I know what you want!

Nate

I was afraid, I thought he wouldn't understand the situation, but Will is always surprising me. When he took me to the bathroom, I thought he was angry, that he would scold me and say that I was making a fool of this girl.

— I know, I saw everything, and I heard what she said! — Hearing this my expression changed, I felt a great relief, and he approached me and continued. — There's something I want to know! From what she said, you couldn't go all the way, why?

I stare at him a little surprised, lower my head, look away, and then at him. I know that by telling him the reason, the teasing will increase, but I also can't lie to myself, I like it when he teases me.

— Because I only thought about you! — I speak, and he smiles in a way I already know, cynically. He takes my hand and pulls me to one of the cabins in the bathroom, locks the door.

— Will, what are you doing? — He moves even closer, caresses my mouth with the tip of his thumb.

— What did you think of me, Nate?

— What? I...

— Tell me, how did you think of me? — he asks, and brings his lips to mine, and I don't have the strength to answer him, he sucks my lower lip, wraps his hands around my neck, bites my lip, and with that, his evil play makes me restless. His lips cling to mine, I pull his hair tight, and he wraps his hands around my waist and embraces me. Before his tongue meets mine for the kiss, I open my eyes and meet his gaze.

— I felt so helpless to see that girl touching you, and insisting that I be with you! — he says, and I see tears coming, and this makes me emotional, for Will is not one to cry. I lightly run the tip of my finger between his eyes, and wipe his tears away.

— I'm sorry if I let her get close...

— No, it's not your fault, and neither is she, because there's no way she could know we're boyfriend and girlfriend! This is all unfair, society is unfair, Nate!

[...]

The feeling of coming home after a busy day is so good. As soon as I open the door and turn on the lights, Will carries his bag to my room while I go to the kitchen for a drink of water. I leave the kitchen and walk into the living room, when Will appears with a surprised face.

— Nate, where is my mother-in-law?

— She traveled with my aunts, she won't be back until Sunday. — I say, and he looks at me with his mischievous look, and smiles. — What's wrong, Will?

— Am I a pervert?

— I don't get it.

— Your mother is away and you invite me to spend the weekend? What are you up to, kitten? — he laughs, as I shake my head in denial.

[...]

Convincing Will that I didn't invite him with second intentions was difficult, in fact I didn't convince him, he just didn't talk about it anymore. I know it may seem like it, but I didn't invite him with that intention, although I know that in our relationship intense moments have happened that make me very excited. However, I think that we should still take things slowly, it's all new to me, I've never had sex with a guy before, and this worries me, I want to feel him, but I don't know what to do, it's like I'm a virgin again.

Watching episode number four of our series has become a lot of fun with him. Every scene that goes by, Will always has some clueless comment that makes me laugh, and that is one of the items on the list of things I like about him, to make me smile about anything.

— Wanchai is very stupid, he tells Thirasak, that if he buys snacks he can kiss him. Thirasak comes running, and he's still wondering why he came so fast. — he says, and rests his head on my shoulder. I look at him and smile.

— He is very silly, but I think he still doesn't want to accept the facts!

— Nate, if before we started dating, I bought you several snacks, would you let me kiss you? — he asks and looks at me in his usual cynical way. I grimace at him.

— No.

He moves closer as I continue to follow the saga of Wanchai and Thirasak. I feel his arm caressing my face, his mouth touching my neck and then my ear.

— Nate, can I have a kiss? — he asks, using his sly voice, and continues kissing me lightly on the neck.

— Stop Will, let's watch! — as soon as I say, he stops and rests his head on my shoulder again.

— Wanchai is lucky, he saw Thirasak naked. How I wish my boyfriend could sleep like that!

I can also tease him, if that's what he wants.

— In that case, I am also lucky, because if I want you to sleep like this! He brings his mouth once more close to my ear.

— So, I want you to make me sleep like this, kitten!

I am trying to control myself, but Will won't leave me alone for a moment. I feel like it's getting harder and harder. I bite my lip and stare into his mouth. I suck on his lower lip, then tug gently, stop, and he kisses me intensely. His hand touches my waist, and then lifts the hem of my shirt and lightly touches my skin, while his warm tongue invades my mouth and meets mine.

This will not work!

His hand goes up to my chest, caressing me lightly. Holy shit, am I getting hard just from this? Will moves his hand down to my pant leg. Isn't it possible that he's going to do what I'm thinking? He's going to do what I think he's going to do! As our mouths don't seem to want to be apart anymore, he pulls the coz out of his pants and puts his hand inside.

— No Will, stop! — I say and turn away from him, who looks at me without understanding nothing. — What did I do wrong?

— This is going too far!

— Too far away? We are dating, do you remember that?

— I know, but I don't think I'm ready for sex.

— Am I doing something wrong? If I am, you can tell me, I don't want to force you to do nothing!

— No, you're not forcing me! — I say and approach him. "It's not like that. I just don't really feel ready, that's all!

— All right, I guess I'm jumping the gun here. I'm very much in love, and I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and maybe you don't feel the same desire as I do, and...

— Not at all. I want it, I want it very much, but sex between the two of us involves a lot of things, a lot of questions, I have a lot of doubts...

— Questions about what?

— You know, I'm in love with you too, but I don't know what to do. I feel like a virgin again, do you understand?

— I see. I'm sorry if I seem a little too forward! - he says, and I touch his hand, caressing it.

— You don't have to apologize to me, even though it doesn't look like it, I like it when you take the initiative!

[...]

Lying in bed, I turn from side to side, and think about how much fun, and I can say that it was also a bit romantic our weekend was. Will and I did a lot of things together, but unfortunately the weekend went by quickly. We watched series and movies, went out to eat, played tennis, and even took a train ride over the River Kwai Bridge.

In between all these activities, he always stole a kiss from me, and I did the same. After our conversation, he didn't try anything else, however, I couldn't stop thinking about it, because it has been a while since I last had sex, and the only things that have relieved me are my hand and my imagination. Imagining that I am with him, that always works, especially after that dream in which he sucked me off.

Having sex with him is something that invaded my mind a while ago, I really want to, but I don't know where to start. I feel I need to inform myself more, I need to talk about it, but with someone experienced, I could talk to my friend Oat, he has a lot of experience, he assumed his sexuality early on, and there is also my uncle. The big problem is me. Creating the courage to assume to both of them that I am dating a guy, although this is not difficult, because I know they would support me. The problem is the shame of stating that I want to have sex with him. Damn Nate, you are more confused than before!

How about doing some research first? The Internet can also help me to solve my doubts, but it can also make them worse. I get up and go to the study table, take the notebook, sit on the bed, and start the search engine. I use the term "sex between men", and the first search is frustrating, nothing comes up that helps me, just a bunch of stupid articles that I think are very homophobic. The second search is for "gay sex", and a bunch of porn video recommendations come up, but that's not what I want. You know what, I'm going to turn this shit off, and go to sleep!

I turn from side to side in bed. I wonder if I'll sleep tonight. Maybe if I watched one of those pornos it would help me sleep. I pick up my cell phone, repeat the search, and click on the first link, and there are many videos, I open the one that catches my attention by the title "Delirious on my friend's dick. The video starts with a guy masturbating on his bed, his friend knocks on the door, he lets him in, but tries to disguise his volume, which seems inevitable. The curious friend notices, mocks him, and then says he can help him solve his problem, this part reminded me of Will. You know what, I give up, this video is only making things worse, because after this everything happens in the worst possible way, they seem to be in a competition to see who can go the deepest.

Holy shit, why did I watch this video?

I lay my head on the pillow. I close my eyes. I need sleep, I have a lot to do tomorrow, including rehearsing with Will our lines for the block of scenes that will be part of episode eleven.

[...]

I hear the doorbell. I open the door. Will and his beautiful smile, a white shirt, very transparent, with three buttons open. Which makes my heart soar, and my mouth salivate.

— Hi kitten, aren't you going to invite me in?

— Oh, of course! — I speak and open the door wider for him to enter. He smiles.

I think you can see the thirsty way I look at it.

— What's the matter, Nate? — he says and approaches me, pressing me against the door. — Why are you looking at me like that? - his voice comes out as a whisper, and sends shivers through my body.

— I can't look at my boyfriend?

— You can do more than just look at me!

Why the fuck does he say that? He has no idea how deep inside I am. Doesn't he realize how much I want to rip this shirt off?

— How do you like my shirt, kitten?

— No... — I say, and shake him off. — We have a lot to study!

I lead Will to my room. I open the door, sit on the bed, he does the same, I turn my neck from side to side, then lie down on the bed.

— Are you going to sleep, Nate? No more rehearsing? — he asks and looks at me in a puzzled way.

— No. Let's rest for a while, then we'll start! — I say and watch him lie beside me, biting my lip. He gets too close, to the point where I can feel his breath.

I close and open my eyes. I look up at him. He smiles, brings his hand to my face, and then he stands over me, his lips brush against mine, his tongue invades my mouth, and a desperate, urgent kiss emerges between us. He stops the kiss and looks at me.

— You know, Nate, I know what you want!

— What do I want? — I ask breathlessly.

— You want to have sex with me, you just haven't done it yet because you know and are afraid to assume that you want to be the passive!

— What?