of shit! A kill-machine! A weapon of war! I didn't exist to perform fatherly roles; it wasn't in me!

"Fuck!" I screamed out, pulling on my hair with eyes on the ceiling, veins bulging on my body, and canines bared.